You're going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don't call attention to yourselves. Be as cunning as a snake, inoffensive as a dove.

These words of Jesus kept lurking at the back of my mind through yet another day of debates in Modern Literature Class. The debates have become more and more heated, and 'gentle' yelling has ensued at times. I have been keeping a reign on my tongue, keeping quiet and unobtrusive, knowing full-well the dangers of throwing my two cents into a debate where there are no winners or losers, just people with hurt feelings and riled emotions. I do congratulate our teacher for not letting it get too out-of-hand. Today's debate was on "Gay Rights." While I have my own ideas, I didn't voice them. Another person riled the class up by saying she could never respect a pastor who was openly gay and proud about it; her reason was that homosexuality is a sin condemned over and over throughout the New Testament, it isn't a "gray" area, and those 'called out' by Christ are called to forsake their sin - including homosexuality. Our school has a lot of gays, and while I don't think any of us in that classroom are gay, we all have friends who are gay, lesbian or bi-sexual. Needless to say, we almost had a riot. Yesterday I spoke up regarding religion in schools, nothing offensive, and since everyone knew where I stood on this whole "Jesus Christ" thing, I knew that anything I said would be judged. So I played it cool and remained quiet. It is just upsetting to me how Christians can be so judgmental at times; even if what we're saying isn't judgmental in itself, our tone can convey hidden judgment and condemnation. I said regarding this very topic, "When we are condemning or judgmental or self-righteous, we are nothing at all like Christ."

A debate on abortion was the topic of the day in modern literature class a few days ago, and near the end of the class, the concept of whether someone who's been raped should be allowed to have an abortion sprung up. I am not going to use this post to throw out my views on abortion, because it's been beaten to death. I was just sitting in the back waiting for the bell when something traumatizing happened: a Christian girl said to a few girls who had been raped, "Everything happens for a reason." The message was this, and it rang clear in everyone's ears: you were raped for a reason. The girls who were raped became incensed and were silently screaming; I could see murder written over one of the girls' eyes.

The idea that everything happens for a reason is a big misunderstanding rampant in the Christian church today. I think it can be attributed to the way we make presumptions about God and such without really exploring it; twisted ideas are the product of consumerist Christianity. The plain and simple truth is, "No, not everything happens for a reason." We are given free will; we make our own decisions and are affected by others' wise and poor decisions. Can you tell me that sin happens for a reason? Or murder and rape of the innocents? No! "God has beautiful and wonderful plans for us all." Yes - but really, now, does that include sin hurting us? It is a flaw to believe that everything that happens fits into God's wonderful plans. Because while God has wonderful plans for us, Someone Else does not, and he is the author of genocide, rape, infanticide, murder. He is the author of all the horrible atrocities that fill our news screens daily. Perhaps this is the Evil One's ploy: "I will do horrible deeds, and they will think it is God's hand at work!" Those girls being raped did not happen 'for a reason'; God's wonderful plans for them - and I may sound arrogant by saying this, but please, think it through - did not include rape. But "God will make everything work out right for those who love Him" and "in the end, God's purposes will be fulfilled." It is not just bad theology, it is wicked theology, to believe that rape has a place in God's beautiful plans for us. Those who are raped need to realize they are the victims of the Evil One, and they need to turn to the One who loves them for peace and comfort. He is the only one who can make something so horrible work out for good; but just because something good comes from rape does not mean rape is a good and wonderful thing. It is horrible and sickening.

I wish I were back in that debate class so I could say something about this. With the words, "Everything happens for a reason," our hearts harden towards God, when, really, God is the only one who can heal us and make us whole. I feel deeply sorry for those girls who were raped - and sorry for the girl who made that statement. This is a big issue that, I believe, needs clarification.

Sixteen days and I am done with High School. I envy the night when I lie down in my bed, close my eyes, listen to the insects outside my basement windows, and realize that High School is truly over. Yet my life continues, and in some aspects, begins: college, career, marriage, children. It will be amazing to one day look back through my blog posts and freehand journal entries and say, "Now I'm out of college. Now I'm working on staff at a church. Now I'm married and have a daughter on the way." Or something like that. It will be a wondrous feeling, and I cannot wait. But I guess I have to.

How about this Springboro weather? It is beautiful. I am wearing short sleeves and shorts to work today. I am not even bummed about work. How can you be bummed when it is so nice outside? I will be going out to check the lot for carts many times this day. Tomorrow I work seven hours, and afterwards I will either 'commune' with Dylan Yosick or Pat Dewenter. Who can really know? Today is just a great day and I've really nothing to say. Maybe something meaningful will pop into my head at work and I can post it later.

The words of St. Cyprian in ancient Rome have followed me around all day, dredging up much thought. I've had lots of time to sift through these few words, as bagging groceries and running the cash register never requires an exponential amount of brainpower. I can't help but wonder how far we might've come from the faith of the original "Christian" church as seen in the first decades and centuries following Christ's death. It may sound heretical or even judgmental in many aspects, but I think that we've lost a lot of the genuinity that the early church held onto so hard. Can you not disagree with me? Just read the letters of the New Testament and ask yourself if their descriptions of Christians match what we see all around us today. I feel God has been pressing this upon me and it has challenged an examination of my own life countless times over (note: the moment we feel we don't need to examine ourselves and make changes is the moment we're the greatest sinners). Here are the words of St. Cyprian:

Yet in the midst of it I have found a quiet and holy people. They have discovered a joy which is a thousand times better than any pleasures of this sinful life. They are despised and persecuted, but they care not. They have overcome the world. These people, Donatus, are the Christians -- and I am one of them.

