After much questioning and trying to figure out if it was the best thing to do, I walked over to the bookstore here on campus and purchased Velvet Elvis. The moment I held it in my hands, I knew I had made a smart investment. It was that Friday night that I crept into my dorm room, lay down, turned on the light, and began to read.

I read through Chapter One.

I read into Chapter Two.

And I stopped. I had to put the book down. It wasn't what I expected. His words resonated with me in a way that only a few authors' words have. I can only compare it to my first readings of Hearing God, The Spirit of the Disciplines, and The Divine Conspiracy. Except these were the words of Rob Bell, not Dallas Willard.

Rob Bell spoke of how many of us interpret the scriptures, and how we think that our interpretation is right and everyone else's is wrong. Some of us may even go so far as to believe that we are just "reading what the Bible says" and therefore there's no room for opinion. What we must realize is that our interpretation is saturated with opinion. Our interpretation isn't going to be unbiased, because we are constantly affected by culture, our experiences, what we've read, what we've learned, what we've taught, and what we've come to believe. The truth is, if I think my interpretation of the scriptures is objective and more accurate than yours, I am simply being arrogant. When we disagree on a biblical issue, it is not disagreeing on eternal truths, it is disagreeing on how we interpret those eternal truths. "

My interpretation is right. Your interpretation is wrong."

In other words, "I think the Bible means this, and since you think otherwise, you're wrong. You don't agree with me, therefore you're wrong."

My own view of the scriptures and my interpretation of them has been molded by the culture in which I exist, the books I have read, the ideas I've had, the hopes I've yearned for, and the people I've talked to. It is easy for me to think that I know exactly what's going on and the person over there is way off-base. That's arrogant. Sometimes the way I interpret scripture and the way you interpret scripture will be different.

And that's OK.

Although it is my belief that we must not wander from the simple truths of the Message: salvation through Christ, commitment to Christ, loving God and loving others, to name a few.

And I'm sure some people will disagree with me.

And that's OK.

This morning I read 1 John 5:16-18 where John talks about "fatal" sin. He says, "There is such a thing as a fatal sin, and I'm not urging you to pray about that. Everything we do wrong is sin, but not all sin is fatal. We know that none of the God-begotten makes a practice of sin--fatal sin." Earlier in the passage he states that fatal sin is actually a practice of sin: "If we see a Christian believer sinning (clearly, I'm not talking about those who make a practice of sin in a way that is 'fatal'...)"

He says no God-begotten makes a practice of fatal sin, and then in the first chapter of this book he says that everyone sins, no question about it, but we have a mediator between us and God who cleanses us of our sin.

My question is, "What is fatal sin?"

Some have said it is homosexuality. I think this is just another way to attack the sin most people hate the most. Anyone's content to have stealers and judgmental people who have been forgiven with them in the eternal Kingdom, but how many will be content with having forgiven homosexuals at their side? I think viewing fatal sin as homosexuality is our own judgmental interpretation. We would think that if "fatal" sin were any certain sin, wouldn't it be hypocrisy or not loving others, sins that are a big deal to Christ (how many times does he ram homosexuality?)

I have come to believe that fatal sin is a lifestyle of sin. God-begotten do not practice lifestyles of sin. Lifestyles of immorality, I think, is what John is talking about. A lifestyle of immorality is akin to sexual sin on a common basis with no sense of guilt, or making a practice of theft or lust.

My Artifact Speech in Public Speaking

The artifact I have brought to class is a leather beanie of a Triceratops. My sister bought it for me over the summer during a C.I.Y. trip. Ever since I’ve been a little child, dinosaurs have held an interest in my mind. To be completely blunt, I think they are the most beautiful creatures God has ever created. When not hanging out with friends, I spent much of my days reading books on dinosaurs and taking notes, even writing a dinosaur encyclopedia with dinosaur biographies and several articles.

When I heard God’s voice calling me to serve Him, my passion for dinosaurs kept, in my opinion, getting in the way. I was torn between two polar careers—ministry or paleontology? The thought of abandoning my passion for dinosaurs tore me apart; I simply couldn’t dream of giving up my dinosaur books and movies, much less denying my passion altogether. Yet something told me that I had to give it up if I wanted to serve God. It seemed to make sense, so I continued trying to deny my passion.

It never worked. Sometimes I would be able to crucify the passion for months on end, but the passion would always come back, strong and without warning. Sometimes I would just wake up at two in the morning with my heart pounding, the passion there all the more. A whisper in the back of my mind spoke: “You’re such a terrible person.” Here I stood, desiring my discipleship to Christ to deepen, and my desire for dinosaurs—as silly and weird as it sounds—standing in the way.

Then I read the words of Gerald May: “There is a desire within each of us, in the deep center of ourselves that we call our heart. We were born with it, it is never completely satisfied, and it never dies. We are often unaware of it, but it is always awake… Our true identity, our reason for being, is to be found in this desire.”

