"Hell House": 5 of 5

Closing off the "series" on Hell House, I now want to propose an alternative to Hell House. The professor of New Testament theology from my school, in reading about a comment I made on Facebook about Hell Houses being the evangelical equivalent of water-boarding, put forth his own idea of an alternative hell house: "I recommend deploying 'heck houses,' in which room by room people would experience minor but persistent annoyances (someone talking loudly on a Bluetooth headset; Jonas Brothers music; aroma of gas station restrooms; men with saggy pants and exposed underwear, grabbing crotch and pulling up shirt to reveal bellies; Bill Cunningham WLW clips; spam messages for Viagra; blasts of hot air like getting into the car in July; clips from census-promotion and political campaign commercials; Windows Vista) and then at the end ask, 'Would you like to spend eternity in a place like this? Well, this is heck. Imagine what hell is like.'" To which my Old Testament professor replied, "Jonas Brothers with video = GEHENNA." This is a good modification and deserves to be thought-about. But here is my own proposal: over and against Hell Houses, create Heaven Houses.

There are several misconceptions about Heaven that prosper: Christians assume they are going to a certain type of Heaven, and people who are not Christians assume that Christians assume they are going to a certain type of Heaven. This Heaven, often immortalized in literature and paintings and sermons, is an ethereal place, a spiritual world where we will sit on clouds and play harps or some derivative thereof, singing songs to God for all eternity. Heaven thus become a disembodied church service that stretches into oblivion. And, let me be frank, that sounds like Hell. It's not a place I want to be. The good news is that this is not the biblical description of heaven but, rather, a caricature of heaven due to, primarily, two veins of thought. The first is the ancient philosophy of Platonism: Plato taught that matter is temporary and the spirit is eternal, that the physical world is a world of transience and that the spiritual world will last for all time. And then there's the ancient idea of Gnosticism, which still raises its ugly head all over the place: the idea that the physical world is evil and that the spiritual world is good. Platonic philosophy on one hand, and Gnostic theology on the other, infiltrated the young Gentile church at an early age, and their effects were felt relatively early-on. In Colossians, St. Paul rails against gnosticism, and the apostolic fathers railed against it even more-so as it grew and prospered within the churches. This supra-spiritual heaven is often perceived in our minds as something like this:

Heaven is not a supra-spiritual realm where we will sing hymns to God for all eternity. Heaven, in the ultimate sense, is, as I've said in an earlier post regarding Hell House, the rescue and renewal of God's good creation, not least his image-bearing creatures. It would be interesting to see a dramatization of this, where tourists were led room-to-room and given different scenes of heaven: perhaps a scene of people swimming with dolphins, followed by a scene of people kayaking down the Amazon; and then maybe show an image of the New Jerusalem, a beautiful city that rivals anything we've ever created, rivaling even the Gardens of Babylon. Perhaps we ought to creatively show that heaven is not what many of us are expecting, and that it is something to be longed-for, hoped-for, yearned-for. It is the substance to which this current world is the shadow. It is where we will live full human lives, which will make our current lives pale in comparison. It is where we will experience exhilaration, joy, peace, excitement. It is where we will laugh and play and explore and conquer. Perhaps it is time we contrast the popular conception of heaven with what I would say is a more biblical conception of heaven:

Instead of trying to terrify people into becoming Christians, perhaps we should inspire them? Perhaps we should give them Good News--"Look what God has planned for his world!"--instead of giving them Bad News--"God wants to destroy you, so you'd better turn to him so he spends his anger on Jesus' cross instead of on you." At the least, it would help people see that Christians aren't dualistic platonists, that we're not stupid, that we have a hope, and that it's a pretty damned good hope. At the least, it would make people question their understanding of Christianity, perhaps make them want to look deeper into it. Would that be so bad? When people walk out of Hell Houses, their conceptions of Christianity as a rule-enforcing religion that seeks to terrify people into loving Jesus are solidified. Maybe a "Heaven House" can devastate such conceptions and force them to rebuild, or at least make them admit that not all Christians view God as this Old Man in the Sky who is angry with everyone. Just a thought.

