Tuesday, February 18, 2014

"Obsession"

Your ideal, your vocation: it's madness. And your friends, your brothers: they're crazy. Answer firmly that you are grateful to God for the honor of being one of those "lunatics".

Lord, make us crazy with a contagious craziness!

- Josemaria Escriva


What can I do with my obsession with the things I cannot see?
Is there madness in my being? Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes you're further than the moon.
Sometimes you're closer than my skin.
And you surround me like a winter fog.
You've come and burned me with a kiss.

And my heart burns for you.
And my heart burns for you.

And I'm so filthy with my sin. I carry pride like a disease.
You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close.
And I feel lonely without hope.
And I feel lonely without vision.
You wrap around me like a winter coat.
You come and free me like a bird.

Monday, February 17, 2014

postscript: wisconsin

I have small eyes in photos. This is an example of overcompensation.

My extended weekend in Ripon, Wisconsin went really well, and it was exciting to get to know lots of important people in her life, people I've heard about but had never met. It's wonderful to be able to put faces to names and integrate, albeit slowly, into Wisconsin life. The greatest part of the weekend, of course, was spending it the Wisconsinite, and the weekend made me all the more confident about moving up there whenever the move pans out. Although I'm not sure about all the "details" about how I'm going to get up there and what-not, I'm trusting in God and His providence, learning to rest in that trust and to experience "a peace which transcends all understanding." The weekend's over, but I'll get to see her again in two weekends; we're meeting up in Chicago, and I'll get to meet her family (at least those who live there). Now it's back into the swing of things: work, work, work, and more work. Work is a blessing, and there's joy in the labor, and every shift is more money put down towards my eventual move to the frigid north. 

Sunday, February 16, 2014

[sunday meditations]

1 PETER 1.6-7

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.


In this you rejoice. The source of Christian rejoicing isn’t found in some euphoric worship-induced high, nor taking giant gulps of the Spirit as if he were a super-spiritual dose of THC. No, the source of the Christian’s rejoicing—a rejoicing which is done in the Spirit and celebrated in worship—is centered upon the Christian hope: our future inheritance and total salvation. In the midst of suffering and trials, a Christian’s joy, and thus his or her rejoicing, is founded upon a concrete and clear vision of the future; in other words, the Christian hope. Having written about the Christian’s inheritance, which is a living hope, St. Peter now takes this eschatology and makes it relevant.

Knowledge of eschatology isn’t there just so we can feel smug about having (what we believe to be) an accurate understanding of the future; rather, knowledge of eschatology should prod us towards greater rejoicing, greater devotion to God, and greater love for one another. Also, knowledge of the future should inspire hope and courage in us as we go through life’s trials and tribulations. This aspect of understanding eschatology wouldn’t be lost on Peter’s readers: already they were experiencing persecution in minor forms, and the threat of mortal persecution crouched like a panther outside the door, ready to pounce. And while we may not be facing martyrdom under an anti-Christian government, we, too, have our own trials and tribulations, and we, too, as Christians, are called to focus on eschatology in the midst of such difficult times.

* * *

Trials & Tribulations: Not Just A 1st-Century Reality. There’s a tendency to super-spiritualize everything we read in the New Testament. Mere mention of persecution becomes martyrdom; obedience becomes a blind adherence to arbitrary rules and regulations; heaven becomes an immaterial realm; trials and tribulations only count if they’re in relation to persecution. While trials and tribulations in 1 Peter certainly carry the undertones of persecution, we would do well to take off the blinders and envisage a wider scope for the word.

Everyone, Christians and non-Christians alike, experiences trials and tribulations. Trials can take on any form, and the root wherein trials come to life lies in the difficulty. Trials can be good (in the sense that one experiences hardship and difficulty doing the right thing) and they can also be bad (in the sense that one can experiences hardship and difficulty in, and especially after, doing the wrong thing). Trials encompass every aspect of life: situations, circumstances, relationships, conflicts, everything can become a trial. There’s no need to make a spiritual beast out of the thing: we experience trials when we fall under financial strain, when a loved one betrays us, when we’re diagnosed with a debilitating disease, when our lives don’t pan out as planned, when regret, disappointment, and tragedy assails us at every turn.