His words seemed to contradict everything I had come to believe. The quote struck me deep, and traumatized by its words I took it to God in prayer, and this is what, through circumstances and conversations and scripture, He told me:

“I had you in mind even before the creation of the universe, and I designed you in My image. The passion for dinosaurs that you have is but a glimpse of the passion for dinosaurs that I have. I have given it to you. But because of the Fall, because of sin, your purpose is not to be attained in this life. I call you now to something greater; I call you to ministry, I call you to take the Message of My Son to those who’ve never heard it, and to those who’ve heard it so much that they’ve actually forgotten the beauty of it. Do not forsake your desire; it is a gift I have given you, an intimate part of Me that has been put on you. Remember: this life is coming to an end. When all is said and done and Satan is banished, I will recreate the universe, re:spin all its stars and galaxies, trees and animals, and dinosaurs will be included. It is here that your eternal purpose is fulfilled—you will study my creatures as an act of worship towards Me. It is what I designed you to do, and it is who I’ve designed you to be. Yes, you are a creature made in My image.”

My sister bought this thinking it would be just another trinket to collect dust. Yet for me, it’s something so much more. It is a reminder. A reminder that my destiny is forged in eternity, where my purpose—the deep hunger of my soul—will be fulfilled in God’s eternal and wonderful Kingdom! A divine dance in a restored universe.

College has been going well. Right now I am relaxing at the computer (obviously), talking to some friends and pondering how I will spend the next few hours of my night. Today our R.A. Trevor spoke at Family, an optional chapel-event, and he spoke on human suffering, the grieving process, and how we throw our questions to God in despair. His words were underscored by the viciousness of Katrina and the millions of lives harmed, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. It is in this time of grieving that we must look not to ourselves but raise our eyes to the Heavens, cry out for God, and throw all our trust on Him. He spun the universe; He can simply take care of us. And we must continually be aware that the way He views life and its beauty is much different than the way we view it. Perhaps in the midst of Katrina we see only destruction and despair, but He sees hope and beauty? Keep all the victims of Katrina in your prayers and may the peace of Christ go with you.

Follow the lives of three characters who are caught up in a brutal war on an unforgiving frontier. Antonius, the great warrior whose heart bleeds for Rome, the great leader who is betrayed and forsaken, the great man who may be Rome’s only hope. Celesta, widowed by the actions of a cut-throat, tormented by prophetic nightmares and left to know only tears and sorrow. Marcellus, the one chosen by the gods to bring justice upon the barbarians, to pay back cruelty with cruelty, and to unleash the wrath of the god of Mars.

It might have taken a while, but it all came out beautiful in the end. This piece of work, perhaps my grandest in scope and character development, didn't come without pain. More than once I wanted to trash the work, thinking I'd never get it done. Yet every time I decided I wasn't going to continue working on it, I began playing little scenes in my head and always found myself coming back to the laptop, staring at the screen with my fingers dancing over the keyboard. This is certainly my longest work as well; 36 Hours topped off at around 180 pages. I breached two hundred pages with this beautiful creation. And working in 10-point font, that's quite a feat. I did the math and found its equivalence page-wise with the standard trade paperback is 375-430 pages. So you can see why I am excited. It's simply a huge piece of work and I think it's beautiful all throughout.

The story takes place in ancient Rome and ancient Gaul, following three characters as they live their lives and intersect with one other. It's influenced by several movies I've seen and books I've read (all writers have their influences), but I've managed--just like 36 Hours--to keep it unique and original. The ending especially leaves room for a sequel. If I had to put it into a category, it'd be an ecclectic mix of drama, action and romance: the three essential ingredients for any epic.

Yet with any major accomplishment, there are always regrets. One of the greatest regrets I have is not doing enough research on the time period. My research was extensive for the Roman military machine, yet I did not tackle the culture of Rome as well as I should, and this renders its historical liability virtually useless. I also created a war that, for all my knowledge, didn't really exist (not until later, at least). So this work isn't historical fiction, it's epic fantasy. I would like to write another story set in the ancient world (perhaps Greece?), but I will wait a while and be sure to study up on everything, culture and warfare, so it is historical fiction.

I am a writer at heart, and I cannot simply be content to stop now and call it quits. My hope is that The Sons of Mars is a stepping-stone to even greater-quality works. As of now I already have two chapters done in a story about the end of the world... Except it happens in a way no one has ever imagined. I am also contemplating writing a romance. I have some good material for it, I simply need a good plot line. A dark and depressing romance. It's the way I like to work. I am hoping this eventual romance will pave the road to better dialogue--every time I read Mike's excerpts, I am filled with envy for his skill with communication! I am also writing a series of spiritual works and wish to eventually form a book of my short spiritual writings.

If you'd like to read an excerpt of this story, download it for free, or buy it in paperback, just go here. The publishing house also has some of my other writings for free download or purchase. My hope is this doesn't sound like a sales pitch. I actually make zero royalty off my books. I am simply extremely excited!

