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| the little hellion and her baby bear. as zombies. #TWD |
Groundhog Day. Only in America do we accept weather predictions from a rodent but deny climate change evidence from scientists! Such were my thoughts during my time of writing and reading at The Anchor. I went up to see Ashley and the girls. Ashley's been feeling sick, so we just watched The West Wing and The Interview (North Korea hates it). I headed home come evening, picked Subway up for dinner, watched the documentary Life After People, and spent some time meditating and praying over Ephesians before I went to bed.
Tuesday. Another morning of writing and reading at The Anchor was followed by an afternoon with Ashley and Zoey. Ashley's still not feeling so great; it may be strep. She's quite prone to that little sickness. "You need to crucify those tonsils." I think it may be time for me to take a break from my scholarly Jesus studies. I worked 2-7:00 at Ridgecrest. I swung by Tyler's to see him and Julia, and then I swung by Winton Ridge to see Amos, Andy, and Blake. My night ended with meditation and finishing The Meaning of Jesus by Marcus Borg and N.T. Wright. A great book (thanks, Blake!).
Wednesday. After scripting at The Anchor (two people walked in on me in the bathroom again!), I spent the afternoon writing in the Hobbit Hole and started watching The Day After Tomorrow. I worked 3-7:00, taking Jason to Ballroom Dancing. Ams bailed on hanging out (why is everyone getting sick?), so I just headed home and finished my afternoon movie, started Alan Weisman's The World Without Us, and researched suburban survival strategies in the wake of a burgeoning zombie apocalypse. The energy drink I foolishly consumed during Ballroom Dancing kept me awake until 3 AM. And then I woke at 6 AM after dreaming that Zoey was demon possessed and decided three hours was good enough.
Thursday. The energy drink I foolishly consumed during Ballroom Dancing last night kept me awake until 3 AM. After I woke with a start at 6 AM after a dream that Zoey was demon possessed and chasing me like a zombie, I decided three hours of sleep would be adequate. On the upside, I was able to get an hour and a half of writing done at The Anchor before work. Ashley's feeling better, not 100% but better, so I headed over to her place, and we gathered the girls and shipped them to Ams' with a Subway pit-stop in the midst. Ams, Ashley and I convened in her bedroom while the girls colored and otherwise desecrated her apartment. When we got the girls down back at Ashley's, she and I attempted to watch Netflix but ended up napping. I shuffled out into the 12 degree cold and made a wintry drive home in the dead of night.
Friday. No demon-possessed Zoeys kept me company overnight, so I slept fairly well. I went to The Anchor to do some writing. A group of about four or five older men are here every morning between 6 and 8 AM. They get together, drink their coffee, and talk about everything except sports. A lot of them are history buffs, and I've caught wind of their conversations regarding the Battle of Saratoga, the "melting" of Japan (as Ashley would put it), and the Civil War's Battle of the Wilderness. I hope that when I'm their age, I'll have a group of friends who meet in a smoky diner and talk about history while drinking stale coffee. My afternoon was spent writing in the Hobbit Hole, and then I headed up to West Chester to spend time with Ashley and the girls. We fixed an amazing dinner: vegetable and chicken kabobs paired with roasted potatoes and asparagus. I headed off to an overnight I picked up in Blue Ash only to discover that the shift I picked up isn't until next week. I gladly headed home and went to bed early.
Saturday. I did some writing at The Anchor before spending the afternoon with Ashley. Zoey napped and Chloe went across the street to her friend's house. My shift in Blue Ash started at 5:00, and I ferried the guys to and from a Down's Syndrome Winter Dance at the Newport Syndicate. A song came on the radio that Mandy and I had called "Our Song", and it brought to the surface all sorts of things I've been burying and reburying. Sometimes it feels like I'll never heal, that I'll always feel like a part of me is missing. I don't dream about her as much anymore, but sometimes I wake up with her on my mind (maybe I am dreaming about her?), and throughout the day there will come snippets of memories. Not full-fledged memories, but snapshots, passing before my mind and then fading away. I'm glad Ashley understands and that I can talk to her about these things; most women, if you talk about the hold an ex has on you, wouldn't be too sympathetic. Because of her past, she understands, and she understands well. I'll be forthright: it bothers me that I don't have the clarity of mind regarding Ashley and our future that I had with Mandy; but at the same time, as Amanda has pointed out, ninety percent of my affection for Mandy was based on idealization. The amount of time we spent face-to-face, not separated by distance, was minimal; and distance breeds fantasy. I had a picture of our lives together that wouldn't have come to pass; the passage of time shows me the chinks in the fantasy, and I'm able to see where fantasy suppressed reality. Being with Ashley has shown me how much I overlooked or excused; the frustrating part is that while Ashley shows me more care, compassion, and support each week than Mandy showed me in 5 1/2 months of dating, I'm still under the sway of off-colored lenses. It's not normal, Ams tells me, to have the sort of clarity with Mandy at the speed that I had it, so I shouldn't expect it to be the same with Ashley. Life with the Wisconsinite was grounded in fantasy; life with Ashley is grounded in reality. The latter is always far more difficult.