“Trials & Tribulations” don’t refer only to those things which happen to us because we’re Christians. Any hardship that befalls us—be it physical, social, mental, spiritual, etc.—is a trial by virtue of it being difficult. What might be a trial to one person may draw forth nothing but a hapless shrug from another; how we perceive things in our lives directly correlates to whether or not these things become trials & tribulations. When Christians experience trials & tribulations, these take on new meaning as they fall into the realm of testing.

* * *

Trials & Testing: An Integrated Match. All of life, not least trials, tests us. Our responses to trials—whether the responses be psychological, social, personal or communal—bring out our “true colors,” revealing where our loyalties and allegiances lie, showing our true characters. The art of self-deception is mastered by everyone; we may proclaim loyalty to God—or to a spouse—but when we flirt with other gods (or other people), we show that our loyalties may not be so strong; and when we give ourselves over to other gods (or engage in an affair), it shows that we were not so committed all along. Our character doesn’t exist in a vacuum, simply being “highlighted” by our responses: our responses themselves can “make or break” our character, though a better word for this may be evolution. Our responses to trials form our character. Hardships and suffering always change us, either into bitter, inwardly-focused creatures or into the type of creature whose suffering, coupled with trust and faith in God, radiates the sweet scent of God himself.

St. Peter writes that trials test our faith. Trials test our faith in that they’re a litmus-test of our faith’s authenticity. Self-deception is an art-form all human beings have mastered. Trials, and our subsequent responses, show us the kind of people we really are. An inauthentic faith in Christ will collapse, and an authentic faith will endure. One’s loyalty to Messiah will be shown genuine (or disingenuine) by the decisions one makes in the midst of trials. The person with a weak or non-existent faith will not endure the trials; the one whose faith in Jesus is strong and secure will endure. Endurance, the Bible tells us, is the appropriate response to testing (see 1 Cor 10.13, Heb 3.6, 4.14, and 10.23; throw in Rom 5.3-5 for good measure).

The likening of faith to gold tested by fire clues us in to yet another aspect of testing. Just as testing reveals the condition of our faith, so in those who endure, it intensifies and deepens that faith. In the ancient world (and in many places today), the ores of precious metals, such as gold, would be melted in a fiery furnace. The end result would be the “weeding out” of the impurities, resulting in a purer metal. Just as the “testing” of gold results in a purer gold, so the testing of genuine faith results in a deepening faith. So we find that when Christians undergo trials (of whatever sort they may be), the result is two-fold:

The condition of the faith is revealed. Authentic faith will persevere. Inauthentic face will crumble in the face of trials and tribulations.

Genuine faith is deepened. Remember how our responses to trials play a role in the development of our character? Likewise, the response of endurance in the midst of trials—an endurance which is built upon devotion to and trust in God, as well in rejoicing in the midst of the promise of hope’s fruition—forms our character and faith into one that is more submissive to, loyal to, and trusting in God.

* * *

Trials & Testing: The Eschatological Perspective. St. Peter writes that this testing, which he hopes will both ratify and deepen the Christians’ faith, will result in “praise, glory, and honor” at the revealing of Jesus Christ. Indeed, St. Peter’s point in this verse isn’t so much about testing but, rather, what Christians have to look forward to when Jesus appears. To understand what Peter means, we must unpack the last phrase.

