*the month in snapshots*

candids of my two favorite girls

the many faces of Chloe Barnhart

Christmas 2018!

of selfies and snapshots

family devotions: James 1.19-27

This December we continued working through the first chapter of James, and come the tail-end of the month we replaced family devotions with movies. This wasn't laziness on my part (well, not only laziness): the whole house was deathly ill for about two weeks, so movies was all anyone had energy for. Here are the movies we watched with the girls this month:

a fitting conclusion to our journey through some of the primary arguments for
the existence of God: the Cosmological Argument, Teleological Argument, and Moral Argument

a fitting movie to watch Christmas Day while our throats were too sore to talk

Chloe wanted to watch a movie about the life of Jesus after watching The Nativity Story,
so we watched the 2014 'Son of God.' She loved it but couldn't handle the crucifixion. We'll
see how she fares this Easter with Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ.

At least we were able to finish James 1; I want to switch-hit into something different for a bit before returning to James 2. For the next two months we're going to be going through 'The Story of God,' covering everything from Genesis to Revelation. It'll be a treat! Here are the last three 'family devos' from the first chapter of the Book of James:

~ "Don't be an ass." ~

James 1.19-20

Understand this, my dear brothers: every person must be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish the righteousness of God. 

James tells us we are not to be quick to speak, slow to listen, and quick to get angry--a tall order, given that these qualities encapsulate our natural bent without God's Spirit working in our hearts. One might point out that we see Jesus being angry in the Gospels, to the point of turning over money-changing tables in the Temple and driving people out with a knotted whip, so how can anger be so bad? We're supposed to be like Jesus, after all! Here we must distinguish between righteous anger and ungodly anger (the latter being that which James is writing about). When we see Jesus 'over-reacting' in the Temple, that's righteous anger at work. Righteous anger doesn't express itself in a 'fit of rage'; Jesus' actions in the Temple were well-planned and well-executed (it takes a hot minute to make a knotted whip, after all). Jesus didn't act from a wounded heart; rather, he acted from a heart passionate for God and upset against injustice. In the later New Testament, we are given guidelines for how to live with anger: we can be angry if we do not sin, if we don't go to sleep with it, if it's anger from God and not man's anger, if it achieves righteousness, if it comes slowly. But in the words of Jim Wilson, "Do you get the feeling that if these qualifications are met, the amount of anger would be cut drastically?"

Ninety-nine perfect of the time, we can assume that the anger we feel building up in our hearts isn't due to anger at injustice ('righteous anger') but to being angry that our preferences weren't met. This is ungodly anger, and it is naturally quick to speak, slow to listen, and quick to get angry. One of the worst kinds of anger is a 'fit of rage,' which, in the Bible, is seen as the exact opposite of how a Christian should be. Jim Wilson writes a poignant piece on this kind of anger:

A 'fit of rage' is an act of the sinful nature. We see it clearly in very young children. We call it a tantrum. As the child gets older, we might say in a tormenting way, 'Temper, temper, temper!' This does not normally moderate the explosion. Other expressions that describe fits of rage are 'losing it' and 'going ballistic.' These euphemisms for fits of rage are descriptive, but do not sound as sinful. 'Short fuse' is another euphemism for a person who is quick to anger. All of us know people like that. Some people take pride in having a short fuse. Their friends and relatives have learned how to walk softly or to give them a wide berth. These people terrorize their families or hold them hostage to their anger, which might erupt any time. The opposite of the acts of the sinful nature is the fruit of the Spirit. It is easy to see that self-control is the opposite of a fit of rage. But it is not the only opposite. A person in a fit of rage is not loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, or gentle. A fit of rage undoes all the fruit of the Spirit. This is why it is natural for a person not born of the Spirit.

When we feel anger bubbling inside us, we need to stop and ask ourselves, "Why am I angry?" Often we'll answer by focusing on an indirect cause--we're angry because someone stole our parking space, or the person coming onto the highway off the on-ramp is going ten under, or it's just slightly raining and traffic's bogging down. Often the indirect reasons will be far more personal, as anger is most ripe when it involves the people who are close to us. The direct reason, which gets to the core of why we're angry, is more often than not the fact that our preferences weren't met. My preference was getting that empty spot in the busy mall parking lot; my preference was keeping my speed up on the highway; my preference was traffic moving at a decent and respectable pace. What it boils down to is loving ourselves too much: "This isn't what I wanted, people aren't accommodating to my desires, therefore I am angry." 

An example from my own daily life: one afternoon Zoey got home from school and I had just picked up some Subway for lunch. I felt ravenous, and I desperately wanted to chow down. Before I ate, however, I needed to help Zoey knock out her homework (if we don't tackle it immediately, she'll get into the rhythm of play-time and it'll be like pulling teeth getting her back into 'school' mode). Zoey is very particular about the way she does things, practically borderline O.C.D., and that afternoon she was taking an ungodly long time to get her things done. I was hungry and grouchy, and I snapped at her to the point where tears welled up in her eyes. Not a good moment for me. Immediately I knew I'd fucked up, and I took a few breaths and confessed my sin to her, informing her that it wasn't right for me to get pissy with her just because I was grouchy. She forgave me and we went about her homework with absolutely no problems. To this day she remembers that moment (but thankfully she remembers my confession of sin more than the outburst itself; it's good to show your children that you're not perfect and to confess your sins towards them). The reason I got angry was because my preferences weren't being met; that was not righteous anger, and when such anger wells up inside us, we must fight it with self-awareness and prayer.

