Monday. Lakeside has dozens of little shops, most of them antique stores. At the bookstore I bought a small leather NRSV bible. I also bought lots of incense sticks and incense cones. I lit the incense and went out on the deck and studied the Sermon on the Mount, prayed and worshiped. It was wonderful. Around 9:00 I went into town for some ice cream, and I hung out with Matthew & Megan and we swung on the swings in the park and monkeyed around the playground, and we went to the rocky shoreline and watched the waves, could see the lighthouses in the deepening dark, Put'n Bay and Kelly's Island. It seems everyone here is constantly wanting to do something. I just want to relax! I'm always doing something it seems, I just want to spend this week relaxing away from all my duties, responsibilities, and friends back home. Tomorrow is Cedar Point: I don't really want to go, but oh well. I went on a late-night walk listening to Johnny Cash's When the Man Comes Around, one of my inspirations for 12 Hours, and I kept seeing how I could carry the story forward, changing the original short story ending and moving forward with it. Hmmm...
Tuesday. Today we did Cedar Point, and I'm glad it's over: my feet are swollen and my head's pounding. I loathe amusement parks. I'm tired of political answers, of political answers, tired of the fake political life that I see so many people living. I'm tired of saying 'yes' all the time and not speaking up, I'm tired of always taking the back-seat. This pen is running out, and that's a good thing. All this thinking is EATING MY BRAINS OUT (to quote Pat D.).
Wednesday. A huge storm came through last night. We've only got like a week until school starts, and I dreamt I went back to school and everyone made fun of me. I also dreamed Ams & I were in my short story 12 Hours, and everyone at 412 'turned', and we had to escape, were running through the YMCA parking lot, high-tailing it for our lives. I also dreamt I found a girl. At one time I had Amanda C., but she moved away. Then there was Rikki, and she moved away. Then Kristen, but she was too shallow. Rikki and I would go into the crawlspace, lie next to each other; I was pressed against her warm, smooth skin, and when she'd talk, it sounded like heaven. In private Kristen & I would laugh, play around, hang out together, and we even kissed a few times. On New Year's a few years ago she was cuddled up in my sheets, wearing a pink & blue turtle-necked sweater, and she refused to date me because I was fat and had acne. I saw beautiful eyes at Crank's Creek, a girl named Libby, and being at Cedar Point yesterday, seeing all the beautiful girls, I was reminded yet again of how lonely I really am. I just want a simple relationship with a girl, a girl who likes me, a girl whom I like. I want to go to bookstores, to the Mall, out to eat, go to movies with her riding shotgun. I want to talk about life, laugh with her and cry for her and fight for her. I want to lean my head on a girl's shoulder, I want to feel the heat of her body against mine, I want to lie there and kiss. I want to ask a girl to marry me, and I want her to exclaim "YES!" And I want to hold her in my arms as we kiss under the white flowers and opal skies. As she sleeps on our honeymoon, I want to wrap my arms around her naked body and thank God for such a beautiful wife. Sometimes I think dreams are nothing else... Dad & I talked about Southwest over breakfast and coffee, about modernism, post-modernism, traditional churches. I love postmodern things, don't like modern churches, and enjoy traditional services. I'm a mixed bag, it seems. Some go to church all dressed up and in make-up to be their best for God. Want to show your best? Go to church barefoot, shirtless, in your most disgusting jeans, wearing no make-up. Just you, who you really are, and the Real God. We are all rotten, we are all sinners, and we're fellow journeymen with one another.
Thursday. There are two types of men in this world: masturbators and liars. Today, like yesterday, was non-stop rain, Lake Erie cloaked in a low-hanging fog. I keep having dreams revolving around 12 Hours, and being so inspired, I bought 28 Days Later on DVD from a movie shop here in town. Megan read 12 Hours, really liked it, just like Matthew did. Once the rain eased up a bit, all of us went out to Go-Kart, and then we went out for ice cream and had dinner at the Lakeside sport's bar.
Friday. I've been missing everyone back home: Ashlie, Chris, Lee, Pat D. Dylan's been calling me non-stop, wants to hang out the moment I get back. I wouldn't mind. I went to the boardwalk alone, sat out on the ledge, my legs dangling, watching the rolling waves and receding storm-clouds.
Saturday. We left Lakeside today, a long drive south, and when we got home I devoured some pasta and bread with alfredo sauce. I got a letter in the mail: my second & official acceptance into Cedarville University! This means, quite officially, that I've been accepted into the school and am slated to go there after graduation!
Sunday. Jeff baptized Jimmy today. Jimmy asked me to read some scripture from 1 Peter before the baptism. Dad said, "You're becoming a leader, and not because of your decisions, but because of your actions." There was a party at the Howard's, and we tossed around the King ball. Lee got his driving license! Dylan & Ben wanted me to spend the night at the Yosick's; Tyler wanted to come over and spend the night at our place, as did Corey. I'm quite popular, it seems, but I'm a contemplative sort, like to play it solo from time-to-time, so I declined all offers and invites and spent the evening burning incense and candles and reading the Bible.
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