The Rapture: a phrase which caught the western world by storm following the infamous “Left Behind” series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. The fictional series took place in the future following what’s called the “rapture”: when Jesus takes all his faithful into heaven with him while the world boils in its own private hell. While this eschatology is considered by many to be air-tight, countless scholars shake their heads in a refusal to submit to what such theologians judge to be an inaccurate understanding of “the End Times”. One’s belief about Jesus’ “return,” as it were, colors a portrait of what St. Peter is talking about. If one takes LaHaye and Jenkins’ position, the text seems to imply that following the rapture, and our admittance into heaven, we’ll be doted-upon with all sorts of honors while the rest of the world scratches their heads in confusion while plummeting into a seven-year period of unending misery. The New Testament talks about Jesus’ “return,” but reexamination of the texts has shed light on some of the errors within LaHaye and Jenkins’ understanding. While entire books have been written on the subject, space provides us with only enough room to cover the basics. When we speak about Jesus’ return, “return” may not be the best word to use. Throughout the New Testament, and especially in the letters of Paul, two Greek words are used to refer to this monumentous future event: parousia and phaneroo.

Parousia is a word that carried both secular and religious undertones. In its religious context, the word drew forth an image of a god revealing his (or her) power in healing. This is how most Greeks understood the word in its religious sense, and Jewish people adopted this usage, too: the ancient Jewish historian Josephus sometimes used this word when he wrote about God coming to the rescue of burdened, defenseless Israel. The secular context operated within the sphere of royalty: when a person of royal status (or of high political ranking) visited a state, colony, or province, the word used was parousia: the king or emperor would come in his parousia, or “royal presence.” St. Paul uses this word in 1 Thessalonians 4.17-18, and the image he implants within his readers/hearers is an image of Jesus—the world’s true King, Lord, and Emperor—coming to visit earth just as Caesar might make a visit to Colossae or to the provinces of Asia Minor. Caesar wouldn’t visit a colony just to show that he was present; generally, his visits were orchestrated to deal with problems in the colonies; thus we have an image of Jesus coming to the created order—over which he rules—and dealing with all the problems present within it.

Phaneroo is a word St. Paul uses in Colossians 3.4, and St. John uses this word in 1 John 2.28 and 3.2. While parousia speaks of a “coming” (to deal with the problems) or to a “royal presence,” phaneroo speaks of a revealing. The thinking goes like this: Jesus is reigning bodily from heaven. The promise we have isn’t that Jesus will suddenly appear in our present world order like a mysterious spaceman plummeting from the stars but that when Heaven and earth are married (as Revelation 21 pictures), Jesus will “appear”: he won’t “come,” in the sense of making geographical movement (such as coming to earth from Alpha Centauri, the nearest start to us other than the sun, which some older theologians speculated to be the location of heaven); rather, he will “appear”: what has been there the whole time but which has been hidden from our physiological eyes—the lordship and reigning of Jesus the Messiah—will become visibly apparent. Intricately tied to the “appearing” of Jesus is the consequential “appearing” of his people, the church: when Jesus appears, being made known in all his glory, so the church (one of heaven’s many secrets) will be unveiled, revealed to be what it has been all along: God’s people, his new humanity.

* * *

An understanding of these two Greek words and their meanings gives us a glimpse into the return of Jesus: it is the unveiling of Jesus as he is—the world’s true King, reigning from Heaven—as he comes to earth to deal with all its problems. There’s no hint of people being “carried away” from earth to let the planet drown in its own well-deserved misery. There’s only the picture of justice: the King returning to deal fully and finally with the world. It is a one-time event intimately connected to all the other End-Time events, namely the resurrection of the dead, the Great Judgment, and the Consummation. Jesus’ appearing/coming will inaugurate the last moments of the present evil age and the beginning moments of a world born anew, and he will play the key role of bringing God’s eschatological promises to pass. All of this no doubt swirls in the understanding of the Asia Minor Christians, and the Greek word Peter uses sheds more light on the subject. The word he uses in 1.7 comes from the Greek word apocalypse.

