monthly weigh-in #1

As promised, to the few who care, the monthly weigh-in has been jump-started. I reached my goal of 135 pounds, then went back to 149, and am back down to 139. I always gain weight in the winter (like most people I know), and now that thpring's blothomed (that's "spring's blossomed" with a lisp), I've been getting back in the swing of things. Because of all this damned rain, I haven't been able to get out and bike as much as I'd like. Hopefully the rain will let up for a bit and I can re:engage my cardiovascular activities. Rain hasn't, however, kept me from my main focus: building muscle. I've been working every muscle group in my body according to a strict plan that focuses on building muscle the right way. I've put a lot of research into this puppy, and I've been seeing results. The picture to the left was taken this morning: 139 pounds (four heavier than my old goal, but no worries). Although I've gained weight, I'm thinking most of it is muscle mass, as I look skinnier than I did at 135. Here is my current battle-plan as it stands (and I've been doing this for about a month now):

Diet: whole grains, vegetables, fruits, lean meats (i.e. fish and poultry, never fried or baked), eggs, and a few red meats and light dairy. This is essentially the "Nutritional Food Pyramid" put into practice. Every now and then I have something unhealthy; there's no problem with it as long as it's not a routine thing. I could never stop getting China Cottage with Patrick, for example; it's our tradition, and a beloved one at that. And I won't turn down food that people bring me as a gift: usually this food is way too delicious for me to turn down, anyways. And I'll still go out to eat with friends, just eat sparingly and in moderate amounts. I don't know where lamb meat falls on the spectrum; I'm getting Gyro Palace with Carly tomorrow and with Jessica Wednesday, pretty excited about it.

Exercise: As I said, I've been working (or at least trying to work) all the major muscle groups in my body. Much focus has been given to my arms, chest, and legs. I also do extensive work with my abdomen once a week (I work so hard I can't do it more than once a week; the pain is miserable but beautiful). I was going to outline my schedule but then realized that no one (including myself) would care to read it. So I'll just skip that part. I try to get in at least half an hour of cardio a day, usually on the bike; but if I can't, I always do pilates for half an hour before bed. Makes you limber and makes you quick! 

Anyways. I still want to get rid of my belly (which you can see in full detail in this picture), but that may take me a couple months. I just hope to get a good amount of it off by the time Hilton Head rolls around in late June. I'd like to hit the beaches knowing that everyone's thinking, "Wow, that ten-year-old kid looks like he could fuck someone up." Ha.

end of a month

April's come and gone. It's been good (albeit wet). I've had my struggles and my joys. Enjoyed great friendships, made many memories, and advanced yet another month in this not-too-exciting life. As strange as it may seem, I'm optimistic about the future. This may indeed be the result only of the weather changing; this has been the wettest April on record for my hometown, and the sun's barely made a peep. Now, however, the sun's out (however laced in storm-clouds), and people are in better moods, including myself. I don't know what May will bring (hopefully May flowers, since the April showers have been quite redundant, much like this post and the resplendent mentionings of the weather), but, again, I'm optimistic (though to be honest, the optimism itself is stained with a bit of incredulity; realistically speaking, not much will probably change, and the adventures will continue to be on the same level-3-outta-10 that they've been for the past year or two). Nevertheless, I'm optimistic.

Dylan and I knocked April off with a good night of just hanging out. We smoked some cigarettes. Drank some beer. Climbed trees. Enjoyed the warm weather on the front porch. Shared a good many laughs. I'll sorely miss him when he's gone. In exactly a month--May 30--he's beginning his journey to Africa. His going-away party will be a good time. Dylan took some pictures of me and Sky and I threw them together as a collage. Take a looksey:

In other news, my best friend Jessie Myers is engaged to the goofy-looking and wonderful Tony Heckenmueller. She texted me late last night, and I got it but thought I was dreaming. Then at work I went through my phone messages and saw that, indeed, she's engaged. My heart goes out to her, full of warmth and love. They're a great couple, and I'm glad they're going to get married and co-journey in this life together. It seems some people are falling in love, and though it seems a rarity these days, that makes it even more worthy of celebration. I'll cheer them on in spirit with a shot of well-placed bourbon.

a lapdog in a sea of dobermans

behold the small frame!

“Do you consider me a small person?” I asked my friend Jessica. She eyed me as if she didn’t understand the question. “I mean, do I look small? Like have a small frame?” Mind you that I asked this as I was perched all frog-like on the end of a chair. She gave me the up-down and said, “Yeah, you’re kind of small. But not in a bad way.” Recently I’ve become aware of how “small” a person I really am. 5’4” and pretty narrow to boot. The only “big” thing about me is perhaps my gut, shoulders, and barrel-like chest. In high school the football coach always tried to recruit me, said my big shoulders would be an excellent addition to the team. I hated sports and hated physical activity, so I kept saying “No.”

