#kidcation (and New Year's)

#kidcation eats: (L-R) Dusmesh, Q'Barbeque, and Pies & Pints

Ashley’s parents took the girls with them to Lexington for a couple days, giving Ashley and me some much-needed alone time. A “kidcation,” if you will (sure, I will). On Christmas night we endured an hour wait at Dragon City for a pick-up order (I couldn’t be mad; nothing else was open), and we rounded out the night burning sage and watching all three The Santa Clause movies. That night I dreamed I was Santa Claus and Zoey was my elven helper; she kept knocking over milk glasses that kids had left, and it was really starting to irritate me. I told Ashley about the dream, and she said, “That’s probably why you were moaning so much. Your moans sounded pissed.”

Ashley and I ran down to the office so I could turn in timesheets, and then we grabbed lunch at the Dusmesh Indian buffet outside Cincy State. We hadn’t been there since we got married (I think), and it stirred up lots of great memories from the last six years. We headed to Microcenter to look at new computers, and I settled on a Windows 10 HP Desktop with an i7 processor (though I ordered it rather than bought it from the store, because it’s cheaper that way). We swung by Midpointe Library on the way home, and we snuggled in bed and watched The Good Doctor before heading back into Cincinnati for an evening at Winton Ridge. We witnessed a police chase at the King’s Run Minimart, and it was great seeing John and Brandy—and especially Amos. I hadn’t seen him for over a year. We played Foozball, laughed a lot, and caught up on all the things that have changed (or stayed the same) in our lives. John and Brandy abandoned their place in Louisville and are back at the farmhouse long-term (John quit his job at Holsopple because of the work environment); Aaron moved out; and it looks like Frank and his new girlfriend Beth might be taking Aaron’s spot. John made a steak dinner with homemade mashed potatoes and we watched BBC’s Hidden Kingdoms.

On Wednesday we had a Mediterranean dinner at Q’Barbeque, and Ashley’s Christmas gift to me arrived: my new computer! I set it up, and it runs fast. Best of all, it can run my Total War games. Even Empire and Shogun 2 run well. It’ll be perfect for school, and I’m giving my Dell netbook to Chloe for her school and stories. Ashley and I burned sage and binge-watched The West Wing. It’s our cold winter night go-to. Bartlet would’ve crushed Trump.

On Thursday we dad dinner with Tyler & Julia (and 2.5 year old Luna!) at Pies & Pints at Liberty Center. I had pork nachos and two helpings of Rhinegeist Shuffle. Julia’s pregnant with another child, a boy this time! We had a great time. Tyler really likes Ashley, and we all want to get together with the girls here soon. Zoey would play great with Luna. Ashley and Julia shared some comraderie with in-laws issues. It’s nice to know marriage drama is normal.

The girls returned over the weekend, and on Sunday we missed church despite being ready: we got another round of snow that covered the roads, and record told temperatures made it almost impossible to scrape the ice off the van. My hands nearly fell off from numbness, and we drove around downtown to try and warm up. Not until we were on 71N did I start to regain feeling in my toes. We grabbed lunch at Skyline Chili in Blue Ash, and when we got home we made the girls rest and took a nap before spending the evening celebrating New Year’s with contingents of Ashley’s family. Her dad made hand-rolled sushi and deep fried egg rolls, and I provided some Italian bread to go along with the brie cheese. Zoey tried to stay up till midnight but couldn’t make it past 9PM, Keith got drunk and was passed out by 10PM, and Chloe had a blast staying up with the adults and writing stories on my old netbook. Come midnight we drank some champagne (Chloe got grape juice and pretended it was making her loopy) and rang a cowbell and shot off confetti poppers outside.

I fell asleep praising God for 2017. It truly was a year marked by God’s provisions, a slew of answered prayers, and undeniable “acts of God” that I’ll never forget.

Christmas 2017

On Saturday blizzard conditions obscured the roads on our way to Mom & Dad’s to have lunchmeat sandwiches before heading to New Carlisle to celebrate Christmas with Dad’s side of the family. Everyone was able to make it, so the house was crammed with 29 people. Grandpa was in a good mood; he may have dementia, but at least he remembers me and makes a lot of jokes. I think he talks to me more than he talks to any of his other grandsons. Amanda, Chloe, and Zoey participated in a gingerbread house contest. Amanda won first place and Chloe came in second; Chloe’s was very abstract and creative, the girl should become an engineer. After the contest Grandma gave out presents (she and Grandpa have a LOT of money in the bank; Grandpa used to be a banker). I got two airplane models: a Skyraider and a Fairy Swordfish.

