[books i've been reading]

Rise of the Governor, by Robert Kirkman and Jay Bonansinga. "In the Walking Dead universe, there is no greater villain than The Governor. The despot who runs the walled-off town of Woodbury, he has his own sick sense of justice: whether it's forcing prisoners to battle zombies in an arena for the townspeople's amusement, or chopping off the appendages of those who cross him. The Governor was voted "Villain of the Year" by Wizard magazine the year he debuted, and his story arc was the most controversial in the history of the Walking Dead comic book series. Now, for the first time, fans of The Walking Dead will discover how The Governor became the man he is, and what drove him to such extremes." (from Amazon)

The Road to Woodbury. "The first book explained how the Governor was created; this thrilling sequel to The New York Times bestseller further reveals his ruthless, inhuman conquest of Woodbury The zombie plague unleashes its horrors on the suburbs of Atlanta without warning, pitting the living against the dead. Caught in the mass exodus, Lilly Caul struggles to survive in a series of ragtag encampments and improvised shelters. But the Walkers are multiplying. Dogged by their feral hunger for flesh and crippled by fear, Lilly relies on the protection of good Samaritans by seeking refuge in a walled-in town once known as Woodbury, Georgia. At first, Woodbury seems like a perfect sanctuary. Squatters barter services for food, people have roofs over their heads, and the barricade expands, growing stronger every day. Best of all, a mysterious self-proclaimed leader named Philip Blake keeps the citizens in line. But Lilly begins to suspect that all is not as it seems. Blake, who has recently begun to call himself The Governor, has disturbing ideas about law and order. Ultimately, Lilly and a band of rebels open up a Pandora's box of mayhem and destruction when they challenge The Governor's reign . . . and the road to Woodbury becomes the highway to hell in this riveting follow-up to Robert Kirkman and Jay Bonansinga's New York Times bestselling The Walking Dead: Rise of the Governor." (from Amazon)

The Fall of the Governor (Parts I & II). "In Rise of the Governor, uber-villain Philip Blake journeyed from his humble beginnings directly into the dark heart of the zombie apocalypse, and became the self-proclaimed leader of a small town called Woodbury. In The Road to Woodbury, an innocent traveler named Lilly Caul wound up in the terrifying thrall of Phillip Blake's twisted, violent dictatorship within Woodbury's ever tightening barricades. And now, in The Fall of the Governor, the Governor's descent into madness finally erupts in a tour de force of action and horror. Beloved characters from the comic book, including Rick, Michonne, and Glenn, finally make their entrance onto this nightmarish stage, and fans of The Walking Dead will see these characters in a whole new light. Simmering grudges boil over into unthinkable confrontations, battle lines are drawn, and unexpected twists seal the fates of the innocent and guilty alike." (from Amazon)

The Descent. "Out of the ashes of its dark past, Woodbury, Georgia, becomes an oasis of safety amidst the plague of the walking dead - a town reborn in the wake of its former tyrannical leader, Philip Blake, aka The Governor. Blake's legacy of madness haunts every nook and cranny of this little walled community, but Lilly Caul and a small ragtag band of survivors are determined to overcome their traumatic past... despite the fact that a super-herd is closing in on them. This vast stampede of zombies, driven by inexorable hunger and aimed directly at Woodbury, becomes their first true test. But Lilly and company refuse to succumb, and in a stunning counteroffensive, the beleaguered townspeople save themselves by joining forces with a mysterious religious sect fresh from the wilderness. Led by an enigmatic preacher named Jeremiah, this rogue church group seems tailor made for Woodbury and Lilly's dream of a democratic, family-friendly future. The two factions meld into one, the town prospers, and everything seems hopeful for the first time since the plague broke out. But things - especially in the world of the walking dead - are often not what they seem. Jeremiah and his followers harbor a dark secret, the evidence of which very gradually begins to unravel." (from Amazon)

[books i've been reading]

The Greatest Shown on Earth, by Richard Dawkins. " 'Intelligent Design' is being taught in our schools; educators are being asked to 'teach the controversy' behind evolutionary theory. There is no controversy. Dawkins sifts through rich layers of scientific evidence—from living examples of natural selection to clues in the fossil record; from natural clocks that mark the vast epochs wherein evolution ran its course to the intricacies of developing embryos; from plate tectonics to molecular genetics—to make the airtight case that 'we find ourselves perched on one tiny twig in the midst of a blossoming and flourishing tree of life and it is no accident, but the direct consequence of evolution by non-random selection.' His unjaded passion for the natural world turns what might have been a negative argument, exposing the absurdities of the creationist position, into a positive offering to the reader: nothing less than a master’s vision of life, in all its splendor." (from Amazon)

Why Evolution is True, by Jerry A. Coyne. "With great care, attention to the scientific evidence and a wonderfully accessible style, Coyne, an evolutionary geneticist at the University of Chicago, presents an overwhelming case for evolution. Ranging from biogeography to geology, from anatomy to genetics, and from molecular biology to physiology, he demonstrates that evolutionary theory makes predictions that are consistently borne out by the data—basic requirements for a scientific theory to be valid. Additionally, although fully respectful of those who promote intelligent design and creationism, he uses the data at his disposal to demolish any thought that creationism is supported by the evidence while also explaining why those ideas fall outside the bounds of science. Coyne directly addresses the concept often advanced by religious fundamentalists that an acceptance of evolution must lead to immorality, concluding that evolution tells us where we came from, not where we can go. Readers looking to understand the case for evolution and searching for a response to many of the most common creationist claims should find everything they need in this powerful book, which is clearer and more comprehensive than the many others on the subject." (from Publishers Weekly)

[books i've been reading]