~ Doers vs. Hearers ~

James 1.21-25

Therefore, putting aside all moral uncleanness and wicked excess, welcome with humility the implanted message which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the message and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves, because if anyone is a hearer of the message and not a doer, this one is like someone staring at his own face in a mirror, for he looks at himself and goes away and immediately forgets what sort of person he was. But the one who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues to do it, not being a forgetful hearers but a doer who acts, this one will be blessed in what he does.

James just wrote about how we need to forsake the natural inclinations of our sinful self (to be quick to speak, slow to listen, and quick to get angry), and now he exhorts the recipients of his letter to embrace the good news of the gospel and to live in accordance with it. The Good News is that the kingdom of God is available to us, that in Christ we can live and breathe and participate in God's kingdom, and in order to do so we need to put into action what it means to be kingdom-minded and kingdom-focused not just in our thoughts but also in our behavior. Christianity isn't about rules and regulations, but it is about living as is fitting for human beings created in the image of God, and that takes self-reflection and self-determination: the willingness to acknowledge the true state of our hearts and the work of the will to pursue higher things. That is the gist of what James is saying, but we would do well to unpack this further.

"What is the implanted message we are to receive?" James is speaking of the gospel, the Good News, and here we must give clarification. A lot of people thinking the good news is that "Jesus died for our sins." But saying that is like saying the point of a car is having an engine. The purpose of a car is getting from point A to B, and the engine makes it run; similarly, the gospel is about the availability of reconciliation with God and life in His kingdom, both now and forever. The forgiveness of sins and the breaking of the power of sin over our lives, which is available to us because of Jesus' death and resurrection, is necessary for our reconciliation with God and life in His kingdom. The Atonement is the engine that drives the good news of the availability of the kingdom. The point of the Good News is that we can have a relationship with God in Jesus. The point, it must be said, isn't doctrine. It isn't about learning new things, though that's part of it. Sadly a lot of Christians are devoted to biblical teachings rather than Jesus as a person; this is a dry Christian existence--it is a sort of faith by which we are saved 'by a hair'--and it doesn't translate into a changed life.

"How might we deceive ourselves?" Many of those who put doctrine before Jesus seem to live double lives: a pious life in the public eye and deep-seeded sins behind closed doors. This is because mental assent to doctrine doesn't get to the heart, and it's from a transformed heart that we are able to walk in God's ways and obey all Jesus commanded. In Matthew 7.15-23 Jesus says that on the Last Day, many will be dismayed. There will be many who did all the right things, even super religious things, who will be cast from Jesus. "Depart from me," Jesus will tell them, "for I never knew you." Being a Christian, a disciple of Jesus, involves the heart, and even the right religion can be used for the wrong reasons: even in our divided culture and the mockery often leveled against Christians, the United States remains a strongly Christian nation, and being a Christian is often part of the cultural fabric. A cultural Christianity will perform the right actions to be seen as upstanding in the church community; it can be embraced from reasons other than the heart. But it remains the heart that matters: "Are we devoted to the Living Lord, as a person, or to the teachings of Christianity?" Are we giving mental assent to a particular worldview, or are we trusting in Jesus and pursuing him? We must examine ourselves, for we are great at self-deception. We unwittingly believe the best about ourselves, and at times we must assume the worse. The proof of our faith is in the pudding:

Do our lives show the evidence of the Spirit's work?
Are we producing, in increasing measure, the fruit of the Spirit?

If we claim to belong to Jesus, but he is not at work in our lives, then we may be self-deceived. It happens a lot, and the consequences will be dire for those blithely ignorant of their self-deception. Thus it is worth a warning that is echoed by St. Paul in 2 Corinthians 13.5: "Examine yourself, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you fail to meet the test!" It is also echoed by St. Peter in 2 Peter 1.10-22: "Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election" (emphasis mine). James, Peter, and Paul all had something to see about this. We'd do well to pay attention.

"What is the perfect law of liberty?" The law of liberty is something that Christians 'look into', or meditate upon. It is the way of obedience that Jesus calls us to, but because 'liberty' is often used for 'freedom' in modern parlance, equating it with obedience doesn't feel natural. It is this misunderstanding of liberty that makes James' terminology confusing. Though 'liberty' has become synonymous with moral freedom and autonomy (doing what we want when we want and how we want to do it), this is a new definition of the term, a modern way of understanding it. Liberty in the biblical sense is the type of liberty spoken of by sailors. When a ship is 'at liberty', it is 'free' in that it is sailing with the wind rather than against it. The wind is filling its sails, and it's maximizing its power. It's sailing the way it was designed to sail. True liberty isn't living life however the hell we please; it's about having the power and ability to do what we were designed to do, and that liberty is found in trusting and obeying Jesus. This is what we, as God's image-bearers, are designed to do. To not trust and obey Jesus is to sail against the wind, or crosswise to the wind, with the result that we are, at the least, blown far off-course from being the people we were created to be (and at the worst, we flounder). Doing the 'law of liberty' is doing as God commands, so that we live as we are designed to live. And living this way leads to blessedness.

