on christian ecumenicism

It has been forever since I have posted, and since I do not want to dive too much into detail about this, I will sum it up here: with the help of others, the words of Jesus, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I have been drawn into a deeper relationship with God, and have noticed many things in my life that need to change. I have coined myself a hypocrite, and one day God just told me, "How long are you going to keep living this life and call yourself one of Mine?" It took me a while to get the point, and here I am. Life is busy, but enjoyable, and I am very excited to be a part of God's plan.

Well. During work, I had my eyes opened to something that had been staring me down for months, and I have decided it is big enough--at least in my eyes--to throw on here. One of my coworkers and a customer were arguing about different denominations of Christianity, arguing about which one is right and which ones are wrong, and eventually my coworker told the customer, "If you believe that, then you've missed the boat." Something clicked in my head, and I wanted to say, "Both of you have missed the boat. It isn't about Lutheran, Messianic, Pentecostal; it isn't about philosophy or theology! It's about Jesus, it's about God!" I have always been partial to nondenominational, but I have come to realize that most of the Christian denominations are just that--Christian. We are all one body, and there are real, authentic followers of Jesus in every denomination. The difference between denominations is that they show, express their love for God in different--not wrong--ways. Black Gospel congregations express their love for God through intense, shouting, clapping music; snake-handlers do it through their daring risk-taking; country churches through their simplicity; Catholics through rituals and ceremonies; others through wearing nice clothes, pounding the Scriptures, singing loud or soft, fast or slow. All beautiful in God's eyes. Real expression of love--a.k.a. worship--isn't bound by a book, but is simply true, authentic, thoughtful, and everyday--not just on Sundays or Wednesdays. Naturalists worship God through the outdoors, nature; Sensates through all five senses; Traditionalists through rituals, ceremonies; ascetics through practicality and simplicity; activists through helping others, battling evil; caregivers through helping/caring for others; enthusiasts through celebration; contemplatives through adoration; intellectuals through studying with their minds, and more. None of these ways are wrong, and none are by-the-book; this isn't the set-in-stone list.

Just an insight.

the 15th week

my place of employment

Monday. I dreamt that there was a rogue virus during wintertime, and there were twisted human corpses littered about in the snow around our house, and I had to chop them up all Fargo-style. Sometimes I wonder if I could be a serial killer. I worked on a film & lit project after school with Kemper and Kaitlyn at her place, and then Lee came over to see Amanda. They wanted to be alone, so I went over to Chris', and we returned to the house. We played basketball and messed around with Dad's hatchet, which we found in the garage, and he wasn't too pleased with that. We got fake wine from Drug Mart and rented School of Rock with Jack Black and got ice cream from Dairy Queen. I took Chris home, and I spent some time in quiet meditation. Things learned: (1) Life isn't a foot-race, I need to relax; (2) God me who I am, and he loves me; (3) God has a plan for my life, so I just need to chill out; (4) don't be jealous of other peoples' romantic relationships: my time will come.

Tuesday. I'm a month into working out and eating better, and I've already dropped some pounds. I was really outgoing and happy at school today. Alyssa wanted to hang out, but I didn't feel like it. I watched the movie Wrong Turn and got Subway for dinner. Chris came over, and we hung out for a while before my Small Group at the Southard's. Kristen's going to Prom with Aaron K., apparently. Kristin D. asked her, "Why don't you go to Prom with Anthony?" and she just stayed quiet. Probably for the better, seeing our history. As much as I want to be good friends with her, maybe that's just not in the cards, seeing our history. We have one helluva "secret history" that no one knows about. During Small Group we talked about the Sermon on the Mount, and Pat D. and Lee came back to my place. We watched funny videos on the computer and Pat D. was picked up by his mom and I took Lee home. 

