on bitterness and anger

The following quotes are from Jim Wilson's How to be Free from Bitterness. 

~ on bitterness ~

"Guilt is what we feel when we sin, and bitterness is what we feel when others sin against us. The very definition of bitterness points to the action of another."

"Bitterness is based on sin that somehow relates to you. It is not concerned with how big the sin is; it is based upon how close it is. For instance, if some great and gross immorality occurs in Iran, Iraq, El Salvador, or Columbia, what do we do? We read about it, but we will not feel guilty. We read about it, but we will not feel bitter. We might be appalled or amazed, but we do not feel guilty, and we do not feel bitter, even though it was an awful sin, and someone actually committed it. So it does not depend on how great the evil is; it depends on how close the other person is to me. Bitterness is related to those people who are close. Who are likely candidates? The answer is simple: fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, husbands, immediate superiors, immediate subordinates, co-workers, business partners, and maybe some other relatives--grandparents, uncles, etc. There are even many people who are bitter against God."

"Before we can get rid of bitterness, we have to realize that we are bitter. How can we tell if we are bitter? One good rule of thumb is this: Bitterness remembers details. You have had thousands of conversations in your life, most of which you have forgotten. But this one took place five years ago, and you remember every single word, his intonation, and every inflection of his voice. You know exactly what happened--which means you are bitter. Someone might object and say that it is possible to have a good memory of a wonderful conversation. Is this possible? Yes, but not likely. Why? Because memory is helped by review, review, and more review. People do not usually mull over the wonderful things as much. But they do go over and over and over the bad things."

"If someone has a sharp, detailed memory for things which happened years ago when he was a child or a young man or woman, and that memory is at all accusative of anyone, then it is an indication of bitterness. And the solution for bitterness is to get rid of it."

"What is the problem? Why do we not get rid of bitterness? If I tell a lie, I can confess it and be forgiven. In order to get rid of it, I have to bring it back to my own heart. We need to bring the realization of bitterness back to our own hearts. Instead, the temptation is to look at the offender. Look what he did. That is the nature of bitterness. In order to get rid of it, I need to recognize that it is my problem before I can confess and forsake it."

"[There] is a close relationship between being hurt and being resentful. Someone gets hurt, and he gets resentful. There is another close connection between resentment and bitterness. Resentment turns into a deep bitterness. Bitterness is just resentment that has been held on to. It has become rancid and rotten. It is kept in, and it gets worse. The links in the chain continue. There is a connection between bitterness and hatred, and a very clear biblical identification between hatred and murder. What I am saying is that hurt can lead to murder. Some might object that this teaching is too strong. But the strength of it is from the Bible."

"When someone else says he is sorry, it does not get rid of our bitterness. The only thing that gets rid of it is confession before God because of the Lord Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. This is the only solution... In order to get rid of bitterness, I have to see that it is evil, and that it is my sin and my sin only. I do not get rid of it through the other person saying he is sorry. I do not get rid of it if the other person quits or dies. I do not get rid of it any other way except calling it sin against the holy God, confessing it, and receiving forgiveness."

~ on anger ~

more quotes from Jim Wilson's How to be Free from Bitterness

"There are hosts of... reasons that can set off tempers, reasons that are as individual as fingerprints. But whatever our trigger is, the Bible has some very definite things to say about anger. The most often used justification is 'The Bible says to get angry.' Well, yes, as a matter of fact, it does say, 'Be angry...' (Eph. 4:26). But that is often where people stop. They ignore the next part that says, 'and do not sin.' Christians are often very good on the first part of the command, but a trifle weak on the second half. The verse adds a second condition to the command; 'Do not let the sun go down on your anger.' There are other verses that can be interpreted to allow anger. 'Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...' Again, that indicates that as long as you don't fly off the handle, that's okay. But again, the following phrase adds some light to the subject. 'For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires' (James 1:19-20). Perhaps, then, it is okay to be angry if we do not sin, we don't go to sleep with it, it is anger from God and not man's anger, it achieves righteousness, [and] it comes slowly. Do you get the feeling that if these qualifications are met, the amount of anger would be cut drastically?"

"If we were more sophisticated, we could say that psychologically it is better to release our anger. Pent-up anger may give us ulcers. Of course, if we release our anger, others may get ulcers. It rarely occurs to people that there is a third option, i.e., taking our anger to God. This does not mean venting our spleen towards God ('authenticity'). It means admitting to God that you are angry and that if it is not going to achieve His righteousness, you do not want it. With this confession, our anger is removed from us, we may continue our life in the joy of the Lord, and nobody gets ulcers."

"In an age where there is so much talk about self-love, it does not occur to people that someone might love himself too much. Most anger is not generated in protection of other people. It is a response caused by loving yourself too much. 'I am too nice or too important to be treated this way.' Therefore, anger. If the anger is a fit of rage, it is a characteristic of a non-Christian. Jesus saves us out of the lsit of works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19-21 and saves us into the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. If you know you are a Christian and have 'fits of rage,' these must be confessed and forsaken today."

"A 'fit of rage' is an act of the sinful nature. We see it clearly in very young children. We call it a tantrum. As the child gets older, we might say in a tormenting way, 'Temper, temper, temper!' This does not normally moderate the explosion. Other expressions that describe fits of rage are 'losing it' and 'going ballistic.' These euphemisms for fits of rage are descriptive, but do not sound as sinful. 'Short fuse' is another euphemism for a person who is quick to anger. All of us know people like that. Some people take pride in having a short fuse. Their friends and relatives have learned how to walk softly or to give them a wide berth. These people terrorize their families or hold them hostage to their anger, which might erupt any time. The opposite of the acts of the sinful nature is the fruit of the Spirit. It is easy to see that self-control is the opposite of a fit of rage. But it is not the only opposite. A person in a fit of rage is not loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, or gentle. A fit of rage undoes the fruit of the Spirit. This is why it is natural for a person not born of the Spirit."