If you’re like me, the word “apocalypse” invokes images of gunfire and napalm (from the hit movie “Apocalypse Now”) or images of the End of the World, brought to striking detail in such recent movies as “Armageddon,” “2012,” and “The Day After Tomorrow.” This Greek word, surprisingly, doesn’t refer to any such things. It literally means a “lifting of the veil” or “revelation,” and it refers to the unveiling of something hidden from the majority of mankind in an era of falsehood and misconception. Used here, the “revelation” of Jesus Christ thus becomes the “lifting of the veil”: the present evil age, consumed with misinformation, misbelief, and pretentious falsehood, is suddenly shown what has been true all along: that Jesus Christ really is King, that he really is the Savior of the World, and that, in line with this, Caesar (who called himself Lord and Savior) is just a parody and a sham.

When this happens, when Jesus is revealed to be who he is for all the world to see, the result will be, for those who belong to him, “praise, glory, and honor.” It’s easy to become trapped in the pursuit of trying to understand what all these words mean and thus trying to find a way to make sense of them. Perhaps the best way to understand what St. Peter is saying is to take the simple route: when Jesus appears (and thus when the church is revealed to be who the church truly is, the people of God) the result will be that Christians are showered with praise, glory, and honor, both from God and from the unbelieving world. While this may sound heretical to some—“Aren’t Christians just as due for judgment as everyone else?”—the New Testament paints a portrait of Christians not only being vindicated at Jesus’ appearing but also participating in the judgment itself (for example: 1 Cor 6.2). No doubt Peter has in mind the Christian doctrine of glorification, when God’s people are made completely and wholly human at their resurrection.


Peter’s point can easily be lost in the midst of all this backtracking: “When trials and tribulations strike, endure! If you endure, then you’ll be richly rewarded when Jesus is revealed before the world!” He isn’t telling the Christians to endure because if they don’t, they’ll face harsher wrath and a steeper purgatory from God; he’s telling them to endure because if they do, they’ll be rewarded! We who endure hardships and difficulties have the same promise and the same encouragement.

Friday, February 14, 2014

[Valentine's Day]

Mandy and I are spending our first Valentine’s Day apart (curse this distance!), but we’ll be making up for lost time soon enough. Tomorrow morning I’m leaving in the dead of night to spend Saturday, Sunday, and some of Monday with her. It’s a sixteen-hour round trip and I can’t wait to begin the journey (though I’m anticipating far more getting to see her in the cold Wisconsin morning). I’ve been putting together audio CDs to burn and listen on my long drive up, and one of the songs is Owl City’s If My Heart Was A House (don’t hate me!). I can’t help that I sing the lyrics and think about her as I drive the dark highways on my way home from my midnight shifts in Blue Ash.



You’re the sky that I fell through,
And I remember the view whenever I’m holding you.
The sun hung from a string,
Looking down on the world as it warmed over everything.
Chills run down my spine as our fingers entwine,
And your sighs harmonize with mine.
Unmistakably I can still feel your heart
Beat fast when you dance with me.

We got older and I should have known
(Do you feel alive?)
That I’d feel colder when I walk alone.
(Oh, but you’ll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay…
(Bombs away… Bombs away…)

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth,
If my heart was a compass you’d be north.
Risk it all ‘cause I’ll catch you if you fall.
Wherever you go, if my heart was a house you’d be home.

It makes me smile because you said it best.
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west.
Flower balm perfume. All my clothes smell like you,
‘Cause your favorite shade is navy blue.

I walk slowly when I’m on my own
(Do you feel alive?)
Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone.
(Oh, but you’ll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay…
(Bombs away… Bombs away…)

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth,
If my heart was a compass you’d be north.
Risk it all ‘cause I’ll catch you if you fall.
Wherever you go, if my heart was a house, you’d be home.
If my heart was a house, you’d be home.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

On Election & Predestination


I’ve been studying Calvinism and Arminianism a lot over these past several weeks, especially the subjects of election and predestination. My take has differed from both Calvinism and Arminianism for quite a while, and I feel more solid about it after the study. This approach has been called “Corporate Election,” and I think it makes far better sense of predestination and election than the approaches of either Calvinism or Arminianism. Here it is as a Scribd document, for those who care to take a gander. This take may or may not be closer to “reality” than Calvinism or Arminianism, but I think it makes better sense of the text and is faithful to the context of early Christianity and the atmosphere in which the New Testament was written. 