from cox arboretum

After eating lunch on the Mezzanine at D.L.M. (the salad bar is delicious), my friends and I went to Cox Arboretum, only about fifteen minutes from my house. I love Cox. I really do. The ponds are crystal-clear and the turtles will swim right up to you! In early spring it's absolutely beautiful as all the flowers go into bloom. Mandy was there snapping pictures left and right, none of which are yet available (I took a few myself but nothing great). Jessie and Rae were there, too, and Mandy's sister Onaleasha, and we walked the paths and waded into the shallow creeks and went to a butterfly house. The heat became unbearable and two of us started feeling sick, so we sat in the air conditioning of the Welcome Center for a while and then grabbed some 1$ slushies from Burger King and relaxed at the house for a while. It is the last time "the gang" will be together for a while, and my mind is resplendent with memories over the past year, especially centered around the Lehman House, when we would all hang out and laugh and tell stories and go on adventures. Nostalgia can be a better thing, and nostalgia itself is bred in warped perceptions of reality; those days may seem better than the current ones, but the mind focuses upon the good memories and regresses the bad ones (a matter of psychology which is well-documented). Nevertheless, it is sad that now I am in Dayton and Mandy is in Cincinnati and Jessie (and Rae, too) will be in Illinois on August 5. I'll have to go visit my best friend as much as possible, despite it being a 4-5 hour drive. Now I'm going to go to bed. I work nine hours tomorrow morning starting at 5 A.M., but tomorrow afternoon I'll throw up the last post in my "Hell House" series. It should be good.

intermission

The last week has been incredibly busy. Last Wednesday-Thursday I spent in Cincinnati hanging out with friends. Jessie and I got Greek food at the epic "Sebastian's", and the next morning Jobst and I went to "The Anchor." Their coffee cannot be beat, and a "certified barista" is the one saying this. I returned to the world of work Friday and spent Friday evening with my sister and my friends Dylan and Tyler. Saturday night Mom and Dad returned from their mission trip in New Orleans. Sunday I went to church at M.C.C. and the pastor talked a little bit about God's divine plan for our lives, which irked me a little bit, because that whole concept is wholly un-biblical, but it's nothing to get up in arms against (though I do that quite often). Afterwards a whole bunch of us--Dewenter, Pat and Ashlie, Chris, Ron & Aisa, their friend Jenny, amidst others--went to a barbecue place in Miamisburg called Bullwinkle's. I worked 3-9:00 and my aunt and grandma came into town and afterwards we sat on the patio with our drinks. On Monday Mom had surgery, something with her nose, and she's been recovering pretty well. Tuesday I got a flat tire and had a helluva time putting on the spare, but this afternoon I was able to get the tire fixed at a local shoppe and even got matching hubcaps for all my tires. I also got lunch at the China Cottage in Centerville with friends from work: Forest and his fiance, Susie, and Carly, too.

The rumor is that tomorrow afternoon, Jessie and Rae and Mandy and Mandy's sister Onaleasha are coming up from Cincinnati to visit me. Jessie and Rae may not be coming, but I am certain that Mandy and Onaleasha will be making the journey. I've never met Onaleasha, but I've heard plenty of stories, and she seems like a pretty cool little girl. I work Thursday and Friday and then have an actual weekend off. I'm still waiting to hear from F.C.C. The vote for who will be taking the position takes place tomorrow, I think. I should find out the verdict soon. I'm not concerned about it.

I've been continuing to read "What Saint Paul Really Said" by N.T. Wright and really enjoy it. I'm also reading some fiction to "cool off": right now I'm going through "Gods and Generals" by Jeff Shaara (I love historical fiction, and the Shaara family is great at it). I'm going to read the whole trilogy, it gives me something to do before bed and when I'm bored. I'm still losing weight (minus Chinese today) and have finally breached the 145# plateau. 135# is still my ultimate goal, it's only 14-15# away (I've already lost51 pounds, so it shouldn't be too difficult). Okay. Now I'm going to bed. Have to be at work at 5:30 tomorrow morning.