The Dinosaur Heresies, by Robert Bakker. "Bakker is undoubtedly the controversial and exciting dinosaurologist of the day. His ideas of active, behaviorly complex, warm-blooded dinosaurs have shaken orthodox views and stimulated both public interest and renewed scientific research. In this book he reviews many of his well-known ideas about dinosaur physiology, feeding habits, running ability, taxonomy, and extinction, and offers tidbits on more minor details, e.g., whether dinosaurs had a gizzard. He writes in a colorful, even impassioned prose more akin to political rhetoric than analytic science." (from Library Journal)

Dinosaurs! by David Norman. "This is a tie-in to the television series of the same name that was shown on the Arts & Entertainment network. Many of the illustrations in this book will be familiar to dinosaur fans since they have often been reprinted elsewhere. However. the text is surprisingly interesting and scientifically sophisticated. Norman is a British paleontologist who was a contributor to the definitive scientific treatise on dinosaurs, The Dinosauria ( LJ 3/15/91). He describes the work of paleontologists as "a detective story," and shows how clues from the fossil record helped develop the current thought on dinosaurs. The subject is treated at a level for general readers, but without oversimplification." (from Library Journal)

The Earth Before the Dinosaurs, by Sebastien Steyer. "This beautiful volume introduces the incredible animals that populated the planet before the Age of the Dinosaurs. Readers voyage to a time, beginning about 370 million years ago, when the first four-footed vertebrates appeared, and ending 200 million years later at the moment when the dinosaurs begin their ascent. During this time, vertebrates emerge from the sea and there appears a parade of animals, each more astonishing than the last. On this expedition, we learn how paleontologists become detectives to understand the history of life and we discover that many widely held ideas about the evolution of species are completely false. Earth before the Dinosaurs is an entertaining and informative guide to an astonishing and little-known world." (from Amazon)

A Field Guide to Dinosaurs, by Henry Gee & Luis V. Rey. "Sensational discoveries during the past decade have shed new light on the most intimate details of dinosaurs’ lives, including their appearance and behavior, their family structures, and their sex lives. The latest dinosaur findings present a far more vivid and complete picture of this extraordinarily successful group of animals than would have been thought possible only a few years ago. Recent findings in South America, Madagascar, Mongolia, China, and Australia have revealed the existence of amazing and exotic dinosaurs. Paleontologist Henry Gee and artist Luis Ray have seamlessly integrated all of the most recent discoveries in the making of this unique book. In A Field Guide to Dinosaurs, Renowned dinosaur artist Luis V. Rey and paleontologist and writer Henry Gee use up-to-the-minute research findings to paint a vivid picture of the dinosaurs’ world. Their unique approach gives readers lifelike portrayals of dinosaurs similar to that of naturalists in the wild, observing living animals of our own era. Readers will experience dinosaurs as living, breathing creatures, with each kind described “from the field” and shown in breathtaking illustrations. Dinosaur physiology is shown in full-color paintings, anatomical sketches, and a host of fascinating incidental detail, much of it never published outside specialist journals. Readers will understand the dinosaurs’ environment in terms of the world’s changing face throughout the 180-million-year extent of the dinosaur-dominated Mesozoic Era, with a detailed, full-color chart that relates the time span of each dinosaur group. The book also includes at-a-glance icons that convey information about different dinosaur groups, including size, taxonomy, geological period, and geographical origins." (from Amazon)

Extreme Dinosaurs, by Luis V. Rey. "Eye-catching illustrations and an enthusiastic text make this an appealing addition. After an introduction focusing on dinosaur evolution, species are grouped by the continent on which they were discovered, including the first fossils found in 19th-century Europe, the first Tyrannosaurus rex in North America, and the 1996 discovery of the feathered Sinosauropteryx in China. Rey's acrylic paintings feature vivid color and light along with action-packed scenes. Some of the illustrations depict dinosaurs from different eras in the same setting, but the author explains his reasons for this, usually related to demonstrating visually the evolution of similar species. The paintings reflect current speculation about ancient reptiles; Rey paints a very birdlike Deinonychus, which some, but not all, scientists now believe may have been possible. Some of the artwork has appeared in other children's titles. The text flows fairly smoothly and the author's fascination with paleontology and art comes through. At times, though, there is an awkward shift between the strictly scientific voice and the more conversational enthusiastic presentation, with an overuse of such words as "bizarre," "strange," and "weird" in dinosaur descriptions. In general, however, the book succeeds as both an appreciation of these fascinating creatures and a useful, up-to-date, and visually attractive resource about a perennially popular topic." (from School Library Journal)

10.10.15

[books i've been reading]

Freedom Road, by Howard Fast. "Gideon Jackson, a former slave, returns to the home of his youth in order to begin his post-war life. His wife and children await him and they take their first, halting steps into a free future. Then the notice comes that all the men over age 21 are meant to go into town to vote. From this simple act comes more change than Gideon ever counted on, and maybe more than he wanted, at least at first. Based on historic facts for those who care to dig deeply enough, Freedom Road presents a searing, alternative view of Reconstruction, using the words and work of the people it helped; the people for whom freedom was recently earned with great difficulty, and not to be forsaken at any price." (from Amazon)

