in memoriam (II)

Blake and I will miss you guys.

Mandy left Thursday and last I heard was stuck in snow somewhere 'round Colorado. I'm really starting to notice their absence, more-so than usual. Usually on Saturday mornings, Rob's up around the same time I am with coffee in the chemex and his eyes beading with excitement for Dusmesh. While Dusmesh tomorrow will certainly be good, I know it will taste nowhere near as good in Rob's absence. Mandy's only been gone since yesterday, but her absence hasn't gone unnoticed. It's more-so the quiet than anything: you don't hear Rob's cacophonous clearing of his throat, nor Mandy's footsteps as she paces while listening to her phone. Rob and Mandy are without doubt some of my closest and best friends, and they've done so much for me over the last several years, it's just so damned sad to see them gone all the way in Portland. Many tears were shed the other night, and now there's that empty feeling in your stomach when you know you've lost something, that it's still around, but you won't be seeing it again for a long while. It's kinda like feeling cheated.

But cheated isn't the appropriate word. Rob and Mandy had an amazing opportunity and they took it, and we're all excited for them. But the nature of loving people is that while you're excited for new adventures and opportunities in their lives, you also know that the pursuit of said adventures and opportunities might mean the loss of a friend. Not the "loss of a friend" in the sense of what I experienced when moving to Cincinnati--I lost several friends, and the guilt's on their plate, not mine--but in the sense of what happens when someone goes away on a long holiday: the friendship's intact, you're keeping in touch, you know you'll see them again and that it'll be wonderful, but the interim period can be difficult at times.

The other night a bunch of sat in Ams' new "study" (we redid the dining room), and Mandy talked about how amazing it is that we have the friend group that we do: while we have differences in opinion on so many things--from theology to philosophy to ideology--there's respect and love not despite the difference but because of the differences. We're an eclectic group of people, and we've been lucky to be the sort of friends who can talk about serious things, disagree on major points, and at the end of the day not let mere disagreements on issues get between us. Many friend groups aren't like that. Also, our friend group is more like a family than anything: we've all eagerly and delightedly made sacrifices for one another, have sought after each others' good, have a real sense of goodwill towards one another and help each other out. Again: lots of friend groups aren't like that.  Also, and for this I'm very thankful, we've all generally had the same overarching moral principles (while disagreeing here-and-there on minor points): selflessness, sacrifice, love. These are things we find beautiful and worthy of pursuit, and to have a group of friends with this mindset stands in stark contrast to many friend groups where morality is a thing to be laughed at. I'm truly thankful for the variety and quality of my friendships as I go through this life, and my friendship with Rob and Mandy, that's something I'm confident won't change. 

And now here's a video in tribute to Mandy; it's U.S. Royalty, something I apparently listen to all the time but, really, only listened to when Mandy was listening (I actually don't listen to U.S. Royalty as much as you think, Mandy! But, yes, they're one of my favorite artists). Being a relatively unknown band, I didn't find any music videos; so here's the song as a music video minus the video, because it's the best I could do. It's Vacation Vacation, and it grew to encapsulate all of last summer.