on fatherhood and failure

(all quotes from Tim Bayly's "Daddy Tried")

"Fatherhood is worth doing, even when we fail. Christian fathers should approach fatherhood expecting to fail--and often. Sadly, sometimes we will fail very badly. We live in a fallen world and we ourselves are fallen, and sanctification is a lifelong and painful process. We still have within us the law of sin and death (Rom 7:22-23), and this means our best work of fatherhood will remain blighted by sin... As fathers, the best we can hope for is that, in the midst of our sin, God will add His blessing and grace and mercy to our feeble efforts and our sons and daughters will grow up to be godly. Our hope is not in ourselves, but in the Lord who is the Maker of heaven and earth. God is our refuge, an ever-present help in time of trouble. When we are weak, He is strong and He is glorified by working through our weakness." 

"Claim the promises of God over your own household. Give yourself to the obedience of faith (Rom 1:5) and get to work. Don't allow your sins to silence your commands to your children and your household. God has made you the father of your household and it is your responsibility to lead and discipline and teach and love them as your heavenly Father has led and disciplined and taught and loved you. Of course you will do your work imperfectly. Of course you will see your failures. Of course you will grieve as you recognize ways you have passed your particular sins down to your sons and daughters... What else is new? We have our orders and must carry them out because doing so is life to our children and to our children's children. So buck up. Don't be a perfectionist. God has been pleased to reserve perfectionism for Heaven."

"Over the years I've been a pastor, I've noticed one of the vulnerabilities of those who have grown up in a broken home is that, when they get married and have their first fight with their wife, they despair. They're convinced cross words indicate their marriage is bad and they're headed for divorce. When they tell me their fears, I assure them that my wife and I both grew up in good Christian homes and our parents exchanged cross words and had fights. Also that we have cross words and fight, ourselves. But cross words aren't an indication of a bad marriage. They're an indication that the marriage is between two sinners. Also that there are times when we have to work things through in such a way that we get messy. Truth be told, [my wife and I] are usually more concerned about couples who brag about never fighting than we are about couples who find marriage difficult and argue and snip and snap, getting angry at each other."

"God calls sinful men to be husbands, and thus it is His will that your wife be loved and led by a sinner. God calls sinful men to be fathers, and thus it is His will that your sons and daughters be disciplined and taught and loved by a sinner. All of this is clear. The life of faith is a life of obedience in the face of our own failures and sin. There's no other way. Don't let the guys with smiley wives and clean pickup trucks and perfect hair fool you. They put their pants on one sinner's leg at a time, just like you... Get rid of any expectation of perfection here on earth. Thorns and thistles grow in homes as well as corn fields. This is life after the Fall, so roll up your pants and shirtsleeves and live by faith."