Sometimes I think we may read or look wrongly at the Sermon on the Mount. Especially the beautitudes. I've seen and heard it said so many times that the beatitudes are characteristics of those who are blessed by God. But when I look down the list, I'm like, "What? Are you saying that we have to weep in order to be blessed by God? We have to be persecuted to be blessed by God?" More and more I find myself changing my ideas revolving around the beatitudes.

Who was the audience Jesus was preaching to? Regular people like you and me. He was teaching about the Kingdom of God, and I think He used the beatitudes to show that the Kingdom of God is open to everybody, not just the spiritual elite. Each point He made in the beatitudes poem is about normal, everyday people being blessed by God by being able, in their brokenness and illness, to embrace the Kingdom of God.

It is just so awesome to think that Jesus doesn't just call the spiritually elite. He calls the broken, the disullisioned, the hurting, the angry, the frustrated, the deprived. He calls the prostitutes and tax collectors. He calls the taken-advantage-of and those who take-advantage. He calls the druggies and the drug dealers. He calls the porn addicts and the pornographers. He calls the atheists, agnostics, and spiritualists. He calls the young and the old, the weak and the strong, the rich and the poor.

"Come, follow Me... And embrace the Kingdom!"

Last night I lit some incense and went onto the back porch. I walked between the tables and chairs and just prayed. I love these prayers, underneath the velvet stars, an intimate dance between me and the Creator. As we tossed our words back and forth, He spoke to me vivid and clear:

“Why do you always blame Me for your shortcomings? Why do you always blame Me for your cowardice? You keep expecting me to throw a girl in your lap. You think I’ll do this because I’m a good Father. Don’t you understand? I’m a good Father! A good Father doesn’t just spoil His child; He teaches him how to live. He teaches him how to fish, how to hunt, how to take care of the house. I am a good Father, Anthony. One of My greatest experiences with you is when you let me teach you and lead you and show you how to live. Why should it be any different in the realm of girls? I’m not just going to give you a girl. There is a beautiful, wonderful and loving girl out there right now, waiting for you. But you have to pursue her. This is how I have designed mankind. You must pursue her. I know you’re frightened of the thought. I know your past experiences haven’t boosted your morale in this area. And I’m not promising that every time you pursue, you’ll be met with smiles and warm hugs. But I am telling you that I will be there with you. I will teach you. I will guide you, through the good and the bad. We are going to pursue girls together. You have to step out of the boat, Anthony, if you want to know what swimming is all about. Are you ready to step out of the boat, Buddy?”

I feel somewhat… hesitant. I haven’t had a very good past in the girl area (and I am to blame for much of it). I’ve always wanted God just to give me a girl and now it seems like He’s saying, “You’ve got to start moving. You’ve got to start walking.” For so long I’ve taken pursuing girls and developing my intimacy with God and divided them, but now it’s almost like God is saying, “You can strengthen your intimacy with Me through pursuing girls!” I know it sounds crazy. But this is what I believe God is telling me.

My romantic tragedy is complete! I am quite the happy camper. It's not one of my more moving and exciting books, I'll be honest. It's pretty much the most depressing book you'll ever read (if you read it). For the past month or so I've been scribbling it out on paper and laptop, and four hours ago I completely changed the ending and skipped two classes to finish it. It's beautiful, isn't it?

I've always wanted to write something that didn't have to do with war and bloodshed. I wanted to write something that wasn't horror and suspense, either. If I had to classify this as something, it would be drama. The book format is actually a kid's journal, so you see lots of the wiring of his mind, the flow and fluctuation of his emotions, and he takes you into his conversations and relationships. I think the characterization works well, too.

Needless to say, I'm happy. I think it's a wonderful book, though it won't leave you jumping for joy. My goal is to leave the reader... uneasy. If you're into romances, you might want to check this one out. I'm thankful it's over, though. It was making me depressed for the last week.

Mom. Dad. I didn't really skip classes.