After dinner I broke the news that Ashley and I had secretly gotten married and that I had officially adopted the girls. Both Aunt Kelly and Aunt Julie were super excited for me, and no one was upset about the secrecy. We left New Carlisle around 7PM and I was in Blue Ash at 9PM to work the back half of my overnight. Now that Ashley and I have broken the news, we’re free to be “Facebook Official,” and Ashley made it so that night. Grandpa M. saw it and liked it, so I gave him a call and told him the news. I was on the fence about telling him, harboring some animosity towards him because of how he betrayed and abandoned his family and still treats Mom like shit sometimes. I was waiting for him to say something shitty, and I was planning on unleashing on him—craving to do it, actually—but he was nice and congratulatory so I kept my mouth shut.

The next day (Christmas Eve) we celebrated Christmas with Ashley’s side of the family. Jessica and Dustin came over with Ella in tow, and when Nathan arrived we launched the Demerle Christmas 2017. We took family pictures and Evelyn bit me in the crotch; she’s a biter. Jessica broke the flimsy kitchen chair, but it’s not on her: the chair was a piece of shit, and you always had to sit in it just right to keep it from breaking. We had corn revel soup for lunch with spiral sliced honey ham and sweet potato casserole. We exchanged Secret Santa gifts: Ashley got Rachel a deep fryer, I got Keith a pack of 50 lighters (Rachel thought it was hilarious), and Jessica got me a $20 gift card to Amazon. Ashley got a kickass pineapple mason jar, and the parents got all the couples (and Nathan) a loaded VISA gift card.

Once everyone filed out and we got the girls to bed, Ashley and I finished wrapping the girls’ gifts and put them under the tree. The girls set out chocolate milk and a bunch of sweets, so Ashley and I had to eat all of them despite being full. Zoey wanted to put reindeer food (dry oatmeal mixed with glitter) in the front yard. Chloe added carrots, which we had to chew up and spit out like they’d been eaten. I had Addy walk all around the area to make prints that could resemble those of a reindeer. “Christmas Eve is a lot of work with kids.” Chloe came down the stairs around 11:30PM and saw Ashley nibbling on some of Santa’s sweets. Her eyes went wide, and she exclaimed, “Why’re you eating Santa’s food?” Ash replied, “Because your sister wanted him to have those, but he really wants cookies, so we’re switching them out. Do NOT tell her.”

Around 3AM that night Zoey claimed a bad dream and crawled between Ash and me; she kept stealing my blankets and trying to push me off the bed. Chloe shook me awake around 8:00 with a wild fire in her eyes: “Santa came!” Zoey snapped awake and bolted downstairs to see all the presents. We rifled through the presents, and Chloe noticed that she’d seen some of her presents up in our room just yesterday. “Now they say ‘from Santa,’” she pointed out, skepticism bleeding from her voice. Ashley told her, “Every year Santa sends us a list of what he got you, and if there’s some things he didn’t get, we get them for him and he reimburses us. He can’t fit all these presents in his sleigh.” I added, “There are a lot more Christmases nowadays with the steady population increase due to multiplying birthrates and better prenatal care. Santa doesn’t have the necessary supplies for everything in the North Pole, so he has us buy some of the things and he reimburses us when he comes. Cash only.” I said the last part in case she asked to see the check. She seemed satisfied (or apathetic), so we dug into our gifts and celebrated our first Christmas the “Barnhart Family” (legally, anyways). And to make it even better, it was a White Christmas, the first in years. It snowed all afternoon and evening, and we got around two inches. The wind was blistering, though, blowing the snow straight into you so that it felt like getting slapped with hundreds of icy pinpricks. Santa brought Zoey an American Girl Doll, a prank kit, a wooden hydroplane model, and a bucket of Army Men (among other things). Chloe made bank with sewing and jewelry kits and a number of crafting accessories. The girls got me a new ESV study bible with a bible case to go along with it, and I gave Ashley a card and some perfumes she likes. Ashley made me a goetta omelet with wheat toast, and I helped Zoey build her plane. I did a chest workout (with increased weight!), and the girls left to Lexington with Ashley’s parents.

