a prelude to the future?

Amanda came to Cincinnati today. We ate lunch in the dining hall with Jessie, then went to Sarah’s apartment on Ridge Road. It’s a pretty rough spot in town, police cars screaming every which way as the sun sets. We joined her and Keith in their apartment, watched some television with them, chatted. Keith had his plate of marijuana, and he put the bowl in my face and asked, “Are you still thumping?” 

I asked what he meant, and he replied, “Still thumping the Bible?” 

With a sigh, I replied, “Yes, Keith, I’m still ‘thumping the Bible.’” 

He mocked me a little bit, then proceeded to smoke his weed. A few moments later his friend showed up, and he sold Keith a few ecstasy pills. Amanda and I sat there quietly as he took them. We both looked at Sarah, and we could see a mix of desperation and complacency written over her face. When we finally left, Amanda said, “Why the hell is she with him?! He’s such a bad person! And he wants to get married to her and be the ‘father of her babies’ [a direct quote]. He’s a wasted life, and he’s just going to drag her down that road.”

Sadly, he already has. It literally breaks my heart to see her now, to see what she’s become. She’s all but abandoned God, has resigned to live this life of sex and drugs and alcohol, all the while knowing it’s wrong but not having enough of a spine to get over it. Whenever I am at the apartment, which reeks of the stench of marijuana, a wave of depression washes over me. I remember when Sarah and I would sit at her old place and play with her dog and watch movies and laugh the night away. Now her laughter has turned into tears of shame, and the good life she lived has been scarred and marred by her awful decisions, the consequences of which she feels locked into. James, Forest, and I—along with several others—have constantly tried to get her out of the situation, but she refuses. What else can we do? She has decided to live this life, has decided to embrace the lot that she’s chosen for herself. I can’t support her in this decision, and I’m still one of her good friends, but this has altered our friendship, has put a strain upon our relationship. This sucks, and it’s horrible that there’s nothing I can do about it.