"moving forward"

For the past six months I've had a singular direction: work as much as possible to move to Wisconsin and be with her forever. I've been working eighty hours a week not because I enjoy it but because it's what I had to do. Now that the move to Wisconsin (and life with her forever) has been tossed out, I'm asking myself, "What's next?" Finding clarity in this is difficult, since I haven't imagined anything except life with her. I was working my ass off and saving money because moving to Wisconsin is precisely what I wanted to do, and not just for her. When juggling options, nothing seems appetizing, since she's no longer in the picture. What I do know is my calling: to advance the kingdom of God through preaching and teaching, and to be a good husband and a good father. Those are things I can focus on. 

Tomorrow I'm meeting with my home church pastor to catch up, talk about ministry, look over my resume, and get some good leads. I'm going to start sending out resumes, looking for everything from internships and guest preaching to full time positions. I was amping up to do this in January but put it on the backburner since I was going to be living in Wisconsin in a handful of months; now it's back to the drawing board and picking up where I left off. I'm going to keep studying what godly marriage and parenting looks like. Some day, by the grace of God, I'll probably be married and will probably have a family. I want to do everything in my power to learn how to love and lead my family well. I'm going to give myself a break in those studies since every book on Christian marriage is soaked in memories of anticipating that marriage with her. 

Over all of this, I'm going to keep pursuing Christ and conformity to him. Paul experienced the depths of union with Christ and declared all things rubbish compared to knowing him and being found in him (Philippians 3). In the same vein, Life with the Wisconsinite is rubbish compared to knowing Christ and being found in him. The peace, joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment found in a life lived in and for Christ, flowing outwards for the glory of God, far transcends any earthly relationship. I'll be honest: I have a lot of anger and hurt towards God in the aftermath of this, and I know full well that this very real anger and hurt is misplaced. God didn't do this to me; she did. I need to remember that life sucks a lot, and we're not spared from that. I need to remember that God's purposes are greater than mine: I orbit around Him, not the other way around. God's desire is to use all that's happened to keep changing my heart as I conform further to Christ; He's already doing this, revealing to me deep areas of sin in my heart that need His reformative power. All I can do is keep trusting Him; the Spirit compels me to do no less. 

Besides: I am justified, declared innocent before God.

I am adopted, part of God's family.

I have God's Spirit within me, and an inheritance in heaven.

I have all that I need.

The rest, it's just trimming.

Lucas meets Kincaid

The Way (XIII)

Why don't you give yourself to God once and for all... really... now!

If you see your way clearly, follow it. Why don't you shake off the cowardice that holds you back?

Your ideal, your vocation: it's madness. And your friends, your brothers: they're crazy. Haven't you heard that cry deep down within you sometimes? Answer firmly that you are grateful to God for the honor of being one of those "lunatics."

You write me: "The great longing we all have to see our work get ahead and spread seems to turn into impatience. When will it get under way? When will it break through? When will we see the world ours?" And you add: "The longing won't be useless if we use it in pestering and 'coercing' God with prayers. Then we will have made excellent use of our time."

Lord, make us crazy with a contagious craziness that will draw many to your apostolate.

Look: the apostles, for all their evident and undeniable weaknesses, were sincere, simple... transparent. You, too, have evident and undeniable weaknesses. May you not lack simplicity.

Apostolic zeal is a divine madness I want you to have, and it has these symptoms: hunger to know the Master; constant concern for souls; perseverance that nothing can shake.

Never be men or women generous in action and sparing in prayer.

Be men and women of the world, but don't be worldly men and women.

Be careful that in dealing with other people you don't make them feel like someone who once exclaimed (and not without reason), "I'm fed up with these righteous characters!"

"My enthusiasm is gone," you wrote me. Yours has to be a work not of enthusiasm, but of love, conscious of duty--which means self-denial.

[books i've been reading]

This past week I read Recovering Redemption by Matt Chandler. It's a great book on justification and sanctification, on running hard after Christ and putting sin to death, both on individual and corporate levels. Conviction, encouragement, rebuke, and exhortation: all of the good things you want in a solid, gospel-centered book. When it comes to justification and sanctification, there are two errors we can make. The first sees the two of them as the same thing (legalism), and the second sees them as totally distinct (antinomianism). Legalists will tell you that justification cannot happen without sanctification, and antinomians will tell you sanctification is an add-on that has no real bearing on our Christian lives. Both of these are heresies, and Chandler makes it clear, again and again, that justification and sanctification, while distinct, are connected. You can't have justification without sanctification. It just doesn't work that way. 

Christian culture in the western world tends to error on the side of antinomianism, and Chandler strikes at its heart. In the second-to-last chapter, Chandler writes about how his church follows Matthew 18.15-17 to a "T", which involves "casting out" those who refuse to repent of sins against the church. Chandler writes: 

"[But isn't] that no way to grow a church? Oh, yes, it is. Because, first of all, our mission is not to grow as big as we can. And second of all, perhaps the greatest, most eternal disservice we can do to another person, and thereby to the integrity of the church, is to watch them steadily rejecting the lordship of Christ while play-acting like they're Christians. Because, no, they're not. They're not acting like believers. And Jesus seems to instruct us to treat those who choose their sin over their Savior as those who are not saved. [Whoa.] May need to pull your socks back up after that one, but we don't know any other biblical conclusion to draw. Being baptized somewhere as a kid, but then showing no transformation of life, no willingness to walk in obedience to God, no acceptance of a greater authority than the autonomous tyrant of their own will, and yet still expecting to be hailed as a Christian--we would never apply that kind of logic to any other realm of life and consider it normal." (p. 187)

I'll be posting quotes from the book over the next couple weeks.

