Friday, November 30, 2018

*the month in snapshots*

remnants from this winter's first ice storm
Chloe helping me chop up a fallen tree limb with a hatchet

this is what happens when you try to pull cars out of a water-logged lawn


Chloe says she doesn't like to read but this is a nightly occurrence...

our Christmas ornament picks for 2018! I chose the squirrel, Zoey chose the doe, Chloe
chose the jellyfish, and Ash chose matching octopi for her and Naomi

snapshots from Thanksgiving 2018 in New Carlisle

Zoey being ridiculous as always

Thursday, November 29, 2018

the reformation: slow and steady

the filter on this photo makes it look like
I broke my nose and bandaged it up. (also,
I'm making a 'turtle face,' according to Zoey).
My last 'reformation' update from mid-September ended on a sour note, but thankfully this one doesn't. Two months ago I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers climb up; while I'm not all about losing weight, it's still not something I like to see! I attributed it to my diet more than anything else, and I vowed to cut back on eating out. The wife and I have done precisely that, and I've picked back up with my weight lifting after taking a forced hiatus due to a wrist injury. 

Though we still eat out about twice a month (and I still have pizza on Fridays as part of my work schedule), we've been great about making sure we eat down-to-earth, hearty, home-cooked meals. Ash is an amazing cook, and she tends to make everything from scratch. Box meals are for the birds. 

Happily I've lost seven pounds (down to 178 after hitting 185, an eight-year high) and have been able to consistently work out while advancing the weight I'm able to lift. Here's my current workout regimen:


CHEST & SHOULDER DAY
  Chin-ups until exhaustion
  Chest Exercises
    Extended flies 3x6/8
    Bench press 3x6/8
    Chest lifts 3x6/8
    Side pumps 3x6/8
  Shoulder Exercises
    Lateral raise 3x6/8
    Reverse fly 3x6/8
    Arnold press 3x6/8
  End with push-ups until exhaustion

ARMS DAY
  Bicep curls 6x8
  Sitting bicep curls, rack down
  3x10 tricep lifts
  30x2 forearm curls
  Two minute forearm walk

HODGEPODGE REGIMEN A
  Pull-ups till exhaustion
  Push-ups till exhaustion
  Regular plank
  Side plank
  Crunches until exhaustion
  Squats and lunges
  Jumping Jacks

HODGEPODGE REGIMEN B
  Pull-ups till exhaustion
  Push-ups till exhaustion
  Regular plank
  Side plank
  Pilates and variants
  Jumping Jacks


All of these exercises can be performed at home with body weight or free weights. I don't have time to go to the gym, nor do we have the extra money to afford a gym membership. Each exercise takes about twenty minutes to half an hour, and I generally do three consecutive days of workouts, take a rest day, and then continue with another three days before starting the cycle over again. While I would love to add running to the mix, the unfortunate reality is that I have bad knees due to crooked legs and misshapen joints, and the week after any attempt to run is filled with grinding, throbbing pain that just isn't worth it. But that's okay: this regimen has been working great for me, and I'm confident that December's update will showcase even more progress.

As for progress, it isn't about weight loss for me. Sure, I'd love to drop fifteen pounds and be where I was back in 2014, but I don't want to go any lower than that. Once I drop below 160, I start looking rather... what's the word... 'youthful.' And when I say 'youthful,' I don't mean as if I'm in my twenties. I end up looking like a teenager, and that's not a look I want. Besides, Ash has politely asked me not to lose too much belly fat; she likes a man with a belly, it's more comfortable for snuggling, and I don't blame her. I'm a belly man myself (perhaps that's why I find her 'pregnant mom' look absolutely adorable). 

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

family devotions: James 1.13-18

This month in our family devotions we've continued plowing through the Book of James. As mentioned in last month's post, Chloe has been doing a lot of great questioning, and in lieu of that we took advantage of the girls' Thanksgiving break to supplant a devotion from James with a great movie on apologetics. 