Spartacus, by Howard Fast. "Everyone knows the basic story of Spartacus, the anonymous third-generation slave sold to a gladiator school to fight for the amusement of decadent Romans, and how he ended up leading a gigantic slave rebellion that nearly destroyed the Republic. What Fast explores in the novel is how and why this rebellion came about, and what effect it had on the psychology of the Romans, whose culture even during the years of the Republic was enormously dependent on slavery. Most importantly, Fast explores the moral climate of Rome by following around the "victors" of the Servile War as they reminisce about Spartacus and how he was defeated. It is in this backward-looking manner that "Spartacus" unfolds. Fast draws his characters, most of whom are real-life figures, with wonderful clarity: Crassus, the general who crushed Spartacus' rebellion, is shown as "the bronze hawk of the Republic" -- ruthless, sensual, grasping, yet ultimately hollow; Cicero, the historian-philosopher, as a scheming opportunist of the worst sort; Gracchus as a basically decent man turned cynical and decayed by the evils of his society. The lesser Roman characters are much worse: empty-headed, venal, vain, cruel, parasitic, sexually depraved, almost unspeakably vicious and treacherous, all holding onto illicit fortunes wrung from the sweat and labor of slaves, and all desperate to increase their wealth, power and position relative to each other. Nor are the common folk of the cities and towns spared: Fast depicts them in passing as a lazy, bloodthirsty, amoral mob who live for cheap wine and the grain dole and the games, who "strangle their children at birth" and whore themselves on the streets for pennies. In contrast, Fast holds the slaves as being rendered pure and noble by virtue of their suffering. Spartacus is depicted as almost Jesus-like in his simplistic divinity; Varinia (his lover) as a pillar of wifely and motherly virtue; David (the Jewish gladiator) as a hate-filled soul brought to love and redemption through his apprenticeship at Spartacus' side. Once freed, the slaves live in perfect socialistic harmony, sharing their property, keeping no more than they need, living as equals and brothers, and -- inflamed by their passion for freedom -- fighting like lions against the numerically superior and better-equipped Roman legions. If all of this seems rather heavy-handed to you, it is. Fast's Rome is metaphoric. The Romans are modern-day capitalists, the slaves the modern-day working class; and in attacking capitalism and imperialism he is suggesting, as most Marxists did, that the triumph of socialism/communism is a "historical necessity"....not because it is stronger (the slaves are defeated), but because it is righteous (the slaves will rise again). It hardly comes a surprise that this book was required reading for many Soviet schoolchildren." (from Amazon)

[books i've been reading]

The Last Superstition: A Refutation of the New Atheism, by Edward Feser. "New Atheists Richards Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, and Sam Harris get their comeuppance from philosopher Feser in the spirit with which they abuse believers. “Their books stand out for their manifest ignorance” of the Western religious tradition, he says, “and for the breathtaking shallowness of their philosophical analysis of religious matters.” Far better than such no-quarters rhetoric, however, are the review of pre-Aristotelian philosophy and the summary of Aristotelian metaphysics and Thomas Aquinas’ refinements of Aristotle that make up the heart, soul, and bulk of the book. Feser chooses to argue from Aristotle because he was not arguing from any religious perspective and because Aristotle’s logic, his rationality, hasn’t been improved upon or refuted by modern philosophy. Aristotle’s proof that there is a prime mover or pure being—God—remains solid. Ignoramuses like the four horsemen of the apostasy, whose factual errors, half-truths, and mischaracterization Feser highlights with contemptuous glee, “refute” Aristotle only by changing the playing field from metaphysics to science, from philosophical realism to materialism. With energy and humor as well as transparent exposition, Feser reestablishes the unassailable superiority of classical philosophy." (from Booklist)


The Dawkins Delusion: Atheist Fundamentalism and the Denial of the Divine, by Alister McGrath. "When authors write books that criticize other books, they have usually already lost; the original book has set the agenda to which the critics respond, and the outcome is foretold. Not in this case. The McGraths expeditiously plow into the flank of Dawkins's fundamentalist atheism, made famous in The God Delusion, and run him from the battlefield. The book works partly because they are so much more gracious to Dawkins than Dawkins is to believers: Dawkins's The Blind Watchmaker remains the finest critique of William Paley's naturalistic arguments for deism available, for example. The authors can even point to instances in which their interactions with him, both literary and personal, have changed his manner of arguing: he can no longer say that Tertullian praised Christian belief because of its absurdity or that religion necessarily makes one violent. The McGraths are frustrated, then, that Dawkins continues to write on the a priori, nonscientific assumption that religious believers are either deluded or meretricious, never pausing to consider the evidence not in his favor or the complex beliefs and practices of actual Christians. They conclude disquietingly: perhaps Dawkins is aware that demagogic ranting that displays confidence in the face of counterevidence is the way to sway unlearned masses." (from Publisher's Weekly)

[books i've been reading]

The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism, by Timothy Keller. "In this apologia for Christian faith, Keller mines material from literary classics, philosophy, anthropology and a multitude of other disciplines to make an intellectually compelling case for God. Written for skeptics and the believers who love them, the book draws on the author's encounters as founding pastor of New York's booming Redeemer Presbyterian Church. One of Keller's most provocative arguments is that all doubts, however skeptical and cynical they may seem, are really a set of alternate beliefs. Drawing on sources as diverse as 19th-century author Robert Louis Stevenson and contemporary New Testament theologian N.T. Wright, Keller attempts to deconstruct everyone he finds in his way, from the evolutionary psychologist Richard Dawkins to popular author Dan Brown. The first, shorter part of the book looks at popular arguments against God's existence, while the second builds on general arguments for God to culminate in a sharp focus on the redemptive work of God in Christ. Keller's condensed summaries of arguments for and against theism make the scope of the book overwhelming at times. Nonetheless, it should serve both as testimony to the author's encyclopedic learning and as a compelling overview of the current debate on faith for those who doubt and for those who want to re-evaluate what they believe, and why." (from Publisher's Weekly)

What's So Great About Christianity?, by Dinesh D'Souza. "Is it reasonable to have faith in God? Can intelligent, educated people really believe what the Bible says? Or do the atheists have it right―has Christianity been disproven by science and discredited as a guide to morality? Best-selling author Dinesh D'Souza (The Enemy at Home; What's So Great about America) responds head-on to the anti-God arguments of prominent atheists such as Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Christopher Hitchens and defeats them on their own terms. What's So Great about Christianity provides believers with a straightforward tool kit for meeting the challenge of modern atheism and secularism; for nonbelievers, it offers a compelling apologetic that will challenge their assumptions and affirm that there really is something great about Christianity." (from Amazon)

[books i've been reading]