Not that having a small frame is an awful thing. For example, I can do a lot of things normal-sized people can’t. Just a few weeks ago I was able to scale halfway up two buildings in an alley, sprawling my arms and legs out and carrying myself upwards. A pretty impressive feat, made possible by (a) my light weight and (b) the fact that I’ve worked out my arms, shoulders, and legs for the last year and a half. Last week a shift from a neighboring store came by to pick up some product; the product was on the top shelf in a corner, and she asked if I needed a ladder to get to it. “That’s not necessary,” I said, and I proceeded to scale up the corner of the wall like a fucking tree-frog and then grabbed the product and scaled back down. As she watched me a strange look took light on her face and she said, “I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of disturbed by what’s happening right now.” She said this jokingly, of course. And just this week (we’re on a three-week roll right now), the delivery guy who delivers countless boxes and crams them in our backroom said, “You’re a small little man, you can weave in and out of these boxes!” And he was right. The task fell to me to wiggle some product from the boxes, and I did it in a good three minutes—seems like “NBD” but if you’ve seen the towering stacks of boxes I have to sift through and meander around, you’d understand.

So, yes, there are definitely pros to having a small frame. But at the same time I hate it. I wish I were tall and filled-out like most guys. I wish I was a couple inches taller and had a thicker (albeit more proportioned) build. I always feel awkward (and not just because of my social anxiety) when I’m surrounded by guys who fit the cookie-cutter model of what a male 24-year-old should look like. I feel like a lapdog in a sea of Dobermans. I already look young, and sometimes I feel as if I look younger with each passing day (despite my steady diet of cigarettes and bourbon), and the small frame doesn’t help much. I could go on and on with stories about how people I know (as well as complete strangers) have pointed out how young I look. It gets tiring after a while. There’s not even embarrassment or humiliation anymore; just weariness. I want to look manly, burly, I want to look like a “real man” (whatever the hell that is), but I feel pigeonholed into this awkwardly-proportioned, ten-years-too-young body.

But, again, maybe it’s all perception. As my dear friend Mandy told me this past week, “Dude, you’re not small. I don’t consider you a frail, small being.” As she said this, I instantly thought of those little gray aliens from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” In reality, I do hold a meager resemblance to them, minus the balloon-shaped head and bulbous eyes (and the mouth that’s more of a clit than anything). She continued, “If I’m walking outside with you, I’m thinking you can punch someone if we run into trouble. That’s how I gauge it.” This caught me off-guard, and I made some pretense-laden comment, and she said, “You’re an idiot. You’re not small. You’re fine. You’re strong and you’re crazy. I’d feel protected if I was with you.” Strong and crazy. Yes, I’m strong; deceptively so, as my muscles would rather tone than build like most. And crazy? Hells yeah I’m crazy. I’ve only been in a fight once or twice in my life, and those were in my weaker years; and even then I won, because I turned into a hurricane of hand, feet, teeth, and fingernails. My nickname “koalabeast” has multiple levels of meaning. When the beast comes out, it’s a frightening scene.  

hey... i'm back

I apologize for the late blog posts. This week has been incredibly busy. We had one walk-out at work and are in the middle of training two new (and fantastic) hires; this means that everyone’s been working lots of hours. I put in around 45 this week and am looking forward to the paycheck. On top of all this, my grandma and grandpa on Mom’s side were in town, so I spent a couple evenings with them. Marion’s Pizza: always a good choice. I also spent some time with Carly and Alison, hung out a bit with Jessica (helped her move some furniture and box some shit up, as she’s moving back in with her parents in Wilmington), and I also got some “chill time” with Dylan: smoking cigarettes, drinking beer, climbing trees, and lounging outside on the one day it was warm and sunny.

