Saturday, February 28, 2015

*the end of the month*

a cool painting undeserving of its own post. #filler

It's been two months since the dawn of 2015, and I'm more than on track with my reading schedule. Call it what you will ("Madness" is an appropriate word), but my aim is to read at least 52 books this year. So far I've read somewhere in the vicinity of 15, giving me a decent head start. The trick is going to be tackling some pretty big books (some weigh in around 800-900 pages, and we're talking miniscule font sizes). I think I may have found a way around the problem: read two books (or, hell, why not three?) at the same time. It keeps things interesting, breaks monotony, and enables me to keep making headway while digesting at a pondering pace the bigger volumes I want to savor. For instance, right now I'm reading N.T. Wright's Jesus & The Victory of God (a voluminous work) in tandem with a memoir of the Western Front and a history on World War One. I really like to savor Wright's work, and I'm wanting to savor and think through all he has to say, so I can't just whiz through it while doing it justice. Justice must be done, and it must be done well.

As for another of my 2015 goals, things are also on pace.
I've done lots of revising and editing on Book 2 of The Procyon Strain.
I'm hoping it'll be around 350 pages (or at least that's the plan).
(I'm at 70 pages currently)

History really is a deep love of mine, in parallel with my love of biblical studies. I've loved immersing myself once again in the history of the Great War, and I've loved talking about it with Ashley. She's so inquisitive and curious, and she keeps me sharp and looking for answers. I'm wrestling with C.C.U. to get my transcripts sent to the school I want to attend. My plan is to get my teaching certification followed by a Master's in American History. Norwhich University has a phenomenal MAH program that focuses on colonial America through the Reconstruction. That shit is my JAM.

I'm devoting time to my narrative history of the American War of Independence.
It's a different breed of writing than fiction, but it's stimulating in its own way.
I've been itching to watch the History Channel's Sons of Liberty.
(I also need to finish Paul Giamatti's John Adams)

February's been bitter cold, and I'm over it. I found a little relief exploring the snow-swept Keehner Park with Chloe. Being lost in the quiet and the falling snow and following deer tracks through the tundra put joy in my heart and life in my veins. At the advent of warmer weather, I plan on basking in nature on a regular basis. I spent a lot of time outside this last fall and summer, and cabin fever's cutting into the marrow of my bones. Ashley and I have decided to try and go running at a lot of the parks around the city, as a way to get our exercise as well as explore the parks and immerse ourselves in nature. In the meantime we're all but confined to the warmth since it's dangerous to Zoey. Here's a few snapshots I took from our time at the Hobbit Hole this last Tuesday:


Since the preaching gig didn't pan out this past January, I've been looking for other jobs. A full-time Monday-Friday job where I could still work overnights with the guys on Saturday would be optimal. They can get annoying for sure, but I'm not looking forward to not seeing them anymore. I mean, I've been with them 40-60 hours a week over the past year and a half. We've developed genuine friendships. I don't see them as Downs Syndrome clients; they're just who they are, with their different (and clashing) personalities. I see them as my friends who need a little help living independently (and it's cool that I get paid to do this!). Hopefully by the end of the summer I'll be working a better-paying job and on my way to becoming a history teacher. 

Since this post began with filler, it'll end with filler.
Behold: a wacky painting that messes with your head!

this is how this winter has felt. tac-tac-toe over it.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

"cloudy shoes"

Because I couldn't make it to the Damien Jurado house show (of which Hot Sauce Waugh spoke highly), I'm living vicariously through YouTube with a favorite: "Cloudy Shoes".


Tuesday, February 24, 2015

[books i've been reading]

This book looks at three prominent positions held by Christians in the ongoing "Creation & Evolution" debate. The three positions are (1) the young earth view, (2) old earth creationism, and (3) theistic evolution. The book is set up as follows: a scholar holding to each particular view gives his reasons why his position should be adopted, and other scholars have an opportunity to respond to his arguments. 

One of the problems with the whole Creation & Evolution debate is that terms aren't defined. The process of evolution stands in stark contrast against the concept of creation. Christians denounce evolution as claiming God's place; naturalistic evoloutionists denounce creation because it's no longer needed in light of evolution. The debate isn't so much about the terms as it's about the symbolism: evolution symbolizes a usurping of the Creator. This symbolism is false, but it's wired into evangelical Christian thought; the result, then, is a jettisoning of science out of fear of jeopardizing faith. The debate, I believe, is really about special creationist theism and evolutionary naturalism. Creationists are those who believe that God the cosmos is a creation of God (without necessarily becoming dogmatic about the methods He used), and naturalistic evolutionists are those who argue that evolution has explained creation and thus a creating God is unnecessary. Thus the debate isn't so much about terms but worldviews. The doctrine of creation isn't about how God did it but that He did it, and the doctrine of creation speaks to God's relationship with His creation (over it and yet involved in it) rather than His methods within it. We must set aside the popular misunderstanding that the doctrine of creation necessarily entails special creation. We must set aside the popular misunderstanding that evolution necessarily entails a naturalistic worldview. 

I personally find several problems with the Young Earth position. Its arguments aren't convincing, and I find it laughable that God made things appear old (like starlight or rocks), Young Earth scientists have to find a way to explain away all the evidence for an old earth, and so they embrace "fictitious history": it gives all the signs and appearances of being old because God made it look that way even though it isn't old. It should be unsettling that a major branch of this position is focused on telling us why the earth is lying to us. Although Young Earth creationism makes a good point in highlighting the naturalistic worldview under-girding western science, they throw out the baby with the bathwater when they declare that, therefore, we should accept their findings with a dose of suspicion. 

I don't believe nature lies, and I don't believe scripture lies. We can misinterpret both, and history (as well as our own lives) is filled with such misinterpretations. If scripture is true, it should not only be reconcilable with the natural world but in harmony with the natural world. Many Christian scientists have found such peaceful harmonization, but it isn't to be found in the Young Earth camp. The most damning thing I can say about the Young Earth group is that not only do they misinterpret nature, they misinterpret scripture. That's a bold move, but here me out: the biblical creation narratives are written in a Near Eastern rather than a Western fashion, and they are both polemical and apologetic (attacking pagan gods and praising YHWH). The creation texts aren't trying to tell us HOW God did what He did but WHO did it and WHY He did it. 