The Twilight of Atheism: The Rise and Fall of Disbelief in the Modern World, by Alister McGrath. "Oxford University's McGrath has distinguished himself not just as an historical theologian, but as a generous and witty writer who brings life to topics that would turn to dust in others' hands. Here he explores the history of atheism in Western culture, observing that atheism seems to be succumbing to the very fate—irrelevance and dissolution—that atheists once predicted would overtake traditional religion. How did atheism ("a principled and informed decision to reject belief in God") become so rare by the turn of the 21st century? McGrath leaves no stone unturned, nor any important source unconsulted, in tracing atheism's rise and fall. Beyond the usual suspects of Marx, Freud and Darwin, McGrath surveys literature (George Eliot, Algernon Swinburne), science (Jacques Monod, Richard Dawkins) and philosophy (Ludwig Feuerbach, Michel Foucault), managing to make such intellectual heavy lifting look effortless. As a lapsed atheist himself, McGrath is a sympathetic interpreter, but he also relentlessly documents what he contends are the philosophical inconsistency and moral failures of atheism, especially when it has acquired political power. Yet believers will find no warrant here for complacency, as McGrath shows how religion's "failures of imagination" and complicity with oppression often fostered the very environment in which atheism could thrive. Indeed, he warns, "Believers need to realize that, strange as it may seem, it is they who will have the greatest impact on atheism's future." Readable and memorable, this is intellectual history at its best." (from Publisher's Weekly)

God and the New Atheism: A Critical Response to Dawkins, Harris, and Hitchens, by John F. Haught. "The recent spate of books from atheists such as Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and (most stridently) Christopher Hitchens has prompted many pundits and scholars to label the trend the New Atheism. Haught uses the term, but argues that there is nothing really new about the New Atheism; it is instead a rehashing of antireligious arguments that are as old as the Enlightenment. In fact, Haught criticizes the New Atheism as being theologically unchallenging, its all-or-nothing thinking representing about the same level of reflection on faith that one can find in contemporary creationist and fundamentalist literature. Haught draws upon theologians such as Tillich, Bultmann, Ricoeur, McFague and Pannenberg to refute some of the New Atheists' most common contentions. Through most of Haught's book, his approach is straight theism, with the exclusively or specifically Christian arguments coming near the end. Although this book is more accessible than some of Haught's earlier theological work (e.g., Is Nature Enough?), it is still challenging and serious; readers will need to follow scientific, theological, philosophical and logical threads to keep up. The reward is worth it, however, as Haught lays out the fundamental issues clearly and without the vitriol that has characterized Hitchens et al. as well as many of their interlocutors." (from Publishers Weekly)

[books i've been reading]

The Mist, by Stephen King. Sound so visual you're literally engulfed by its bonechilling terror! Stephen King's sinister imagination and the miracle of 3-D sound transport you to a sleepy all-American town. It's a hot, lazy day, perfect for a cookout, until you see those strange dark clouds. Suddenly a violent storm sweeps across the lake and ends as abruptly and unexpectedly as it had begun. Then comes the mist...creeping slowly, inexorably into town, where it settles and waits, trapping you in the supermarket with dozens of others, cut off from your families and the world. The mist is alive, seething with unearthly sounds and movements. What unleashed this terror? Was it the Arrowhead Project---the top secret government operation that everyone has noticed but no one quite understands? And what happens when the provisions have run out and you're forced to make your escape, edging blindly through the dim light? The Mist has you in it grip, and this masterpiece of 3-D sound engineering surrounds you with horror so real that you'll be grabbing your own arm for reassurance. To one side---and whipping around your chair, a slither of tentacles. Swooping down upon you, a rush grotesque, prehistoric wings. In the impenetrable mist, hearing is seeing---and believing. And what you're about to hear, you'll never forget. (Signet Publishers)

Carrie, by Stephen King. Stephen King's legendary debut, about a teenage outcast and the revenge she enacts on her classmates. Carrie White may have been unfashionable and unpopular, but she had a gift. Carrie could make things move by concentrating on them. A candle would fall. A door would lock. This was her power and her sin. Then, an act of kindness, as spontaneous as the vicious taunts of her classmates, offered Carrie a chance to be a normal and go to her senior prom. But another act--of ferocious cruelty--turned her gift into a weapon of horror and destruction that her classmates would never forget. (Amazon)

[books i've been reading]

From A Buick 8, by Stephen King. "Unlike earlier King works, there is no active threat here; no monster is stalking the heroes of the story, unless you count the characters' own curiosity. In past books, King has terrorized readers with vampires, werewolves, a killer clown, ghosts, and aliens, but this time around, the bogeyman is a more passive, cerebral threat, and one for which they don't make a ready-to-wear Halloween costume--man's fascination with and fear of the unknown. While some readers may find this tale less exciting than the horror master's earlier works, From a Buick 8 is a wonderful example of how much King's plotting skills and literary finesse have matured over his long career. And, most of all, it's a darn creepy book." (Benjamin Reese)

Pet Sematary, by Stephen King. "When the Creeds move into a beautiful old house in rural Maine, it all seems too good to be true: physician father, beautiful wife, charming little daughter, adorable infant son—and now an idyllic home. As a family, they’ve got it all...right down to the friendly car. But the nearby woods hide a blood-chilling truth—more terrifying than death itself—and hideously more powerful. The Creeds are going to learn that sometimes dead is better." (from Amazon)

Cell, by Stephen King. "Cell, the king of horror's homage to zombie films (the book is dedicated in part to George A. Romero) is his goriest, most horrific novel in years, not to mention the most intensely paced. Casting aside his love of elaborate character and town histories and penchant for delayed gratification, King yanks readers off their feet within the first few pages; dragging them into the fray and offering no chance catch their breath until the very last page. In Cell King taps into readers fears of technological warfare and terrorism. Mobile phones deliver the apocalypse to millions of unsuspecting humans by wiping their brains of any humanity, leaving only aggressive and destructive impulses behind. Those without cell phones, like illustrator Clayton Riddell and his small band of "normies," must fight for survival, and their journey to find Clayton's estranged wife and young son rockets the book toward resolution." (from Amazon)

