re:mix

“Don’t let your experiences be your god,” Dylan said. “We all let our experiences define our beliefs and how we live.” The tight nexus between Perception & Praxis. “But sometimes we need to realize that just because something has been the same way for so long, that doesn’t mean it should be so or that it will be so in the future.” Our universe is filled with change, and how am I to assume that this change is to leave me unaffected? Dylan’s right: I shouldn’t let my experiences determine, absolutely, the way that I perceive the world. Our experiences play a key role in forming our worldviews, our over-arching stories, our meta-narratives, whatever the hell you want to call them; but yet it isn’t the experiences that play such a role but our interpretations of those experiences. Every experience, great and small, demands an interpretation. We interpret everything, seeking to bring an understanding from the woodwork of our lives. Some of us interpret experiences one way; others take entirely different routes of interpretation. My interpretations thus far have failed to bring into account a very important variable, which is what Dylan said: “Things change. Opportunities are found. And some, once cynical and stoic, can even find things they once believed they only believed because they experienced heartache and disappointment.” My current interpretations have at their foundation just that: heartache and disappointment, coupled with a fear of experiencing more heartache and disappointment.

The reality is that though things may continue on the same path, unabated, for a growing number of years, there will always be change. Our world is in a constant state of change; our relationships are in a constant state of change; our own selves are in a constant state of change. These changes swirl about us, pierce deep into us, and the results may be magnified within our lives, ballooning into a radical different mode-of-living congruent with an entirely different system of thinking. I must take into account the variable of change, the fact that while “there’s nothing new under the sun,” there’s a hell lot of shit under the sun that I haven’t experienced. Just because it’s new to me doesn’t mean it’s something different on the cosmic scale of things.

“Experience does not equal truth.” Again: it’s all about our interpretations of those experiences. To re:word something Dylan said, “Our interpretations of our past experiences don’t determine what our futures will be.” My future is yet unwritten. I wholly believe that. I don’t buy into the idea of fate, destiny, or God having a blueprint for our lives. There are blank pages demanding to be written in; and for a large part, the pen is in my hand. I can determine to take the story in different directions, though not knowing exactly what may lie in those directions; or I can set the pen down and just sit on my ass, doing nothing, refusing to pursue change and hoping that things will work out. I’ve made a shit-load of changes; and as I keep making changes, altering my state-of-existence, then it makes sense that these changes will, within the context of changing my state-of-existence, bring about conclusions that differ wildly from the conclusions already drawn. Heartache and disappointment will always be a facet of life; but to focus on these while ignoring the fact that life is also full of great joys and deep love is to become, in my own way, like that damn ostrich. I’m sticking my head in the sand and ignoring other realities all around me.  

“Fuck the past,” he said. “Don’t let it define your life. Look ahead and move forward.” This man knows what he’s talking about. In just over a month he’s leaving Ohio and heading off to Africa for 2 ½ years. He’s had his own fair share of heartaches and disappointments; we could swap stories day after day. Yet this man has hope, and he doesn’t let his past define his future. He’s plowing ahead, making changes, pursuing his dreams, and interpreting things from a different set of lens, a lens which serve more function than my own, because they make his life richer and more meaningful. FUCK THE PAST. I like that. I let my past, my experiences and the interpretations of those experiences, define my life. As an existentialist gathers his or her identity from any number of things, so I’ve gone the existential route and embraced an identity forged by what’s happened, even if those things have been entirely out of my control and thus have no bearing on any sort of “identity” that I may have. Look ahead and move forward, he says. Beautiful advice, and I think I’m going to take it. I will fight tooth and nail to disallow my past to determine my future; the past is powerless in doing this, but if I endue it with such power, then it will do exactly that. Acknowledging the past for what the past is—the past—then I can embrace the present moment of knowing and leap into the future moments of unknowing. I’m not quite sure what this entails, though I have a clue; but, again, the point is that I’ve been letting my past both define my perception and praxis; and the time has come to toss that shit out and do things a bit differently.