"My Life For Yours"

My Life For Yours is a collection of sermons by Douglas Wilson. The book goes through every part of your standard house—the front door, the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, and so on—looking at how life in these parts should look in a Christian household. The title of the book derives from his central premise: “The central principle of godly living in a Christian home is the principle of ‘my life for yours.’ This means love and humility.” My favorite chapters deal with the main sins that afflict marriages (or relationships in general). The main sins are Pride, Bitterness, Anger, and Lust. Both husbands and wives (and boyfriends and girlfriends) are susceptible to these sins, and being aware of them and fighting against them with knowledge is necessary to preserve the health of the relationship. Although this book is written for married couples, I found these chapters helpful for me in my current situation-in-life. Here are some quotes from the book that I really like:

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Any masculinity that washes off in dishwater had to have been pretty superficial to begin with.

The pride of man must always bow before the Godness of God. What happened when Nebuchadnezzar’s understanding returned to him? What did he say? Understanding who God is and gladly submitting to Him should be our very definition of what it means to be sane (Dan 4.34-37). A sane father, a sane husband, a sane wife, a sane mother—these are all people who treasure in their hearts a remembrance of who God is.

Paul says we are to put our wrath and anger away. We are also told to put if off (Col 3.8). We are not our own; we were bought by someone else. He has told us to get the anger out of our lives, and this is because we have put on Christ... [This] text is speaking to all followers of Christ—put it away. It does not say put it away if… One may think he is not young enough to change, the provocations are too big for him to change, and so forth. But the word must be bluntly spoken to every follower of Christ—knock it off.

Anger frequently grows up from what we think are lesser sins—annoyances, irritations, resentments, gripes, imputations of motive, and so forth. An important part of dealing with the storm of anger is learning to recognize the storm when it’s a small cloud. The way to be able to do this is to cultivate a tender heart. What is the counterpart to every form of anger? It is kindness, tenderheartedness, forgiveness to one another. This is the only measuring rod we may use.

God tells us the marriage bed is to be honored; the author of Hebrews tells us this plainly (Heb 13.4). This means sexual living is to be highly esteemed among Christians, but we don’t esteem it highly if we ignore it. Prayers and blessings at Christian weddings ought to routinely refer to the marriage bed, and everyone there should know this public gathering is called for the purpose of celebrating a new sexual relationship, one that will begin later that day.

The marriage bed is to be used. The world is filled with immorality, and the apostle Paul tells us that one of the functions of marriage in a fallen world is to help guard against temptations to immorality (1 Cor 7.2-3). In this, the marriage bed is to be a delight: the godly man is commanded to be satisfied with his wife’s breasts and is to be ravished with her love (Prov 5.19). A couple should get drunk on one another (Song 5.1).