What drew this Roman to embrace the Christ in the early Roman church? He compliments it to their quietness, their holiness, their joy. And so questions - questions promting rough examinations of my own life and way of living - bombard me: What does he mean by quiet? Is it simply not talking? No, I don't think so. I am not him, of course, but I think that he is drawn to these people because they are unassuming, not loud-mouths, not whining and complaining, not gossiping; they mind their own business and go about their life. Add to this their holiness. Not only are they a serene and innocent people, but they are holy. Set apart. They live life differently, so differently that the world holds its breath, wondering what is next. How many of us, with our behavior, make the world turn its head and say, "Wait a minute? This doesn't make sense!" And how many of us, with our holiness and joy, make others shake their head and say, "These people are odd. No matter what's going on, they're happy and joyful! No matter what's going on in the world, they live their lives, worship their Christ, live their lives differently, and live life joyfully. There's truly something different in these guys!"? These questions have drawn me into close examination of my life.

I've been fascinated by monasteries for quite some time now. There's simply something amazingly beautiful about a monastery, and life in a monastery. The reverence, the awe, the intimacy with God to be discovered in such places of divine interaction. You have to admire monks, giving up everything they own - all possessions, wealth, inheritance, marriage and sex - to dedicate their lives to developing intimacy with the Creator. My newfound appreciation has drawn me to investiage monastic spiritual disciplines; I even bought a book called The Sacred Way and have completely engulfed it. I have so far practiced some of the spiritual disciplines they mention, such as silence & solitude and Lectio Divina. I plan on practicing meditation sometime soon and also am prepared to develop my own Daily Office - a system of prayers to be prayed throughout the day. I am completely mesmerized by these disciplines.

Jeff, Chris, Ash, Ams, Tyler, Kristen and I drove up Yankee to Chipotle. I pleasured myself with a chicken fajita burrito with some chips. Their salsa is quite spicy. The food is wonderful - I first treated my mouth to such delicacies a month or two ago in Kentucky with my mom, sister, aunt and grandma. Good times. The school year is winding down - fifteen days to go, isn't it hard to believe? In three and a half months, I will be out of Springboro, organizing my room at Cincinnati Christian University. I plan on returning home for the weekends, though. I am excited about college. C.C.U. is a small school, too, which I like. Now that spring is here, I am planning on starting my fiber/protein diet again - working out, pooping a lot, shedding pounds. Working out isn't too fun, but with a good book, pooping borders on ecstasy.

When a man really gives up trying to make something out of himself—a saint, or a converted sinner, …a righteous or unrighteous man… when in the fullness of tasks, questions, success or ill-hap, experiences and perplexities, a man throws himself into the arms of God… then he wakes with Christ in Gethesemane.

This quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, from his The Cost of Discipleship, has me in stitches. Not laughter - it's just been running over and over in my mind, fermenting. How often have I pursued God for some reason other than God Himself? I think it's really common, because I've seen it in my life and in others' as well. We pursue God because it's the "right thing to do," we've been raised to do so, maybe because we want His blessings. And I'm sure there are numerous other reasons we may pursue God for reasons other than God Himself. And when we pursue nice, lofty words like "discipleship" and "sainthood" and "righteousness," perhaps we are mistaking the chest for the treasure inside the chest.

Sometimes spiritual life can be a drag, boring and uneventful, but it isn't meant to be. It's exciting and invigorating to be in an interactive, intimate relationship with the Creator; but when we pursue Him for reasons other than He Himself, should we be surprised if we feel we're missing out on something? After all, how does a wife feel when her husband marries her for money or tax exemptions? Wow, the intimacy develops, right?

I didn't go to Prom, because I didn't ask anyone. It's the worst - wanting a girl, but there being no girl you actually want. Well. I guess I'll see what C.C.U. can draw up. I went to bed around ten o'clock and awoke at 11:55 or so to go to the After-prom at the Junior High. Dad let me take his truck, and aside from the noisy vibrations in the pedals and engine, it was a smooth ride through the darkened town. Mom was on the committee for decorating the school, and you might've seen the designs in the paper; it was decked out with a Vegas Strip look. Pretty nice, really. I came at the very beginning, and my friends Dylan and Lee did not show up for about half an hour, so I felt like the outcast kid as I strolled around. Then Lee showed up, and then Dylan, and the night went on a big uphill from there. I saw Tyler once, as well. He and Kristen went to Prom together.

It was amazing. They had Applebee's there - and it was free! Riblets all-you-can-eat! I only ate one, though. And a sugar cookie. My splurge. To satisfy further cravings, enjoy pineapple stars on a stick (I thought they took out the tough pineapple centers, but they didn't; I bit into it and juice squirted out of my mouth, I had to spit it out, and fiber became wedged in my teeth). Lee and I waltzed around, making jokes and just laughing. I won a door prize, a free Burger King meal. Being the health-nut I am, I gave Mom the ticket. She loves B.K. I hate it - used to work there. For two days.

There was this one blow-up thing where you stepped in and wind blew everywhere, and dollar bills flew all around you and you had to grab them. Lee and Dylan both made five bucks; I made two and almost knocked the thing over, twice. When Lee and I rushed through the obstacle course, I reached the top and looked around for him, couldn't see him anywhere. He came around the corner, saying, "It took off my pants! It took off my pants!" He had to re-dress and collect his keys. The greatest laughter came when I put on a velcro vest and jumped onto the velcro wall; I did so well that I got stuck and was flailing around like a fish out of water, just plastered on the wall; after about twenty seconds of struggling, the manager grabbed me and ripped me off; I hit the blow-up floor and pitched off the side. It was fun.