It’s easy to meet girls. If I wanted a girlfriend desperately enough, I could have one by the end of the month. Historically-speaking, getting dates and girlfriends isn’t some daunting task. In the last six years, I’ve dated nine girls. Had my fair share of broken hearts, and have broken a few of my own. That’s part of dating, part of life. I’ve been cheated on, back-stabbed, and betrayed; each heartless act against me by a girl I’ve invested in and trusted has thrust the cold steel of cynicism deeper into my koala heart. Yet hope has remained, flourishing in even the worst conditions, a glimmer of light on the fading horizon, a north star guiding me through the darkest of nights (hope: the new kudzu). While all of this may come off as just some kind frustrated because he can’t get a girlfriend, please know that’s not the case at all. Like I said, I could get a girlfriend lickety-split if I so desired. The issue here isn’t, and has never been, singleness. I’m quite okay with it, and it’s far better than being with someone “just because.” The issue here isn’t having a girlfriend but finding true love, or at least a reworking of it, and this is something I take seriously. I’ve broken up with the majority of my past girlfriends because I’ve seen that we’re not really that compatible, for whatever reasons, or because I’ve experienced better and don’t want to settle.
Wow. That last line really comes across wrong. Let me explain: in my life thus far, I’ve had two great connections with girls. Amazing chemistry, vast potential, overwhelming compatibility. The kind of girl you know you could fall in love with. The first cheated on me, showing that, in that situation, the love was really only one-sided. And the second, well, there’s much more to that story (and it is, so far, a damned good story; but grant me time and be patient). My point is, “experiencing better” is about a connection, two hearts beating as one; and having experienced this, having tasted this, how can I be content with any run-of-the-mill relationship? The things that matter to me are matters of the heart, matters of the personality. A girl’s physical beauty is important, but I’ve found that what matters most is the girl’s heart. A girl with a good heart becomes intoxicatingly beautiful, “fatally gorgeous”; but a girl with a rotten heart becomes nauseatingly ugly. What matters to me when it comes to pursuing someone is plethora; there’s her personality, her maturity, her responsibility, her integrity and faithfulness and all those good qualities. I want a girl who holds the same values as I do, a girl who has embraced a reasonable Christian faith, a girl who’s eager to have an authentic and invested relationship rather than a fling. It’s easy to get a girlfriend, but it’s not easy to find that. Maybe I’m just too old-fashioned, but I know what I want, and I’m chasing after it, even if the distance between Me & Her is hundreds of miles, even the distance from Cincinnati to Wisconsin; but it’s definitely worth it.
The hope I’ve sketched out on these pages (and then copied to my blog) is realistic, honest, and active. It’s a hope that acknowledges the awfulness in the world without focusing on it; a balanced worldview takes both the good and the bad, and an active hope acknowledges the bad while straining for the good.
Yes, nothing may change.
Yes, things may get worse and not get better.
Yes, I may be hurt in the process.
BUT…
Yes, things may change.
Yes, things may get better.
Yes, I may end up finding true love.
The destination may never be reached, but the journey itself may very well be the destination. The beauty of a story lies not at Point A nor at Point B but on the way between them. All our lives are our own stories, our mini-epics, and the worth in the story isn’t found on the last page but on the challenges and conflicts along the way. I may never find true love, but know this: I’ll be writing, in flesh and blood, some sort of masterpiece. A comedy? A drama? A tragedy? A fairy tale? Time will tell.
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