Next up on the list is a series of books by Paul Washer:

"Deliver Me"

Deliver me out of the sadness.

Deliver me from all the madness.

Deliver me courage to guide me.

Deliver me Your strength inside me.

All of my life I've been in hiding,

wishing there was someone just like You.

Now that You're here, now that I've found You.

I know that You're the One to pull me through.

Deliver me loving and caring.

Deliver me giving and sharing.

Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing.

Jesus, Jesus how I trust You.

How I've proved You o'er and 'oer.

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, deliver me.

Come and pull me through.

Come and pull me through.

[the first day of summer]

Turns out today is the first day of summer. One of my clients informed me. It's unnerving how often they correct me on things. Should I be concerned? 

I'm not moving to Wisconsin at the end of the summer, so I've been reworking my "plans," trying to come up with something ambitious. I'm going to keep working both jobs until the end of the summer, just save, save, save. I've already got a good amount saved up, and maybe by the end of September I'll have several thousand saved up. 

Based on John's recommendation, I did take some of the money I had saved up for Wisconsin and spent it solely on myself: I got a brand new Playstation 3 with some good games (Birds of Steel!!!), a nice HDTV from Traci, some home decor, and (best of all!) an air conditioner. I rearranged the apartment, too, so I can enter summer as if it were in a "new phase" (a phase I didn't exactly want, but one which could be promising nonetheless), and also so I can hide the fact that 65% of my belongings are seven states away. There's nothing quite stepping into your own place, your Sanctuary, your every-man's-castle, to be reminded of something you're trying to forget. I think this will help, and it looks pretty cozy:

Yes, that's a 1599 Geneva Bible (LIKE THEY READ IN THE COLONIES!!!)

Since I'm going to have absolutely no life for several more months with work, I'm trying to fill in the gaps by being productive. Here are some goals I have for the summer and fall:

(1) Explore a different brewery each week.

(2) Finish my "Colonial Crisis" essay (it'll be about 100 pages...)

(3) Find an internship or part-time gig with some type of ministry

(4) Write a novel (and that's the easiest one!)

And I can add "Apply for Grad School" as Number 5. Mandy and I decided it would be best for me to wait until I moved up to Wisconsin to start looking into Grad School, but since that's out of the picture and I'm an unmarried 27-year-old working 80 hours a week and living below the poverty line, Grad School might be one of the best ideas I've had in a while.

The Way (XII)

Don't let your defects and imperfections nor even your more serious falls, take you away from God. A weak child, if he is wise, tries to keep near his Father.

One pinprick. And another. And another. Suffer them, man! Don't you see that you are so little that in your life--in your way--you can offer him only those little crosses?

When a child-like soul tells our Lord of his desires to be forgiven, he can be sure that he will soon see those desires fulfilled. Jesus will tear away from that soul the filthy tail that it drags in punishment for its past offenses. He will remove the dead weight, that residue from all its impurities, which keeps it tied to the ground. He will cast far away all the earthly ballast of that child's heart, so that he may rise up, even to the majesty of God, to be dissolved in that living flame of love.

That discouragement produced by your repeated lack of generosity, by your relapses, by your falls--perhaps only apparent--often makes you feel as if you had broken something of exceptional value: your sanctification. Don't be worried: bring to your supernatural life the wise way simple children have of resolving such a conflict. They have broken--nearly always through frailty--an object that is dear to their father. They're sorry, perhaps they shed tears, but they go to seek consolation from the owner of what has been damaged through their awkwardness; and their father forgets the value--great though it may be--of the broken object and, filled with tenderness, he not only pardons, but consoles and encourages the little one. Learn.

You are distracted in prayer. Try to avoid distractions, but don't worry if in spite of everything you're still distracted. Don't you see how in ordinary life even the most considerate children play with everything around them, and often pay no attention to what their father says? This does not imply a lack of love, or respect: it's the weakness and littleness proper to a child. Look then: you are a child before God.

When you pray keep the distracting ideas moving, just as if you were a policeman on traffic duty; that's why you have the energetic willpower your life of childhood has given you. But now and then you may retain some such thought for a while to commend to God those who inopportunely have come to your mind. And then, on your way again, and so, until the time is up. When you pray like this, though you may feel you are wasting time, rejoice and believe that you have succeeded in pleasing Jesus.

How good it is to be a child! When a man asks a favor, his request must be backed by an account of his achievements. When it is a child who asks--since children have no achievements--it is enough for him to say: I am a son of such and such a man. Ah, Lord--(tell him with all your soul)--I am a child of God.

To persevere. A child knocking at a door, knocks once, twice... many times... and loud and long--shamelessly! And the anger of whoever comes to open is dispelled by the simplicity of the disturbing little creature. So it is with you and God.

Work tires you physically and leaves you unable to pray. But you're always in the presence of your Father. If you can't speak to him, look at him every now and then like a little child... and he'll smile at you.

You think there is something wrong because, in your thanksgiving after Communion, the first thing you find yourself doing, without being able to help it, is asking: Jesus, give me this; Jesus, this soul; Jesus, that undertaking? Don't worry, and don't try to force yourself; when the father is good and the child is simple and fearless, haven't you seen how the little lad puts his hand into his father's pocket, looking for candy, before greeting him with a kiss? Well, then...