What view do I hold to? I'm somewhere between old earth creationism and theistic evolution. I haven't given it considerable thought (this is one of those subjects within theology that I shrug my shoulders at), but I do know that the earth seems to be telling us that it's very old, and I know that evolution is currently a working theory regarding the diversification of species through adaptation and natural selection. I say "currently" because there are significant problems with it, and it's been said that evolution's glaring problems are the back-door joking of many biologists. It's the best theory we have right now, and it explains a lot, so we're running with it. I wouldn't be surprised if within the next century another theory supplants evolution. It's also worth noting that evolution doesn't necessarily speak to the origin of life; this field of science is pretty much a black hole, and it's why many scientists in this field have been persuaded that something lies beyond the veil. Natural processes simply cannot account for the origin of life in earth's early atmosphere, and the mechanism of evolution (random mutations, et. al.) seems to me to be capable of developing complexity only if there's a Guiding Hand behind it. The chances that random mutations absent purpose have resulted in sentient beings aware of their world are negligible, to say the least.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

n.t. wright on joy



N.T. Wright defines joy as what happens when God does something you've been waiting for Him to do. Joy's the natural response to God's healing and restorative power sweeping through creation. Joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, and the apostle Paul commands Christians to be joyful. We are commanded to celebrate; even at a funeral, Wright says, we are to celebrate the victory of Jesus and creation's hope of restoration and our hope of resurrection. The Christian life is to be a virtue of celebration; we can't control our feelings, but objectively celebrating absent the feelings has a tendency to create the feelings over time. #fakeituntilyoumakeit 

While joy does have an emotive component, joy isn't defined by the associated emotions. Rejoicing involves living in a narrative that people around us don't believe to be true, the narrative that Jesus is Lord already; and since that narrative grinds against the aims, hopes, and worldview of a fallen world, there's bound to be conflict. Even in the midst of suffering, we're to be joyful. Suffering is a badge of belonging to the world's true King; when you're on the front lines in this tension between the Now and Not Yet, the powers and principalities are out to get you. Suffering isn't a sign that things are wrong but that we're standing on the right side of history. By aligning with Jesus and suffering for him and his kingdom, we share in his messianic suffering. Jesus tells us not to be afraid when the world hates us; the world hated Jesus, and we're running against the tide proclaiming his name.

Suffering and Rejoicing share a home in the Christian life; this is why Paul can say that he is sorrowful yet rejoicing. When we feel at the end of our ropes and are despairing of life itself, it is in that moment that we are forced to cling to God and rejoice in our future hope. Suffering forms a part of redemption's tapestry, and in Romans 8 we see the whole creation groaning like a woman about to give birth, longing for redemption. The church groans and the Spirit groans; life in this world is marked by groaning, and as we groan with the world, sharing in Jesus' messianic suffering, we become catalysts for the kingdom and springs for the Spirit in a parched world. The world doesn't know what's going on, it's just in the pain and turmoil; the church shares this, but the church knows what's going on. Jesus showed us that the manner of victory over evil and the world is through taking on that world's suffering and suffering through it to the other side. The world is healed through love; not a romantic love but a self-giving, self-sacrificing love that is painful and, at times, lethal.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

postscript: pripyat

abandoned over twenty years ago, Pripyat, Ukraine is a window into
what the world would look like in our sudden absence











Thursday, February 19, 2015

the apocalypse: a timeline

If human beings were to instantaneously vanish from the face of the earth, our absence would be felt the very first day. Power plants burning fossil fuels will run out of fuel within two hours. Nuclear reactors would go into safe mode within two days. Within the span of two weeks, the earth would be bathed in a darkness not seen since the Stone Age. Hoover Dam, supplied by power from its reservoir (Lake Meade), will continue as long as conditions remain good. This could last from several months to a couple years, rendering Las Vegas as the last bright spot on the earth's surface. Hoover Dam's ability to generate electricity would be foiled by invasive mollusks covering the cooling vents. Overheating inside the dam would activate the alarm systems and the automatic shutdown. One-by-one the dam's machines would shut down; in time, Lake Meade would rise and spill over the freeways, gushing into the Colorado River. The failure of electricity would shut down the water pumps in subway systems below the water table around the world; in New York City, around 700 pumps remove thirteen million gallons of water a day, and within thirty-six hours, the tunnels would fill to the waterline. Our household pets, domesticated to depend on us for food, have to escape their homes; after feeding on their dead owners, animals will try to escape. Those who don't will die in the homes. Suburbia would be dominated by dogs scavenging for food. There are up to 300 different breeds of dogs, and few would be suitable for life after humans. The smallest dogs would probably be killed off within the first week. A hierarchy would develop, and the average dogs (the mutts) would have the best hope of surviving. Rats and house mice are dependent on our refuse, and they flourish in our waste. In our absence, these rodents will raid pantries and grocery stores. Then they'll turn to cardboard, cloth, and glue. Rodents will be forced to abandon buildings for the wild, making easy prey for marauding bands of feral dogs or wild birds of prey.

Within six months, the urban areas are beginning to run wild. The first animals to begin to colonize our cities would be herbivores followed by their predators. Coyotes and bobcats would be the first to prowl the empty city streets, but after them would come the bears, mountain lions, and wolves. The turn of the first year in our absence finds nature taking over. Plants can destroy man-made objects within the first few years. Dandelions sprout from cracked pavements; moss and lichen begin to form a carpet over the pavement. This feeble topsoil is colonized by clover, feeding on the nitrogen in the air. Lawns become fields, and deer wander suburbia. By now bears, deer, and abandoned animals live in our biggest cities. Vines scour the buildings, breaking up mortar, crumbling facades exposing buildings' innards. Forest fires run unchecked, scouring urban areas and even cities. Chicago, with its tightly-packed buildings reaching high into the sky, could be razed by even the smallest fire. The charcoal left in a firestorm's wake offers good feeding ground to growing soil. Weeds and trees grow out of the cracks in fractured concrete. Creepers and vines stretch up the sides of buildings, snake across roads, and climb tree trunks. Balconies become roosts for birds, and bells in bell towers are splattered with the feces of hanging bats. Swimming pools are long drained but reek as though filled with rotting corpses.

Five years after the disappearance of humans, and roads are following in our footsteps, disappearing underneath vines, moss, and a thin layer of topsoil sprouting shrubs and gnarled trees. Plants cover vehicles, and buildings are all but hidden behind nature's encroach. In cities below the water table, pumps keep subways and tunnels free of water. When these pumps cease to function, tunnels and subways begin to fill with water. Water would start sluicing away at the soil under the pavement, and streets would begin to crater. Sewers clogged by plastic bags and old newspaper mush remain clogged, leaf litter piling atop, and watercourses form above ground. Waterlogged subway ceilings collapse, the steel columns supporting the street exposed to wind and rain. Cities above the water table fare no better; especially in colder climates (March in Manhattan fluctuates between freezing around forty times), the repeated freezing and thawing make asphalt and cement split. Thawing snow feeds runoff into the cracks, and when the runoff refreezes, the water expands, widening the cracks. Weeds emerge between the splitting pavement, and top soil begins to stretch over the pavement, radiating outwards from the mulch fermenting in the gutters. This ever-spreading topsoil becomes deep enough for saplings to sprout. In time, the soil will be rich enough for oaks and maples.