"What does it mean to be blessed?" It's been said that to be 'blessed' is to be happy, and that's not far from the mark. All of us are in search of what the Greeks called eudaimonia, a concept that is often translated as 'happiness' but which is more closely aligned with fully-flourishing human living. Greek philosophy sought how one could best live a fully-flourishing existence. This ultimate state-of-being is what the Jews called 'blessedness.' Blessedness, then, is what we all pursue throughout our life--'the search for joy,' as one theologian put it--but it is found only in Jesus. In Luke 11.28 Jesus says that blessedness is found in him and, more particularly, in following him. To follow Jesus is to accept him as your Master and give yourself to him as his student. A disciple of Jesus is nothing less than Jesus' student--or 'apprentice' or 'padawan'--who is actively and determinedly learning how to live from him. The followers of Jesus were called 'Disciples' until about a decade after Jesus' ascension; then they started to be called 'Christians' (or 'little-Christs') because they aimed to live as he lived and do as he did. The Christian life--the life of discipleship to Jesus and life in him--is the Good Life. Pursuing worldly things--the pride of life, the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes--doesn't provide the fully-flourishing life, only cheap imitations of it. But living in God and for his kingdom opens the door to a life of love, joy, peace, and contentment. It was this very fact that made the early church so appetizing in a culture hostile to God. Christians were radically different, living like their Master and bringing him into all walks of life, and people saw the beauty and goodness of that life and craved it for themselves.

~ True Religion ~

James 1.26-27

If anyone thinks he is religious, although he does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

In the previous verses James warned against self-deception and urged his hearers to find a fully-flourishing life in obedience to Jesus. Building upon the reality of self-deception (believing we are Christians when we're not), James links a refusal to 'bridle the tongue' (to keep watch over the things we say) with self-deception; he does this because watching over your words is one of the first things submission to Jesus results in. At the same time, bridling the tongue and taking care of those in need and being unstained by the world are not 'Christian laws' by which we're saved but signposts to what it looks like to live in obedience to God in his kingdom. True religion, then, shows itself in trying to live a life that pleases God.

Much has been said regarding self-deception, and all of us struggle at times to not say things in anger or to gossip or slander others. We may be nervous in asking ourselves the right Christian: "Am I a Christian?" It's a good question to ask; indeed, it's elemental to examining ourselves to see if we are 'in the faith' as we claim. It isn't a question we should fear, for the 'litmus test' of belonging to Jesus (of being saved) is simple: "Am I trying to follow Jesus?" Remember that the name 'Christian' (found only three times in the Bible) was coined to describe those who strove to live like Jesus and obey his commands. The term refers to a disciple, or student, of Jesus, so to ask "Am I a Christian?" is to ask "Am I a student of Jesus trying to learn from him how to live?" There is a difference between a 'cultural Christian' - one whose religion is a cultural 'boundary marker' in which he finds his place in society - and a disciple of Jesus. The cultural Christian may go to church and do very religious things, but his heart isn't upon Jesus; a disciple of Jesus may struggle to go to church and may suck at doing religious things, but he is actively relying upon Jesus and learning from him. You can be a good disciple or a bad disciple, but you'll still be a disciple--so long as you're actively trying to learn from him and obey him. 

#fatherhood

Metamorphosis: the Rhythms of Sanctification

The Rhythms of Sanctification by on Scribd

of labor and love

I'm writing this post from one of my favorite haunts on a snow-swept winter's day, killing time between a work meeting and a shift. Some time ago I wrote that I was on the hunt for another job, and after announcing this to my employer, things have taken some marvelous turns. I didn't want to leave my field of social work; I love what I do, and working for a Christian nonprofit is a ministry all its own. This is something I'd considered doing since high school, and over the years, I've only grown fonder of what I do. A couple years ago I was promoted to House Manager, basically running a group home; that extended to overseeing our remote clients; and now I'm being promoted yet again to 'Flight Coordinator,' overseeing the day-to-day operations of our day program. In addition to that, I'll be joining a colleague at Go Bloom, which is an employment agency specializing in vocational teaching and helping individuals with developmental disabilities find, secure, and flourish in places of employment. It's A LOT of work, and I'm working a shitload of hours (last week I put in eighty), but the hours should dwindle as I complete the transitions from one position to another. The biggest problem we're facing right now is finding someone to take over all my responsibilities as House Manager; when we have them lined up, and they see all that goes into it, they back out like they're running from a California wildfire. Though this has been exhausting, it's definitely an answer to prayer. If all goes to plan, I'll be firmly entrenched in my new roles by March.

This post is entitled "of labor and love."

The paragraph above covers labor.

And the paragraph below covers love.

Ashley and I have been looking for a new church home for a while now. We were going to Southwest Church up in Springboro, but when we moved to our new home, the commute was forty-five minutes. The commute, though tiring, wasn't the problem; the issue was that we want the girls to make friendships at church that they can invest into in a local sense. When I was in high school, most of my friends were from the youth group, and those friendships were paramount in my development as a Christian. We want the same for our girls, so we decided to look for something closer to us. Our search brought us to Northeast Church of Christ, just five minutes down the road, and after participating in Sunday School, bible classes, and worship services for several months, we met with the pastor (a man my size with pale-reddish skin who also went to C.C.U.; go figure!) and told him we'd like to put in our membership.