We'll be watching God's Not Dead when Christmas break rolls around.
I've got a litany of great movies and documentaries we can watch.
And after each, we field Questions and Answers. All in all, I'm a fan.
And now, without further ado, here are November's devotions from James!


*  *  *


~ A Word on Temptation ~
James 1.13-15

No one who is being tempted should say, 'I am being tempted by God,' for God cannot be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each one is tempted when he is dragged away and enticed by his own desires. Then desire, after it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is brought to completion, gives birth to death.

James advises Christians on the nature of temptation and sin. When we are in the midst of trials and difficulties, when we are suffering or stretched thin or at the end of our rope, we're more inclined to turn to things that will harm us rather than help us in our effort to cope. It is easier to obey God and withstand temptation when things are going our way; it's fitting, then, that after writing about how we ought to endure trials, James talks about temptations. I've noticed in my own life that when things are hard, my desires for wrong things seem to magnify.

Sin is the transgression or breaking of God's will in thought, word, or deed. When we're physically born, we inherit from Adam a sinful nature with a propensity to sin. The one word that best characterizes sin--the flesh, our human nature--is selfishness. The sin of Adam centered on setting his own will and interests against God's; and that's been the center of sin ever since. In Mark 7.20-23, Jesus makes it clear that our basic problem isn't what's outside us but what's inside us; in other words, sin isn't just something we do, it's something we are. This is why the Apostle Paul can say in Romans 7 that, outside Christ, we are 'enslaved to sin'; even if we desire to do good, we're unable to do so. The best of our deeds are stained and spoiled by the selfishness and sinfulness that runs like sap through the marrow of our bones. Jesus' death on the cross attacked sin in two primary ways: first, through his death we are forgiven of the guilt we've acquired by our sin; and second, when we participate in his death and resurrection in baptism, our enslavement to sin is broken, and we're given the Holy Spirit. We are reborn spiritually and given a new heart, but that doesn't mean we won't have evil desires. It means that, over time, God works in our hearts so that we desire sin less and less, and he enables us, through the empowering presence of the Spirit, to resist sin and obey God. 

Temptation is not evil desire; it is what happens when evil desire meets opportunity. We are tempted when we have the opportunity to satisfy a sinful desire. When that desire begins to bubble up inside us, we need to kill it then and there. We must turn to God in prayer and remove ourselves from the opportunity to sin if we can. If we linger on the desire, and tease ourselves with it, the end result, almost always, is that we give in to those desires. When we give in to those desires, we sin, and the consequence of this, according to James, is death. Sin is harmful, sowing death and decay, and it does this in three particular ways. First, it is because of sin that we suffer physical death, as we see in the narrative of mankind's fall from the glory of God in Genesis 3. Second, it is because of sin that we suffer spiritual death: sin separates us from the holy Creator. When we become Christians, the guilt of sin is forgiven and its enslaving power is broken, so that our relationship with God is restored; however, if we as Christians persist in sin, we will experience an anemic relationship with him. We cannot expect God's peace and joy and abundant work in our lives if we persist in sin. This leads to the third type of death: it affects our quality of life. Sin naturally sows death and destruction; it steals our peace and joy, it brings all sorts of problems into our lives, and it strains our relationships. Truly, obeying God isn't just good for our souls; it's good for our lives, as well. 




~ God Provides ~
James 1.16-17

Do not be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good good and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of change. 

In our family we thank God for our food at every meal. Lately this traditional practice has come under attack by non-Christians who say we shouldn't be thanking God for our food; we should be thanking the farmers. What these critics fail to see if that the food on our plate is indeed from God, even if God delivers it through farmers. We believe this because God sustains the universe and keeps everything going. Hebrews 1.3 tells us that God upholds the universe by the word of his power; thus everything from galaxies to microbes, and the ecosystems on which the 'circle of life' depends, is sustained by the Creator. If he were to step back, to remove his sustaining hand, everything would fall apart.