[books i've been reading]

 

Waterloo: the History of Four Days, Three Armies and Three Battles, by Bernard Cornwell. "On June 18, 1815 the armies of France, Britain and Prussia descended upon a quiet valley south of Brussels. In the previous three days, the French army had beaten the Prussians at Ligny and fought the British to a standstill at Quatre-Bras. The Allies were in retreat. The little village north of where they turned to fight the French army was called Waterloo. The blood-soaked battle to which it gave its name would become a landmark in European history." (from Amazon)

The First Total War: Napoleon's Europe and the Birth of Warfare as We Know It, David Bell. "The twentieth century is usually seen as “the century of total war,” but as the historian David Bell argues in this landmark work, the phenomenon actually began much earlier, in the age of Napoleon. Bell takes us from campaigns of “extermination” in the blood-soaked fields of western France to savage street fighting in ruined Spanish cities to central European battlefields where tens of thousands died in a single day. Between 1792 and 1815, Europe plunged into an abyss of destruction, and our modern attitudes toward war were born. Ever since, the dream of perpetual peace and the nightmare of total war have been bound tightly together in the Western world—where “wars of liberation,” such as the one in Iraq, can degenerate into gruesome guerrilla conflict. With a historian’s keen insight and a journalist’s flair for detail, Bell exposes the surprising parallels between Napoleon’s day and our own in a book that is as timely and important as it is unforgettable." (from Amazon)

[books i've been reading]

World War One: A Short History, by Norman Stone. "For readers trepidatious about plowing through a weighty standard World War I history, there is the brief alternative Michael Howard offered in The First World War (2002) and now Stone’s précis. Setting the table for 1914, Stone defines the lineups of the Entente and Central Powers, their underlying conflicts of interest, and their military preparations for a general European war. That done, he paraphrases the strategic thinking of German leaders—better war now than wait for France and Russia to complete their armament programs—that induced them to risk an international explosion in 1914. From the illusions of rapid victory in one campaign, Stone elides to the hopeful successor strategies shattered by trench warfare, rendering his synopses of failed offensives East and West in vernacular language that conveys history’s summary judgments of generals’ performances. A concise anticipator of his audience’s implicit questions, such as what protracted a seemingly futile war, Stone, with distinctive wryness, introduces WWI’s origin, conduct, and consequences with emphasis on essentials." (from Booklist)

World War I Companion, edited by Matthias Strohn. "2014 sees the centenary of the start of World War I, the Great War - the war to end all wars. This four-year conflict saw the major powers of the world commit their forces on an unparalleled scale, principally in the trenches of the Western Front, but also throughout the world from the colonies of Africa to the Chinese city of Tsingtao. This was a period of intense development in military technology, technique, and innovation as the belligerent powers sought to break the deadlock. The rise of airpower, coronation of artillery, and development of the tank as a means of restoring mobility to the battlefield all came about in this period and have had a lasting influence through to the present day. This study consists of separate articles by 13 respected academics focussing on different aspects of the Great War, ranging from the war at sea, through the Gallipoli campaign to the final offensives of 1918 to give a wide-ranging companion to this truly global conflict." (from Amazon)

*the fourth of july*

#summerstorms

Fucking epic.

[books i've been reading]

The Liberation Trilogy

by Rick Atkinson

An Army at Dawn. In An Army at Dawn,, a comprehensive look at the 1942-1943 Allied invasion of North Africa, author Rick Atkinson posits that the campaign was, along with the battles of Stalingrad and Midway, where the "Axis ... forever lost the initiative" and the "fable of 3rd Reich invincibility was dissolved." Additionally, it forestalled a premature and potentially disastrous cross-channel invasion of France and served as a grueling "testing ground" for an as-yet inexperienced American army. Lastly, by relegating Great Britain to what Atkinson calls the status of "junior partner" in the war effort, North Africa marked the beginning of American geopolitical hegemony. Although his prose is occasionally overwrought, Atkinson's account is a superior one, an agile, well-informed mix of informed strategic overview and intimate battlefield-and-barracks anecdotes. (Tobacco-starved soldiers took to smoking cigarettes made of toilet paper and eucalyptus leaves.) Especially interesting are Atkinson's straightforward accounts of the many "feuds, tiffs and spats" among British and American commanders, politicians, and strategists and his honest assessments of their--and their soldiers'--performance and behavior, for better and for worse. This is an engrossing, extremely accessible account of a grim and too-often overlooked military campaign. (from Amazon)

The Day of Battle. Topping a Pulitzer Prize-winning effort is tough; finding originality in a World War II narrative is even tougher. Yet Rick Atkinson accomplishes both with The Day of Battle: The War in Sicily and Italy, 1943-1944. His previous work, An Army at Dawn, won the 2003 Pulitzer in history, but Atkinson has managed to set the bar even higher with his second installment in "The Liberation Trilogy." He descends upon each battlefield with rich historical perspective, tactical analysis, and chilling frontline observations. Cocksure Hollywood bravado is sparse, as Atkinson depicts soldiers fighting for honor, not glory. "We did it because we could not bear the shame of being less than the man beside us," explains one soldier's diary. "We fought because he fought; we died because he died." The result is an incredible portrayal of the courage, sorrow, and determination that came to define our greatest generation. (from Amazon)

The Guns at Last Light. Spanning D-day to V-E Day, Atkinson culminates his three-volume epic of the U.S. Army in Europe during WWII. Readers of the prior volumes (An Army at Dawn, 2002; The Day of Battle, 2007) will discover a thematic continuation in this one, namely, criticism of American generalship. Debacles such as Operation Market Garden, the Battle of the Hürtgen Forest, the Battle of the Bulge, and Patton’s zany raid to liberate a POW camp punctuate the narrative of the U.S. Army’s otherwise remorseless advance toward victory over the German army. To describe the high command’s thinking concerning operations that turned into fiascoes, Atkinson funnels their postwar apologia through his appreciation of a particular battlefield situation, graphically conceptualized in this tome’s excellent cartography. While casting generals in the light of human frailty, Atkinson allocates anecdotal abundance to soldiers’ ground-war experiences. Emphasizing loss, he quotes many last letters from men destined to die. With a mastery of sources that support nearly every sentence, Atkinson achieves a military history with few peers as an overview of the 1944–45 campaigns in Western Europe. (from Booklist)

An Ending...