* This document was published quite some time ago, but I've reworked it to include some new material. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

[our one month]


Today marks “one month” with the Wisconsinite, and it’s been an amazing month of continuing to get to know and love even more the most wonderful and beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Every morning, day, and night I thank God for bringing us together, and I’m still so amazed that God has answered a prayer I prayed night and day for oh-so-long. Not in a million years did I expect this to happen, and not in a million more years will I be ungrateful for the love we share and the gift God has given me, a gift with many privileges and just as many responsibilities. My love and affection for her only grows, and though we’ve only seen each other for a total of four days since we’ve officially been together, I still feel like she’s such a huge part of my life, the preeminent human relationship, and if we can “share life” when separated by several hundred miles, I can only begin to imagine how great it will be to share life with her “in person.” Until that day comes, I’m thankful for every phone call, every Skype date, every little text, every postcard laced with her handwriting. Half the time it doesn’t even matter what the letters say; it’s her handwriting, and it’s beautiful.

I love her. I love her. I love her.
I can’t stop saying it. I can’t stop thinking it.
I love her. I love her. I love her.
(I fear I may be developing tourets)

To be honest I agonized over this post. It’s our one month, after all, and I feel like such a milestone (it’s kind of a big deal for me, guys) should be commemorated by the best blog post ever. But I risk just coming off as over-the-top sappy (I can’t help it). Mandy makes me want to sing and dance, to laugh and shout, and I can’t stop telling people about how much I love her, how excited I am to spend the rest of my life with her, how stoked I am to build a family with her. I want to write poems and songs (that’s a dangerous thought), and I want to do all those cliché things lovers do, those things that make the cynics sick: shout my love from the rooftops, send little lovey-dovey videos, carve our initials in trees, show pictures of us to all my friends and the people I work with. I want to laud her with praise and call her “honey boo” and “baby” and “sweetie” and “my love,” because she’s all those things to me. I haven’t been in a lot of relationships, but I’ve been in enough to know that this is different, that we are different; this is a love that is strong, a love that goes far beyond mere sentimentalism, a love cutting to the core. Mandy is the woman I love with a fierce love, an impassioned love, a crazy love. Mandy is the woman who makes me want to die to myself every day for her benefit and well-being, the one who makes me want to sacrifice all that I have here just to be with her. Mandy is the one for me, and she’s always been the one for me. If this weren’t true, how can I explain all that I feel? And I’m not just talking about “pie-in-the-sky” lollipops and unicorns feelings. Those are there, of course: she does quite a thing to this little koala heart of mine, something no one else has ever done. But the feeling goes beyond that; it’s a feeling of determination, a feeling of perseverance, a feeling that goes far beyond “romance”, even far beyond “affection.” It’s love, pure and simple. It’s a love that goes as deep as the marrow in my bones, a love permeating all that I am, a love that is willing to risk everything just to be with her and to love her as she so richly deserves.

And thus I’ve failed at avoiding sappiness.
But that’s okay; I know no other way.
My love for her is bold, not timid, and I won’t let it be tamed.
(I am half beast, after all) 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

from blue ash

It’s 7:00 in the evening and I’m sitting here at the kitchen table listening to the best rendition of Katy Perry EVER coming from the basement. Ben’s on drums, Jason’s on guitar, and their pal… I forget his name, but he’s awesome… is on vocals. I’ll never listen to Katy Perry the same way again, but I do have to be honest: I’m glad the music’s cranked up. It helps cover the essence of “Garage Band.” Sarah promised me it would be a treat, and she was spot-on, though “treat” may be too polite a word.

Mandy and I didn’t get to talk on the phone yesterday.
Thus it’s been over 36 hours since I’ve heard her voice.
It makes me miss her all the more. I’m lame, I know.