A quarter of a century into our absence, concrete is cracking, paint is chipping, and eerie ghosts towns are being overwhelmed by nature. Animals turn buildings into ecosystems. Parking lots are marked by scours of broken concrete uplifted among tangled plants. Roofs have collapsed, and trees emerge out of houses. Shredded laundry still hangs on clotheslines. Fences and barbed wire are uniformly rusted. Fallen limestone facing lies in pieces; hunks of wall have dropped from building to reveal moldy and green-eaten rooms. Brick-shaped gaps show where mortar has already dissolved in building walls. Areas killed by radioactive forces are, within twenty years, refilled and flourishing. Cornfields have been invaded by trees, and wild dogs roam in packs. Cities below the waterline, like those of London and Amsterdam, have drowned. Windows are shattering as the window sealant goes rigid; filled with gaping holes, buildings catch windswept debris. Corroded lightning rods spark fires that consume the the buildings. Gutted floors become homes for birds. Pigeons flourish, using skyscrapers as cliff bases. Wolves, hunted mercilessly by humans, thrive throughout America. Wolves multiply their numbers six times a year; by a quarter of a century, there could be around half a million in the lower 48. As deer move into cities, the wolves follow.

Forty years into our world without us, most of our homes have collapsed. Ninety percent of American homes are made with wood-frame construction. Nature’s destruction of the home will probably begin on the roof. Most roofs are covered with shingling, which can last two to three decades. The shingles will begin to separate under countless barrages of rain, and water will sneak under the shingles. It’ll flow across four-by-eight-foot sheets of sheathing made either of plywood or woodchip board composed of three- to four-inch flakes of timber bonded together by resin. Moisture enters around the nails, and they begin to rust; as they rust, their grip on the wood loosens. The wooden sheathing in which the nails are rotting secure the house’s trusses—pre-manufactured braces held together with metal connection plates that keep the roof from splaying—and when the nails rust and the sheathing collapses, the roof splays and follows suit. Water has made its way into the house by other means, as well: through burst drainpipes from frozen water, rain blowing in where windows have cracked from bird collisions or sagging walls. The walls begin to lean to one side, and the roof caves in. A good house can last half a century to a century, tops. As the house breaks apart, squirrels, raccoons, lizards, and birds make their home inside, chewing holes in the drywall. Fallen vinyl siding fades early and becomes brittle and cracks as its plasticizers degenerate. Aluminum siding is in better shape, but salts in the air pockmark its surface. Stone or brick chimneys will last longer than the walls of the house, but after a century its bricks have begun to drop and break as the lime mortar is exposed to temperature swings, crumbling and powdering. Swimming pools become planter boxes, filled with the offspring of ornamental saplings or with banished natural foliage. The basement, too, is filled with soil and plant life. Brambles and wild grapevines snake around the steel gas pipes, which will rust to nothing within another century. White plastic PVC plumping yellows and thins on the side exposed to the light. The bathroom tile, whose chemical properties are like those of fossils, is relatively unchanged.

Within three quarters of a century, most of the world's 600 million cars lie in rusted remnants. Vehicles in desert climates last longer; those in coastal environments, subjected to the salt air and vicious storms, break apart quickly. Tires deflate within two years, though the rubber will be good for centuries. Most cars have been reduced to skeletons, the engines having dropped to the ground. Within a century, cars are no more than heaps of metal. Bridges begin to collapse. Without engineers working on them, they're exposed to the elements. Suspension cables, made of steel, are 98% iron. Iron reverts back to the minerals it came from. The wires rust and corrode, and as they snap, bridges begin to come down. The decks and railing warp and sway; the decks collapse, spilling their contents into whatever lies below.

Within a century, all suspension bridges will have come down. The Era of Collapsing (ca 100-300 years post-humans) sees the collapse of the Eiffel Tower, Seattle's Space Needle, and the Sears Tower in Chicago and Empire State Building soon following. Nature reclaims the biggest cities. New York City disappears, any remaining buildings all but recognizable. Most buildings have collapsed or imploded; indeed, the Era of Collapse began with the first unchecked fires. Lightning striking dried branches and leaves can spread unhindered building-to-building. Within twenty years, lightning rods have begun to rust and snap, and roof fires leap between buildings, consuming paneled offices with their paper fuel. Gas lines ignite, blowing out windows. The skeletal buildings, ravaged by fire, are now assaulted with rain and snow, and the concrete floors are exposed to the savagery of freezes and thaws; the concrete begins to buckle. The buildings’ stability is further corroded by clogged sewers, drowned tunnels, and streets becoming waterways; all of these weaken subbasements and destabilize the structure. As the buildings’ foundations become unstable, they are less of a match to violent winds. Buildings begin to sway, and then tumble; some will collapse into others, setting off a domino effect. The city becomes home to animals: first come the herbivores, and then those creatures that hunt them; domesticated dogs are thinned out by the competition, but the arrival of wolves eliminates all breeds of domesticated dogs; feral cats, though thinned out, hunt within the ruins of the city, always prowling and on alert.

Within 10,000 years, radio waves corrode into noise within 1-2 light-years. Our signals vanish, blending with the cosmic background noise of the Big Bang. Iron corrodes, concrete crumbles, wood and paper decays; the Great Wall of China crumbles, the Great Pyramid of Giza is swallowed up by sand, and the Hoover Dam breaks apart. Mount Rushmore will remain for at least 100,000 years; and it could be the last picture of what we looked like to whoever may replace us.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

[books i've been reading]

The World Without Us
by Alan Weisman

Journalist Alan Weisman asks one of the biggest questions: "What would happen to our world if we disappeared?" Weisman seeks to answer how our technology, architecture, and imprint will fare. (in a word: they won't). He also looks at how our absence would be beneficial for the planet, noting how the rise of Homo sapien has resulted in vast mutilation of the planet. The only animals that would miss us would be our domesticated pets, and these would die out or become feral relatively quickly. We're a scourge on the planet, and Mother Nature would welcome our demise. 

Weisman's book is broken down into essays on various subjects, and it doesn't read like a textbook: as a journalist, he travels the world, visiting ghostly places and asking experts the hard questions.

