mismatched

The posts throughout the last week have been ringing quite a somber note, quite a difference from the usual mismatch of random and disconnected entries. 50,000 thoughts have been sprinting through my mind, and scratching them out on paper is one of the ways I can sift through them and try to bring them from discombobulated chaos to some sort of logical interlocking. These posts—some have been depressing, others have been uplifting—have spawned from much thinking and contemplating over the past several weeks. I need a break, to put it quite simply, and so this here is yet another of those mismatched, random, and disconnected entries.

The past week has gone pretty well. I got to spend time with the Yosicks, and I enjoyed hanging out with Jessica and Carly a few times. I’ve continued eating right and working out (for the most part) and even biked to work earlier in the week. The rains let up for two days, but they’re back now, and so my biking schedule is on hold. I’ve lost some more weight and am ringing in at 139 pounds. Only four to go before I clear up this winter deficit and move forward. I don’t want to get lower than 130, and I doubt I will; my focus has been on building muscle, and my chest, legs, and arms have been getting quite toned. The difficult region is my abdomen, where my body (quite unfortunately) stores the majority of my fat. It’s that “delightful” barrel-shaped form of mine.

I’ve finished the first draft of “Re:framing Repentance.” 334 pages. I’m in the slow and agonizing process of going through it, chapter-by-chapter, section-by-section, paragraph-by-paragraph, rewording and rephrasing and dealing with screw-ups and inconsistencies I missed the first time around. Carly’s offered to help me proofread it once the second draft is done. One of her favorite hobbies is editing papers, and she’s excited about helping me out in this regard. I have no timeline for finishing the second draft, but I’ve been working on it consistently. At least a few pages a day. At this rate it’ll take me three months to work through it; but no worries, I’m in no rush.

Tomorrow is Easter, and we’re celebrating it with my dad’s side of the family in New Carlisle. Grandma asked me to throw together a little devotional, which I’ve done. I’ll post it tomorrow. Amidst all these depressing posts, it’s evident that I’ve been struggling with certain aspects of Christianity. Yes, this is true. Theology can be a bitch. But that doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned it altogether; certainly not! Christianity remains one of the surest things in my life, and all this wrestling can be a beautiful thing. As a friend and mentor once told me, “If you’ve never wrestled with God to the point of tears, blood, and cursing, then perhaps you’ve never met him.”