I'm excited that we've found a church home, and I believe that God really led us to Northeast. Our old church was 'seeker-sensitive' (to use a phrase from a bygone era), and as such the sermons were surface-level, geared towards those raised outside the faith. The pastor admitted that he rarely touches on 'uneasy' biblical doctrines in the fear of scaring anyone away. The girls weren't learning anything in their classes; they just sang songs and played games. It's different at Northeast: all of the testimony of scripture is laid bare, and the pastor and elders don't skirt around difficult subjects. Though it's more 'conservative' than we're used to (they're non-instrumental, so we just pretend we're in colonial Williamsburg), the worship seems more God-focused than what you find at other churches in the area, that make worship into a 'rock and roll' show. The people are extremely friendly, we've already made great connections, and the girls have made friends who are passionate about Jesus and the kingdom. And, in an odd twist, we found out we bought the youth minister's old home. Talk about providential eeriness!

on reading (II)

I started Simon Scarrow's Eagle series last year as part of my tour through historical fiction revolving around major events in British history. His first five books take place during Claudius' invasion and conquest of Britain, and while all his books are a bit the same (the plot-lines are quite predictable), he poignantly captures the essence of ancient warfare. His characters, though often cardboard cut-outs, are still real people, which is something a lot of historical fiction lacks (we have this perverse idea that we are somehow 'different' from those before us, when that's not at all the case). Scarrow's sixth book shifts away from Britannia and focuses on Roman naval warfare against pirates in the Adriatic Sea, and his seventh book takes place in Judea.

It's the seventh book that's gotten me unnerved: while in the first six books Scarrow weaves historicity through his narratives, he completely throws it away with The Eagle in the Sand. While all historical fiction takes liberties (it is 'fiction,' after all), such liberties are best done within the parameters of history. The liberties need to be believable. That isn't the case in The Eagle in the Sand, where he portrays the early Christians as seditious, blood-hungry revolutionaries. I'm not opposed to this caricature on the basis of my own faith; no, I'm opposed to it on the basis of historicity. No serious historian believes that to be the case; in fact, historians of every caliber, conservative and liberal, theist and atheist, admit that the early Christians were nonrevolutionary. While Scarrow's portrayal of desert warfare was spot on (as always; it's what I love about his writing), the liberties taken with the members of the early church made it hard for me to take the book seriously. Doing research on the book after the fact, apparently this is the very reason The Eagle in the Sand has been unpopular with readers of every association. 

I won't stop reading the series.

It's fantastic, and Scarrow is a phenomenal writer.

But since I gave him money by buying the book, I'm free to critique it.

Good day!

on reading

I've wrapped up 2018's gauntlet through Napoleonic Era historical fiction: the first fifteen books of Bernard Cornwell's 'Richard Sharpe' series and the first seven of the late Patrick O'Brian's 'Aubrey and Maturin' Series. I've been a fan of Cornwell since reading his Arthurian trilogy back in late 2016, and though I read some O'Brian in 2008, it wasn't until now that I've been able to fully appreciate it. Cornwell started writing fiction when he moved to the States from England; inspired by C.S. Forester's Hornblower Saga (which I have yet to read), he put pen to paper, and the rest is history. While Cornwell's Sharpe Series focuses on the British army in the Napoleonic Wars, O'Brian focuses on the Navy. His novels capture the tediousness and terror of war on the high seas, and he expertly weaves crisp and precise action with witty and believable dialogue. 

Chloe, perhaps tired of hearing me extol the Aubrey and Maturin chronicles, and with an eye towards catching me unawares, fouled up by rearranging my box sets of the books:

*the month in snapshots*

remnants from this winter's first ice storm

Chloe helping me chop up a fallen tree limb with a hatchet

this is what happens when you try to pull cars out of a water-logged lawn

Chloe says she doesn't like to read but this is a nightly occurrence...

our Christmas ornament picks for 2018! I chose the squirrel, Zoey chose the doe, Chloe
chose the jellyfish, and Ash chose matching octopi for her and Naomi

snapshots from Thanksgiving 2018 in New Carlisle

Zoey being ridiculous as always

the reformation: slow and steady

the filter on this photo makes it look like
I broke my nose and bandaged it up. (also,
I'm making a 'turtle face,' according to Zoey).

My last 'reformation' update from mid-September ended on a sour note, but thankfully this one doesn't. Two months ago I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers climb up; while I'm not all about losing weight, it's still not something I like to see! I attributed it to my diet more than anything else, and I vowed to cut back on eating out. The wife and I have done precisely that, and I've picked back up with my weight lifting after taking a forced hiatus due to a wrist injury. 

Though we still eat out about twice a month (and I still have pizza on Fridays as part of my work schedule), we've been great about making sure we eat down-to-earth, hearty, home-cooked meals. Ash is an amazing cook, and she tends to make everything from scratch. Box meals are for the birds. 