06/16/14

Mandy and I broke up, and I'm not too happy about it. There are lots of feelings, and there will be more to come; right now I feel like I'm still rooted in shock. Anger is the predominant emotion at the moment, and I'm honestly struggling to not sin against her in my anger. Historically I have been rather cutting in moments like these. My anger seeks an outlet through words, and it's my inclination to write something to hurt her. There's no getting around that. We're told not to sin in our anger; it's easy to do. I feel hurt, so I want to hurt. I feel betrayed, so I want to seek revenge. The hurt clouds my vision, and I must remember two things. (1) She isn't just the woman I loved and lost; she's precious, worthy, and valuable. That's not something I quickly forget. She's God's daughter, and if I sin against her, I sin against Him. And (2) Love is to be the undercurrent of my life. It's the sort of life I'm called to. I fail all the time, and especially now I need to be "on guard," because in these moments I don't want to be loving. I want to be mean and vengeful, bitter and resentful. Love is none of those things. And as much as my natural inclination at this moment is to be the precise opposite of loving, as much as I want to justify my desires for angry outbursts, I can't. It's not Christlike. It isn't loving.

What matters most now is that I honor her and glorify Him as I sort through all the emotions, thoughts, and lies coming my way. What matters is how I handle all this. I can handle it in dehumanizing and demeaning ways, seeking to satisfy my lust for vindication, or I can keep my eyes focused and move forward. One path leads to bitterness, resentment, and stagnation; the other leads to healing. I know my weaknesses, the temptations that come when I find myself frayed, at the end of my rope, whatever metaphor you choose. The desire to "get lost in myself" is great, and  I have to be "on guard" all the more. 

I'm thankful for all the love I've been receiving from family and friends. John shared wisdom and Brandy showered me in love. Ams has been there for me at all hours of the night, a constant and reliable support and encouragement. God has blessed me with great friends and family, and though I may not be moving to Wisconsin in two months, I won't at all mind being around these people for a while longer yet.

sermon notes: Galatians 3.10-14

For all who rely on the works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the things written in the book of the law.’ Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law; for ‘The one who is righteous will live by faith.’ But the law does not rest on faith; on the contrary, ‘Whoever does the works of the law will live by them.’ Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree’—in order that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith. 

(Gal 3.10-14, NRSV)

Everyone has a relationship with God. Outside of Christ, our relationship with God is characterized by our hostility towards God and His wrath towards us. Rutted in this predicament, we ask, “What can I do about the situation?” Paul’s replies: “Nothing. Give up hope of trying to get out of this dilemma. You’re powerless to effect change in the relationship.” In Galatians 3.10-14, Paul gives four indicative statements supported by Old Testament echoes to show why this is the case and how God has effected change in Christ.

First, All who rely on works of the law are under a curse. (v.10) Paul echoes the Covenant Contract in Deuteronomy 27-30, emphasizing how disobedience of the covenant contract results in being placed under a curse. Hypothetically speaking, complete obedience before God is impossible, because it must be both (a) perfect and (b) from a heart that is right from God. Even if someone were able to perform the law perfectly, the Bible tells us that the heart of man is wicked beyond measure. The most astute and devoted Pharisee would still miserably fail to meet the requirements of the law.

The second indicative statement, found in verse 11, states that obedience to the law has never been the route to a restored relationship with God. Faith is what matters. Paul writes that No one is justified before God by the law, quoting Habakkuk 2.4. Harking back to Genesis, we see that faith is what commended Abraham to God. In Romans 4, Paul argues the point that Abraham was justified before the law was even given, showing how focus on the law as the means of justification is a failure to see that all along faith is what matters.

The third indicative statement is seen in verse 12: The law does not rest on faith. He echoes Leviticus 18.15: Whoever does the works of the law will live by them. Hypothetically speaking, he who keeps the law perfectly and with a good heart would “live” (that is, be alive unto God) by them. But again: no one can do this, which is why Paul can say in the preceding verse that no one is justified before God by the law.

We are simply incapable of perfectly obeying the law from a right heart. The problem doesn’t come from a lack of effort but from a corrupted heart. I am my own best example of how my own efforts won’t work to justify me before God. I choose disobedience and death. I choose what I want over what God wants. My heart is corrupted, ruined, sin-logged and petrified. We are by nature eager to break commands and enthusiastic about rebellion. It’s in our nature, in our heart. We’re all addicts to sin: we want more and more and more until we die from the wrath of God. As far as my relationship with God goes, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s all “bad news bears” until verse 13.

Paul writes, Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us. He echoes Deuteronomy 21.23; those who broke God’s covenant would be killed and then “strung up” as an example to all who passed by. Jesus took on our unfaithfulness, our sin, and he took our place, suffering the penalty of our covenant breaking. Christ redeemed us from death by becoming death for us. Today I will earn the wrath of God, but I won’t experience it, because Christ has already experienced it for me.

The consequences of Christ redeeming us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us are two-fold in verse 14. Not only do we experience the blessing of Abraham (justification, being made right with God) but we also receive the Spirit through faith. Not only am I forgiven of my rebellion, not only am I reconciled to God, not only am I justified before the Judge, not only am I delivered from God’s wrath, but I am also filled with God’s Spirit and given new spiritual life! And why? The answer is found in Romans 5.7-8: Rarely will anyone die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die. But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us. The reason we are given not just justification (which we don’t deserve) but the presence of God Himself living in us (which we ABSOLUTELY don’t deserve) is LOVE.