Wednesday. I skipped lunch at school and took Lee home. Chris was waiting for us at the bus stop when we got there. He wanted to come over, but Mom wanted a "day off" from having people at the house. I spent the day thinking about things with 412, things with Kristen, things with my life. I'm done with mediocre fellowship, I run full-fledged into Jesus' arms, and I'll dance in the river. I still want a girlfriend, I want to lose weight, I want to look good: simple things. I throw myself into God's hands, stepping back from the run-of-the-mill, W.W.J.D., latex theology sprinkled with half-forced smiles, and I plunge myself into the hardcore, confrontational, offensive and really loving Jesus 24/7 God-reality. Dad went running at North Park, saw Pat D. and Chris on the bike path. Dad & I went out to eat at BW3s, and I got some movies from the library, and we played basketball in the setting sun. 

Thursday. Kristen & I talked for a while today over AIM. She told me, "Anthony, I'm going to go to Prom with Aaron." Chris & Lee came over. Dylan swung by, too, and we shared great laughter and watched Me, Myself & Irene. Dylan left. Chris went to his place, then over to Ally's. Lee can't tear himself away from Amanda. Pat D. came over. We hooked up with Hank & Ashlie, went to 1/2 Price Books and Borders. I bought The Perks of Being a Wall-Flower. Hank & Ashlie went their separate ways. The rest of us returned to my place, and Bowden came over. Hank came by later, and Chris showed up, so we watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Tomorrow's the beginning of Spring Break '04!

Good Friday. Good Friday is doubly good, since it's also the beginning of vacation! My friends spent the night last night, and this morning Chris & Hank made barbecued eggs. Chris and Pat D. left. Bowden, Lee and I played basketball. Bowden's dad picked him up. Amanda colored on Lee's arm and they hugged. I took Lee home. Dinner was soup, and then I went to work. Kristen called me looking for Aaron's number, and I told her to call Dylan & Tyler since I didn't have it. I worked 3:30-9:30. Chris wanted to go see the new Dawn of the Dead movie around midnight. I said No. It feels like summer: warm, no school... Soon enough! I met Dad's college roommate and saw Kristin D. while working. 

Saturday. I worked 8-12:00 at the good ol' Springboro I.G.A., finished putting in my ten hours for the week. Lunch was at the house, and then my family and I went up to New Carlisle to celebrate Easter at Grandma & Grandpa Barnhart's. I got a plane clock, some candy, and money. And there was great food, of course. We headed farther north after we ate, visiting with the Bruce's for Cathy's 40th surprise birthday party. Amanda and I stuck to ourselves. Some girl came over and said we looked lonely. I made a little quip and she thought that was hilarious, invited her friends. I was popular for a brief moment, and I'll be honest: I didn't hate it. I met Kyle, Josh, Kayla, Kaitlyn, Chelsea, Alex, Jordan, and some others, but I can't remember their names. Ams told me Kristin D. thinks I'm the coolest person in the world; I don't know why she thinks that? At the party at the Bruce's I tried doing a "dino joke" and ended up with bleeding knees, my arms covered in blood, my face chewed torn, my hands chewed up, my glasses twisted, and some little kid crying. Weird how things turn out sometimes.

Easter. Because my glasses broke yesterday, I'm practically blind. Mom put together an Easter egg hunt for me and Amanda: I got some money to give to Bowden's dad, since he's hooking me up with a sweet computer. I worked a little on Woodland Alters and Starseed 2. I ran some errands and talked to Laura B. online. She's cool. Here are lyrics to a Limp Bizkit song I've been listening to a lot lately, a remix of a song by The Who, a song that seems to encapsulate my feelings as of late:

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes... My dreams, they're just empty, as my conscience seems to be. I have hours of lonely longing, my love is vengeance that's never free... No one knows what it's like to be faded to telling lonely lies..

the 14th week

Christopher Williams, everyone.

Monday. I worked 4-7:00 after work, and then Lee came over. He came with me and my family to Frisch's for dinner. I got the Atlantic cod. Yum! Healthy, too! Mom thinks I'm paranoid about what I eat. I just don't wanna be fat anymore. We had a pool tournament back at the house, and Dad won: he always does. I took Lee home, ran by the store for a journal, and then I went home. Rainy, muggy day. It's raining outside right now.