I've decided to shut this blog down, at least semi-permanently. My blog used to be a "safe place," where I could rant and rave to my close friends. When Mandy ended things, I knew that I needed a clean break from her. I requested her not to visit my blog; she refused. So I changed the URL like five hundred times. She hunted it down each and every time. What surprised me was the adamant way she continued to search for and read my blog despite my multiple requests for her not to do so. She was the one who decided she didn't want me in her life, and it was hurtful to know she continued coming back to "keep up" on me. I know her reasons for doing so weren't bad: she cared about me and wanted to make sure I was doing OK. What bothered me (and still does) is how she caused me so much pain and continued to read my wrestling over what happened, fully aware that each visit was logged and that her visits made it harder for me to move on. 

It's mind boggling, really, that she has continued to do so up to this point. If I told a woman who loved me more than life itself that I loved her in the same way, if I told her that she could trust me with her heart, if I planned a wedding and a life together and a future family with her, if I said all the things that Mandy said to me, and then out-of-the-blue called things off, I don't know how I could continue to do something that exacerbated her pain. I would feel like shit for the pain I caused, and I would make sure not to cause anymore emotional damage in her life. I would leave her alone, knowing that I had been a black spot on her life and caused her more pain than anyone ever had. How do you do something like that to someone and then persistently cast aside their wishes to have you leave them alone? That's why it's mind-boggling.

I considered emailing Mandy, asking her yet again to "cease and desist," but then I was honest with myself: she wouldn't. It doesn't matter what pain her visits cause, she won't stop, because she hasn't. It's been a year, and she continues to come here knowing what it does to me. It's weird, too, because she's with someone else, and she's happy, and it's strange for her to stalk her ex-boyfriend. I'm not talking about one or two visits a week; we're talking more like 1-2 visits a day (and often more). If I emailed her about it, she'd deny it, but it's hard to argue that someone else is using your old IP address and showing such interest in an ex-lover. Her visits make me wonder why she finds herself unwilling or unable to just let me go; I know the concurrent thoughts are absent substance, but the thoughts are there nonetheless. She was the love of my life; she knows how stubborn my love for her has been and continues to be; and I know she's intelligent enough to understand the unintended effects her visits produce. I'm still struggling with things, trying to make sense of things. I'm not mad at the decision she made, and I know it was a hard one for her to make. But it's difficult for me to move closer to "letting go" when irrational thoughts stem from her visits. She told me that she prays for my healing, but what does that amount to when she refuses to give me the space I need? On the one hand she prays for my healing; on the other she actively works against that healing. She's given me no choice but to leave behind what we had and could have had, and that's exactly what I've been trying to do for the last year, but her actions continue to but a block in my way. 

As I wrestled over whether or not to email her, whether or not to open that line of communication, I decided that the best route would be to just shut this thing down. I just don't think it's right to open that kind of communication with, say, someone you loved and were going to marry and who has continued to have your heart. It wouldn't be healthy for me, and it would be annoying to her. I can't move on with her keeping tabs on my comings and goings. I wish she would've respected my wishes, but that's asking too much these days. I really have no other recourse, for the sake of healing, than to call this thing quits. She can't keep causing me pain if I give her no way to do so. I just don't see any other way of resolving this issue. 

Blake, I'll be keeping up with the "weekly updates."

(I know how much you like them)

It'll be a private blog: I'll give you the URL.

#lookingback

I was reading through old journal entries and found one from a conversation I had with Mandy weeks after our break-up. She told me that the only reason we didn't work out is because she had too many issues, too many fears, that the pressure was too great. Apparently she's worked through all those issues and fears, and I'm left carrying the weight of all that she did to me. It's just becoming too great to bear; each passing day finds me more wearied, more stretched-thin, closer to the breaking point. I fear a mental breakdown is in the works; I wouldn't be surprised if I just collapsed from heart failure. Perhaps it would be a blessing; to put it simply, I'm just done with life. I'm ready for it to be over. There's no reason--absolutely NO reason--to suspect anything will get better. Westerners like to be optimistic, and it's treated as a virtue; but really it's just a cover-up for naivety. Optimism may make you happier, but it doesn't exactly run in tandem with reality. Reality is that when you open your heart to love, you open yourself to be wounded, sometimes irrevocably so. I'm almost certain that I won't recover from what she did to me; the darkness, the shadows, the coldness in my heart doesn't abate nor relent. 

It's been exactly a year since my five-year friendship and pursuit of the Wisconsinite reached a Dead-End. I poured my heart and soul into her, holding nothing back. The last year has been so difficult; the hurt, pain, and anger I've felt has been indescribable. Even now the pain lingers; her face, her words, her laughter, it all haunts me. She's still there in my dreams, and throughout the day suffocating memories, debilitating memories, assault me. A sound, a name, a scent, a familiar face: these are all triggers. There are times I wonder if I have a mild case of PTSD--lots of the symptoms are regular occurrences. The effort to make sense of everything, to decipher why this happened, and to rebuild in the wake of it all, is so damned exhausting. Each passing month finds me more wearied, more stretched-thin. This feeling of brokenness, of being disassembled and not yet put together again, is Old News, but not in the way you want. My heart feels like a cold stone wrapped in wet tissue paper. I keep telling myself, "Give it more time," but time keeps passing, and things don't get any better.

It isn't just depressing; it's scary as hell.
What if I never recover from this?
What if what happened a year ago was the Last Straw?