The gospel is God saying, “I love you, and I gave my life for you. Don’t try earning it, because you can’t. Just let me love you.” By embracing Christ in faith and repentance, our relationship with God—formerly marked by hostility and wrath—becomes a relationship marked by love, intimacy, and fellowship with God. Such a change is effected that we don’t relate to God as the terrifying Judge but as the devoted Father. And the reason for all of this is love. 

The Way (XI)

Many great things depend--don't forget it--on whether you and I live our lives as God wants.

The wholehearted acceptance of the will of God is the sure way of finding joy and peace: happiness in the cross. It's then that we realize that Christ's yoke is sweet and that his burden is not heavy.

Ask yourself many times during the day: Am I doing at this moment what I ought to be doing?

Steps: to be resigned to the will of God; to conform to the will of God; to want the will of God; to love the will of God.

It takes only a second. Before starting anything, ask yourself: What does God want of me in this? Then, with divine grace, do it!

If life didn't have as its aim to give glory to God, it would be detestable--even more, loathsome.

Do everything for love. In that way there will be no little things: everything will be big. Perseverance in the little things for love is heroism.

Do you really want to be a saint? Carry out the little duty of each moment: do what you ought and put yourself into what you are doing.

"Great" holiness consists in carrying out the "little" duties of each moment.

Among those around you, apostolic soul, you are the stone fallen into the lake. With your word and example produce a first ripple... and it will produce another... and then another, and another... each time wider. Now do you understand the greatness of your mission?

Have no enemies. Have only friends: friends on the right--if they have done or have wished to do you good; and friends on the left--if they have harmed or tried to harm you.

May your special dedication pass unnoticed, as for thirty years did that of Jesus.

Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus visit Jesus secretly in ordinary times and in the time of triumph. But they are courageous in the face of authority, declaring their love for Christ audacter--"boldly"--in the time of cowardice. Learn.

Agreed: you do better work with that friendly chat or that heart-to-heart conversation than making speeches--spectacle! display!--in public before thousands of people. Nevertheless, when speeches have to be made, make them.

You want to be a martyr. I'll place a martyrdom within your reach: to be an apostle and not call yourself an apostle, to be a missionary--with a mission--and not call yourself a missionary, to be a man of God and to seem a man of the world: to pass unnoticed!

2 Corinthians 2.14-17

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads in every place the fragrance that comes from knowing him. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not peddlers of God’s word like so many; but in Christ we speak as persons sent from God and standing in his presence.

(2 Corinthians 2.14-17)

In 2 Corinthians Paul defends his apostleship over against those who have condemned him as just another “televangelist,” and in these verses Paul gives a snapshot of what his ministry (and, in a sense, all evangelistic ministry) is about. He writes that Christ always leads us [evangelists] in a triumphal procession. Some have taken this as a reference to God’s ability to triumph in the gospel proclamation despite any weaknesses on the part of the evangelists themselves; John Gill notes, “[This] is a triumph peculiar to ministers of the Gospel, who are made to triumph over men and devils, over the world, the reproaches, persecutions, smiles, and flatteries of it; over wicked men, by silencing them, stopping the mouths of gainsayers, refuting false teachers, and preserving the Gospel pure, in spite of all opposition; and by being made useful to the turning of many souls from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God.” While we can’t deny God’s triumph in evangelism, Paul may be taking a different line altogether, echoing what he wrote to the Corinthians in an earlier letter. In 1 Corinthians 4.9 he writes, For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, as though sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels and to mortals. Paul may be alluding to the Roman triumphus, where victorious Roman troops led captives in a processional route down the streets of Rome to the temple of Jupiter. The streets would be lined with spectators applauding as the victors and their captives marched by. In this sense Paul and the other evangelists were made spectacles before the world, captives of God in the victory of Christ, and in the mockery and derision they endured, the gospel advanced.

In verse 14, Paul gives the evangelist’s task: to spread in every place the fragrance that comes from knowing God in Christ. The Greek word for fragrance here can mean both a pleasant or unpleasant odor, and one’s opinion of the scent comes from one’s reaction to the gospel: those who set their teeth against God find the odor a noxious fume, while those who repent and put their faith in Christ find the odor to be pleasant and sweet. This odor, which the evangelist disseminates, is the odor of “knowing God”. As J.I. Packer writes, “Knowing about God is crucially important for the living of our lives. As it would be cruel to an Amazonian tribesman to fly him to London, put him down without explanation in Trafalgar Square and leave him, as one who knew nothing of English or England, to fend for himself, so we are cruel to ourselves if we try to live in this world without knowing about the God whose world it is and who runs it.” This knowledge of God through Christ, this fragrance, is depicted as a light that pierces our hearts in 2 Corinthians 4.6; Paul writes, For it is the God who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness’, who has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

The message of the gospel is picked up either as a sweet smelling perfume or a repugnant odor; the scent is determined by the hearts of the hearers. Paul puts humanity into two groups: those on the path to life and those on the path to destruction. “From death to death” and “from life to life” are Hebrew idioms inferring that the scent of the gospel proclamation intensifies as it is being preached, so that those on the path leading to destruction find the gospel increasingly intolerable to their senses, whereas those on the path leading to life find the gospel increasingly pleasant. When we proclaim the gospel, we shouldn’t expect everyone to find the preaching delightful; we should expect, as Paul tells us, that there will indeed be many who find the gospel repulsive, and they won’t hesitate to tell  us so.

