the 15th week

my place of employment

Monday. I dreamt that there was a rogue virus during wintertime, and there were twisted human corpses littered about in the snow around our house, and I had to chop them up all Fargo-style. Sometimes I wonder if I could be a serial killer. I worked on a film & lit project after school with Kemper and Kaitlyn at her place, and then Lee came over to see Amanda. They wanted to be alone, so I went over to Chris', and we returned to the house. We played basketball and messed around with Dad's hatchet, which we found in the garage, and he wasn't too pleased with that. We got fake wine from Drug Mart and rented School of Rock with Jack Black and got ice cream from Dairy Queen. I took Chris home, and I spent some time in quiet meditation. Things learned: (1) Life isn't a foot-race, I need to relax; (2) God me who I am, and he loves me; (3) God has a plan for my life, so I just need to chill out; (4) don't be jealous of other peoples' romantic relationships: my time will come.

Tuesday. I'm a month into working out and eating better, and I've already dropped some pounds. I was really outgoing and happy at school today. Alyssa wanted to hang out, but I didn't feel like it. I watched the movie Wrong Turn and got Subway for dinner. Chris came over, and we hung out for a while before my Small Group at the Southard's. Kristen's going to Prom with Aaron K., apparently. Kristin D. asked her, "Why don't you go to Prom with Anthony?" and she just stayed quiet. Probably for the better, seeing our history. As much as I want to be good friends with her, maybe that's just not in the cards, seeing our history. We have one helluva "secret history" that no one knows about. During Small Group we talked about the Sermon on the Mount, and Pat D. and Lee came back to my place. We watched funny videos on the computer and Pat D. was picked up by his mom and I took Lee home. 

Wednesday. I skipped lunch at school and took Lee home. Chris was waiting for us at the bus stop when we got there. He wanted to come over, but Mom wanted a "day off" from having people at the house. I spent the day thinking about things with 412, things with Kristen, things with my life. I'm done with mediocre fellowship, I run full-fledged into Jesus' arms, and I'll dance in the river. I still want a girlfriend, I want to lose weight, I want to look good: simple things. I throw myself into God's hands, stepping back from the run-of-the-mill, W.W.J.D., latex theology sprinkled with half-forced smiles, and I plunge myself into the hardcore, confrontational, offensive and really loving Jesus 24/7 God-reality. Dad went running at North Park, saw Pat D. and Chris on the bike path. Dad & I went out to eat at BW3s, and I got some movies from the library, and we played basketball in the setting sun. 

Thursday. Kristen & I talked for a while today over AIM. She told me, "Anthony, I'm going to go to Prom with Aaron." Chris & Lee came over. Dylan swung by, too, and we shared great laughter and watched Me, Myself & Irene. Dylan left. Chris went to his place, then over to Ally's. Lee can't tear himself away from Amanda. Pat D. came over. We hooked up with Hank & Ashlie, went to 1/2 Price Books and Borders. I bought The Perks of Being a Wall-Flower. Hank & Ashlie went their separate ways. The rest of us returned to my place, and Bowden came over. Hank came by later, and Chris showed up, so we watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Tomorrow's the beginning of Spring Break '04!

Good Friday. Good Friday is doubly good, since it's also the beginning of vacation! My friends spent the night last night, and this morning Chris & Hank made barbecued eggs. Chris and Pat D. left. Bowden, Lee and I played basketball. Bowden's dad picked him up. Amanda colored on Lee's arm and they hugged. I took Lee home. Dinner was soup, and then I went to work. Kristen called me looking for Aaron's number, and I told her to call Dylan & Tyler since I didn't have it. I worked 3:30-9:30. Chris wanted to go see the new Dawn of the Dead movie around midnight. I said No. It feels like summer: warm, no school... Soon enough! I met Dad's college roommate and saw Kristin D. while working. 

Saturday. I worked 8-12:00 at the good ol' Springboro I.G.A., finished putting in my ten hours for the week. Lunch was at the house, and then my family and I went up to New Carlisle to celebrate Easter at Grandma & Grandpa Barnhart's. I got a plane clock, some candy, and money. And there was great food, of course. We headed farther north after we ate, visiting with the Bruce's for Cathy's 40th surprise birthday party. Amanda and I stuck to ourselves. Some girl came over and said we looked lonely. I made a little quip and she thought that was hilarious, invited her friends. I was popular for a brief moment, and I'll be honest: I didn't hate it. I met Kyle, Josh, Kayla, Kaitlyn, Chelsea, Alex, Jordan, and some others, but I can't remember their names. Ams told me Kristin D. thinks I'm the coolest person in the world; I don't know why she thinks that? At the party at the Bruce's I tried doing a "dino joke" and ended up with bleeding knees, my arms covered in blood, my face chewed torn, my hands chewed up, my glasses twisted, and some little kid crying. Weird how things turn out sometimes.

Easter. Because my glasses broke yesterday, I'm practically blind. Mom put together an Easter egg hunt for me and Amanda: I got some money to give to Bowden's dad, since he's hooking me up with a sweet computer. I worked a little on Woodland Alters and Starseed 2. I ran some errands and talked to Laura B. online. She's cool. Here are lyrics to a Limp Bizkit song I've been listening to a lot lately, a remix of a song by The Who, a song that seems to encapsulate my feelings as of late:

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes... My dreams, they're just empty, as my conscience seems to be. I have hours of lonely longing, my love is vengeance that's never free... No one knows what it's like to be faded to telling lonely lies..