Happily I've lost seven pounds (down to 178 after hitting 185, an eight-year high) and have been able to consistently work out while advancing the weight I'm able to lift. Here's my current workout regimen:

CHEST & SHOULDER DAY

  Chin-ups until exhaustion

  Chest Exercises

    Extended flies 3x6/8

    Bench press 3x6/8

    Chest lifts 3x6/8

    Side pumps 3x6/8

  Shoulder Exercises

    Lateral raise 3x6/8

    Reverse fly 3x6/8

    Arnold press 3x6/8

  End with push-ups until exhaustion

ARMS DAY

  Bicep curls 6x8

  Sitting bicep curls, rack down

  3x10 tricep lifts

  30x2 forearm curls

  Two minute forearm walk

HODGEPODGE REGIMEN A

  Pull-ups till exhaustion

  Push-ups till exhaustion

  Regular plank

  Side plank

  Crunches until exhaustion

  Squats and lunges

  Jumping Jacks

HODGEPODGE REGIMEN B

  Pull-ups till exhaustion

  Push-ups till exhaustion

  Regular plank

  Side plank

  Pilates and variants

  Jumping Jacks

All of these exercises can be performed at home with body weight or free weights. I don't have time to go to the gym, nor do we have the extra money to afford a gym membership. Each exercise takes about twenty minutes to half an hour, and I generally do three consecutive days of workouts, take a rest day, and then continue with another three days before starting the cycle over again. While I would love to add running to the mix, the unfortunate reality is that I have bad knees due to crooked legs and misshapen joints, and the week after any attempt to run is filled with grinding, throbbing pain that just isn't worth it. But that's okay: this regimen has been working great for me, and I'm confident that December's update will showcase even more progress.

As for progress, it isn't about weight loss for me. Sure, I'd love to drop fifteen pounds and be where I was back in 2014, but I don't want to go any lower than that. Once I drop below 160, I start looking rather... what's the word... 'youthful.' And when I say 'youthful,' I don't mean as if I'm in my twenties. I end up looking like a teenager, and that's not a look I want. Besides, Ash has politely asked me not to lose too much belly fat; she likes a man with a belly, it's more comfortable for snuggling, and I don't blame her. I'm a belly man myself (perhaps that's why I find her 'pregnant mom' look absolutely adorable). 

family devotions: James 1.13-18

This month in our family devotions we've continued plowing through the Book of James. As mentioned in last month's post, Chloe has been doing a lot of great questioning, and in lieu of that we took advantage of the girls' Thanksgiving break to supplant a devotion from James with a great movie on apologetics. 

We'll be watching God's Not Dead when Christmas break rolls around.

I've got a litany of great movies and documentaries we can watch.

And after each, we field Questions and Answers. All in all, I'm a fan.

And now, without further ado, here are November's devotions from James!

*  *  *

~ A Word on Temptation ~

James 1.13-15

No one who is being tempted should say, 'I am being tempted by God,' for God cannot be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each one is tempted when he is dragged away and enticed by his own desires. Then desire, after it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is brought to completion, gives birth to death.

James advises Christians on the nature of temptation and sin. When we are in the midst of trials and difficulties, when we are suffering or stretched thin or at the end of our rope, we're more inclined to turn to things that will harm us rather than help us in our effort to cope. It is easier to obey God and withstand temptation when things are going our way; it's fitting, then, that after writing about how we ought to endure trials, James talks about temptations. I've noticed in my own life that when things are hard, my desires for wrong things seem to magnify.

Sin is the transgression or breaking of God's will in thought, word, or deed. When we're physically born, we inherit from Adam a sinful nature with a propensity to sin. The one word that best characterizes sin--the flesh, our human nature--is selfishness. The sin of Adam centered on setting his own will and interests against God's; and that's been the center of sin ever since. In Mark 7.20-23, Jesus makes it clear that our basic problem isn't what's outside us but what's inside us; in other words, sin isn't just something we do, it's something we are. This is why the Apostle Paul can say in Romans 7 that, outside Christ, we are 'enslaved to sin'; even if we desire to do good, we're unable to do so. The best of our deeds are stained and spoiled by the selfishness and sinfulness that runs like sap through the marrow of our bones. Jesus' death on the cross attacked sin in two primary ways: first, through his death we are forgiven of the guilt we've acquired by our sin; and second, when we participate in his death and resurrection in baptism, our enslavement to sin is broken, and we're given the Holy Spirit. We are reborn spiritually and given a new heart, but that doesn't mean we won't have evil desires. It means that, over time, God works in our hearts so that we desire sin less and less, and he enables us, through the empowering presence of the Spirit, to resist sin and obey God. 

Temptation is not evil desire; it is what happens when evil desire meets opportunity. We are tempted when we have the opportunity to satisfy a sinful desire. When that desire begins to bubble up inside us, we need to kill it then and there. We must turn to God in prayer and remove ourselves from the opportunity to sin if we can. If we linger on the desire, and tease ourselves with it, the end result, almost always, is that we give in to those desires. When we give in to those desires, we sin, and the consequence of this, according to James, is death. Sin is harmful, sowing death and decay, and it does this in three particular ways. First, it is because of sin that we suffer physical death, as we see in the narrative of mankind's fall from the glory of God in Genesis 3. Second, it is because of sin that we suffer spiritual death: sin separates us from the holy Creator. When we become Christians, the guilt of sin is forgiven and its enslaving power is broken, so that our relationship with God is restored; however, if we as Christians persist in sin, we will experience an anemic relationship with him. We cannot expect God's peace and joy and abundant work in our lives if we persist in sin. This leads to the third type of death: it affects our quality of life. Sin naturally sows death and destruction; it steals our peace and joy, it brings all sorts of problems into our lives, and it strains our relationships. Truly, obeying God isn't just good for our souls; it's good for our lives, as well. 

~ God Provides ~

James 1.16-17

Do not be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good good and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of change. 