Paul asks, “Who is sufficient for these things?” It’s implied that no one is sufficient for these things, least of all Paul: his sufficiency is not of himself but of God. He sees himself as a prophet who stands in God’s presence and proclaims God’s message not for his own purposes but because he has been sent by God to do precisely that. Paul’s self-identification as a prophet is seen in Romans 1.5, where he writes, And here is what [God] has done: He has graced us [apostles] and sanctioned us as His emissaries whose mission is to spread the one true and obedient faith to all people in the name of Jesus. 

"What a Man Must Be..."

This short book is about biblical manhood in the context of marriage. There are lots of great parts, but what interested me the most was the chapter contrasting egalitarianism and complementarianism. Egalitarianism is the novel idea that because men and women are equal in personhood, there are no such thing as "gender roles" in the context of marriage. Complementarianism is the historical idea that men and women are equal in personhood but yet distinct, and that distinction is reflected in marriage in different gender roles. In short, husbands are to lead their wives, and wives are to submit to their husbands. A lot more goes into it, of course, but what fascinated me in this chapter was how the author showed the recent growth of egalitarianism happening in tandem with the growth of radical philosophical feminism.

He quotes professor Daniel Doriani (who looks a lot like Bob Saget, IMHO): "For over eighteen centuries the church was confident that it understood... biblical texts central to the Christian concept of marriage and gender relations. The church's leading pastors, theologians, and exegetes held that Ephesians 5 taught mutuality and service within the structure given by the leadership of a husband and father. The church judged Ephesians 5 and other passages, such as Genesis 2 and 1 Timothy 2, difficult to perform perhaps, but not difficult to understand... A handful of Christians began to question this consensus in the early 1800s, but the onslaught began with the onset of feminism a few decades ago. As it often does, the church started to echo a new cultural movement by adopting the questions and sensibilities of feminism, about a decade after its arrival. Theologians then began to read teachings about submission and leadership in new ways. Not surprisingly, feminist interpretations of Ephesians 5 started to appear in commentaries around 1970."

As a former egalitarian, I can tell you that most diehard egalitarians will tell you they simply interpret the text through the cultural lens of the original readers/hearers. What we are to make of the tandem growth of feminism and an egalitarian approach to leadership and submission? It must be nothing other than coincidence. OR Douglas Wilson is spot-on when he writes, "The church's reading of scripture in the western world has often become very influenced by the humanistic, egalitarian thought of western culture... Contemporary humanistic philosophy is becoming the grid through which scripture is read, and in order to make it work, the more culturally unpalatable aspects of Christianity must be explained away as outdated, situational, or just downright wrong." The reason I "switched sides" on this little debate within Christian circles is because I found many of the egalitarian arguments (which I at one time paraded through the streets) to be flatly untenable. I think Wilson is indeed on the mark with his analysis, and I think the rise of egalitarianism in sync with the rise of radical philosophical feminism isn't coincidental.

a video for Blake

Skip to 2:25. 

You'll know it when you see it.

an australian mystery

Great White Shark researchers have reported that something strange (not to mention downright terrifying) has happened to one of their sharks. Read the article here, or check out the video:

No one knows what to make of this, and everyone’s positing their own guesses. Here are what I believe to be the top 4 most likely explanations:

1. The Giant Squid

2. Cthulhu

3. Sharktopus

4. Liam Neeson

from Mugs Coffee House

There's a town down there, but it's so small you can hardly see it. #ripon

Yesterday was a pretty great day filled with lots of parks and prairies, dancing in the rain, plunging into lakes, and basically just being crazy with my girlfriend. We’re pretty awesome, and she makes me look good:

I’m so in love with her, and I can’t wait to be here in this town with her forever, to be by her side every day and every night. Our lives together will be filled with adventurers, and we will be co-adventurers together. I’ve never loved anyone like I love her, and I thank God for answering my prayers and blessing me with a woman as intoxicatingly beautiful, compassionate, caring, loving, and straight-up AWESOME as her. #floored

[sunday meditations]

INTERMISSION: 1 PETER 1.22-2.3

In the first part of 1 Peter 1, we have St. Peter putting the Christian hope in the forefront of the Christians’ minds. It’s within the context of this hope that Christians find their new identities, identities given to them by God when they put their faith in Jesus and are baptized into his death and resurrection. These new identities, being both part of and signposts to the Christian hope, lie at the heart of Christian ethics (what it means to be good). The bulk of 1 Peter will instruct the Christians in Asia Minor on how they’re to live as exiles in the midst of approaching persecution; this exilic living is held in place by the Christians’ God-given identities and the behavior appropriate with that identity. It’s for this reason that St. Peter doesn’t just gloss over regeneration and what that all means: it’s an integral piece of what it means to live as exiles in a foreign, hostile land (after all, their identities as exiles was founded upon the fact that they were foreigners by virtue of their rebirth).