Tuesday. Chelsea E. was looking at me during lunch. I looked her in the eyes and she looked away, snooted. Alex S. is trying to woo Kristen to prom. His hopes are absolutely zero. I laughingly joked with Zach about it, and apparently Kristen had already mentioned Alex's unavoidable pitfalls. In ninth grade he got mad at me and told everyone I said that a kid from our school who died went to hell, and he told the Jewish kids at our school that I said God was sending them there, too. Some still hold that against me, even though it never happened. I took Lee and Zach home (Kristen forgot her brother for some SADD thing). I went to 1/2 Price with Chris, and we went by Border's, too. They're right next to each other by the Mall. Dewenter joined us. I bought a book on the weapons & warfare of The Lord of the Rings. We went to Salvation Army, where I got two books and Dewenter got a shirt. We saw Lindsey from 412 there. An Indian guy wanted us to buy his trinkets. At the Southard's we had our Small Group on masculinity in guys and femininity in girls. 

Wednesday. I missed 39 of 40 questions on my Math test. Kristen called me after work, desperate for me to babysit for her. Of course I said Yes, to help her out. Pat D. and Chris came over. We had a light dinner, and I took Ashlie and Amanda to their Small Group. Ron stopped by to get Chris, but we were gone; so we got Chris' clown wig from my place (Jeff's filming Chris wearing it for a CIY video), and then we took him to the Lloyd's. Pat D. and I chilled, watched the first Lord of the Rings movie. We played D-I-N-O (our version of HORSE). We picked up Ashlie & Amanda from their Small Group, left Dewenter at the house. Mrs. Howard let me in, and I went to the basement. Ashley, Angie, and Mindy were there, too. 

April Fool's Day. Ashlie & Lee came home from school with us today. We went to Family Christian for Ashlie & Amanda, and I got a fish/cross decal for my Jeep and The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel. Amanda and Lee played pool, flirting the whole time, with Ashlie & I listening from upstairs. I ran down the steps and jokingly burst, "Are you going to ask her or what, Man?!" He croaked, "Will you give me some time, Buddy?" So he asked her, and she said "Yes." So now Lee & Amanda are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Amanda went and got her haircut by Carl at Logan's Salon, and Ashlie went with us. Lee went to his Small Group for worship, and Kristen was there. I took Ashlie home, ate a bowl of ice cream before going to bed. Pat D., Chris, Hank and Bryon went to a hardcore concert tonight. As an April Fool's joke I told Mom that everyone at school thinks Amanda is a pothead. Haha!

Friday. I worked 4-9:00 after school, and I brought some grape juice home with me and watched TV until bedtime. God is so fascinating, so marvelous, so wonderful, so awesome. I'm so blessed to be a part of his family.

Saturday. I woke up, showered, studied for the ACT, and then drove around for a while before taking it at the high school. It was hard and over around 11:30. I had the day off work, so Chris, Pat D., and Amanda came over. Chris sat in the driveway honking my Jeep horn for about five minutes before Dad yelled at him to stop. Pat D. moaned, "What's he doing out there? He's being so loud!" We all went to Deal's: Chris & I got pocket lighters, Pat D. got some headphones for his backpack, and Chris & Pat chose a duck lawn ornament for our yard. I joked with Chris about something in the Jeep and he got mad, pouted all night, and then he just walked home. I took Pat D. home, watched a tv show on sharks, and went to bed.

Sunday. Corey came over, and we went to Kemper's place, but Kaityln forgot the video camera, so that fell through. Corey, Chris and I went hiking at North Park: climbing hills, traversing fallen trees stretched over ravines, burnt clumps of dead leaves in our cupped hands. We ran into Erica S. in a nearby neighborhood, and we also ran into Chelsea E. running the trails. She pretended not to know us even though no one else was even around. I've been thinking about how in 200 years, everyone on this earth will be dead, forgotten, ignored. Maybe it's best not to try and leave a legacy, to simply obey God, follow Jesus, and have fun?