from the anchor (II)

What I love(d) most about the Wisconsinite is her love for God, how he has center stage in her life. Her passion and dedication to the gospel and the advance of God’s kingdom are jewels in her crown. Yesterday I went on a prayerful walk through the woods behind the Winton Ridge farmhouse, and I talked to God about all that went down (it’s been a recurring theme in our conversations), and he showed me again how important my faith is when it comes to dating, and he’s shown me over and over that one of the very reasons I fell in love with the Wisconsinite was her faith and love for God.

Dating, for me, is purposeful: I know what I want, and I won’t settle for less. “Casual Dating/No Commitment” isn’t the box I check on Plenty of Fish. Mo told me my problem is that I’m too picky; but when that which you desire is necessary in a woman, being picky is EXACTLY what you should be. One of the main issues with me and Mo way back in the day was her apathy towards faith. This isn’t a character flaw of hers, but I want to share my life with someone who shares my faith and passion, rather than with someone who simply accepts it, respects it, or compromises to make room for it. I always knew, with the Wisconsinite, that if we ended up together, our faith and passion would be shared, and we would grow together, serve together, and partner in the advance of God’s kingdom. That remains not simply what I want in a woman, in a relationship, in marriage, but what I need. The sad reality is that I may be asking too much, for such like-minded women can be hard to find, and I truly knew I’d found a priceless treasure in Wisconsin. If there comes a time for settling, this certainly isn’t it. I’m serious about what I want with my future wife and future family, and that can’t be compromised.

I was talking with the mother of one of my guys this morning, and she asked how things were going “with that girl you’re crazy about in Wisconsin.” I told her matter-of-factly that it didn’t work out, and she could see the sadness in my eyes and hear it in my blasé tone, and she said, “Don’t lose hope. Love’s always a gamble, but it’s always worth the risk. Keep gambling.” She added, “Men as patient, kind, caring, and compassionate as you are rare to find these days. Some woman’s going to be blessed to call you her husband and the father of her children, and she’ll know she’s blessed, too.” Many of my exes have told me, after-the-fact, that they took those qualities in me for granted, and more than one has lamented, “What if losing you is my greatest regret?” I’ve been told by countless others that my character and personality will make me an awesome husband and father. “Most women your age want the thrill and excitement of dating and partying, but you’re the kind of guy a woman wants to come home to.” My hope and prayer is that some woman will see that one day.

I’m not perfect by any means, and those qualities for which I’m praised aren’t innate but have been cultivated, and are still being cultivated, inside me by the Spirit. My pride clings to such praise, as if those qualities are a badge of my identity, but really the praise belongs to God and the work he’s done inside me. I haven’t always been this way, and at times I’m far from it (I regret some of the things I wrote/said to the Wisconsinite immediately following what happened; I spoke in anger and absent thought); but God continues to work in me and through me, and what’s important now isn’t lamenting the loss of the Wisconsinite but, rather, focusing on Christ and on becoming the person whom he wants me to be. That’s where my heart and mind lie, and I rest peacefully knowing that my life is far more than what I do or do not experience. He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. Therein lies my goal. Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. My romantic life, my career, my “success”, all of this takes second-seat, lies in the periphery, because what matters isn’t a selfish ascertainment of my dreams but conformity to Christ and doing what he wants me to do, even if it isn’t what I want.