One theologian puts it this way: 'As human beings, we take the predictability of the created order for granted. When we go to bed, none of us expects that the sun might not rise the next morning. We plan for the future and expect the future to be there when it is time to act. We take steps and never think that we will disintegrate into millions of whirling atoms and fly off into space when our feet hit the ground. Everyone expects the world to hold together today, tomorrow, and throughout the rest of their lives. Despite its claim of scientific infallibility, naturalistic materialism ([the idea that] the physical universe is all that there is) provides no basis for any of these assumptions. If everything arouse by change, everything could fall apart tomorrow by chance. One random atom or 'maverick molecule,' as Dr. R.C. Sproul has said, could throw everything back into chaos. Naturalistic materialists who rely on the continuing existence and regularity of the natural order for their study and experiments betray an awareness of God that they are suppressing (Rom. 1:18-32). Only the Lord's sustaining hand gives us reason to depend on the regularity of the natural order."

The food on our plate, the air in our lungs, the water in our cup, all of these are good and perfect gifts from God--and they are gifts not only to his children, but also to those who disbelieve him, those who mock him, even those who hate him. This just goes to show God's great love even towards those who would sooner see God eradicated than worship him. In Matthew 5.45 Jesus says that God 'causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust.' Jesus is speaking of what theologians call 'common grace': God provides the things people need without them having to earn it. This showcases God's love and mercy now, and on the day of judgment it will make the judgment of those who have rejected God all the more severe, for they bite at the hand that feeds them. Even those who don't believe in God, even those who have set themselves against him tooth and nail, live and breathe and have their being in him. Because of our sin, God would be just in refusing us rain or sun or the necessities of life; thus when he provides even for those who loathe him, it's an act of grace.




~ We are the First Fruits ~
James 1.18

By his will [God] gave birth to us through the message of truth, so that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

James says that Christians--those who are born again in Christ--are a kind of first fruits of God's creatures. His meaning needs a lot of unpacking, and the first step is to jump back into the Old Testament. Israel was divided into twelve tribes, and one of these tribes, the Levites, were tasked with being the priests of God's covenant. They were the ones who served in the Jerusalem Temple and in the outlying towns and villages. They didn't work run-of-the-mill jobs, so they needed to be supported by their fellow Israelites. In order to accomplish this, God ordered the Israelites to give the 'cream of the crop' to the Levitical priests. Their best products were to be given to the Levites so that they could be sustained as they operated as God's priests. When we come to the New Testament, the phrase is picked up in light of what Jesus has done on the cross.

Remember: Jesus' death isn't just about forgiving sins. He didn't die simply so that we could go to heaven when we die, though that's a huge bonus and the climax of it all. Jesus died and rose again to inaugurate the 'New Creation.' When God created the world, it was good and free of sin. When sin entered the world, creation was subject to decay. When Jesus died, he defeated the very evil that subjects creation to futility; when he rose again, he showed that not only had evil been defeated, but new creation had begun. God's ultimate goal isn't to scrap the physical world; it's to renew it. In this vein, when we are regenerated, or born again, we become part of the coming renewed world. We ourselves are renewed, and we are tasked with bringing new creation into every sphere of our lives. God's mission is to recover and restore all that was lost in the Fall, and it begins with us.

A question must be asked: "To what, exactly, are we restored?" The answer is found in the first chapters of Genesis. When God created mankind, he created us to be his image-bearers. An image-bearer, in the ancient near eastern world, was one who was tasked with another's identity and power. For example, when the King of Assyria sent messengers out to his provinces to speak his words and do his bidding, they were his image-bearers. In the same way, God has created us to be his image-bearers: we are the ones tasked with speaking his words and doing his bidding. In Genesis, Adam and Eve are tasked with carrying the Garden into the wider, wild world. As Christians, our mission as God's image-bearers is to proclaim the gospel and live 'new creation' lives. The Christian code-of-ethics isn't just a list of do's and don't's; it isn't about following arbitrary rules; it's all about how to live the life of the new creation in the here-and-now, and when we live a life of obedience to God, we are showcasing what genuine human living looks like, and we are acting as signposts to the new world order that has been steadily advancing through our world since Jesus' resurrection.

