Christmas Break (I)

Monday. Before Faikham, Ams and I left Jessie’s house in Illinois, Jessie fixed us bacon, eggs, and biscuits for breakfast. We left her house by 1:30, dropped Faikham off in Forest Park, and then Ams took over for the rest of our drive home. It hasn’t been cold today, due to the absence of wind (six degrees is better than -18!). Karen is back from Las Vegas; she was there for a week, her flight delayed because of an ice storm. Jess Lynn called me, and we talked late into the night.

Tuesday. I dreamt that Monica and I were cops and she was shot. It’s sad that she’s graduated and has moved home. She turned down the nannying position in Springboro; I don’t blame her. I published a scene from my book on my xanga, and Jess Lynn commented, “This is absolutely beautiful. Publish this. This is the happy ending you need to write more often.” The washing machine is frozen because of the cold, so I had to laundry at the Springboro Laundromat. We opened Christmas presents this evening. I got a printer and a camera. Mom ordered pizza for dinner, and I polished it off with a beer. Quote of the Day: “Family Night is really Let’s Do What Mom Wants to Do Tonight.” Dad and Ams thought it was hilarious.

Christmas Eve ’08. I talked to Jessie for a while last night. I already miss her. I woke at 10:00 and went to Speedway for cigarettes and coffee. Mom, Dad, Ams and I headed to New Carlisle to celebrate Christmas with Dad’s side of the family. We always do it on Christmas Eve, a family tradition. Christmas is always tough for me. Megan had her baby Kate and she brought her to the gathering. Kate is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. And though I am happy for Joel and Megan, it’s a reminder of all that’s happened. Courtney and I had sex for the first time on March 21—no, the 29^th—and she got pregnant. Three months later she had a miscarriage; one of the reasons our relationship plummeted near the end. Our child would’ve been due in December, and this would have been our baby’s first (or second) Christmas. The event traumatized me, and I told no one. I never even acknowledged it in my journals. Just skimmed over it. Well, I did tell one person: Jess Lynn. She was comforting and sympathetic.

Christmas ’08. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I woke early. I enjoyed my ritualistic morning coffee and cigarette. It’s warm today, the sun’s shining, and the birds (shouldn’t they be south by now?) were singing in the trees. Mom, Dad, Ams and I headed to Kentucky to celebrate Christmas. We ate dinner at Grandma’s, and then Alex, Eric, Ams and I went to Jesse’s house. Jared’s gone until tomorrow. Jesse’s basement is finished. He even put in a bar. I took two shots—blackberry Smirnoff vodka and bicardi rum—and had a margarita with 1800 tequila.

Friday. I dreamt that Jessie and I were dating. Kyle thinks I have a thing for him; maybe he’s right? I don’t think so. Corey made coffee this morning, and then the whole extended family came over to Jesse’s. Uncle Bill fixed shrimp and steak for dinner, and we had lots of wine. The old roommate, Kevin, is gone, and he’s been replaced by Jared Sims. He had a bunch of people over, and they crowded the basement. Jesse, Jared, Ams, Mandy, Ashley, Corey and I hung out upstairs by the Christmas tree for a while, and then I curled up with Boozer and Bailey (Sim’s beagle) and passed out.

Saturday. I dreamt I went to a party in Delhi; I didn’t know anyone there except Courtney, and she invited me there. When I got there, she was with Kyle C., all up on him and rubbing it in my face. She told me, “My life has come together. I’m in love and getting married. How’s your life going? Where’s your future headed?” I woke up sad. Uncle Don, Aunt Susan, Eric & Alex left this morning, heading back home to Atlanta. Dad & Ams took my Prizm back home. Mom and I went to ½ Price Books and I got the game Call of Duty for my laptop. Uncle Bill, Aunt Teri, and Mom came over to the house. We celebrated Christmas (I got lots of money!) and we drank a lot. Mom had six tequila shots. Corey’s brother got wasted, and at 3 AM Sims arrived with two girls on his arms.

Sunday. Bailey kept waking me up all night, crawling onto the sofa. Mom, Grandma, Aunt Teri and I went shopping. I got three new pairs of jeans, a new coat, two bookends, and two IPOD players. Jesse went to Mandy’s place for the night, so Boozer and I slept in his bed.