The weather’s been downright awful. And I don’t just mean because of the rain and flooding. We’ve had horrendous storms, and my brain is slowly siphoning out my awareness of tornado sirens. This probably isn’t a good thing, seeing how many have been spawned as of late. I don’t need to tell anyone about the damage and devastation that’s written its name across the southern states. Over 250 dead, last I heard. The worst bout of storms since 1974. 2011 has been one hell of a year for some people. And, of course, all the doomsayers wag their fingers at all this, saying it’s the end of the world. But, really, this is nothing new. There have been several geological cycles, as well as weather cycles, throughout history which have spawned all sorts of chaos in bursts of damage and destruction. Remember El Nino? Most people don’t. It was essentially the same thing as this. These earthquakes, tsunamis, and tornadoes have made some people think the End of the World is upon us. Nah, I just shake such thoughts away. I’m pretty sure we’re in this for the long-haul. Weather will be weather, and earthquakes happen. And what about all the unrest in the Middle East? Rebellions, coups, overthrows. Egypt was just the first. Then came Libya, Syria, the Ivory Coast… It’s all quite chaotic there, a domino-effect. Some think this, too, is a sign of the End. Nope, it’s just a sign that people are unhappy and they’re willing to take up arms and fight against it. Lest we forget, this happened here in the States a little over 200 years ago. You know, the American Revolution. It was quite bloodier than what’s already come and gone, and you’d think that by now (after two World Wars) people would realize that “wars and rumors of wars” don’t signify anything other than “wars and rumors of wars.” Besides, the media brings all this to the forefront of our minds, alerting us that the world is going down the shitter. This stuff sells. This is what people want to see. But how often do we see the good things happening in our world? Dreams coming true, lives being transformed for the better, love igniting and flourishing, friendships growing and excelling? That stuff isn’t newsworthy so we don’t see it. We only see one side of the coin, and to gauge the cosmic climate off that is a ridiculous thing to do. Bah. I’m done with this.

Not too long ago I wrote about liking one of my friends, who shall remain nameless. That tends to happen a lot when I write about these personal things no one knows about. I outlined several possible routes I could take regarding her (and Mandy gave me a new one: #5, ask her out on a date and don’t be weird about it; if she says no, say that’s fine and no harm, no foul). I almost told her how I feel, but after talking with Amanda and Carly, I decided against this route, for multiple reasons. Logic tells me to play it cool (and to play it safe), and to employ wisdom in this situation. Wisdom? Ha. I’m awful at that. But thankfully there are many people in my life who know a lot about wisdom (or common sense) and can steer me in a more fruitful direction. At the moment I’ve decided not to really “pursue” her, but to just see what happens. Let the cards fall where they will. Don’t disengage my feelings for her, nor fan them into flame. Just see what happens. That’s a pretty good motto for my life right now. “Just see what happens.” I’m going to continue spending time with her, getting to know her, feeling her out (in a figurative rather than literal sense; that’d be moving too fast for this juncture in time), and gauging how I feel, and trying to use logic throughout our friendship. Maybe one day something will happen. Maybe not. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I’ve got bigger things to worry about right now.

Easter weekend

My two-week run having weekends off is over; back to working Saturdays this upcoming week. No worries: I've been getting a steady forty hours a week, and the paychecks are worth it. Easter weekend was quite a good time, surprisingly so. Saturday I hung out with Jessica, and Sunday I got to spend a good amount of time in New Carlisle. Grandma fixed yet another amazing meal (honey-glazed ham balls: sound strange, but taste phenomenal). I gave a borderline impromptu message on the cross as Jesus' victory over evil and the resurrection as a testament to this victory as well as the inauguration of New Creation. Easter night was spent down in Cincinnati, spending time with people I love dearly: Rob and Mandy, Blake and Amos, and of course my little sister. I didn't expect to go down there, so it was a nice surprise visit. So good seeing those people. Today I had a work meeting 12-2:00; Carly and I rode together, enjoyed rich conversation as well as some creme soda from a Dorothy Lane Market on the way. I've gotten in a good workout, and I'm about to head over to Jessica's to help her pack (she's moving to Wilmington this Saturday). Tomorrow Carly and I are doing China Cottage for lunch, and for that I'm very excited; I haven't eaten there in a long time (at least a couple weeks), and anytime with Carly is a good time. 

I promised a transcript of my devotional, but since it was impromptu, I have to write it out, and I don't feel like doing that right now. Perhaps later this week. 

the dayton days [65]

Blakey knows how to celebrate Easter!

Monday. Carly came over for a little bit, filled me in on some things regarding Jess. Faith asked Jess if I liked her. "I don't know," she said. Faith said she could always transfer me out so the two of us could be together. Good to know I'm expendable! Jess relayed the event to Carly, who told me; and Carly asked Jess if she liked me. "I don't know yet," she said. Well, better than a flat-out NO. Cars advised prayer and patience. Don't rush into anything, don't make a silly move. "We want some investment here, not another D.C. incident," she said. A basic rule of economics: "Don't invest in something that'll backfire." Usually my koala senses can pick up on a girl liking me, but with Jessica there's a void, a vacuum. I can't read her.  I don't think we'll date: my own insecurities coupled with my past experiences and the feeling that she's too good for me may sabotage anything.