At the heart of Christian ethics (exilic living) lies the modus operandi of love. God is love, and those who belong to him are born because of that love, to be part of that love, and to love. This love isn’t the kind of love we see portrayed in hip-hop songs and sitcoms; no, it’s a love seen most vividly in sacrifice (and that’s seen most vividly on the cross). It’s no small wonder, then, that St. Peter launches this part of his letter with a call to love, and then gives the reason why they must love: they have been “born again”; i.e., they have been redeemed to genuine human being status. This isn’t through anything they have done but by the power of God through the gospel being preached. Because they have been reborn as human beings, they are to live as is fitting for genuine human beings: this involves shedding off the old and musty clothes of their old, dead selves; and conversely, it involves embracing genuine human modes-of-living. This development into genuine human living isn’t done by willpower alone but by the Spirit changing us as we engage him in spiritual disciplines, as we pursue the “spiritual milk” that will enable us, through the power of the Spirit, to grow up towards maturity.

With persecution looming like a panther crouched at the doorway, St. Peter knows that the Christians in Asia Minor mustn’t forget where they stand in the big scheme of things. When persecution strikes, we’d like to think that we’d remain steadfast and loyal to Jesus. History shows us, however, that the fear of mortal death—and even the fear of losing face before one’s friends and fellow patriots—is enough to drive devoted Christians to the other side of the fence. We only need read through the book of Hebrews to see how this becomes reality: when Jewish believers faced persecution, many of them abandoned Christ and returned to the old ways of doing things. Peter knows full well that it’s no hard thing for a Christian to backslide, especially when confronted with the cost of devotion to God, and he knows that one of the best ways to prevent this is to keep the Christians’ heads clear. The mushrooming text, although a labyrinth of Old Testament echoes and citations that make even the most wizened biblical scholars squirm, gives us a telescopic look at the church as persecution looms near.

The Way (X)

Don't be afraid of death. Accept it from this day on, generously... when God wills it, how God wills it, where God wills it. Believe me, it will come at the time, in the place and in the way that are best--sent by your Father God. May our sister death be welcome!

For others, death is a stumbling block, a source of terror. For us, death--Life--is an encouragement and a stimulus. For them it is the end; for us, the beginning.

Haven't you heard the mournful tone with whcih the worldly complain that 'each day that passes is a step nearer death'? It is. And I tell you: rejoice, apostolic soul, for each day that passes brings you closer to Life.

Have you seen the dead leaves fall in the sad autumn twilight? So fall souls each day into eternity. One day, the falling leaf will be you.

If you're an apostle, death will be a good friend who helps you on your way.

You--if you are an apostle--will not have to die. You will move to a new house, that's all.

"He shall come to judge the living and the dead." Thus we say in the Creed. May you never lose sight of that judgment and of that justice and of that judge.

Doesn't your soul burn with the desire to make your Father God happy when he has to judge you?

There is a great tendency among worldly souls to think of God's mercy, and so they are emboldened to persist in their follies. It's true that God our Lord is infinitely merciful, but he is also infinitely just; and there is a judgment, and he is the judge.

[The Battle of Hampton Roads]

U.S.S. Monitor vs. C.S.S. Virginia

March 9, 1862

A titanic showdown between the first two "ironclads", iron naval vessels that would change the face of naval history and make wooden vessels a thing of the past. Confederate soldiers on the ground and Union soldiers on water watched the two ironclads circle and fire and ram one another until the Virginia retired into the relative safety of a Confederate-controlled harbor. The battle was called a draw, though the Monitor claimed victory since it protected wooden Union ships from being sunk to the bottom.

from Blue Ash

Mondays are my easiest days, with only one short shift in the middle of the afternoon. I like to treat myself to a little "something something" on Mondays; usually it's Dusmesh buffet, but this past Monday I went to Zola's Pub & Grill and did some paperwork and read Shelby Foote's The Civil War while sipping a couple beers and chowing down on red meat. The rest of the week isn't too conducive to treating myself: I work until 9 PM on Tuesdays, 8 PM on Wednesdays, and till midnight on Thursdays. By the time I get off work on Fridays, I'm too exhausted to do anything except take a nap before heading to my overnight in Northside. Saturdays are always packed with shifts, and every other Sunday I have a few spare hours before my midnight shift in Blue Ash. 

Work has been wearying, and I'm feeling stretched thinner with each passing shift. There's a certain dread that falls over me on Monday nights, knowing I'll be working nonstop with hardly any form of a social life. My patience wears rather thin by the end of the week, and by the time I get off work and return to my Hobbit Hole, it's sweltering hot without AC. That only adds to the frustration and lack of sleep. Lately I've been soaking a shirt in cold water and wearing it around the apartment. It's a colonial trick to keep the body temperature down. A lot of evenings I just sit on the sofa and stare at the wall, waiting for sleep to overcome so I can get up long before dawn and begin work anew. 

Talking to the Wisconsinite is one of the few brief respites I have throughout the week, and our conversations keep me going. She's great at putting me in a good mood, and she's sympathetic and understanding to my stress, my impatience, my exhaustion. She's a huge support, and working this much would be so much harder if I didn't have that support from her. I'll be moving up to Wisconsin in just a short time now. June will become July; July will become August; and then I'll be making the plunge. Already many of my belongings are waiting for me up there. The Hobbit Hole has become rather sparse. 

"My Life For Yours"

My Life For Yours is a collection of sermons by Douglas Wilson. The book goes through every part of your standard house—the front door, the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, and so on—looking at how life in these parts should look in a Christian household. The title of the book derives from his central premise: “The central principle of godly living in a Christian home is the principle of ‘my life for yours.’ This means love and humility.” My favorite chapters deal with the main sins that afflict marriages (or relationships in general). The main sins are Pride, Bitterness, Anger, and Lust. Both husbands and wives (and boyfriends and girlfriends) are susceptible to these sins, and being aware of them and fighting against them with knowledge is necessary to preserve the health of the relationship. Although this book is written for married couples, I found these chapters helpful for me in my current situation-in-life. Here are some quotes from the book that I really like:

* * *

Any masculinity that washes off in dishwater had to have been pretty superficial to begin with.