Sunday. We weren't able to do church in Mason this morning, so after some writing at The Anchor I made up for it (so-to-speak) by listening to a sermon entitled "Sin & Joy" by Douglas Wilson. He's one of my favorite Christian authors, and the message was great. I'll have to listen to some more of his stuff. I went up to West Chester and spent the day with Ashley. Chloe went to her friend's house and Zoey napped upstairs. I read Ashley some of the first chapter of my current writing project; she says it's really good, and I believe her, since she tore one of my scenes to pieces. I like knowing I can count on her to tell me what she really thinks. Ams came over for a little bit before heading to Blake & Traci's to watch The Walking Dead. I headed out to my 8-12 AM in Blue Ash, and Ben and I watched the mid-season premiere. I'm pumped to see how this season pans out. I'm also stoked about watching History Channel's Sons of Liberty.
Wednesday. After scripting at The Anchor (two people walked in on me in the bathroom again!), I spent the afternoon writing in the Hobbit Hole and started watching The Day After Tomorrow. I worked 3-7:00, taking Jason to Ballroom Dancing. Ams bailed on hanging out (why is everyone getting sick?), so I just headed home and finished my afternoon movie, started Alan Weisman's The World Without Us, and researched suburban survival strategies in the wake of a burgeoning zombie apocalypse. The energy drink I foolishly consumed during Ballroom Dancing kept me awake until 3 AM. And then I woke at 6 AM after dreaming that Zoey was demon possessed and decided three hours was good enough.
Thursday. The energy drink I foolishly consumed during Ballroom Dancing last night kept me awake until 3 AM. After I woke with a start at 6 AM after a dream that Zoey was demon possessed and chasing me like a zombie, I decided three hours of sleep would be adequate. On the upside, I was able to get an hour and a half of writing done at The Anchor before work. Ashley's feeling better, not 100% but better, so I headed over to her place, and we gathered the girls and shipped them to Ams' with a Subway pit-stop in the midst. Ams, Ashley and I convened in her bedroom while the girls colored and otherwise desecrated her apartment. When we got the girls down back at Ashley's, she and I attempted to watch Netflix but ended up napping. I shuffled out into the 12 degree cold and made a wintry drive home in the dead of night.
Friday. No demon-possessed Zoeys kept me company overnight, so I slept fairly well. I went to The Anchor to do some writing. A group of about four or five older men are here every morning between 6 and 8 AM. They get together, drink their coffee, and talk about everything except sports. A lot of them are history buffs, and I've caught wind of their conversations regarding the Battle of Saratoga, the "melting" of Japan (as Ashley would put it), and the Civil War's Battle of the Wilderness. I hope that when I'm their age, I'll have a group of friends who meet in a smoky diner and talk about history while drinking stale coffee. My afternoon was spent writing in the Hobbit Hole, and then I headed up to West Chester to spend time with Ashley and the girls. We fixed an amazing dinner: vegetable and chicken kabobs paired with roasted potatoes and asparagus. I headed off to an overnight I picked up in Blue Ash only to discover that the shift I picked up isn't until next week. I gladly headed home and went to bed early.
Saturday. I did some writing at The Anchor before spending the afternoon with Ashley. Zoey napped and Chloe went across the street to her friend's house. My shift in Blue Ash started at 5:00, and I ferried the guys to and from a Down's Syndrome Winter Dance at the Newport Syndicate. A song came on the radio that Mandy and I had called "Our Song", and it brought to the surface all sorts of things I've been burying and reburying. Sometimes it feels like I'll never heal, that I'll always feel like a part of me is missing. I don't dream about her as much anymore, but sometimes I wake up with her on my mind (maybe I am dreaming about her?), and throughout the day there will come snippets of memories. Not full-fledged memories, but snapshots, passing before my mind and then fading away. I'm glad Ashley understands and that I can talk to her about these things; most women, if you talk about the hold an ex has on you, wouldn't be too sympathetic. Because of her past, she understands, and she understands well. I'll be forthright: it bothers me that I don't have the clarity of mind regarding Ashley and our future that I had with Mandy; but at the same time, as Amanda has pointed out, ninety percent of my affection for Mandy was based on idealization. The amount of time we spent face-to-face, not separated by distance, was minimal; and distance breeds fantasy. I had a picture of our lives together that wouldn't have come to pass; the passage of time shows me the chinks in the fantasy, and I'm able to see where fantasy suppressed reality. Being with Ashley has shown me how much I overlooked or excused; the frustrating part is that while Ashley shows me more care, compassion, and support each week than Mandy showed me in 5 1/2 months of dating, I'm still under the sway of off-colored lenses. It's not normal, Ams tells me, to have the sort of clarity with Mandy at the speed that I had it, so I shouldn't expect it to be the same with Ashley. Life with the Wisconsinite was grounded in fantasy; life with Ashley is grounded in reality. The latter is always far more difficult.
Sunday. We weren't able to do church in Mason this morning, so after some writing at The Anchor I made up for it (so-to-speak) by listening to a sermon entitled "Sin & Joy" by Douglas Wilson. He's one of my favorite Christian authors, and the message was great. I'll have to listen to some more of his stuff. I went up to West Chester and spent the day with Ashley. Chloe went to her friend's house and Zoey napped upstairs. I read Ashley some of the first chapter of my current writing project; she says it's really good, and I believe her, since she tore one of my scenes to pieces. I like knowing I can count on her to tell me what she really thinks. Ams came over for a little bit before heading to Blake & Traci's to watch The Walking Dead. I headed out to my 8-12 AM in Blue Ash, and Ben and I watched the mid-season premiere. I'm pumped to see how this season pans out. I'm also stoked about watching History Channel's Sons of Liberty.
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