Christmas 2017 came to an end.

And #kidcation began!

(It’s a great Christmas gift from Ashley’s parents)

Thanksgiving 2017

For the first time in a long while, Ashley and I were able to enjoy Thanksgiving as a family. We had nothing planned except binge-watching the latest (and last) season of Longmire, playing with the girls, and doing a considerable amount of needless napping. On the morning of Black Friday we met up with Jessie H. at the Perkins on Tylersville Road. Perkins really is on the up and up, and they have some incredible dinner options (I told Ashley we’d have to make a Date Night here sometime, just like a couple of old folks). It was great catching up with Jessie and hearing all the good things going on with her and Tony. We’re throwing around the idea of a joint Gatlinburg vacation in 2019, renting a cabin and having a blast down in the Smokies. On our way out Ashley bought the girls prank monster teeth to shock all their aunts and uncles for Thanksgiving festivities.

when you say best friends it means friends forever

The Demerle Thanksgiving took place at our place Friday evening. Ashley’s dad smoked and fried 35 pounds of Turkey and spread it over the kitchen island. Accompaniments included oyster stuffing, gourmet brussels sprouts, sweet potato casseroles, homemade stuffing, mashed potatoes & gravy, baked macaroni and cheese, and (of course) pies galore. The house was crowded: Ashley’s parents, Dustin & Jessica and Baby Ella (whose gotten superbly big and cuddly), Keith and Rachel and little Evelyn, Nathan, and Ashley and me with Chloe and Zoey. I stuffed myself to the gills and had some time to unwind at Ridgecrest before Matlock Thanksgiving Saturday. Chloe and Zoey had a ball playing with Kennedy, Brantley, and Jackson. Ashley K.’s dad had given Jesse a go-kart, and we tore it up in Jesse’s acreage. Amanda drove Zoey around, and I made Chloe fear for her life as I swerved around trees and flew over dips in the back. She toughened up a bit when it was her turn to drive, and I let her do a few solo circuits. Zoey and Kennedy got along great. When Kennedy broke out her purse to reveal play makeup and combs, Zoey piped, “Know what I got in my purse? Sticks and bugs!” She’s definitely not your standard girl. She was crying when it was time for us to go (I had work), and Chloe told Mandy, “I’m glad you’re my family now.” Here’s Chloe getting ready to drive the go-kart with my supervision:

a family celebration

Yesterday Ashley and I loaded the girls into the van and ferried them to my old high school stomping grounds at North Park. Our pastor Roger met us there, and we did a vow renewal for the girls. Since they weren't able to be present at our actual wedding ceremony (due to the recommendation of our adoption lawyer), we wanted to treat them to an intimate renewal that put them Square and Center. The renewal, in truth, was more about the girls than Ashley and me. Roger talked about the responsibilities of husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and children. It wasn't so much a celebration of Ashley and I coming together but of the Barnhart Family coming together: in September I officially adopted the girls, and this ceremony was all about them being an integral part of our family. I got each of the girls a silver turtle necklace and wrote them personalized letters extolling my love for them, praising them for their virtues, and promising to never abandon them or hurt them, to protect them and fight for them, and to always be there for them (even when they want nothing to do with me). I promised to raise them up as God desires and to forgive them every time they mess up. I reassured them that when Ashley and I have more children, they will NEVER be second best. They will always be my oldest children. At the end of the ceremony we filled a bottle with different color sands, each representing one of us with white representing God, who binds us together. It was a moving, touching ceremony--but the girls treated it like a joke.