The book opens with a tour of the primeval forests of Europe, a stark contrast against the empires of wood and stone obscuring much of the world. In our absence, what will happen to our homes? to our cities? to our parks? These questions prompt the first several chapters, where Weisman shows how the concoction of natural forces (wind and salt erosion, water erosion, etc.) decomposes our man-made structures, creating homes for wild flora and fauna. Weisman looks at the story of human evolution and the effect human beings have had on their environment, from massacring the last of the Pleistocene mammals (Africa has five animals over several tons; North America had up to 15) to the effects of our industrial age on atmosphere and climate (read: global warming). He then looks at Varosha, Cyprus as a case study on how our artificial creations will survive (or not survive) in our absence; natural forces and nature will take over our monuments so that one of the only testaments to our past presence will be the underground cities carved in the rocks of Cappadocia. Regarding the fate of plastics, Wiesman examines the North Pacific Gyre, a patch of ocean the size of Texas between Hawaii and California that is nothing but a solid surface of floating plastic; one specialist remarked that plastic would probably be biodegraded within 100,000 years after our absence. Plastics, then, would be some of the last materials to be consumed by microbes. Weisman turns his attention to the oil refineries and pipelines of Texas, showcasing how one day they will explode, melting asphalt and power lines, before being overwhelmed by nature. He examines the impact fertilizers and insecticides will have on the environment, and though that impact will be severe, nature wins out. Nature has already overwhelmed most of the seven wonders of the ancient world; the modern wonders of the Chunnel linking France and England, the Hoover Dam, and the Panama Canal won't fare much better. Mount Rushmore, Weisman argues, may still be recognizable in thousands upon thousands of years. Modern nuclear weapons won't explode in our absence but corrode; worldwide, over 400 nuclear power plants will either burn or melt, resembling Pripyat and Chernobyl, but in time nature will return and flourish. Following a discussion on what future evolution may look like in our absence, Weisman discusses how some birds will flourish and others (like gulls) will suffer in our absence. One of the last traces of our existence will be radio waves traveling endlessly through space until they're absorbed in the background noise of the Big Bang. The book ends by asking, "Where do we go from here?" Weisman looks at different strategies for maintaining the earth and minimizing our presence, not least the restrictions of childbirth.

If women were legally obliged to only have one child, within half a century our world population (currently around 6.5 billion) will decrease one billion; by 2075, our numbers would be down to just over 4 billion; and by 2100, we would drop down to 1.6 billion, the population of the world in the 1800s. If things are left unchecked, the world population by mid-century (ca 2050) will be around 9 billion.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

the 65th week


Monday. When I walked into The Anchor, I froze in the dining area. Who was in the corner booth other than Brandon from the Tazza Mia days? We looked at each other for the longest time, and I exclaimed, "Holy shit!" I put writing on hold and joined him at his table. We smoked cigarettes, caught up on each other's lives, and ate breakfast. He told me Tazza Mia is pretty much gone. He doesn't work there anymore, and Eric took another job running a cafe in Green Hills. Brandon and I went back to his place, and we hung out for a while and played with Oliver (his fat cat). I went back by The Anchor to make up for lost time and to do some writing before heading up to Fairfield. I met up with Ash and the girls at Ams' place, and once we got back to Ashley's and had the girls in bed, we cuddled on the sofa and talked until I headed home.

Tuesday. I went to The Anchor to write before heading up to see Ashley and Zoey before my 2-10:00 shift. Lisa was in a car accident and can't work this week (don't worry: she's okay!), so I stayed two hours later until Myles showed up to work the rest of Lisa's shift. I headed home and listened to Douglas Wilson's sermon on Joy & Affliction. I'm really loving this sermon series. Sometimes I wish I were Reformed; too bad you can't decide what you believe and what you don't. But you know what? I'm okay with being the oddball Christian who dabbles in all sorts of things, lives a little awkwardly, but who loves Jesus and tries to obey him and reflect his love and compassion (and failing at it religiously; see what I did there?). 

Wednesday. I went to The Anchor to read N.T. Wright's The Last Word before a two-hour training session at the W.O.J. headquarters in Norwood. I jetted home and cleaned the Hobbit Hole before my 3-7:00 in Blue Ash, ferrying Jason to and from ballroom dancing. Once I got home, I lit some oil lanterns, read some of my 1599 Geneva Bible, and then snuggled warm into my bed to fall asleep by 9:00. #ragingtwenties

ThursdayI woke at 6 AM to go read at The Anchor before my 8:30-4:00 shift with the guys. A light snow fell all morning, layering the roads and trees, but all of it melted when the sun came out around noon. I took the guys with me as I ran some errands, and after work I headed up to West Chester to spend the evening with Ashley and the girls. Ams came over, too. I headed across town for a bit to hang out with Tyler, and I went back to West Chester, and once Ashley got the girls in bed, we stayed up late devouring Menchi's frozen yogurt and watching David Ayer's Fury. She likes World War II movies almost as much as I do.

FridayI went to The Anchor for coffee and reading; I finished Wright's The Last Word and picked up where I left off in Alan Weisman's The World Without Us. I relaxed in the Hobbit Hole before heading up to West Chester. Ashley and I picked up Subway for lunch and started watching the Fargo miniseries. Ams came over for a little bit, and I left them to head over to Blue Ash for an overnight I picked up. Ashley, Ams, and the girls headed down to my apartment to work on my Valentine's Day gift (it's gonna be a surprise!). I left Ashley's Valentine's gift in my apartment for her to find, and she called me with tears in her eyes, thanking me for the flowers, the Reese's cups, and the card. She didn't mind the fact that all the flowers had wilted; I left them in my car overnight last night, and they froze and died. #classic

Valentine's Day. Ben woke me up with a Valentine's Day surprise: burnt french toast! I ate one and a half pieces and gave him the rest, which he happily devoured. He made us coffee and we mixed them with a hot cocoa mix. Wendell relieved me at 9 AM, and I headed down to Covington and walked into my attic to a marvelous Valentine's Day surprise: my apartment was clean, and Ashley and the girls had cut out little pink hearts and wrote messages on them, taping them around my apartment. I headed up to Ashley's, and Amanda joined us. I started work in Blue Ash at 5:00. Ben and I got Subway and watched James Bond movies.

Sunday. I worked a longer morning shift covering for Jason, and after a pit-stop at the Waffle House for late morning coffee, I headed over to Ashley's. We spent the day hanging out with the girls and watching TV. Amanda came over, and at 9 PM we watched The Walking Dead. I've liked the way the episodes have been developing; next week's episode should be bad-ass. I rounded out the night with reading by lamplight in the Hobbit Hole. I finished Weisman's The World Without Us and started Three Views on Creation & Evolution. The subject matter is interesting, but the method of creation has never bothered me.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

[books i've been reading]

The Last Word
by N.T. Wright

N.T. Wright's little book The Last Word seeks to answer three questions: (1) In what sense is the Bible authoritative in the first place? (2) How can the Bible be appropriately understood and interpreted? and (3) How can its authority, assuming such appropriate interpretation, be brought to bear on the church itself, let alone the world? 

In the Prologue, Wright paints a broad-brushed portrait of the church's attitude towards the scriptures during the first 1500 years of Christendom, how the Reformation affected the reading of the Bible, and how the scriptures have played a pivotal rule in the church's life, worship, and mission. Again painting in broad-brush strokes, Wright looks at scripture's relationship with culture, politics, philosophy, theology, and ethics; and he examines how these different spheres affect our reading of scripture even without us knowing it.