"Hell House": 4 of 5

At the end of the Hell House extravaganza, the "tourists of Hell" were invited to accept Jesus as their savior and to thus escape the torments and tortures of Hell and to live in Heaven forever. Some people went through the door symbolizing eternal life, where they would pray the "sinner's prayer" (which, as many of us know, has no foundation anywhere in the New Testament) and then sign a card or something of the sort so their conversion could be documented. My question is, "How successful is Hell House at conversions?" One statistic put one Hell House at having 5,000 conversions out of 30,000 visitors. That means (and I may get this math wrong, I'm no match whiz) that for every six people who leave Hell House turned off, disgusted, and revolted by "Dante-an" theology, perhaps hardening their heart against Christianity, there is at least one person who walks through the door. Yet the statistics are misleading, because out of the 5,000 conversions, many of those were simply recommitments to the faith.

Again, how successful is the Hell House at legitimate conversions? I'm talking about actual conversions: when people put their faith (loyalty and allegiance) in Jesus as Lord and thus repent of their sins? One must question why the tourists are compelled to convert. Is it because suddenly they are compelled out of their hearts to submit to Jesus as Lord? Is it because they *gulp* love God? Or is it all psychological: the intensity of drawn-out, vivid, and terrifying scenes climaxed with a serene room that is made synonymous with the peace of Jesus? The heart finds itself in turmoil over the Christian shock-treatment (borderline evangelical water-boarding) and so it seeks refuge in the only solace available: embracing Jesus. Now, if this produces a genuine commitment and loyalty to Jesus and his kingdom, then so be it; and I believe that God can work through even the most off-the-wall evangelistic tactics; and if I meet a person who has gone through Hell House and converted--truly converted--in putting their faith in Jesus and repenting, then I'll praise God for that. However, after talking to some friends and mentors who have experienced and even participated in varying types of Hell Houses, the consensus is that such conversions are not the norm: most conversions are simply the way for the brain to cope after experiencing such visual and auditory trauma. "It's classic manipulation," one of my friends told me after recounting how he had participated in a scene depicting the occult.

Conversion isn't about saying a prayer or about signing a placard: it is about making the decision to commit oneself to Jesus and his kingdom, to devote oneself to God and his kingdom, to put one's loyalty and allegiance--what the New Testament calls "faith"--in Jesus and to subsequently and necessarily repent. Does Hell House spur such allegiance and dedication, or does it give the message that if you just accept Jesus as your savior, then all will be well with you? I know what I think. Watch the documentary, and you'll most likely agree: the conversions they call for are not the same as the conversions we find in the Bible.

Throughout this series I've looked at how "Hell Houses" generally preach a Dante-esque inferno, supporting it by wrenching proof-texts from the Bible (especially from the gospels). I've looked at how "Hell House" looks at the sin of man not being idolatry and all its manifestations but doing certain things and thus going to hell for it. I've looked at how "Hell House" waters down and twists and contorts the gospel message into something it is not (while having truth to it, it is like trying to describe a galaxy by looking at a single star). And now I've looked at how "Hell Houses" succeed, in part, to convert, but the conversions that take place are not the same as the conversions we find in the Bible. And, after a brief hiatus, I will re:examine "Hell House" and suggest how "Hell House" can be revamped so that it is more effective, more biblical, and downright celebratory.

the dayton days (26)

Aroma's Java & Gelato

Monday. I worked 5:30-2:00 and went by DLM afterwards for a late sushi lunch. Tyler came over, and I went with him to Skyline and we watched "American Gangster" and played Mario-Kart.

Tuesday. I worked 6-3:00, a long-ass and tiring shift. Sabrina & Maria came in to visit me. After work I went with Ams to the mechanic to get her car worked on (it's been acting up). Ams, Tyler and I met Dylan at the Springdale IMAX and watched "Inception." It was amazing, far better than "Avatar." Ams went off about Sarah, how she's still sleeping around, complaining about it, talking about how much she wants to change, then doing it all over again. "She says she wants her life to change, that she wants to meet a Christian guy, says she wants to get back with God. But she says it because she knows she should want it. But she doesn't want it. Not at all. She just wants to fuck and get drunk. That's all there is to it."