Am I the only person who ever gets frustrated with Christianity?

Am I the only person who thinks Christianity may, more and more, be missing the point of Jesus?

Am I the only person who is sometimes hesitant to call himself a Christian?

Am I the only person who is often frustrated with what is done in the name of Christ?

Am I the only person who thinks a big gulf is growing between Jesus and Christianity?

What if Christianity becomes the greatest danger to the mission of Jesus?

I find myself identifying with Paul:

This is my life work: helping people understand and respond to the Message. It came as a sheer gift to me, a real surprise, God handling all the details. When it came to presenting the Message to people who had no background in God's ways, I was the least qualified of any of the available Christians. God saw to it that I was equipped, but you can be sure that it had nothing to do with my natural abilities.

And so here I am, preaching and writing about things that are way over my head, the inexhaustible riches and generosity of Christ. My task is to bring out in the open and make plain what God, who created all this in the first place, has been doing in secret and behind the scenes all along. Through Christians like yourselves gathered in churches, this extraordinary plan of God is becoming known and talked about even among the angels!

The call to ministry runs in my blood, and I enjoy every minute of it. Every moment spent talking about the Message, either over the phone or online or in person, every moment spent writing about the Message, either on this blog or in essays or books, every moment spent teachings others the riches and beauty of the Kingdom of God, every moment of exploring and understanding the gospel in new ways is exciting and thrilling. God has made me for this.

I remember when Mr. Fox was giving the lecture on evolution, he handed out a paper for us to take home and fill out. I took it home and filled it out. And I filled the margins with all my creationism arguments against evolution. I was a die-hard literal 6-day creationist, and evolution was the antichrist. When Mr. Fox saw it, he thanked me for my comments but made sure that I knew that I had to know the evolutionist's view of things for the test. I said, "Of course," and was proud that I had defended God.

Here's my confession. If I ran into Mr. Fox today, I would tell him, "I believe more in evolution than I do 6-day creationism."

They call it cognitive dissonance. It's humanity's inherent desire to ignore unpleasant facts. For too long I ignored the obvious facts that warred against my 6-day belief: the age of the universe, the fossil record, etc. I tried to explain them all away, but under my veil of 'facts' that proved the earth was young and such, I felt a certain discomfort, like I knew I was perverting the truth.

I have come to realize that if my faith in God is real, then science is not the enemy, but the ally. Science is wonderful. It is beautiful. And as a follower of Christ, I believe it is my mission in this world to explore and develop my intimacy with creation. And to me, this means understanding how it works--and how it all fell together.

I know evolution has holes. I know 6-day creationism has holes. I imagine the truth lies somewhere between.

Ironically, that which drew me into my 6-day belief was a misinterpretation of the scriptures. I believe that the beginning of Genesis is as symbolic and evocative as the middle-to-end of Revelation. The original readers/hearers of what we know as Genesis 1 would not have seen it as literal, but rather as proof that however it happened, God was at the center of it.

And even science can't deny that.

Kudos to a great friend who, knowing my struggles, helps me out in my dark times. We all need friends like this guy, and I am thankful to be one of his! He showed me this quote and it just spoke to me in so many different ways.

[N]o one warns young people to follow Adam's example. He waited till God saw his need. Then God made Adam sleep, prepared for his mate, and brought her to him. We need more of this 'being asleep' in the will of God. Then we can receive what He brings us in His own time, if at all. Instead we are set as bloodhounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else when bull-session time comes around. It is true that a fellow cannot ignore women-but he can think of them as he ought-as sisters, not as sparring partners!

God spoke to me yesterday through Roger's sermon. It feels like God is telling me, "You know I have a beautiful, smart, and wonderful girl for you. But as long as you make girls the center of your life, I am not going to let you have her. Make ME the center of your life. Once you can do this, and do it without pretense, then I will bless you with the girl you've always so strongly desired (and she so strongly desires you!). I don't do this to be mean. I do this, simply, because I love you. I really, really, like you."