Chapter One seeks to identify, precisely, what "the authority of scripture" (a slogan thrown around by Christians of all denominational calibers) might mean. "Slogans and cliches," he writes, "are often shorthand ways of making more complex arguments. In Christian theology, such phrases regularly act as 'portable stories'--that is, ways of packing up longer narratives about God, Jesus, the church, and the world, folding them away into convenient suitcases, and then carrying them about with us... [These cliches and slogans] are useful in the same way that suitcases are. They enable us to pick up lots of complicated things and carry them around all together. But we should never forget that the point of doing so, like the point of carrying belongings in a suitcase, is that what has been packed away can then be unpacked and put to use in the new location. Too much debate about scriptural authority has had the form of people hitting one another with locked suitcases." (24-25) Wright argues that when the phrase "the authority of scripture" is unpacked, "it can have Christian meaning only if we are referring to scripture's authority in a delegated or mediated sense from that which God himself possesses and that which Jesus possesses as the risen Lord and Son of God, the Immanuel. It must mean, if it means anything Christian, 'the authority of God exercised through scripture.'" Wright then moves on to the connection between authority and story, presenting the scriptures not as a list of rules or as a compendium of true doctrine but as an overarching narrative about God, the world, and human beings. "Most of [the scripture's] constituent parts, and all of it when put together (whether in the Jewish canonical form, or in the Christian one), can best be described as story." (26) Stories, he argues, carry authority in many different forms. "A familiar story told with a new twist in the tail jolts people into thinking differently about themselves and the world. A story told with pathos, humor or drama opens the imagination and invites readers and hearers to imagine themselves in similar situations, offering new insights about God and human beings which enable them to order their own lives more wisely." (27) He adds, as a word of caution, that "for the Bible to have the effect it seems to be designed to have it will be necessary for the church to hear it as it is, not to chop it up in an effort to make it into something else."

Cognizant of the fact that "authority" is itself a word laden with baggage, against which postmodern sensibilities revolt for fear of a covert power-play, Wright redefines authority within the context of kingdom. God's kingdom, he writes, shouldn't be understood through the lenses of our culture but through the lens of the Old Testament and Jesus' day. "The biblical writers lived with the tension of believing both that in one sense God has always been sovereign over all the world and that in another sense this sovereignty, this saving rule, is something which must break afresh into the world of corruption, decay and death, and the human rebellion, idolatry and sin which are so closely linked with it... The Jewish hope was that God's Kingdom would break into their world, to set them free from oppression and put the whole world to rights." (29) Thus "God's authority, if we are to locate it at this point, is his sovereign power accomplishing [the] renewal of all creation. Specific authority over human beings, notably the church, must be seen as part of that larger whole."

On page 30, Wright asks, "What role does scripture play within God's accomplishment [of the renewal of all creation]?" He continues, "It is enormously important that we see the role of scripture not simply as being to provide true information about, or even an accurate running commentary upon, the work of God in salvation and new creation, but as taking an active part within that ongoing purpose." (30) Regarding the revelation of the scriptures, Wright broadens the horizons, writing, "A fully Christian view of the Bible includes the idea of God's self-revelation [in scripture] but, by setting it in a larger context, transforms it. Precisely because the God who reveals himself is the world's lover and judge, rather than its absentee landlord, that self-revelation is always to be understood within the category of God's mission to the world, God's saving sovereignty let loose through Jesus and the Spirit and aimed at the healing and renewal of all creation." (31-32) Authority, then, "is the sovereign rule of God sweeping through creation to judge and to heal. It is the powerful love of God in Jesus Christ, putting sin to death and launching new creation. It is the fresh, bracing and energizing wind of the Spirit." (33)

In Chapter Two, Wright looks at the role of scripture in Old Testament Israel. He spends a considerable amount of time investigating what it means that the scriptures are inspired. He writes that the inspiration of scripture is itself a shorthand akin to the "authority of scripture" slogan, except this slogan is "talking about the belief that by his Spirit God guided the very different writers and editors, so that the books they produced were the books God intended his people to have." (37) He adds that "[Some] kind of divine inspiration of scripture was taken for granted in most of the ancient Israelite scriptures themselves, as well as in the early beliefs of the early Christians. The emergence of a 'canon' of scripture, though it has been controversial in some respects in recent discussion, was at its heart an attempt to track the way in which these books had become formative for the life of God's people, to honor the fact that God had somehow given them to his people, and to remind Israel to honor them and attend to them appropriately." (37-38) The "word of God" in the Old Testament, however, didn't refer to the canonized scripture. The word of God, rather, was seen as "an enormous reservoir, full of creative divine wisdom and power, into which the prophets and other writers tap by God's call and grace, so that the word may flow through to do God's work of flooding or irrigating his people." (38) Putting it another way, "God, though utterly transcendent and different from the world which he has made, remains present and active within that world, and one of the many ways in which this is so is through his living and active word. This reflects God's own [nature]; it is a natural and normal thing for this God to speak, not some anthropomorphic projection onto a blank deistic screen!" A brief examination of the role of scripture in 2nd-Temple Palestinian Judaism (roughly the last 400 years BC) culminates in his observation that "[scripture]--read, studied, taught, prayed and sung, in the Temple, in the early synagogues, in the Qumran community, daily and weekly and at the great festivals and solemn fasts--became the key factor shaping Israel as the people who longed for the coming of the Kingdom. The multiple and widely varying types of Judaism in Jesus's day can be plotted in terms of different ways of understanding and attempting to live under scripture and thus to work, pray and wait for God to bring the story in which they were living to its proper conclusion." (41)

Chapter Three looks at Jesus' relationship with the scriptures (noting, of course, that the New Testament scriptures weren't around yet). Wright argues that "Jesus believed himself called to undertake the task, marked out in various ways in Israel's scriptures, through which God's long-range purposes would at last be brought to fruition... [In] and through Jesus evil is confronted and judged, and forgiveness and renewal are brought to birth. The covenant is renewed; new creation is inaugurated. The work which God had done through scripture in the Old Testament is done by Jesus in his public career, his death and resurrection, and his sending of the Spirit." (43) The early church came to "read the Old Testament story (including covenant, promise, warning, and so on) and its commands in terms of what they had discovered in Jesus." (44) When Jesus speaks of fulfilling scripture, he is essentially saying that he is the fulfillment of scripture. He is what scripture--what God's story--pointed to all along. This train of thought of is taken up in the New Testament.