Wednesday. I slept in till about 8 AM and had toast and eggs for breakfast. I cleaned out my car and did work around the house before jetting down to Cincinnati. I visited Jessie at Refuge, and we got lattes and then headed down the street to Sebastian's for a Greek luncheon. I spent the rest of the night hanging out with Mandy & Tony and we had some bourbon.

Thursday. I woke up around 9:30 and took Hartman to Aroma's (he's in training, Jessie's replacement). I got some coffee and visited Jessie one last time before she moves back to Illinois. I grabbed lunch with Jobst at The Anchor: we smoked our pipes and talked theology. Before heading home, I joined Mandy and her friend Steven for a trip to Staples. I got home around 3 PM and Dylan came over when he got off work. We had grilled chicken for dinner and smoked on the front porch and played Wii and watched TV. I told Dylan about what Ams said about Sarah. He said, "Sarah thinks she's different from all those people in Hamilton, but she's not. The drunkenness, the partying, the casual sex, there's all the proof you need." Jessie's disgusted by Sarah, and Mandy's more enraged than disgusted. But definitely sickened.

Friday. I worked 5-2:00 and helped Jessica run the Starbucks Luau. It was cool. I ran the games and got to wear a Hawaiian t-shirt and, yes, I got paid for it. After work I took Ams to get her car looked at yet again. It's still fucking up. Tyler came over, amazed at the cleanliness of my car. We fixed chicken and hung out with Ams and went to DQ for ice cream.

Saturday. I spent the morning journaling at Starbucks and the afternoon doing a top-to-bottom cleaning of the house (I even organized my closet). Mom & Dad got back from New Orleans around 12:30 AM, and I helped Dad return the rental van in the dead of night.

Sunday. I woke at 8 AM and went to Starbucks for a coffee and a lemon loaf. Dewenter and I went to Miamisburg Christian Church. The sermon was entitled "Stormy Waters," and it was about life's difficulties. We joined Chris, Hank, Ashlie and some others for lunch at a barbecue joint in Miamisburg. We had reservations for 12:15. I worked an easy 3-9:00. Thanks to the misinterpretation of a status update on Facebook, Betsy from work things I'm a sexist and refuses to talk to me. It's laughable, really; and she's been going around telling people about how sexist I am! Come on! Some people love drama, but I'm not one of them. When I got off work, the family came in to see me: Mom, Dad, Ams, Aunt Teri & Grandma. Aunt Teri & Grandma are in town 'cause Mom's having surgery tomorrow. Her snoring's just gotten too much for dad to handle.

"Hell House": 3 of 5

In my observances and critiques of what is portrayed in the "Hell House" documentary, I've looked at both the descriptions of Hell and the assumptions made regarding why a person "goes to Hell." Now I want to look at the third critique, and that is the gospel presentation. The gospel presentation, as given in the last room of the Hell House, goes something like this: "If you died tonight, where would you go? You will either go to heaven or you'll go to hell. Accept Jesus as your savior and you'll go to heaven. Don't, and you'll go to hell." And that's that. Granted this is the most common evangelical "gospel", but it misses the point. I will only make a couple brief points.

First, the gospel is not an order-of-salvation (i.e. what you do in order to get into heaven). The word "gospel" comes from the Greek euangelion, and from a Jewish perspective it means the announcement of good news that YHWH has returned to Israel, that YHWH has been enthroned over the entire world, that Israel has been set free from her captivity. We see this usage several times in the Isaianic texts in the Septuagint. Meanwhile, it also had royal connotations for the Greco-Roman world in which the New Testament was written: a euangelion was a royal announcement, generally about someone who had a great military victory, was enthroned as king, and now would promote peace and justice. In the New Testament, these themes interweave to create a gospel proclamation that is the royal proclamation of Jesus' enthronement; he has won a great victory over the powers and principalities on the cross, and thus death could not hold him; the exile has ended and YHWH has thus returned to Zion; Jesus is the true Lord of the world; and as such, all individuals, communities, and nations are to submit to him, putting their loyalty and allegiance in him. That is the gospel. That is what Christians are to proclaim.