Tuesday. I worked 6:30-3:00. Dayton Christian is on Spring Break so rushes aren't so chaotic. Incessant rains made for soggy smoke breaks. It put me in a bad mood. Jess said, "You're quiet today, is everything okay? I notice these things now." I avoided the subject with a humorous quip. At 3:00 Cars met up with me and we sat in the comfy chairs in the cafe and talked about the Jess thing for a good hour. I told her that Jess & I hung out on Sunday and that Jess was being not-normal-Jess: she invited me up to her room, threw out some big vibes, and I rationalized it away. But Cars thinks my first instincts were spot on: these aren't things "friend Jess" does with anyone. And to make it better, Jess told Cars that she had a great time hanging out with me that night. "The evidence keeps stacking up that she likes you," Carly said. The issue may be whether Jess is ready for investment: "Casual flings are tempting for her right now, 'cause she's so overwhelmed with work and the pressures in her life. Deep down she wants something meaningful, something serious, but she has to cut through all the surface-level shit first." She knows I'm a good, quality guy, and she's interested--but is she in a place (or time) to invest? It was good talking with Carly: she counts me among the select few (along with Jess, Devyn, Alison, and Tony from Cincinnati) as her closest friends. I'm honored by that, I really am. Back home I called Jess and we talked for twenty minutes, flirting on both ends. "Way to go, Slugger!" Cars quipped.

Thursday. Jess & I opened together, a chaotic day: we kept running out of shit, customers were unhappy, and Joanne's been off her game lately. Jess & I both got off at 1:00, and we ran errands for a work project and then went back to her place for birthday shots of tequila, chocolate stout, and bacon & eggs. We spent the evening talking and smoking hookah. Time flew by, and we had a great time. 

Friday. Jessica turned 24 today. I biked to work, 11-7:30. It was grueling, and I got my break three hours late. The district manager was in town and I had to play "Shift" all afternoon. Faith was thankful, and quite surprised that everything and more got done so efficiently. She thanked me for my reliability. Jess got off at 1:00 and spent the day with her Mom, came back around 7:30 and offered me a ride home. I took it, of course; made some comment about being tired, but really I just wanted to spend some time with her. Before we left, Jess' mom brought cupcakes in for her birthday. I overheard her saying something 'bout Jess asking me something. Wish I knew what it was, but I'll probably never know. Her mom knows who I am, came in a while ago right before Jess & I started hanging out a lot. She had asked her, "So which one is Anthony?" in a loud whisper. Dylan came over and we took shots of bourbon and shared a cigar, and at 11:00 I went over to Carly's apartment to hang out with her, Betsy, and Allison. I kept falling asleep on the sofa; "You're like a cute koala when you fall asleep," Carly told me, and Betsy agreed. If only Jess could've been there!

Good Friday. I worked from 11-8:30. Grandma's at the house for a while. Her boyfriend Oakley kicked her to the curb. "He found someone else," Dad said quite gravely. Grandma's had to run the gauntlet these past few years, and her memory is deteriorating: she's easily confused and lost these days. I got depressed before bed: what if everything with Jess is no different than what's come before? Futile fantasies, smoke and vapors? I need to take my own advice: "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Saturday. Bad storms last night. The tornado sirens went off, Mom was freaking out, and I sat on the front porch and watched the lightning. Today Tanner and Skyler got into a fight. Sky dominated. "That's my girl!" Grandma said Tanner was shaking so bad, and Skyler was solid as a rock. Mom & Grandma went shopping, so I bought some kickass new spring wear and went by work to see Carly. Jess called me around 10:00, and I went over to her place for a little bit. We looked at old drama photos and browsed funny videos online. I left around midnight. 

Easter. Dad turned 49 today. Mom & Dad went to church and I went to the 'Bux to do some writing and to chat with Carly. Ams rolled into town, and she rode with me to New Carlisle. I told her about everything with Jessica. We celebrated Easter with Dad's side of the family. I did a little spiel on New Creation, and everyone was like, "So, tell us again, why don't you want to be a preacher? That was amazing." At 5:00 Ams and I raced down to Cincinnati. I won, though I nearly died twice in the hammering rain. We hung out upstairs at the Claypole House with Blake, Amos, Mandy and Rob. 

Easter - Hop!

My friend Betsy sent this out to a handful of us co-workers. A little Easter celebratory e-card. I'm putting it on here because I love it. Starring: me, Betsy, Carly, Jessica, and... Damn it, I can't figure out who the fifth one is. When I find out, I'll make sure to add a shout-out. Anyways, here's the video. Enjoy.

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!