As a writer I know the power of words, as well as their limits. Some things simply cannot be put into words, and attempting to describe something as ambiguous, confusing, and multi-layered as a feeling can become quite the chore. These times are few and far between, but these moments when the words just don't come do happen, and in their place, let me use an image to accurately depict what's going on in my heart:
Excited, nervous, scared.
Yes, a thousand times yes, that picture nails it.
I'm the kind of guy who likes to know exactly what's going to happen. I enjoy puzzles and mysteries when it comes to such things as philosophy and theology, but when it comes to daily life, I'm not the biggest fan. I want things to be clean-cut, black-and-white, neatly packaged and squared away. I want life to have order, structure, in short: logic. But sometimes (hell, most of the time) this isn't the case. The future's unforeseen, and as much as we like to speculate, conjecture, prophesy, whatever, the simple fact is that we just can't know. Sometimes what seems like a "sure thing" ends up being a dead-end at the end of a plummeting cliff; and sometimes what seems like an impossibility to be given no heed alights in our lives and hearts like a shot out of the dark, throwing everything off-kilter and plunging a stick into our gears. Tomorrow I'm heading north to Wisconsin to see Mandy K. I'm excited, nervous, scared, and overwhelmingly hopeful (for better or worse). I know we're going to have a good time (we always have), but I want to know what the end result's going to be. I don't like not knowing, plain-&-simple, but I'm learning to try and be content with it. And while I don't know the "end result", I do know, as a matter of fact, that being nine hours north in the wilderness of Wisconsin with one of the coolest--if not the coolest--girl I know will be a 4-day weekend to remember.
And we all know how much I love memories.
I'm a sentimental koala.
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