God knows I've spent the last ten years living a delicate balance between just Holding On and Hoping. The disappointments stack atop one another; what if the weight just got too great, and I've collapsed, crippled in Heart and Mind? It's something that happens; this isn't just the stuff of movies and novels.

She's moved on.
She's found someone, and she's happy with him.
I'm just a memory, the guy who wasn't a "right fit."
Everything we believed in and dreamed together,
    all of that is just rubble on the bottom of the Sea of Memory.

The fact that she's allowed to just move on and be happy while I continue to be burdened (to put it lightly) by the pain she's caused only adds to the hurt and the helplessness. Hopeless. That's really how I feel. I have wept and screamed in my desperate prayers for healing, but he hasn't budged. I ask myself why he favors her over me. The only thing that makes sense is that I'm just not good enough to warrant his attention. She's his Prized Daughter and I'm the Black Sheep. I wasn't good enough for her, so he took her away from me; I wasn't good enough for ministry, so he worked behind the scenes to thwart all my efforts; and now I'm just not good enough to be healed, so I'm just left broken and cast off. And in such a situation, what hope do I have? I know these thoughts run contrary to the gospel, but they won't stop running through my head. They're seeded deep into my mind. I thought Mandy was the answer to my prayers; I believed her when she said, "Can't you see it, Anthony Jordan? Can't you see how He's been preparing us for our life together? How He's been working in our lives to bring us to this point?" Those words haunt me. Up to the day she decided she didn't want me in her life, she told me she loved me, that she could see God at work behind the scenes, that I was the one meant for her, the answer to her prayers. It was too good to be true, and there's your first clue. How far did I fall that God abandoned His plans for us?

She told me, quite adamantly, that her decision had nothing to do with me not being good enough. But consider the source: this is the same person who consistently found laundry lists of reasons I wasn't good enough. Every time she broke my trust, she had reasons, areas where I just didn't live up to her lofty requirements. After she told me that her decision had nothing to do with me not being good enough, she gave me reasons why I wasn't good enough. Arbitrary reasons, of course, as if she drew them at random out of a top-hat. The one that struck me the most was her telling me, "You just didn't lead us very well." She had nothing to substantiate that claim; she couldn't give me any concrete reasons as to how I failed to lead us well. And it came as a real surprise, since she'd always praised my leadership. She had a tendency to find deficiencies in my faith: "You don't go to church multiple times a week" or "You don't love Jesus enough," and things like that. Her criticisms struck at my biggest struggle (growing up legalistic can be a bitch), and they hit me like well-aimed arrows landing in the chinks of my armor. Those criticisms, one-by-one, reinforced the haunting fear that I have not been and never will be good enough. I worked eighty hours a week to move up there, sacrificing my time, my money, my energies, and my social life; she just wondered why I wasn't finding time for an extra church event or two a week. I constantly prayed for her and for us, I put her spiritual well-being at the top of my concerns, I read book after book to learn how to love her and lead her well, and I guarded our purity; we weren't perfect, and my leadership wasn't perfect, but I'm thankful we didn't even fool around. "Everyone leads with a limp," she told me, but that doesn't make any limps excusable. I wasn't good enough. God gave me so many chances to get it right, and I just never did. He cast me aside and has given her someone who isn't such a screw-up. 

Fast-forward to a year later, and her criticisms remain engraved into my psyche. The lack of healing, the conviction that I'm the Black Sheep who will never get anything right and who will forever be "passed over" and out of God's favor, these are wearing at my faith, making it frayed and torn. I fear that what I considered to be God's Answered Prayer will become the catalyst to a dead or absent faith. A God who doesn't care is just a hop-scotch-and-jump away from being no god at all. I don't foresee my faith coming to quits, as I'm still very much a believer (some would say that's my biggest weakness), but I've seen it happen again and again. No one is immune. 

A year ago as I lie on the sofa at John and Brandy's feeling sick to my stomach and sick to my heart, I told myself, "In a year, everything will be okay." Hence another disappointment. Things are far from okay. I wish I could go back to January of last year and delete her text message the moment she sent it; I would spare myself so much pain, and I imagine I would be a much happier man than I am now. But you can't change the past, and you can't change the future; what happens happens, and we've just got to deal with it. Some people get lucky; most people don't. That's just how it goes. Maybe I'm naive to expect any sort of healing; maybe this is just the beginning of yet another long chapter of disappointment and pain. There have been so many of them, year-after-year, so it's not a leap to imagine that history repeats itself (it tends to be a rule).

I do know that I haven't given up hope.
I'm still fighting, I'm still praying.
I'm still daring to believe that things will get better.
Maybe this time next year things will be looking up? 

6.16.15

a cold wind blows, i am shivering

my body aches as my heart is breaking

why is life making me so hollow?

why is happiness casting me in the shadows?

hold on, don't turn and walk away

save me

and i cried these words, but nobody came

i'm all alone, running scared

losing my way in the dark

i tried to get up, to stand on a prayer

but i keep crashing down hard

this is my side of the story

only my side of the story

nobody cares, nobody's there,

no one will hear my side of the story

emptiness, it's all around me

i tried to catch my breath, i'm barely surviving

and i can't go on, and i come undone,

and there's nothing left in me

this is my side of the story

only my burden to bear

nobody cares, nobody's there, no one will hear

my side of the story

6.14.15

At many points in my life, and not least now, I haven't "felt" God. Because emotions are such a huge part of life, when we don't feel the emotions we think we should feel, we're puzzled, asking ourselves, "What's wrong?" Does a lack of expected emotions mean that my faith is ill or that Christianity is a delusion? God has made us emotional creatures, and I'm encouraged by those Psalms of David that express a certain reality quite clearly: even the Saints of Old suffered moments of not "feeling" the presence of God. David, Elijah, Jeremiah: these were choice folk of God who knew very well the pains and puzzlement of not feeling God's presence. I'm encouraged, too, by "modern" saints, such as William Cooper. Cooper was a singer and songwriter who composed dozens of infamous hymns, and he worked alongside John Newton, who composed Amazing Grace. Cooper suffered from bouts of depression his entire life, and he wrote, "Where is the joy that once I knew when first I saw the Lord? Where is the soul's refreshing view of Jesus and his word? What peaceful hours I once enjoyed, how sweet their memory still. But they have left an aching void this world can never fill." Cooper's words resonate with my own pendular swings of emotion.