This movie has become a legend here on campus. At least on my dorm floor. We quote it every fifteen seconds and just burst into laughter thinking about its comical moments. Oddly enough, this movie is beloved on a Christian college. This movie has been hailed as obscene, rude, prejudiced, judging, stereotypical, the works. And it is. But it's also, as a friend of mine pointed out, so true. One of the reasons I love it is because of the beautiful message woven just beneath the surface (and the fact that Jena Malone is really cute... yeah, she's the one with the devil horns).

The movie takes place in an extremely stereotypical, mainstream American Christian high school. The students are encouraged to be "warriors for Jesus", the Principal is a charismatic little man who forces guilt down kids' throats and tells them to "get their Christ on." Crappy Christian bands, drive-by exorcisms, gossip prayer-groups, ostracism of society's pariahs, all of this comes into play. Yet the movie focuses its lens on Hilary Fay (Mandy Moore), whose own obsession with the "rules" of religion turns her love into duty and therefore renders her loveless. Her character reminds me of my own struggles with turning my eyes away from the laws of religion to the freedom to love found in Christ. Jesus isn't about following a new list of rules, but living in an intimate connection with God and loving everyone. Hilary Fay's love is political and religious, and love with this purpose... Is it really love at all?

Jena Malone's character is a Christian girl who was just as wrapped up in Hilary Fay's Christianity; she was "released" via her impregnation by a gay boyfriend. Her faith crumbles and she begins to ask questions and seek spiritual help. Hilary Fay turns against her in the name of Christ and dashes their friendship on the rocks because of her backsliding. How like Christ is that? I see Christ reaching out, embracing Malone's character, holding her tight, whispering in her ear: "I love you, I love you, I love you..."

Principal Skip--"get your Christ on!"--wrestles with his own demons, turning several gays away from the school dance because "it's very clear in the Bible that this is against God's holy command." So is hypocrisy, and Christ speaks out a lot more against hypocrisy than homosexuality. Malone just makes me smile when she points out that no one is perfect and we shouldn't shove everyone out. Christ would not turn his back upon the gays and tell them to leave; I believe He would invite them in, give them seats of honor, treat them to the best juice punch and apple fritters.

The message of this movie, hidden from the eyes of many? Christ isn't about giving us a new list of rules to abide by, but releases us to love God and love others, in a real and touchable way, beyond simply being cute little words. "Love God" and "Love Others" are commands, but even more, they are the attributes of those who really are disciples of Christ. If we do not love God, if we do not love others... How can we claim union with Christ, union with God?

College is a lot of fun and it gets better and better. I am really excited to be on my way to becoming a youth minister, and I'm excited about serving God somewhere by taking His message to kids who desperately want--and need--to hear it. Yet in all the excitement and enjoyment of college, through all the papers and writing assignments and chapters I am forced to read in two-hour blocks, through the trips to the coffee shops and making new friends left and right, there's still time to miss what--and who--you've left behind.

I am beginning to miss my friends who I won't see for quite a long time, friends who have journeyed out-of-state or up-north in their "academic pursuits." Angie, Shelby, Kristen, Dylan and Tyler; I won't see most of them for several months, though I occasionally talk to them online. Dylan and I have still been keeping a pretty tight friendship. I don't miss my friends back home so much (because I see them every weekend anyways), but I am missing my parents. Not missing them breathing down my neck about stuff, but missing their company. I really love them. And I know you're going to read this, Mother, so I hope you smile :). You'll probably end up calling sometime today, anyways.

But who do I miss most? Amazingly, Doogie. I miss his furry little touch, the way those depressed eyes search my soul, the charming rhythms of his ghostly pant, the way my heart flutters when he lies beside me in my bed at night.

That's just wrong.

No, who I miss the most is my little sister. Some people would think that's crazy. Aren't we supposed to be at odds with our siblings? While that may be the case for some people, I find myself blessed with a crazy-cool little sister whom I admire so very much. She has been my best friend for an eternity; when it might take me some nerve to talk to even a close friend about something, I can just bare my soul to her and know she won't color up her words. If I'm an idiot, she'll make it known. If I'm pathetic, she won't hold back. And she does so with hugs and excitement written all over her face.

Saturday we went out to eat and saw a movie together. It was such a fun time, funner than hanging out with my friends is a lot of the time. When she calls me from home to talk about big things going on, I find smiles dancing all over my face. Two Mondays ago I was excited to hear how her first day of school went and I prayed so much that it would go well (she tells me this is her best year so far! YES!).

I am so thankful God has put her in my life; I enjoy throwing my feeble wisdom at her, but in all of that what I enjoy most is just spending time with her. I can vividly remember the night I tucked her in bed and told her a story. It was the dumbest and most pathetic time ever but it rocked. I think I annoyed her but she was laughing so hard I don't really know. So I'm excited about seeing her on Sunday, and happy we keep up correspondances through myspace and email.

Little sister, I love you more than you know!!!