In our family we thank God for our food at every meal. Lately this traditional practice has come under attack by non-Christians who say we shouldn't be thanking God for our food; we should be thanking the farmers. What these critics fail to see if that the food on our plate is indeed from God, even if God delivers it through farmers. We believe this because God sustains the universe and keeps everything going. Hebrews 1.3 tells us that God upholds the universe by the word of his power; thus everything from galaxies to microbes, and the ecosystems on which the 'circle of life' depends, is sustained by the Creator. If he were to step back, to remove his sustaining hand, everything would fall apart.

One theologian puts it this way: 'As human beings, we take the predictability of the created order for granted. When we go to bed, none of us expects that the sun might not rise the next morning. We plan for the future and expect the future to be there when it is time to act. We take steps and never think that we will disintegrate into millions of whirling atoms and fly off into space when our feet hit the ground. Everyone expects the world to hold together today, tomorrow, and throughout the rest of their lives. Despite its claim of scientific infallibility, naturalistic materialism ([the idea that] the physical universe is all that there is) provides no basis for any of these assumptions. If everything arouse by change, everything could fall apart tomorrow by chance. One random atom or 'maverick molecule,' as Dr. R.C. Sproul has said, could throw everything back into chaos. Naturalistic materialists who rely on the continuing existence and regularity of the natural order for their study and experiments betray an awareness of God that they are suppressing (Rom. 1:18-32). Only the Lord's sustaining hand gives us reason to depend on the regularity of the natural order."

The food on our plate, the air in our lungs, the water in our cup, all of these are good and perfect gifts from God--and they are gifts not only to his children, but also to those who disbelieve him, those who mock him, even those who hate him. This just goes to show God's great love even towards those who would sooner see God eradicated than worship him. In Matthew 5.45 Jesus says that God 'causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust.' Jesus is speaking of what theologians call 'common grace': God provides the things people need without them having to earn it. This showcases God's love and mercy now, and on the day of judgment it will make the judgment of those who have rejected God all the more severe, for they bite at the hand that feeds them. Even those who don't believe in God, even those who have set themselves against him tooth and nail, live and breathe and have their being in him. Because of our sin, God would be just in refusing us rain or sun or the necessities of life; thus when he provides even for those who loathe him, it's an act of grace.

~ We are the First Fruits ~

James 1.18

By his will [God] gave birth to us through the message of truth, so that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

James says that Christians--those who are born again in Christ--are a kind of first fruits of God's creatures. His meaning needs a lot of unpacking, and the first step is to jump back into the Old Testament. Israel was divided into twelve tribes, and one of these tribes, the Levites, were tasked with being the priests of God's covenant. They were the ones who served in the Jerusalem Temple and in the outlying towns and villages. They didn't work run-of-the-mill jobs, so they needed to be supported by their fellow Israelites. In order to accomplish this, God ordered the Israelites to give the 'cream of the crop' to the Levitical priests. Their best products were to be given to the Levites so that they could be sustained as they operated as God's priests. When we come to the New Testament, the phrase is picked up in light of what Jesus has done on the cross.

Remember: Jesus' death isn't just about forgiving sins. He didn't die simply so that we could go to heaven when we die, though that's a huge bonus and the climax of it all. Jesus died and rose again to inaugurate the 'New Creation.' When God created the world, it was good and free of sin. When sin entered the world, creation was subject to decay. When Jesus died, he defeated the very evil that subjects creation to futility; when he rose again, he showed that not only had evil been defeated, but new creation had begun. God's ultimate goal isn't to scrap the physical world; it's to renew it. In this vein, when we are regenerated, or born again, we become part of the coming renewed world. We ourselves are renewed, and we are tasked with bringing new creation into every sphere of our lives. God's mission is to recover and restore all that was lost in the Fall, and it begins with us.

A question must be asked: "To what, exactly, are we restored?" The answer is found in the first chapters of Genesis. When God created mankind, he created us to be his image-bearers. An image-bearer, in the ancient near eastern world, was one who was tasked with another's identity and power. For example, when the King of Assyria sent messengers out to his provinces to speak his words and do his bidding, they were his image-bearers. In the same way, God has created us to be his image-bearers: we are the ones tasked with speaking his words and doing his bidding. In Genesis, Adam and Eve are tasked with carrying the Garden into the wider, wild world. As Christians, our mission as God's image-bearers is to proclaim the gospel and live 'new creation' lives. The Christian code-of-ethics isn't just a list of do's and don't's; it isn't about following arbitrary rules; it's all about how to live the life of the new creation in the here-and-now, and when we live a life of obedience to God, we are showcasing what genuine human living looks like, and we are acting as signposts to the new world order that has been steadily advancing through our world since Jesus' resurrection.

As first fruits, evangelism and the Christian life take on a more vibrant meaning. Evangelism is telling people about Jesus, summoning them to faith and repentance so that they can be part of God's new creation. The Christian life is a signpost to God's future, a testament and declaration that God's kingdom is alive and well and moving forward. It is also a word of judgment on those who still live in the throes of the world and the defeated evil one.

