Saturday, July 28, 2007

goodbye j.b.m. (for now)

Welp. Camp is over. A bittersweet thing, really. I made so many good friends and so many great memories (my favorite: Elizabeth, during Wilderness Camp, standing in the pouring rain, announcing with bloodshot eyes, “I’m cold, I’m wet, I’m tired, I’m hungry, I’m going to bed!”). But not even the greatest things last. It is sweet, too, because I only have two more weeks before I return to school. I can’t wait to see old friends and make new ones. Working in the coffee shop will be wonderful.

Those two months at camp (including one week on an Alaskan Cruise) have had a tremendous affect on me. Courtney and I talked about the summer, changes we wanted to make, and I knew that I had to become more mature and responsible. Working with kids has helped me. I look back and I am amazed at how immature and irresponsible I was. I am, in a sense, a totally different person. Granted, the intrinsic nature of who I am has not changed—I’m still weird, strange, and something that people can’t quite put a finger on. Unique, I’d like to think. My intimacy with God has skyrocketed. During the Alaskan Cruise, God really assailed me with a plethora of convictions. The convictions tore me apart. Over the next week, I wrestled and fought with God, and finally He won. He has really been transforming me, and I am excited about what He has in store for me.

I’ve had lots of time to write. I am almost finished with my fictional autobiography (losing touching searching), and after I complete that, I will add the last touches on a romantic tragedy (No Perfect Endings). Both are spectacular. I have really stretched myself with these works and have embraced a different type of writing style.

Life is good. Not perfect, but it shall never be. There are times my heart aches, when the guilt and shame of my past returns. There are times when I feel like I can’t move forward because the past sinks its claws too deep into me. But persevere I do (I have always been good at perseverance). I don’t know what Fall Semester ’07 has in store for me, but I am willing to bet it will be better than the last Fall semester (let’s not talk about that, k? K.).

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