The pride of man must always bow before the Godness of God. What happened when Nebuchadnezzar’s understanding returned to him? What did he say? Understanding who God is and gladly submitting to Him should be our very definition of what it means to be sane (Dan 4.34-37). A sane father, a sane husband, a sane wife, a sane mother—these are all people who treasure in their hearts a remembrance of who God is.

Paul says we are to put our wrath and anger away. We are also told to put if off (Col 3.8). We are not our own; we were bought by someone else. He has told us to get the anger out of our lives, and this is because we have put on Christ... [This] text is speaking to all followers of Christ—put it away. It does not say put it away if… One may think he is not young enough to change, the provocations are too big for him to change, and so forth. But the word must be bluntly spoken to every follower of Christ—knock it off.

Anger frequently grows up from what we think are lesser sins—annoyances, irritations, resentments, gripes, imputations of motive, and so forth. An important part of dealing with the storm of anger is learning to recognize the storm when it’s a small cloud. The way to be able to do this is to cultivate a tender heart. What is the counterpart to every form of anger? It is kindness, tenderheartedness, forgiveness to one another. This is the only measuring rod we may use.

God tells us the marriage bed is to be honored; the author of Hebrews tells us this plainly (Heb 13.4). This means sexual living is to be highly esteemed among Christians, but we don’t esteem it highly if we ignore it. Prayers and blessings at Christian weddings ought to routinely refer to the marriage bed, and everyone there should know this public gathering is called for the purpose of celebrating a new sexual relationship, one that will begin later that day.

The marriage bed is to be used. The world is filled with immorality, and the apostle Paul tells us that one of the functions of marriage in a fallen world is to help guard against temptations to immorality (1 Cor 7.2-3). In this, the marriage bed is to be a delight: the godly man is commanded to be satisfied with his wife’s breasts and is to be ravished with her love (Prov 5.19). A couple should get drunk on one another (Song 5.1).

2 Corinthians 1.8-9

We do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, of the affliction we experienced in Asia; for we were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death so that we would rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 

(2 Corinthians 1.8-9)

Paul tells the Corinthians of the trials he and his coworkers experienced in Asia. He doesn't go into explicit detail, and we can only guess at what, exactly, went down. What Paul does tell us is the effect the trials had on them: they despaired of life itself and felt that they had received the sentence of death. Whatever they were facing persuaded them they would not escape, so that their hope wasn't on deliverance but on bodily resurrection. In such a situation, Paul and his coworkers couldn't rely on their own plans, their own strength, or their own wisdom; they had to put all their trust in God. Deliverance came, and Paul saw that God either allowed or orchestrated the whole ordeal so that they would rely not on their own prowess but on the prowess of God. 

There have been times in my life when I have felt quite literally at the end of my rope. In those times God sustained me. I can't begin to describe my own weakness in those times, how I indeed despaired of life itself and felt that I had received the sentence of death. A marvelous testimony to the faithfulness of God and His power made perfect in weakness is the fact that I'm sitting in this booth at The Anchor rather than lying in a grave of my own making. God's strength sustained me, but that isn't the same as saying that He wiped away all my suffering. My weaknesses weren't eliminated by His strength; they remained, and it was He who sustained me. 

Paul knew his own weaknesses well, and he didn't pretend that God's power eradicated them. Later on in 2 Corinthians he writes, To keep me grounded and stop me from becoming too high and mighty due to the extraordinary character of [my revelations from God], I was given a thorn in the flesh--a nagging nuisance of Satan, a messenger to plague me! I begged the Lord three times to liberate me from its anguish; and finally He said to me, "My grace is enough to cover and sustain you. My power is made perfect in weakness." So ask me about my thorn, inquire about my weaknesses, and I will gladly go on and on--I would rather stake my claim in these and have the power of the Anointed One at home within me. (2 Cor 7.7-9) We've no idea what weaknesses Paul is referring to; some have speculated it's his bad eyesight, or his lack of oratory skill, or his timidness before others, or even some sort of depression. The point is that all of us have weaknesses, and God's aim isn't to eliminate our weaknesses but to show His power in them so that He, rather than we, gets the glory.

I've weaknesses aplenty, and I'd rather not boast about them. I'm prideful. I want people to think I have it all together. I don't want people to know that I wrestle with addiction, that I'm prone to bouts of sadness and despair, that I'm plagued with self-doubt, that I daily struggle to trust in God and His provision. Self-reliance is a plague on faith, because faith forces us to admit our own inability, our own impotence, our own smallness. Faith demands we acknowledge our frailty in the face of a world set against us. I begin to think that if my faith in God were stronger, if my trust were more solid, that my weaknesses would disappear. God says, "No." He wants to be glorified in my weaknesses, and He is glorified when I admit them and rely not on my own strength (for my own strength isn't that great) but on His strength to sustain me, work in me, and carry me forward. 