Second, the main point of Christianity is not about which spiritual abode people go to when they die. Christianity flourishes within the framework of its Jewish roots. Christianity is not anti-Jewish; rather, Christianity is what Judaism was supposed to do all along, what Jesus did because Israel failed to do it. The death and resurrection of Jesus is God's promises through all the prophets to undo what was done all the way back in Genesis 3. It goes something like this: God created a good and beautiful and wild world and created mankind to be his co-regents over it. But the co-regents rebelled and decided instead to serve themselves instead of God. The result is that evil flooded the creation, corrupting it, not least corrupting the image-bearing creatures. So God launches a rescue operation in the people of Israel, evidenced in his covenant with Abraham. The people of Israel are to be the means by which God's rule returns to his corrupted and evil-infested world. Problem is, the people of Israel are just as much a part of the problem as the pagans whom they despise. They become, in many ways, pagan themselves. Thus they fail to fulfill their God-given mission and vocation. But then there is a representative of Israel, an Israelite who does what Israel couldn't do. That representative is Messiah, the one through whom God will deal with all the problems inaugurated by the Fall. Messiah dies and rises again, and in that he leads the powers and principalities, the forces of evil, to their own demise. He defeats them at their own game by exhausting their power upon himself. When he raises from the dead, it is evidence that God has already begun to deal with the problems; he is recreating the cosmos, first with Jesus; and, at the end, when he finally completes the recreation, all those who are in Messiah will be like Messiah, raised to a new world. That is, very briefly, the story of Christianity, a story that has been watered-down and muddled and lost through centuries of influences. When Evangelicalism just focuses on where a person will go when they die, the story begins to fade and is replaced with a pseudo-story. Now, I'm not saying that those who live (and die) by this gospel presentation are not included in the story. They are, and God will honor their loyalty and commitment to Messiah. But presenting the gospel should be revamped, redone, and reconfigured to be more loyal to the overarching narrative.

3. Third and final observance: whether or not someone gets to heaven, according to the promulgators of Hell House, depends on whether or not they "accept Jesus" as their "personal savior" and "pray the sinner's prayer." All that is required, it seems, is that a person say, "Jesus, I'm a sinner, and I trust you to save me. Amen." It sounds nice, but it's not what the gospel demands. As I made clear in my first point, the gospel is that Jesus is Lord, and the gospel is a summons (as we see in the beginning of Romans 1) for all nations to submit to Jesus. This submission doesn't mean "trusting Jesus for salvation" and "accepting him as your personal Savior." It means committing your life to him, putting your loyalty in him, and as Paul says in Romans 6, one becomes a member of the renewed covenant through baptism. The words used for faith in the New Testament were popular words used to denote loyalty and commitment to the Roman Emperor; Paul says that Jesus is the true King, the true Emperor, the true Lord, and all must submit to him. That is how one becomes a member of God's covenant: not by accepting Jesus into your heart, but by submitting to him as the rightful king over you. It is not about a three-second prayer followed by an Amen but about a decision of the will to kneel down before Jesus as Lord and Master.

"Hell House": 2 of 5

Being the second in a string of posts regarding my observations and critiques of the Christian "haunted houses" that seek to depict hell in order to convert people to Jesus, now I want to look at why people actually "go to hell" (by which I want from here-on-out to refer to coming into negative judgment before God and the consequences of that judgment). In the documentary, the dramatic sketches of hell were preceded by skits looking at who went to hell: homosexuals, people who had abortions, people who abused families, people who committed suicide. I don't have the time (nor the desire) to look at each skit in order to analyze it, but I will say this much, and you can speculate as to what I mean all you want: a person does not go to hell for being gay (or lesbian) and a person does not go to hell for committing suicide. Now: why do I believe, as convinced by the scriptures, that a person "inherits" negative judgment from God?

