the 46th week

Jessie and I posing in Britany's kitchen

Monday. I went to The Anchor before closing with Amos, and I had a delicious breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast & coffee. Brandy couldn't make it tonight, but C. Isaac filled in, and we played video games on Blake's new PS3 and watched a show that's basically Skyrim by another name, and watched some "Workaholics." In a way, Andy, Amos and I were like those guys in that we live and work together.

Tuesday. I went to The Anchor before work; I won't be back there again 'till Friday, since I open tomorrow and do Food Prep on Thursday. I closed with Brandon; Amos had a princess shift, the kind I've got Friday. Brandon pointed out his work crush to me, said he gets nervous whenever he's around. Ha. I got home around 6:00 and had a quiet evening: fixed him and split pea soup for dinner and enjoyed Moscato on the front porch. Dad came down to work on Ams' car, so it was good to see him. I found a couple enlarged bumps under my skin by my groin; I emailed Joe to see if he can see me this weekend. 

Wednesday. One hell of a day. I slept only 2 hours last night: after getting online and figuring out that my "bumps" are actually swollen lymph nodes, I went into panic mode and had a pretty awful panic attack. I chugged NyQuil around 3 A.M. to pass out because I couldn't do it on my own. I woke at 5 and opened with Tiffany. I started feeling awful all over again--tightness in my chest, difficulty breathing--and this launched me yet again into another panic attack. I was a pretty shitty barista, messing up orders and making newbie mistakes. Tiffany could tell something was wrong, and I sought to calm myself down, and I did somewhat, but before the lunch rush it got worse: throw light-headedness and "distortion of perception" into the mix. I was a hot mess, and Emily--God bless her--came in to cover the last hour of my shift so I could race to Urgent Care. My symptoms in both my chest and groin suggested lymphoma (one of those cancers that is silent and painless until it kills you). I left the place freaking out, and I fought tears the whole way to Dayton and then just lost it when I saw Mom out on the front porch. I told her what the doctor had said and she started flipping out, and Dad and Ams both rushed to Dayton to try and figure out what was happening. I meant to call everyone in my family, but so much was happening and I couldn't think straight. When Dad got home, he was cracking jokes and stuff to lighten the mood like he always does, and I liked that. I'd finished crying by the time Ams rolled in. I hadn't eaten all day and Mom wanted me to eat, but I had no appetite, so I ate some applesauce. I spent the evening numb and scared, and we went to Surecare come nightfall to see Joe. He admitted it may be lymphoma, but he doubts it: the lymph nodes in my armpits, sides, neck and head are fine, and my spleen and liver--both associated with the lymphatic system--are in perfect condition. He thinks my chest problems are unrelated to my lymph nodes. "People can have golfball-sized lymph nodes in their lungs and not even know it, and we'll find them on X-Rays for unrelated complaints," he said. He thinks my chest pains are a bitter cocktail of acid reflex and an anxiety disorder. If it is cancer in my groin, he said he's seen far worse cases and can't recall, personally, losing a single patient to lymphoma. The talk calmed me down a bit, and it was easier to breathe (lending credit to his diagnosis). The next step is 2-fold: X-Ray my chest to see how my lungs and the surrounding area are doing, and get me on antibiotics. The swollen lymph nodes may be due to some sort of infection, and if the swelling goes down, then it's infection; if not, then the next step (a Step 3, if you will) would be a biopsy to definitely see what's going on. All this assumes the X-Ray comes back negative for lymphoma, or any type of cancer. We parted ways and I got ice cream with the family, and Ams went back down to Cincinnati and I hung out with Skyler and promptly passed out by 10:30 PM.

Thursday. I woke and jetted off to Surecare for a series of X-Rays. The verdict: lungs are clean! Not a spot or scar on them, not a trace of my smoking habit! The lymph nodes are in their proper places and at their appropriate sizes, and thus (a) the chest pain is probably due to Joe's diagnosis, and (b) if I do have cancer "down there," it hasn't spread elsewhere, which is awesome news. I left the office in better spirits, and I went over to Tyler's apartment and picked up Dylan, and we got coffee at the Centerville Starbucks. We sat out on the patio and I gave him the scoop of all that happened. We talked about Cincinnati and Africa, about atheism and theism, our mirrored struggle to come to some sort of understanding regarding ourselves and our world. I headed back down to Cincinnati and ran by Northside to see Emily--and to thank her for covering my ass yesterday--and I thanked Amos back at the house for covering my shift today. He's a trooper. 

Friday. Today marks Day 1 of me and Amos' "smoking cessation" project. I went to The Anchor before work, and sadly it was nowhere near as enjoyable without cigarettes. Amos and I closed together; it was super easy, with only one customer after 3:30. Jessie and Tony--in town for Faikham's graduation--came into the store with Jake and Britany, and we're going to be hanging out tomorrow night. I fixed a gourmet steak, baked potato, and sauteed mushrooms for dinner, filling the entire house with smoke in the process. I spent the rest of my night playing "Dead Island"--like Skyrim, except with zombies--and I was restless without cigarettes so I chugged NyQuil. Trading one addiction for another, apparently. Habits are formed in the effort to break other ones. And thus today passed as the longest stretch of time I've gone without a cigarette since 2007. 

Saturday. Already I can breathe a little easier. I went to The Anchor for coffee, but I wasn't there too long: the cravings started, and I didn't want to collapse. I cleaned my room, cleaned my car, ran some errands, and Andy, Amos and I got Dusmesh for lunch, and then we smoked mint blue hookah on the front porch (hookah's still OK). I napped till 5:00, and then Andy, Amos and I joined Jessie & Tony for dinner at Chic-fil-A, and then we enjoyed sangria fruit punch and beer at Britany's house. Faikham, my old Thai friend from my senior year days at C.C.U., was there with my old pal Kugler. 

MOTHER'S DAY. Rain, rain, rain all day. I went by Mt. Echo in the morning with my E-Cig, and I sat in my car with the rain drumming on the roof and admired our city draped in fog. I did some grocery shopping and had Subway for dinner while watching "Doc Martin." I'm the only one in the house who really likes it. I gave Mom a call for Mother's Day, and then I called Mandy K. and talked to her for a while, and we caught up on each others' lives, and that was really good. Now it's off to bed, and here's hoping for a less exciting week next week!