My craving to have everything figured out and accomplish things on my own intensifies as the time for moving to Wisconsin draws nearer. Along with that craving comes the numbing fear that I won't figure everything out, that I won't accomplish things on my own. And perhaps that's the point. Perhaps God wants to use this move with everything it entails to grow my trust in Him. Perhaps He wants to use this "trial" of sorts to show His power and providence so that He gets the glory. Perhaps His aim is to use this to strengthen my trust in Him. I am to lead Mandy in our relationship, in our upcoming marriage, and that means I must be "the man." Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 16.13 speak to my commission: Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be the man. Be strong. And do everything with love. That is the commission God gives me as Mandy's future husband, and He's working in me through my weaknesses to increase my trust in Him and to show His glory in me and, when she and I are united as one, in us. 

[sunday meditations]

1 PETER 2.2-3

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

St. Peter just can’t get off the regeneration horse. He compares the Christians in Asia Minor to newborn infants. Just as babies are born and must grow up into adults, so Christians who have been “born again” mustn’t be content to remain as babies but must pursue maturity, which St. Peter here identifies as “salvation.” Peter’s main point is that, as regenerate human beings, Christians are to pursue genuine human living. This involves the “putting off” of verse 1 and embracing the exilic lifestyle Peter will lay out in the coming chapters.

“What does it mean to grow up into salvation?” It certainly doesn’t mean that once we are regenerate, we need to keep being holier and holier or we’ll lose our salvation.  It doesn’t mean that while we’re saved by grace we’re “kept in” by works.  It doesn’t mean that once we enter the fold of God, our position there is dependent upon the accelerating rate of our sanctification. Salvation, remember, is a multi-layered event, a process of sorts. There’s the past act of salvation: when God declares, in a climactic and decisive moment, the sinner to be “in the right,” forgiven and redeemed, by virtue of Christ’s death and resurrection, when the person receives the Holy Spirit. This is the moment of regeneration. Salvation also involves the present reality of implementing our salvation in our daily lives; in other words, it involves living-out the gospel and the fact that we indeed have been redeemed. And then there’s the future aspect: when our salvation will be completed at glorification, when those who have died will be raised and those who are alive will be changed. “Growing up into salvation” is all about sanctification; it’s all about how we’re to implement and put into practice the fact that we have been saved, are being saved, and will be saved.

A question is raised: “What’s the spiritual milk that St. Peter tells the Christians to long for?” Depending on your translation, the phrase might look something like this: “long for the pure spiritual milk of the word.” The phrase “of the word” doesn’t appear in the actual Greek text (kudos to the E.S.V. for resisting tradition here). The “milk of the word” addition appears as early as the 1611 King James Version, and we also see it in the more recent and scholarly New American Standard Bible (shame on them for the 1611 baggage). Translators originally added the phrase as an attempt to explain what they thought the verse was saying, and their take goes something like this: “The pure spiritual milk is the Word of God, the Scriptures, and through digesting it we’re to grow up into Christian maturity.” That’s all good and well, and there’s no denying that studying scripture, praying through scripture, memorizing scripture, or what have you is profitable to development as a Christian. The scriptures are “living and active”, and the Spirit works through them to transform us.

But the addition’s just too limiting: it does more harm than good. Keep in mind: the scriptures in the days of the New Testament weren’t the New Testament per se but the whole of the Jewish tradition, including texts such as the Wisdom of Solomon which are no longer considered part of the Old Testament canon. To assume that Peter’s talking about “the bible” is to ignore the fact that the bible, as we have it now, didn’t exist (and there’s no reason to suppose that Peter ever assumed his letters would end up in some big book consisting of strange documents thrown together).

The question, then, remains unanswered: “What is this pure spiritual milk?” Chances are Peter doesn’t have any specific thing in mind here. He probably isn’t thinking specifically of “prayer” or “bible reading” or anything like that. Rather, he’s using the phrase “spiritual milk” because it directly connects with the metaphor of the passage (newborn infants) and carries on the idea of growing up into maturity. Just as newborn infants need milk to gain the nutrients they need to continue developing healthily, so Christians (especially new Christians) need the nutrients of the Spirit to continue in healthy growth. As an infant deprived of the necessary nutrients will be accosted by all sorts of problems, so Christians who deprive themselves of the Spirit will find themselves in the same boat. Such spiritual milk involves anything whereby we come into contact with these spiritual nutrients; prayer, bible reading, and other spiritual disciplines are avenues by which we interact with the Spirit and find ourselves being fed. Thus St. Peter’s phrase becomes a “blanket-phrase” of sorts, embracing anything and everything that’s profitable to growing up into our salvation.

Does this include reading the bible? Absolutely.  Does it include prayer? Of course it does.  It includes all of these things. Peter’s simply using imagery to make the point that Christians aren’t just to sit on their butts all day and wait for things to change; no, we’re to be active in our pursuit of genuine human living, in our pursuit of our full and final salvation.

As a rhetorical clincher, Peter says that the Christians are to do this if indeed they have tasted that the Lord is good. He’s undoubtedly echoing Psalm 34.8, a pretty important psalm that remained relevant to the Asia Minor Christians as persecution loomed, a psalm which Peter will come back to later on in his letter. There’s much to psalm 34 and its relevance to all that Peter says, but we’ll leave that for later on in the study. The point is that Peter knows none of the Christians will deny that they have tasted the goodness of the Lord (here “Lord” being YHWH, the Judeo-Christian God, rather than solely Jesus); and so they’re without excuse to do what Peter has told them to do: to long for the pure spiritual milk whereby they will mature as regenerate human beings.