I mention that for two reasons. First, I mention it because it's so easy in our era of social media to be "pretenders," to live lives full of pretense. The definition of pretense is, in a nutshell, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. We use social media to present our best faces to the world, and through them we paint our lives up and make them appear the way we want them to appear. It would be easy for me to make my family life look like something straight out of a Thomas Kincaid painting; all I have to do is cherry-pick what people see. Zoey's temper tantrums and Chloe's moments of sass don't make it to Instagram (unless they're really funny), and I could end this post with the bit about the Unity Sand Bottle and anyone would reading would think, "Oh, how sweet and sentimental! Such a cute and loving family!" Yes, we're cute, and yes, we're full of love for one another, but we're certainly not perfect, and I don't want anyone to think we are. We have our imperfections, our abrasions, our cuts and bruises. We have moments of sin like everyone else. Family life isn't perfect; a lot of the time it's frustrating, disheartening, and infuriating; but at the end of the day it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I mention that the night was "soured" by the girls' disrespect and bad behavior because it is an excellent portrait of divine fatherhood. After Roger departed and the girls were strapped into the van, I gave them a good dressing-down while affirming that I loved them and forgave them and sealing that affirmation with hugs and kisses. Both of them were heartbroken when they realized how wrong they had behaved, especially Chloe. But by the time the night was over, and the girls were in bed, they were wearing their turtle necklaces and clinging to their framed handwritten letters as if they were life-jackets. I tucked them in, gave them hugs and kisses, and my heart was filled with joy to call them my own. As I fell asleep that night, I thought about how the whole evening modeled our relationship with God.

The girls are my adopted children, just as God has adopted me through Christ. All of us who are in Christ have been adopted by God, and we'll mess up, and we'll mess up often. And when we do, it's tempting to think He's done with us, that we've gone too far this time. I was hurt and disappointed with the girls' behavior, but I never stopped loving them, and I wouldn't trade them in for anyone or anything. There's nothing they could do that would make me stop loving them, fighting for them, and forgiving them. I know they'll mess up. I don't expect them to be perfect. But I do expect them to try and be good. I forgive them when they fail, and God is the same with us. Even persistent failures on the girls' part don't make me love them less. The discipline may get more intense, but I discipline them for their good. I don't want them to become enslaved to bad habits that will be to their detriment down the road. I want them to flourish and grow and become the women God wants them to be. And (here's the tie-in again) that's the same way God is with me. 

I mess up all the time.

I do stuff, say stuff, think stuff I know I shouldn't.

And yet God forgives me, each and every time.

Sure, He may discipline me; and when He does, I deserve it.

But His discipline isn't born of wrath but of love.

He wants me to become the man I'm supposed to be.

He wants me to flourish and grow into maturity.

My pitfalls, mistakes, and sins don't cut me off from His grace.

He doesn't write me off when I do wrong.

And He certainly doesn't love me any less.

Our God is good.

#planetsofStarWars

Tattooine

Coruscant

Hoth

Dagobah

Kashykk

Naboo

Bespin

Geonosis

Yavin and Yavin 4 (moon in background)

Endor

Jakku

#vehiclesoftheEmpire

TIE Fighters

The Death Stars

Darth Vader's TIE Fighter

AT-ST (All Terrain Scout Transport)

AT-AT (All Terrain Armored Transport)

Lambda Shuttle over Coruscant

Imperial Star Destroyer

#vehiclesoftheAlliance

Here are my top favorite Star Wars vehicles

You may notice all of these are from the original trilogy

I grew up on the originals, and they'll always be my favorite

star wars meets zombies [II]

star wars meets zombies [I]

Halloween '17

This year was the first year I was able to do Trick or Treating Halloween night with the girls. Last year I worked, and the girls did Trick or Treating in Blue Ash so they could visit me; the year prior to that I worked, as well, and the girls were in Lexington and Trick or Treated with their maternal grandparents. The year before that we did Trick or Treating at the Tri-County Mall (since it was cold and rainy), but because the pickings were so slim, I don’t think it counts.

Chloe used face paint to dress up like a zombie, and we wrapped Zoey in Ace bandages so she could go as a mummy. We Trick or Treated in our neighborhood, and we had fantastic luck: the girls’ bags were filled to the brim! The highlight of Trick or Treat was the House of Terror down the street. There were two scary-looking clowns wielding maces and stalking the driveway, and we had to walk up the driveway to a booth to collect the candy.

Zoey clung to me like a life-vest.

“I’m scared of the clowns, Anty, but I need the candy.”

She ended up burying her head in my neck and crying.

But she got two handfuls of candy, so I think it was worth it.

When we got home we rifled through their candy (Mom & Dad always get first pick!), and I ordered Papa John’s for dinner and we made mummy dogs (hot dogs wrapped in dough). Ashley broke out some Stella Rosa peach wine and we lit a fire in the hearth and watched Caroline on Netflix. It was, without a doubt, our best Halloween yet.

~ the Battle of Endor ~