As first fruits, evangelism and the Christian life take on a more vibrant meaning. Evangelism is telling people about Jesus, summoning them to faith and repentance so that they can be part of God's new creation. The Christian life is a signpost to God's future, a testament and declaration that God's kingdom is alive and well and moving forward. It is also a word of judgment on those who still live in the throes of the world and the defeated evil one.

"How does this tie into what James has already written?" James has talked about trials and temptations; specifically, how God uses trials to work in our hearts and lives, and how temptation must be resisted. We are the first fruits of God's creation; as such, trials are one of the main 'sharpening tools' God uses to fashion us into the image-bearers he created us to be, and as first fruits, we are to resist the temptation to sin and pursue obedience to God. We are to recognize who we really are in Jesus and live like it.

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

on reading (II)


I got a little anxious to start plowing through histories of the ancient world (part of my 2019 Reading Queue), so I knocked out a handful two months before the new year starts. Roman history has always fascinated me, and these short little books are excellent in capturing the scope of the Roman Empire. While most people believe the Roman Empire fell to the barbarians in 476 AD, in reality the Roman Empire continued up until the very end of the medieval era. The eastern Roman empire continued until 1453 when Constantinople was sacked by the Ottomans. I plan on reading a few more Roman histories, but what I'm most excited about are some 'primary documents' from the era: Julius Caesar's The Gallic Wars and The Civil Wars, as well as Seutonius' The Twelve Caesars. I'm also throwing in a little bit of Greek history, and coupling all of it with historical fiction that takes place during the Greek and Roman eras. 2019 will be delightful!

Monday, November 05, 2018

on bitterness and anger

The following quotes are from Jim Wilson's How to be Free from Bitterness. 


~ on bitterness ~

"Guilt is what we feel when we sin, and bitterness is what we feel when others sin against us. The very definition of bitterness points to the action of another."

"Bitterness is based on sin that somehow relates to you. It is not concerned with how big the sin is; it is based upon how close it is. For instance, if some great and gross immorality occurs in Iran, Iraq, El Salvador, or Columbia, what do we do? We read about it, but we will not feel guilty. We read about it, but we will not feel bitter. We might be appalled or amazed, but we do not feel guilty, and we do not feel bitter, even though it was an awful sin, and someone actually committed it. So it does not depend on how great the evil is; it depends on how close the other person is to me. Bitterness is related to those people who are close. Who are likely candidates? The answer is simple: fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, husbands, immediate superiors, immediate subordinates, co-workers, business partners, and maybe some other relatives--grandparents, uncles, etc. There are even many people who are bitter against God."

"Before we can get rid of bitterness, we have to realize that we are bitter. How can we tell if we are bitter? One good rule of thumb is this: Bitterness remembers details. You have had thousands of conversations in your life, most of which you have forgotten. But this one took place five years ago, and you remember every single word, his intonation, and every inflection of his voice. You know exactly what happened--which means you are bitter. Someone might object and say that it is possible to have a good memory of a wonderful conversation. Is this possible? Yes, but not likely. Why? Because memory is helped by review, review, and more review. People do not usually mull over the wonderful things as much. But they do go over and over and over the bad things."

"If someone has a sharp, detailed memory for things which happened years ago when he was a child or a young man or woman, and that memory is at all accusative of anyone, then it is an indication of bitterness. And the solution for bitterness is to get rid of it."

"What is the problem? Why do we not get rid of bitterness? If I tell a lie, I can confess it and be forgiven. In order to get rid of it, I have to bring it back to my own heart. We need to bring the realization of bitterness back to our own hearts. Instead, the temptation is to look at the offender. Look what he did. That is the nature of bitterness. In order to get rid of it, I need to recognize that it is my problem before I can confess and forsake it."