A lot of the worries that a lack of expected emotion causes may stem from wrong ideas or assumptions about what we should feel. We live in a very emotive culture (Apple's recent release of a whole new slew of emoticons reflects this fact), and this emotive-focused atmosphere has infiltrated the psychology of the western church. So many of us believe that once we make the lifelong commitment to God, we have nothing to expect but unfettered joy, peace, and bliss. This is a critical and tragic error. It's erroneous, because (as I said above) it doesn't fit the experience of the Saints of Old, regardless of what covenant you ascribe to. A "personality map" of the Apostle Paul indicates that he experienced his own swings of emotion no less than King David or William Cooper. While feelings are a vital part of our being, they are not the litmus test of faith. Feelings of joy can lapse or weaken during our lives. Moods arise from our physical chamber; unless we train our emotions, they can take us captive and lead us by the nose. If we don't steel ourselves, we're at their whims. Much of our distress as Christians comes not because of sin but because we are ignorant of our physiological workings; at the same time, for Christians, if we're living a disobedient life, nothing will stop those feelings until we live an obedient life. Those who aren't Christians, of course, don't experience this to the degree that Christians do. I don't think this has anything to do with the psychological makeup of the religious, as some skeptics claim; rather, I believe the presence of the Holy Spirit is a reality in the life of the Christian, and since one of the Spirit's operations is to convict us of sin, it makes sense that the Spirit will use emotions (as well as other things) in pursuit of that goal. This isn't to say, of course, that an obedient life inexorably leads to a life of unbroken joy, bliss, and pie-in-the-sky religious euphoria.

My emotions have been all over the place lately. Surges of emotion hit us every day: hurt, pain, sorrow, anger, heartache... There's always some struggle we face in the Waking Hours (and we often face them in the Sleeping Hours, as well). I've been taking the advice of a mentor and have been trying to prepare my heart each day by immersing myself in God, in scripture, in prayer. Early will I seek Thee, the psalmist writes; taking time at the dawn of each new day to bathe in scripture gives God the opportunity to condition our hearts to better face the day. This is a critical way to bring emotions in line, and it has nothing to do with psycho-babble therapy. I've found that I'm stronger than I was a year ago, but that doesn't mean the surges of emotion don't continually strike. I'll be honest in saying that the past year has been nothing but an onslaught of negative emotions, and these haven't abated; but by God's grace I've been getting better at handling them and not being ruled by them. I definitely have a lot of growing and learning to do, and a lot of changing to do while I'm at it, but the small steps forward are definitely encouraging. 

bathrooms in 3D

the reformation (II)

yes, I'm holding an ax

Ashley's taken my advice and has said "no" to fad diets like Atkins, the Warrior Diet, and others. She's embraced what I've advocated all along: a simple lifestyle change of eating right and exercising. The goal isn't weight loss so much as it is just being healthy, and we've been doing great in eating meals of fruits, vegetables, and lean meats. 

We've also been diligent in running together; we have a running schedule in place throughout the summer and into the fall. We run together three times a week, gradually increasing our times and distance to build endurance. We're going to run a 5K together this fall, hopefully a half-marathon by the spring, and a full marathon by next fall. And, no, Iron Mans aren't in the picture (yet!). It's been a struggle learning how to support one another in healthy living, but I'm encouraged at how well we've been doing over the past several weeks. 

I've lost five pounds since April.

I hope to be down to 130# by this autumn.

(I haven't been at that weight since early 2012)

I'm not sure if that's realistic, but it's good to have goals.

from Lake Isabella

Lisa asked me to work her morning and afternoon shift with Ben, so I took him fishing at Lake Isabella. He was kinda spiffed not to have caught anything, though he did manage to tangle the lines on both fishing poles. My luck ran a little better: I caught two fish, but they were just babies, one crappie and a bluegill. The fish at Lake Isabella are smart, and they stole the wax-worm bait after nearly every cast. Our fishing excursion wound down when a murder of crows swooped down on our bait and started gobbling up all the wax-worms. Ben ran screaming at them, and they cried out and took flight but left hardly anything for us to fish with. We "packed it in" (his phrase) and headed back to the house in Blue Ash to clean up and eat lunch.

Ben's about to depart for program, and I'm heading over to Ashley's.

It's in the nineties today, and the pool is waiting for me.

After we swim, it's... *drumroll*... Taco Night!

And then I have a work meeting that I'm NOT looking forward to.

(read the upcoming 82nd week to learn why)

cabin fever (part deux)

In a previous post I captured what I'd love to have as a "man cave." Ashley's big into cabins, too, and she found some amazing, over-the-top cabins online. If I ever become Rich & Famous (an aspiration to which I don't aspire; wealth and fame have never been motivations of mine), I'll invest in a cabin with some of the decor below. Strangely enough, Brandy has said multiple times that she has premonitions of me becoming rich and famous. I call bullshit on that, but if I could get a cabin like this out of it, it'd be worth it.

the family room!

bathroom #1

this is where I watch The Walking Dead
(and play Birds of Steel)

the Grand Staircase

if I had a sink like this, I would ALWAYS wash my hands
after using the bathroom (regardless of whether or not
I peed on my hands)

this would be Chloe's bedroom

I would add a few more bleached animal skulls on the walls...

the master bedroom

this is the shower. imagine bathing in there!

the master bedroom. I wake up at dawn anyways, so sunlight won't be a factor.

the living room

this is where Ashley will cook me dinner

a quaint little guest bedroom (for Amanda)

this bathtub beats the HELL out of what I have in the Hobbit Hole