i am tired

A month ago, we sat on the swings; I held her hand in mine, and we looked into each other’s eyes, and there was something special. Something wonderful. I felt at peace.

We haven’t really talked since then. Why? I have no idea. She just started ignoring me and refusing to hang out with me. I have tried: I have called her, invited her to hang out, tried to spend time with her, but she always makes excuses. If there is something going on with her friends, she purposefully doesn’t tell me, and then lies about it later.

I found her yesterday. She was sitting in the coffee shop with a boy. I walked over, started talking. She turned her head, lowered her eyes, refused to make eye contact. Later they were sitting at a table with several people. I came over to talk. No one acknowledged me. The boy said, “You’re not invited.” I stormed off campus with Trista, and I hollered and shouted as we drove down the interstate.

I am already having a rough time. I don’t need it to be compounded by crap like this. What is someone supposed to do, in such a situation, when the people you considered good friends all turn their backs to you? My entire social life has been turned upside-down, and I feel frightened, insecure, alone. I know I need to make new friends. Friends who won’t abandon me. But all the groups at C.C.U. have already formed, and it’s nearly impossible to penetrate them. People are content where they’re at… including the ones who drop-kicked me out of their lives.

I am tired of being abandoned.
I am tired of being alone.