"How does this tie into what James has already written?" James has talked about trials and temptations; specifically, how God uses trials to work in our hearts and lives, and how temptation must be resisted. We are the first fruits of God's creation; as such, trials are one of the main 'sharpening tools' God uses to fashion us into the image-bearers he created us to be, and as first fruits, we are to resist the temptation to sin and pursue obedience to God. We are to recognize who we really are in Jesus and live like it.

on reading (II)

I got a little anxious to start plowing through histories of the ancient world (part of my 2019 Reading Queue), so I knocked out a handful two months before the new year starts. Roman history has always fascinated me, and these short little books are excellent in capturing the scope of the Roman Empire. While most people believe the Roman Empire fell to the barbarians in 476 AD, in reality the Roman Empire continued up until the very end of the medieval era. The eastern Roman empire continued until 1453 when Constantinople was sacked by the Ottomans. I plan on reading a few more Roman histories, but what I'm most excited about are some 'primary documents' from the era: Julius Caesar's The Gallic Wars and The Civil Wars, as well as Seutonius' The Twelve Caesars. I'm also throwing in a little bit of Greek history, and coupling all of it with historical fiction that takes place during the Greek and Roman eras. 2019 will be delightful!

#fatherhood

on salvation

A Treatise on the Nature and Scope of Salvation by Anthony Barnhart on Scribd

on the human condition

The Human Condition by Anthony Barnhart on Scribd

on bitterness and anger

The following quotes are from Jim Wilson's How to be Free from Bitterness. 

~ on bitterness ~

"Guilt is what we feel when we sin, and bitterness is what we feel when others sin against us. The very definition of bitterness points to the action of another."

"Bitterness is based on sin that somehow relates to you. It is not concerned with how big the sin is; it is based upon how close it is. For instance, if some great and gross immorality occurs in Iran, Iraq, El Salvador, or Columbia, what do we do? We read about it, but we will not feel guilty. We read about it, but we will not feel bitter. We might be appalled or amazed, but we do not feel guilty, and we do not feel bitter, even though it was an awful sin, and someone actually committed it. So it does not depend on how great the evil is; it depends on how close the other person is to me. Bitterness is related to those people who are close. Who are likely candidates? The answer is simple: fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, husbands, immediate superiors, immediate subordinates, co-workers, business partners, and maybe some other relatives--grandparents, uncles, etc. There are even many people who are bitter against God."

"Before we can get rid of bitterness, we have to realize that we are bitter. How can we tell if we are bitter? One good rule of thumb is this: Bitterness remembers details. You have had thousands of conversations in your life, most of which you have forgotten. But this one took place five years ago, and you remember every single word, his intonation, and every inflection of his voice. You know exactly what happened--which means you are bitter. Someone might object and say that it is possible to have a good memory of a wonderful conversation. Is this possible? Yes, but not likely. Why? Because memory is helped by review, review, and more review. People do not usually mull over the wonderful things as much. But they do go over and over and over the bad things."

"If someone has a sharp, detailed memory for things which happened years ago when he was a child or a young man or woman, and that memory is at all accusative of anyone, then it is an indication of bitterness. And the solution for bitterness is to get rid of it."

"What is the problem? Why do we not get rid of bitterness? If I tell a lie, I can confess it and be forgiven. In order to get rid of it, I have to bring it back to my own heart. We need to bring the realization of bitterness back to our own hearts. Instead, the temptation is to look at the offender. Look what he did. That is the nature of bitterness. In order to get rid of it, I need to recognize that it is my problem before I can confess and forsake it."

"[There] is a close relationship between being hurt and being resentful. Someone gets hurt, and he gets resentful. There is another close connection between resentment and bitterness. Resentment turns into a deep bitterness. Bitterness is just resentment that has been held on to. It has become rancid and rotten. It is kept in, and it gets worse. The links in the chain continue. There is a connection between bitterness and hatred, and a very clear biblical identification between hatred and murder. What I am saying is that hurt can lead to murder. Some might object that this teaching is too strong. But the strength of it is from the Bible."

"When someone else says he is sorry, it does not get rid of our bitterness. The only thing that gets rid of it is confession before God because of the Lord Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. This is the only solution... In order to get rid of bitterness, I have to see that it is evil, and that it is my sin and my sin only. I do not get rid of it through the other person saying he is sorry. I do not get rid of it if the other person quits or dies. I do not get rid of it any other way except calling it sin against the holy God, confessing it, and receiving forgiveness."

~ on anger ~

more quotes from Jim Wilson's How to be Free from Bitterness

"There are hosts of... reasons that can set off tempers, reasons that are as individual as fingerprints. But whatever our trigger is, the Bible has some very definite things to say about anger. The most often used justification is 'The Bible says to get angry.' Well, yes, as a matter of fact, it does say, 'Be angry...' (Eph. 4:26). But that is often where people stop. They ignore the next part that says, 'and do not sin.' Christians are often very good on the first part of the command, but a trifle weak on the second half. The verse adds a second condition to the command; 'Do not let the sun go down on your anger.' There are other verses that can be interpreted to allow anger. 'Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...' Again, that indicates that as long as you don't fly off the handle, that's okay. But again, the following phrase adds some light to the subject. 'For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires' (James 1:19-20). Perhaps, then, it is okay to be angry if we do not sin, we don't go to sleep with it, it is anger from God and not man's anger, it achieves righteousness, [and] it comes slowly. Do you get the feeling that if these qualifications are met, the amount of anger would be cut drastically?"

"If we were more sophisticated, we could say that psychologically it is better to release our anger. Pent-up anger may give us ulcers. Of course, if we release our anger, others may get ulcers. It rarely occurs to people that there is a third option, i.e., taking our anger to God. This does not mean venting our spleen towards God ('authenticity'). It means admitting to God that you are angry and that if it is not going to achieve His righteousness, you do not want it. With this confession, our anger is removed from us, we may continue our life in the joy of the Lord, and nobody gets ulcers."