Chapter Four begins in the period following Jesus' death and resurrection: the apostolic church. "The earliest apostolic preaching was neither a standard Jewish message with Jesus added on at the end, nor a free-standing announcement of a new religion cut off from its Jewish roots, but rather the story of Jesus understood as the fulfillment of the Old Testament narrative, and thus as the euangelion, the good news or 'gospel'--the creative force which called the church into being and shaped its mission and life." (47) Thus the authority of scripture meant, in the early church, that "what God had done in Jesus Christ was to be seen in terms of a character within a particular story, a portrait in a particular landscape, where everything in the story, or the landscape, points us to a key facet of who this central character is and what he has accomplished." (48) The "word of God" in the early church spoke to "the story of Jesus (particularly his death and resurrection), told as the climax of the story of God and Israel and thus offering itself as both the true story of the world and the foundation and energizing force for the church's mission." Wright argues that the early church's experience with the word of God energized and empowered its mission, so that we find "the roots of a fully Christian theology of scriptural authority: planted firmly in the soil of the missionary community, confronting the powers of the world with the news of the Kingdom of God, refreshed and invigorated by the Spirit, growing particularly through the preaching and teaching of the apostles, and bearing fruit in the transformation of human lives as the start of God's project to put the whole cosmos to rights. God accomplishes these things, so the early church believed, through the 'word': the story of Israel now told as reaching its climax in Jesus." (50)

When it comes to the New Testament, Wright says, things get prickly. However, "Recent study of the letters, and of the intention of the gospel writers, emphasizes the self-conscious way in which the New Testament authors believed themselves called to exercise their calling as 'authorized' teachers, by the guidance and power of the Spirit, writing books and letters to sustain, energize, shape, judge and renew the church." (51) Narrowing the focus onto the Apostle Paul in particular, "At precisely those points of urgent need (when, for instance, writing Galatians or 2 Corinthians) Paul is most conscious that he is writing as one authorized, by the apostolic call he had received from Jesus Christ, and in the power of the Spirit, to bring life and order to the church by his words." The writers of the New Testament believed that a certain power resided in the words they wrote, but this isn't to say that they were cognitively aware of how their writings would be collected and canonized. "But they were conscious of a unique vocation to write Jesus-shaped, Spirit-led, church-shaping books, as part of their first generation calling." (52)

Wright examines how the early church perceived the Old Testament. "They firmly believed that the Old Testament was, and remained, the book which God had given to his people--the covenant people who had spearheaded God's purposes for the world and from whom the Messiah, Jesus, had come. But from the very beginning they read the ancient scriptures in a new way. This new way resulted in their recognizing that some parts of the scriptures were no longer relevant for their ongoing life--not, we must stress, because those parts were bad, or not God-given, or less inspired, but because they belonged with earlier parts of the story which had now reached its climax." (53) Wright conducts a fantastic survey of continuity and discontinuity in the church's approach and implementation of scripture versus Israel's approach and implementation. Galatians 3.22-29 shows us at least one way the early church approached the Old Testament. Here "Paul argues that God gave the Mosaic law for a specific purpose which has now come to fruition, whereupon that law must be put aside, in terms of its task of defining the community, not because it was a bad thing but because it was a good thing whose task is now accomplished." (57-58) Never one to miss an opportunity for an analogy, Wright captures the heart of what Paul's saying: "When travelers sail across a vast ocean and finally arrive on the distant shore, they leave the ship behind and continue over land, not because the ship was no good, or because their voyage had been misguided, but precisely because both ship and voyage had accomplished their purpose. During the new, dry-land stage of their journey, the travelers remain [the very] people who made that voyage in that ship." (57) Thus as the Old Testament served as the covenant charter for Israel's stage in God's story, so "the New Testament understands itself as the new covenant charter, the book that forms the basis for the new telling of the story through which Christians are formed, reformed and transformed so as to be God's people for God's world." (59)

In Chapter Five, Wright looks at the church’s evolving use of scripture up into the brink of the Enlightenment. He defends the canonization of scripture, writing, “The canonization of scripture, both Jewish and Christian, was no doubt complicated by all kinds of less-than-perfect human motivations, as indeed in the writing of scripture in the first place. But canonization was never simply a matter of a choice of particular books on a ‘who’s-in, who’s out’ basis. It was a matter of setting out the larger story, the narrative framework, which makes sense of and brings order to God’s world and God’s people.” (63) Over the course of several centuries, Wright says, “[the] notion of ‘authority’ which we have sketched in terms of ‘God at work powerfully through scripture to bring about the Kingdom, by calling and shaping a new covenant people and equipping its leaders to be teachers and preachers,’ became gradually flattened out into two things in particular.” (64-65) Scripture began to be seen as (a) the source-book or rule-book from which we determine our doctrines and ethics, and (b) meditating on scripture to hear God’s voice through personal and private devotions. Wright sketches the evolution of scripture through the medieval era into the Reformation, and then he pays particular attention to how scripture evolved with the Reformation. “The Reformers [set] scripture over against the traditions of the church, [and they set] the right of ordinary Christians to read scripture for themselves over against the protection of the sacred text by the Latin-reading elite. They did so in order to insist that the church had gotten off the right track and that the living God was using scripture itself to get it back on the right one. Scripture was not just a resource to be brought in to back up, or to knock down, a particular idea. When expounded faithfully, with proper attention given to the central New Testament emphasis on the cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ as the turning-point of all history—it happened once and once only, they stressed, and could not be repeated with each Mass—God’s word would once again do a fresh work in the hearts and lives of ordinary people.” (72) Wright then turns to his home island of England, noting the strict legalism of the Puritans (they said that only those things explicitly mentioned in scripture could have a place in the life of a Christian and in the life of the church) and how Richard Hooker argued against them. Hooker praised the idea of rationalism, and though he would roll over in his grave if he saw how the Enlightenment took that term and used it, he applied it to the life of the church. He argued that “all reality is governed by natural law, which is itself supremely rational, deriving from and being the expression of God’s own supreme ‘reason’… Human society develops and changes, he pointed out, and the church, itself at one level a human society, has an organic rather than a static life, and must grow and change appropriately. As it does so, it will inevitably go beyond what scripture explicitly teaches, as, for example, the great creeds themselves undeniably do. The methods of church government, one of the particular points at issue at the time, will inevitably change and develop as well. Hooker’s insistence on ‘reason’ was therefore not at all a way of undervaluing scripture, but rather of ensuring that the community which based itself on scripture could have an appropriate healthy life and growth, not blundering forward as [if] it were in the dark, but moving ahead by the light of reason, itself informed by scripture and in harmony with the natural law which stemmed from the creator God in the first place.” (79-80) Hooker argued for a “holistic worldview which insists, not that scripture should be judged at the bar of ‘reason’ and found wanting, but that in reading and interpreting scripture we must do so not arbitrarily, but with clear thinking and informed historical judgment.” (80-81)