I’ve spent much of the evening studying the Adena and Hopewell cultures of “primitive” America in the centuries preceding Columbus and the “Columbian Exchange” (an exchange which also brought diphtheria, typhus, and the much-feared smallpox; it was practically an epidemiological Christmas). We Europeans were quite literally harbingers of death, and the vast civilizations that swept across South America, Mesoamerica, and North America were virtually wiped out in the greatest tragedy that has ever touched the human species (one in every five human beings was killed in this period of successive waves of disease that many popular histories tend to ignore). Their civilizations didn’t look like ours, but that makes them no less advanced (it’s a mark of arrogance when we measure “civilization” against our own civilizations). It may be surprising to those of us who see native Americans as primitive, backwards, and culturally inept savages to know that they built cities that rivaled, both in size and grandeur, their contemporaries of London and even Paris. North American pre-Columbian civilizations remain my biggest fascination, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy studying the Mayans, the Incas, or the Triple Alliance Aztecs. Those are all fascinating stories in their own right. Nevertheless, my interest remains primarily with the natives who populated the area where I live now. It’s a wonderful exercise of the imagination to drive up Interstate 75 and imagine the world without modern entrapments, a world filled with native American peoples and their own civilizations, a world buried under European boot-prints. More often than not I take drives down Route 50 or Route 52, the Ohio River glistening out my side window, and I imagine Indian canoes patrolling the riverbanks, the natives splotched in paint, gripping their tomahawks, war clubs, and muskets (though such imaginations necessarily take place long after the Adena and Hopewell). I’ve made it a goal to visit several nearby native American sites before moving up to Wisconsin; and once I get to Wisconsin, a whole new world of native American sites will be opened up to me. The Ohio Country, after all, stretched all the way from the backwoods of Pennsylvania to the Mississippi River (bordered by the Ohio River to the south and the Great Lakes to the north), and thus it encompassed much of Wisconsin. Mandy will no doubt grow weary of my attempts to drag her out to Indian mounds (of which Wisconsin has plethora).

The town of Blue Ash (from which I now write) was named after the blue ash logs used to build Carpenter’s Run Baptist Church back in 1791. Following victory in the American Revolution, the United States Congress declared that since the natives of the Ohio country had been allied with the British, as the vanquished they had no right to hold onto their lands. A coy plan was devised by George Washington, who himself had claimed much Indian land, to dupe the natives out of their homelands. The plan was put into effect, and through much manipulation and deceit, the natives essentially signed off their land at Fort Finney (the fort’s gone, replaced with a manufacturing plant at the Miami River’s headwaters). Realizing they had been played as fools, the Indians weren’t keen on the idea of just shrugging their shoulders and marching west. The Shawnee in particular, who lived in the lands bordering the Ohio River, once again took up tomahawk and musket against the Americans, and a bloodletting ensued. Losantiville (modern-day Cincinnati) was founded in 1789, and that same year one of the biggest military forts west of the Alleghenies—Fort Washington—was built in the area of modern-day downtown. From this fort, raids against the Indians were launched, and the fort acted as a bulwark of white presence. The fort emboldened settlers to push deeper into the interior of the Ohio, and Blue Ash was settled by a handful of families in 1791. They weren’t without problems from the Shawnee, and more than once settlers abandoned their cabins and decided it was safer to reside near Fort Washington. The Indians were ruthless, killing entire families, even infants. What we often forget is that the white settlers were, by and large, far more ruthless. But the laurels of victory include the right to disparage your enemy and paint yourself up in whatever light you want. And so the high school history textbooks tell a convoluted story.

Cincinnati’s beautiful now, of course (for the most part). But let’s not forget the city grounds were once drenched in blood, and there’s a very good reason why the Ohio River was once known, by both whites and Indians alike, as “the River of Blood.”

History lesson over (and joy spread throughout the land).
Tomorrow, I just found out, is Darwin Day!
So in honor of that day, enjoy this:


Christian Nationalism: Potent Quotables

We may be dissidents in our own country, but we are happy liberated warriors for the Kingdom of Jesus Christ. Tolerance is NOT a Christian v...