the dayton days [65]

Blakey knows how to celebrate Easter!

Monday. Carly came over for a little bit, filled me in on some things regarding Jess. Faith asked Jess if I liked her. "I don't know," she said. Faith said she could always transfer me out so the two of us could be together. Good to know I'm expendable! Jess relayed the event to Carly, who told me; and Carly asked Jess if she liked me. "I don't know yet," she said. Well, better than a flat-out NO. Cars advised prayer and patience. Don't rush into anything, don't make a silly move. "We want some investment here, not another D.C. incident," she said. A basic rule of economics: "Don't invest in something that'll backfire." Usually my koala senses can pick up on a girl liking me, but with Jessica there's a void, a vacuum. I can't read her.  I don't think we'll date: my own insecurities coupled with my past experiences and the feeling that she's too good for me may sabotage anything.

Tuesday. I worked 6:30-3:00. Dayton Christian is on Spring Break so rushes aren't so chaotic. Incessant rains made for soggy smoke breaks. It put me in a bad mood. Jess said, "You're quiet today, is everything okay? I notice these things now." I avoided the subject with a humorous quip. At 3:00 Cars met up with me and we sat in the comfy chairs in the cafe and talked about the Jess thing for a good hour. I told her that Jess & I hung out on Sunday and that Jess was being not-normal-Jess: she invited me up to her room, threw out some big vibes, and I rationalized it away. But Cars thinks my first instincts were spot on: these aren't things "friend Jess" does with anyone. And to make it better, Jess told Cars that she had a great time hanging out with me that night. "The evidence keeps stacking up that she likes you," Carly said. The issue may be whether Jess is ready for investment: "Casual flings are tempting for her right now, 'cause she's so overwhelmed with work and the pressures in her life. Deep down she wants something meaningful, something serious, but she has to cut through all the surface-level shit first." She knows I'm a good, quality guy, and she's interested--but is she in a place (or time) to invest? It was good talking with Carly: she counts me among the select few (along with Jess, Devyn, Alison, and Tony from Cincinnati) as her closest friends. I'm honored by that, I really am. Back home I called Jess and we talked for twenty minutes, flirting on both ends. "Way to go, Slugger!" Cars quipped.

Thursday. Jess & I opened together, a chaotic day: we kept running out of shit, customers were unhappy, and Joanne's been off her game lately. Jess & I both got off at 1:00, and we ran errands for a work project and then went back to her place for birthday shots of tequila, chocolate stout, and bacon & eggs. We spent the evening talking and smoking hookah. Time flew by, and we had a great time. 

Friday. Jessica turned 24 today. I biked to work, 11-7:30. It was grueling, and I got my break three hours late. The district manager was in town and I had to play "Shift" all afternoon. Faith was thankful, and quite surprised that everything and more got done so efficiently. She thanked me for my reliability. Jess got off at 1:00 and spent the day with her Mom, came back around 7:30 and offered me a ride home. I took it, of course; made some comment about being tired, but really I just wanted to spend some time with her. Before we left, Jess' mom brought cupcakes in for her birthday. I overheard her saying something 'bout Jess asking me something. Wish I knew what it was, but I'll probably never know. Her mom knows who I am, came in a while ago right before Jess & I started hanging out a lot. She had asked her, "So which one is Anthony?" in a loud whisper. Dylan came over and we took shots of bourbon and shared a cigar, and at 11:00 I went over to Carly's apartment to hang out with her, Betsy, and Allison. I kept falling asleep on the sofa; "You're like a cute koala when you fall asleep," Carly told me, and Betsy agreed. If only Jess could've been there!

Good Friday. I worked from 11-8:30. Grandma's at the house for a while. Her boyfriend Oakley kicked her to the curb. "He found someone else," Dad said quite gravely. Grandma's had to run the gauntlet these past few years, and her memory is deteriorating: she's easily confused and lost these days. I got depressed before bed: what if everything with Jess is no different than what's come before? Futile fantasies, smoke and vapors? I need to take my own advice: "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

Saturday. Bad storms last night. The tornado sirens went off, Mom was freaking out, and I sat on the front porch and watched the lightning. Today Tanner and Skyler got into a fight. Sky dominated. "That's my girl!" Grandma said Tanner was shaking so bad, and Skyler was solid as a rock. Mom & Grandma went shopping, so I bought some kickass new spring wear and went by work to see Carly. Jess called me around 10:00, and I went over to her place for a little bit. We looked at old drama photos and browsed funny videos online. I left around midnight. 

Easter. Dad turned 49 today. Mom & Dad went to church and I went to the 'Bux to do some writing and to chat with Carly. Ams rolled into town, and she rode with me to New Carlisle. I told her about everything with Jessica. We celebrated Easter with Dad's side of the family. I did a little spiel on New Creation, and everyone was like, "So, tell us again, why don't you want to be a preacher? That was amazing." At 5:00 Ams and I raced down to Cincinnati. I won, though I nearly died twice in the hammering rain. We hung out upstairs at the Claypole House with Blake, Amos, Mandy and Rob.