"[There] is a close relationship between being hurt and being resentful. Someone gets hurt, and he gets resentful. There is another close connection between resentment and bitterness. Resentment turns into a deep bitterness. Bitterness is just resentment that has been held on to. It has become rancid and rotten. It is kept in, and it gets worse. The links in the chain continue. There is a connection between bitterness and hatred, and a very clear biblical identification between hatred and murder. What I am saying is that hurt can lead to murder. Some might object that this teaching is too strong. But the strength of it is from the Bible."

"When someone else says he is sorry, it does not get rid of our bitterness. The only thing that gets rid of it is confession before God because of the Lord Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. This is the only solution... In order to get rid of bitterness, I have to see that it is evil, and that it is my sin and my sin only. I do not get rid of it through the other person saying he is sorry. I do not get rid of it if the other person quits or dies. I do not get rid of it any other way except calling it sin against the holy God, confessing it, and receiving forgiveness."




~ on anger ~
more quotes from Jim Wilson's How to be Free from Bitterness


"There are hosts of... reasons that can set off tempers, reasons that are as individual as fingerprints. But whatever our trigger is, the Bible has some very definite things to say about anger. The most often used justification is 'The Bible says to get angry.' Well, yes, as a matter of fact, it does say, 'Be angry...' (Eph. 4:26). But that is often where people stop. They ignore the next part that says, 'and do not sin.' Christians are often very good on the first part of the command, but a trifle weak on the second half. The verse adds a second condition to the command; 'Do not let the sun go down on your anger.' There are other verses that can be interpreted to allow anger. 'Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...' Again, that indicates that as long as you don't fly off the handle, that's okay. But again, the following phrase adds some light to the subject. 'For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires' (James 1:19-20). Perhaps, then, it is okay to be angry if we do not sin, we don't go to sleep with it, it is anger from God and not man's anger, it achieves righteousness, [and] it comes slowly. Do you get the feeling that if these qualifications are met, the amount of anger would be cut drastically?"

"If we were more sophisticated, we could say that psychologically it is better to release our anger. Pent-up anger may give us ulcers. Of course, if we release our anger, others may get ulcers. It rarely occurs to people that there is a third option, i.e., taking our anger to God. This does not mean venting our spleen towards God ('authenticity'). It means admitting to God that you are angry and that if it is not going to achieve His righteousness, you do not want it. With this confession, our anger is removed from us, we may continue our life in the joy of the Lord, and nobody gets ulcers."

"In an age where there is so much talk about self-love, it does not occur to people that someone might love himself too much. Most anger is not generated in protection of other people. It is a response caused by loving yourself too much. 'I am too nice or too important to be treated this way.' Therefore, anger. If the anger is a fit of rage, it is a characteristic of a non-Christian. Jesus saves us out of the lsit of works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19-21 and saves us into the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. If you know you are a Christian and have 'fits of rage,' these must be confessed and forsaken today."

"A 'fit of rage' is an act of the sinful nature. We see it clearly in very young children. We call it a tantrum. As the child gets older, we might say in a tormenting way, 'Temper, temper, temper!' This does not normally moderate the explosion. Other expressions that describe fits of rage are 'losing it' and 'going ballistic.' These euphemisms for fits of rage are descriptive, but do not sound as sinful. 'Short fuse' is another euphemism for a person who is quick to anger. All of us know people like that. Some people take pride in having a short fuse. Their friends and relatives have learned how to walk softly or to give them a wide berth. These people terrorize their families or hold them hostage to their anger, which might erupt any time. The opposite of the acts of the sinful nature is the fruit of the Spirit. It is easy to see that self-control is the opposite of a fit of rage. But it is not the only opposite. A person in a fit of rage is not loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, or gentle. A fit of rage undoes the fruit of the Spirit. This is why it is natural for a person not born of the Spirit."