The beginning of the Enlightenment, the “Age of Reason,” didn’t take Hooker’s holistic approach to reason and scripture. Chapter Six looks at how scripture was affected by the evolution of rationalistic thought in cahoots with the Enlightenment. "The Enlightenment (whose leading thinkers include Hume, Voltaire, Thomas Jefferson, and Kant) was, in fact, for the most part an explicitly anti-Christian movement... [The] Enlightenment insisted on 'reason' as the central capacity of human beings, enabling us to think and act correctly; it therefore regarded human beings as by nature rational and good. Reason was to be the arbiter of which religious and theological claims could be sustained." (83) Thus, Wright says, "Enlightenment thinkers tended toward atheism. Those who retained some belief in a divine being tended toward an abstract, non-trinitarian theism, or simply deism (acknowledging a distant, remote God), rather than mainline Christian belief." While Hooker's take on reason was that exegesis must make sense within the wider scope of God's story, the Enlightenment thinkers made Reason a category all its own. This gave birth to rationalism "with its manifold reductive and skeptical readings which scorned the previously held central beliefs of Christians as 'out of date,' 'premodern,' etc.--a scorn still often expressed in both popular and scholarly circles, despite the attacks that have increasingly been mounted against the whole Enlightenment project." (86)

Wright examines the Enlightenment's alternative views of history's climax (or, to put it another way, modernism's eschatology). "All history, declared Voltaire, had been a progressive struggle toward this new, reason-based culture. Indeed, the idea of progress is one of the Enlightenment's most enduring legacies." The Enlightenment, scorning the eschatology offered by Christianity, embraced an eschatology rooted in human progress. While mocking Christianity's eschatology as wild and radical, the Enlightenment blindly trumpeted that "we know better now", and this mantra obscured the fact that the Enlightenment's eschatology fared no better. The idea that world history had been immersed in darkness until the Enlightenment, and that modernism's light opened the floodgates to humanity being all they were meant to be, has been shown up as a nauseating dream in the face of what the Enlightenment actually produced. The problem of evil, as modernists see it, is that "people are not thinking and acting rationally, and Enlightenment rationalism is going to teach them how to create the social and political conditions to make it happen." (88) Recently, modernism's most vocal critics have insisted that Reason, over against Religion, is the cure to humanity's ailments; such writers harp on horrific chapters in religious history while seeking to obscure or trivialize the reality that the birth of the Enlightenment and its humanistic view of the world has caused far more suffering on a much wider scope than the religious horrors of the preceding centuries. It seems to me (as an aside) that human beings are evil, and modernism's license to this evil beget centuries of death, carnage, and mayhem which the world had not yet seen. This, of course, is, somehow, an indictment on religion rather than on modernism's imperialistic and humanistic thought paradigm.

Wright examines the effect the Enlightenment has had on Christian thought in the last two hundred years. He argues that the Enlightenment has softened the reality of the kingdom of God and made Christianity into a private, personal religion. "Jesus' death, at the most, [is seen as] the mechanism whereby individual sinners can receive forgiveness and hope for an otherworldly future--leaving the politicians and economists of the Enlightenment to take over the running, and as it turns out the ruining of the world." (88-89) He continues, "This political agenda, by the way, was of course a vital part of the Enlightenment project: kick 'God' upstairs, make religion a matter of private piety, and then you can organize the world to your own advantage. That has been the leitmotif of the Western world ever since, the new philosophy which has so far sustained several great empires, launched huge and horribly flawed totalitarian projects, and left the contemporary world thoroughly confused... Scripture itself, meanwhile, is muzzled equally by both side. It is squelched into silence by the 'secularists' who dismiss it as irrelevant, historically inaccurate, and so on--as you would expect, since it might otherwise challenge their imperial dreams. Equally worrying, if not more so, it is squashed out of shape by many of the devout, who ignore its global, cosmic and justice-laden message and treat it only as the instrument of personal piety and the source of true doctrine about eternal salvation. Secular and sacred readings--and the scholarship that has jostled between the two--have connived to produce the shallow readings which [constitute] our immediate problem." (89)

In Chapter Seven, Wright goes over common misreadings of scripture from both the Right and the Left (noting that the disparity between the Right and Left is itself a product of the French Revolution). Chapter Eight is the "So What?" chapter of this little book. Here Wright looks at a myriad of ways that the church ought to be utilizing scripture in line with its overarching purpose and place in the ongoing story and mission of God. His "integrated" approach is dependent upon the Spirit, and "it needs to keep as its central focus the goal of God's kingdom, inaugurated by Jesus on earth as in heaven and one day to be completed under that same rubric. It must envisage the church as characterized, at the very heart of its life, by prayerful listening to, strenuous wrestling with, humble obedience before, and powerful proclamation of scripture." (114)

Saturday, February 14, 2015

on writing (III)

The Procyon Strain: Book Two has been coming along well. I'm about a quarter of the way through, at about 100 pages, and Ashley has been reading through my work, giving me pointers and thoughts. "When you told me you write zombie books, I was kinda weirded out," she confessed. "But when I started reading some of what you wrote, I was actually really impressed!" She likes that the story isn't primarily about zombies; rather, it's about the characters in the midst of the zombies. She tells me I'm a great writer, but I think she may be biased. I need to send it to Ams and get her thoughts.

The first book of The Procyon Strain reads as a journal written by the main character detailing the events of the burgeoning zombie plague. Book 2 begins two years later at a survivor's compound on Green Lake, Wisconsin. The narrator begins telling the story of how he got from Cincinnati to Wisconsin, and that story will take place through Books 2, 3, and 4. Thus the bulk of the book is written as a journal, with "present-time" scenes taking place in Wisconsin as the narrator's recording his story. This sort of layout worked well with 36 Hours: A Tale of the Undead, and I'm hoping it'll work well here, too. Below is a scene from the first chapter. (you might like it, Blake; Amos is in it!). 