"In an age where there is so much talk about self-love, it does not occur to people that someone might love himself too much. Most anger is not generated in protection of other people. It is a response caused by loving yourself too much. 'I am too nice or too important to be treated this way.' Therefore, anger. If the anger is a fit of rage, it is a characteristic of a non-Christian. Jesus saves us out of the lsit of works of the flesh in Galatians 5:19-21 and saves us into the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. If you know you are a Christian and have 'fits of rage,' these must be confessed and forsaken today."

"A 'fit of rage' is an act of the sinful nature. We see it clearly in very young children. We call it a tantrum. As the child gets older, we might say in a tormenting way, 'Temper, temper, temper!' This does not normally moderate the explosion. Other expressions that describe fits of rage are 'losing it' and 'going ballistic.' These euphemisms for fits of rage are descriptive, but do not sound as sinful. 'Short fuse' is another euphemism for a person who is quick to anger. All of us know people like that. Some people take pride in having a short fuse. Their friends and relatives have learned how to walk softly or to give them a wide berth. These people terrorize their families or hold them hostage to their anger, which might erupt any time. The opposite of the acts of the sinful nature is the fruit of the Spirit. It is easy to see that self-control is the opposite of a fit of rage. But it is not the only opposite. A person in a fit of rage is not loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, or gentle. A fit of rage undoes the fruit of the Spirit. This is why it is natural for a person not born of the Spirit."

on reading

2018 is crawling to a close, and though I haven't been entirely faithful to my 'Read An Hour A Day' goal, I've nonetheless reached the final stretch of my 2018 Reading Queue. It's been a solid year in reading, filled with lots of fantastic spiritual books, a 30-book gauntlet through the early modern world, and a slew of fictional works. At the end of last month I wrapped up a slew of nine westerns; now all I need to do is finish the last few historical novels in my Historical Fiction of the Napoleonic Wars queue, and I'll be able to get a jump-start on my 2019 queue! 

how life can turn

A few weeks ago I was able to grab brunch at Waffle House with Step-'n-Brake Hudson. It'd been a while since we were able to just sit and catch up, and it was wonderful and refreshing. I don't see most of my old friends anymore, and you can blame parenthood for that. I remember hearing that once you have kids your social life goes down the tubes, but it wasn't until I actually had kids that I came to see how true that is. Couple parenthood with working sixty to seventy hours a week, and life just rushes by. Even on days when I don't work, it's go-go-go, with few breaks in between.

Perhaps it would be enlivening to encapsulate a "Day in the Life." I'll make it a day when I'm not working crazy hours, just to bring to light how crazy busy life is. The wife and I get up around 7:30AM and spend the first hours of the morning getting the girls fed, dressed, and off to school. Morning scripture is hurried and harried, and our three-hour window before Zoey gets home is usually filled with cleaning, work around the house (home ownership is no joke), and running errands (which is always easier without kids). When Zoey gets home we make her lunch, help her with her homework, and work on her reading and writing. Sometimes we're lucky to get a nap before Chloe returns home, and around that time it's time to start getting dinner ready. We've been fixing meals at home a lot more now, to save money, and leftovers are a godsend. On Wednesday evenings we do our bible study, which can last anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour depending on how many questions the girls (mostly Chloe) have. After the bible study we have evening playtime with the girls: snuggles, wrestling, tickle-fests, games, and some nights we watch documentaries (weather and disaster documentaries are big with the girls). By the time we get the girls to bed, the wife and I are exhausted. Some evenings I read, but most evenings we watch Netflix until sleep overtakes us. And that's just an average day-in-the-life that doesn't take into account doctor's appointments, or church events, or get-togethers with extended family. Needless to say, the day-to-day life of parenthood--including all the love and discipline and patience it demands--is tiring.

It's no surprise, then, that I'm desperate for naps.
By 2PM on most days I'm burdened by a tiredness that seeps into my bones.
I never thought I would be like Dad, but here we are.
(he takes afternoon naps in his office by pushing his chairs together)

I often reflect on my 'Old Life', before Ash and I married, before I adopted the girls as my own, and it feels like I'm looking back on the life of someone wholly different from me. It's true that time changes a lot of things, and I've changed in many ways. I'm wiser, more responsible, definitely more sober; you have to be all those things when you're life revolves around taking care of others. All the ways life has changed--indeed, all the ways I have changed--renders that life alien to me. I'm not sure I could do it again if I tried. I've gone from a bachelor who spent most of his time in diners and dive bars and hanging with friends and partaking in herbal supplements and drinking on a regular basis to a Husband and Father running a household the best I can (and failing in multiple ways, but moving forward by God's grace). 

Life has changed in SO many ways. 
(hence the title of this post)
And it's about to change some more.
(and it'll be busier than ever before)

Ashley and I met my freshman year of college at C.C.U., and I crushed on her hard. She ended up marrying my dormitory neighbor, but he turned out to be a really shitty person. God used his sin to deliver her, and she prayed for a blond-haired, blue-eyed Christian man. We reconnected just a few weeks later, one thing led to another, and we were married and I adopted the girls and now we have a third little one on the way!

introducing Naomi Loren Barnhart, coming January 2019!

*the month in snapshots*

I built the girls a playset!

Zoey waiting for her bus

a trip to the Newport Aquarium

even squirrels like to take little naps, apparently all at the same time