Friday, November 02, 2018

on reading



2018 is crawling to a close, and though I haven't been entirely faithful to my 'Read An Hour A Day' goal, I've nonetheless reached the final stretch of my 2018 Reading Queue. It's been a solid year in reading, filled with lots of fantastic spiritual books, a 30-book gauntlet through the early modern world, and a slew of fictional works. At the end of last month I wrapped up a slew of nine westerns; now all I need to do is finish the last few historical novels in my Historical Fiction of the Napoleonic Wars queue, and I'll be able to get a jump-start on my 2019 queue! 

Thursday, November 01, 2018

how life can turn

A few weeks ago I was able to grab brunch at Waffle House with Step-'n-Brake Hudson. It'd been a while since we were able to just sit and catch up, and it was wonderful and refreshing. I don't see most of my old friends anymore, and you can blame parenthood for that. I remember hearing that once you have kids your social life goes down the tubes, but it wasn't until I actually had kids that I came to see how true that is. Couple parenthood with working sixty to seventy hours a week, and life just rushes by. Even on days when I don't work, it's go-go-go, with few breaks in between.

Perhaps it would be enlivening to encapsulate a "Day in the Life." I'll make it a day when I'm not working crazy hours, just to bring to light how crazy busy life is. The wife and I get up around 7:30AM and spend the first hours of the morning getting the girls fed, dressed, and off to school. Morning scripture is hurried and harried, and our three-hour window before Zoey gets home is usually filled with cleaning, work around the house (home ownership is no joke), and running errands (which is always easier without kids). When Zoey gets home we make her lunch, help her with her homework, and work on her reading and writing. Sometimes we're lucky to get a nap before Chloe returns home, and around that time it's time to start getting dinner ready. We've been fixing meals at home a lot more now, to save money, and leftovers are a godsend. On Wednesday evenings we do our bible study, which can last anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour depending on how many questions the girls (mostly Chloe) have. After the bible study we have evening playtime with the girls: snuggles, wrestling, tickle-fests, games, and some nights we watch documentaries (weather and disaster documentaries are big with the girls). By the time we get the girls to bed, the wife and I are exhausted. Some evenings I read, but most evenings we watch Netflix until sleep overtakes us. And that's just an average day-in-the-life that doesn't take into account doctor's appointments, or church events, or get-togethers with extended family. Needless to say, the day-to-day life of parenthood--including all the love and discipline and patience it demands--is tiring.

It's no surprise, then, that I'm desperate for naps.
By 2PM on most days I'm burdened by a tiredness that seeps into my bones.
I never thought I would be like Dad, but here we are.
(he takes afternoon naps in his office by pushing his chairs together)

I often reflect on my 'Old Life', before Ash and I married, before I adopted the girls as my own, and it feels like I'm looking back on the life of someone wholly different from me. It's true that time changes a lot of things, and I've changed in many ways. I'm wiser, more responsible, definitely more sober; you have to be all those things when you're life revolves around taking care of others. All the ways life has changed--indeed, all the ways I have changed--renders that life alien to me. I'm not sure I could do it again if I tried. I've gone from a bachelor who spent most of his time in diners and dive bars and hanging with friends and partaking in herbal supplements and drinking on a regular basis to a Husband and Father running a household the best I can (and failing in multiple ways, but moving forward by God's grace). 

Life has changed in SO many ways. 
(hence the title of this post)
And it's about to change some more.
(and it'll be busier than ever before)

Ashley and I met my freshman year of college at C.C.U., and I crushed on her hard. She ended up marrying my dormitory neighbor, but he turned out to be a really shitty person. God used his sin to deliver her, and she prayed for a blond-haired, blue-eyed Christian man. We reconnected just a few weeks later, one thing led to another, and we were married and I adopted the girls and now we have a third little one on the way!

introducing Naomi Loren Barnhart, coming January 2019!

where we're headed

Over the last several years, we've undergone a shift in how we operate as a family. We're coming to what we hope is a better underst...