*  *  *

I’m driving down the road, weaving the snowmobile around stopped or wrecked vehicles cocooned in snow. I’m seeing this world as it was thousands of years ago in the receding clutch of the last Ice Age. Woolly Mammoths wander along the lake’s shores, and giant armadillos waddle through the snow, titanic against the backdrop of narrow shagbark hickories. I take the snowmobile around a bend and see snowmobile tracks leading off the road and down a gravel drive. I twist the snowmobile down the path, snow-covered trees flashing by on either side; the drive ends against a squat brick building facing the lake. The other snowmobile sits quiet beside it. I turn off the engine and dismount, following deep footprints around the building to a wooden pier jutting out over the lake. A stocky figure donned in heavy winter clothing stands on the dock’s edge, and he’s fitting a bolt into a smoke-black mechanical hand-bow. He hears my footsteps crunching in the snow as I make my way down the pier, my facemask a flimsy protection against the stiff wind blowing off the lake.
A few yards from the edge of the pier, three bodies jut out of the ice, their clothes shredded and flesh splotched purple. Two men and a woman. Their mouths hang open in silent screams, their eyes frosted blue. Bolts protrude from their frozen chests. I stride up beside Amos, his thick charcoal bear streaked with bits of ice and snow. He raises the hand-bow and aims along the knotted sight; he squeezes the trigger, and the bolt slices through the air, wedging into the frozen woman’s swollen right breast.
“Target practice?” I muse.
He begins fitting another bolt. “I was sent out after you.”
“And you got sidetracked?”
He nods to the bodies wedged in the ice. “I saw them from the road.”
“And you couldn’t resist the opportunity.”
“You don’t see opportunities like this that often.”
“No, you sure don’t. But how’re you going to get the arrows?”
“The ice is pretty solid, it should be able to hold me.”
“Uh-huh. Who sent you?”
“You seriously need to stop going out alone,” he says. “If something happens to you, we’re down to one snowmobile.”
I ask him again: who sent him?
“Who do you think?” he says.
“Andrea?”
He fires another bolt. This one sticks in the woman’s calcified throat.
“She badgered the hell out of me,” he says.
“Didn’t she talk to Amanda?”
“Yeah, and she told her you could handle yourself out here.”
“She didn’t believe her?” Andrea, she’d been at Green Lake since all of this began. She lived behind the Fence for more than a year and a half before Amos, Amanda and I showed up.
“You know how Andrea is,” Amos says. “All protective and shit. Really, it’s your own doing: you’re like an uncle to her daughters.”
Andrea has two little girls: Cassandra, she’s six; and Zeta, she’s going on two and a half. Zeta’s never known a world other than this one, and Andrea believes she can cocoon her on the shores of Green Lake so that she’ll never have to face what lies beyond the Fence. But Zeta, she’s stir-crazy and curious; it won’t be long before she sneaks out from the compound and goes exploring. Cassandra’s already tried; luckily we were able to find her before she saw anything unsettling. God knows there’s enough to give you nightmares behind every thicket of trees.
Amos fires another bolt. This one strikes the woman’s outstretched hand.
The bolt doesn’t stick: the hand shatters, frozen fingers and fragments of her palm scattering over the ice. The bolt skitters across the half-frozen lake, coming to a rest twenty yards from the corpses lodged in the ice.
Amos curses.
“You didn’t expect that to happen?”
He shakes his head No, and he turns and hands me the hand-bow, steps down onto the ice. He takes a breath, as if he’s waiting for it to splinter and suck him down into the dark depths, but the ice holds. He looks back at me, a wry smile, and he begins plodding across the ice. He reaches the copse of corpses, placing a gloved hand on their shoulders and twisting the bolts out with his other hand. He slides them into his deep pant pockets, eyes the bolt lying twenty yards away.
I tell him he should just leave that one be.
“Andrea’s had too much of an effect on you,” he says. “We’re in Wisconsin. The ice, it’s frozen solid.” He begins walking across the half-frozen lake, taking the steps slow.
He’s nearly to the bolt when the ice groans, cracks radiating outwards.
My heart lodges in my chest and Amos looks back at me.
I beckon him back.
His beady eyes return to the bolt, just feet away, and he takes a step forward.
His foot plunges into the lake, his opposite knee smashing against the ice.
I shout his name, pure instinct, and I drop the hand-bow and clamber down from the pier, scrambling towards him. The ice is buried beneath three feet of snow, and I can almost hear it splintering beneath my footfalls. Amos writhes his foot from the jagged hole and stands, his face contorted into a grimacing mask of pain.
He bends down, grabs the bolt, and begins limping towards me.
We return to the pier and clamber up onto the frozen planks. He grabs the hand-bow, says his foot feels afire. He lost three toes to frostbite last winter; he didn’t need to lose a whole foot. I tell him we’ll never make it back to the compound before the cold begins to corrode any remaining toes. He points to the squat brick building facing the lake. There are two entrances on either side, one marked Men and the other marked Women. He suggests we go into the latter, says they might have a sofa.
I draw the military knife from my belt and have him wait outside. I push open the door and step into the bathroom. Sunlight from the open door rolls over the urinals and stalls, the cracked mirror. There’s no sofa, but there’s movement near the last stall. I grip the knife and move forward.
The stall’s door has opened a crack.
Ragged breathing comes from inside the stall.
I stop five feet from the door and call out to whoever’s inside, just in case they have the capacity to respond. This one doesn’t. An emaciated hand feebly presses against the door, and a man covered in a two-year’s growth of beard stumbles from the stall.
His eyes, they’re cold and lifeless, devoid of feeling.
His skin has marbled in the cold, pulled taught against fragile bones.
His beating heart throbs against washboard ribs.
He reaches towards me, razor-sharp ingrown fingernails aimed at my throat.
I let him come to me, gauging his steps, his speed, his precision.
He’s nearly to me when I dart forward and drive the knife under his chin.
I withdraw the knife, blood staining the blade.
The man teeters, his eyes swimming in his head, blood soaking his bare and mottled chest. He collapses to his knees, those opaque eyes looking up at me, feeling neither anger nor resentment, and he pitches forward, lying face-down on the linoleum. Blood spreads through the tile’s cracks.
I wipe the blade on my pants and return to Amos, beckoning him inside. We pay the corpse no mind. I shut the door and prop a flashlight against one of the urinal’s handles so that its beam washes over us. Amos sits beside the body and tears off his soggy boot, setting it beside him. I remove my Old Navy winter coat and strip off one of my sweatshirts, wrapping it tight around his foot to soak up the water. With his foot mummified, we lean with our backs against one of the stalls. I dig into my pants and pull out a pack of Pall Mall Reds. I light one for him and one for me, and we sit in the bathroom, bathing in the white light of the flashlight, and we smoke our cigarettes, the embers reflected in the cracked wall-length mirror above the sinks whose pipes have long since frozen and burst.
“What’re the chances you won’t tell anyone about this?” Amos says.
“Slim to none,” I tell him.
When his foot’s feeling warmer, he clutches the boot under his arm and we make our way back to the snowmobiles. I tell him to let his lead foot do good work, and we mount the snowmobiles and leave Sunset Park.
The deepening dusk wraps the frozen corpses in shimmering shadow.
Our snowmobiles reflect the setting sun, the evening sky bleeding pink. Wisconsin sunsets, they’re always beautiful. There are times, few in number, when I feel this could almost be a wintry vacation. Our snowmobiles pass under The Hanging Tree: three bodies, bloated in the cold, swing from nooses latched to the thick branches of an oak. Though it may feel like a vacation at times, this isn’t the sort of vacation you plan for.

where we're headed

Over the last several years, we've undergone a shift in how we operate as a family. We're coming to what we hope is a better underst...