The answer is, obviously, sin. But "sin" has so many connotations that sifting through each connotation looking for a nugget of truth is akin to looking for a needle in a theological haystack. When we hear the word "sin", we generally think of sin as things we do that God doesn't like. This comes close to what sin is all about, but it doesn't really hit the mark. The Greek word for sin, hamartia, literally means "missing the mark." It's been interpreted as meaning "not being holy in your thoughts and behaviors." Again, it's close, but it, in and of itself, "misses the mark" of what "missing the mark" means. Sin is "missing the mark", to be sure--but what mark is it that we're missing? God created mankind in his image; forget everything you've heard about that meaning we're creative, we're emotional, we have personalities, etc. (a vast majority of animals have that themselves, and they're not made in God's image). The language of being in the Imago Dei ("image of God") is derived from the ancient eastern world: in royal language, a person endowed with the authority and ruling power of the monarch would be in that monarch's image, and that person's mission--the person in the image of the monarch, be it Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon or Tiglath-Pileser of Assyria--would be to advance that monarch's authority and rule into the conquered provinces. When Genesis says we are made in the image of God, it is speaking not of something instrinsic in our nature but, rather, the mission and function we are given. Ultimately, we human beings are made to advance God's rule and authority into his good creation. In Genesis, man is created in the Garden of Eden, a paradise; but the whole world is not a paradise. The whole world is wild, untamed, and must come under the cultivation of God, a task performed by his image-bearers. Of course, mankind screws it up pretty quickly and get cast out of the Garden. The popular meanings of being made in God's image--you know, about being creative, romantic, etc.--are, as I perceive it, given to us as means and tools for performing our primary, God-given duty.

Anyhow. When we talk about sin, hamartia, we are talking about "missing the mark." Sin is, ultimately, rebellion: rebellion against God, rebellion against the King. When we sin, when we rebel, instead of being God's image-bearers, we become our own image-bearers. Instead of advancing God's kingdom, we are advancing our own kingdoms. And thus the world is filled with millions of competing kingdoms that result in all sorts of chaos and evil. "Missing the Mark" means "missing a genuine human existence", an existence which is defined as being in accord with our created modus vivendi. All those things we do, those "sins" (which the Bible is quick to point out) aren't sins because they just happen to be things God doesn't like; they're sins because they find their home in a person who is devoted to himself rather than to God. The vice lists in the New Testament show what a human life looks like out-of-synch with the plan God has given him; the virtue lists in the New Testament show what a human life looks like in synch with the God-given purpose.

Now. Back to the main point: why do people inherit judgment and the results of that judgment? Quite simply, the issue is not so much "what we have done" but "who we have become." The final judgment will be based on works, yes; but as Paul makes clear in Romans 2, it will also be based on the heart. And as Jesus says in the gospels, our behaviors and actions are manifestations of our hearts. Our "hearts", in the Jewish sense, comprise the "heart of the person": it is out of the heart that a person finds his or her identity. When judgment falls upon a person, that judgment is executed on the basis of the deeds as manifestations of the heart. A person isn't merely judged for what he has done; he is judged for who he has become. A person in rebellion against God becomes dehumanized and becomes much like the animals (Nickelback's song praising sexual indulgence is well-titled "Animals"). God judges mankind as rebellious image-bearers, and "hell" falls into that judgment.

Much attention in the past few centuries has been given solely to the nexus between behaviors and hell. "If you do this or that, you're going to hell!" It may sound harsh, but it misses the point; and the real point--when the heart of a person is dragged into the matter--is much harsher. It is easier to change your lifestyle than to change your heart; through gritted teeth you can, to a point, enact what it looks like to be genuinely human. But inside, you can still just be a rotten animal. That judgment is both about deeds and about the heart is more critical and scary than judgment being just about what we do. It calls into question all the hypocrisy, the legalism, the gritted-teeth-resolutions. In my opinion, "Hell House" doesn't take why a person goes to hell seriously enough.