Sunday, June 11, 2006

Last night, several friends and I traveled to Starbucks for some good coffee and conversation; we went to the one in Centerviille, and after we drank our coffee, we made our way to Krogers, standing beneath the awning, surrounded by all the hanging and potted plants. I told Dylan, "I feel like I'm in the Hanging Gardens of Babylon." We talked a lot about God, spirituality, that kind of stuff (nothing new), and the conversation turned to baptism. As I have been studying the Pauline epistles, my stance on baptism has been turning a new leaf. I'm not pro-baptism or no-baptism needed for salvation; rather, I say, "It is by faith that we are justified (made right in God's eyes), and it is in baptism that we are sanctified." I see baptism opening the door to the new life we can experience in Christ, while justification just gets us in the door of God's graces. So that's where I stand now.

I am beginning to realize I am a heretic. My views on the cross, salvation, heaven and hell, and the End Times are rather heretical to the people I am around. I don't think my views are wrong, I base them off of scripture, but I am a heretic because I cause division (sadly). At least I don't teach my "heresies" in class; rather, I keep them bottled up in notebooks. Hah.

I have always wanted to eat an artichoke, so I am fixing one now. Yay.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Doogie pranced around yelping when we returned; I guess he missed us. So our five-day vacation in the Smoky Mountains has come to a close. One of my fondest memories is just sitting out on the back porch, looking out over the trees, drinking coffee in the early morning hours. Two dogs visited us day-by-day, crawling up onto the deck and playing with us as the sun set. Mom and Dad went to Gatlinburg last night, so Amanda and I sat out on the back porch and just talked for about an hour; nothing more enjoyable than that! She's a great little girl (it is quite the bummer that a sickness captured her for half the vacation).

Flipping through channels last night, I decided to watch T.B.N. to see if I could find something interesting (I'm not a huge fan of the channel, but I'm not here to throw feces at it). Well, find something interesting I did. One of the guests on one of the shows was a weight-lifter wearing one of those Lord's Gym t-shirts showing Jesus carrying the cross up Calvary. He seems like a good man, very passionate and zealous, though one thing he said got me riled up: in talking about the da Vinci code, he said that all the Christians who went to see it were not true Christians. My blood pumped at his words, but when he continued on, "Why are so-called Christians going to see The Da Vinci Code? Because they have doubts. They're fake Christians!" And the crowd went wild. I just had to turn off the television. Since when did having doubts negate one's presence in the kingdom of God? I'll be honest: sometimes I doubt. I don't doubt in the resurrection or God's love for me, but sometimes I doubt in the smaller things. Does this make me someone who doesn't know God? I don't think so. This doubt doesn't drive me to abandon God, for all the doubts in the world cannot compare to the fact that I have met God, I have experienced God, I have come into contact with God. You can tell me Someone doesn't exist, but when I've met Him, I'm not going to believe you. Doubt can gnaw at me all it wants, but I've met Him, and that's enough.

So, yeah. There it is. I promised some Erwin McManus quotes, that will come sometime this week (Part Two of Ecclesiastes will be up next Sunday, I think). Good night.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006





I sit in a Krystal's in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, one of the only places here where I can get online (even the Starbucks don't provide wireless for me!). We rented a cabin in the mountains, secluded and quiet, where we spend our time reading, writing, and relaxing in the hot tub. I am reading The Barbarian Way by McManus (a few quotes to come up here perhaps Friday?) as well as hammering out a few pages on my Romans commentary (halfway done at 25 pages!). Several outlines for horror short stories are developing in my head; the horror genres of ghosts and vampires and werewolves have been outdated for a long time, but I am taking a fresh approach to try and reinvent them into a more... emergent context, if I can use a word out-of-context.

The mountains here are absolutely beautiful.They surround us in every direction.

I've drank more coffee this week than I have in my entire life.

Oh, and a girl I was "seeing" decided it would be best if we just stay friends. It does not bother me, even though part of me thinks it should. She is a really, really, really good girl, hard-to-find in this world, and I consider it an honor just to know her.

As they say in Dinotopia, "Breathe deep, seek peace." Sometimes I wish I were a paleontologist.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Ecclesiastes: Part One

Ecclesiastes is a wonderful, uplifting book in the Old Testament (as long as you don't actually read it). Atheists love this book and Christians try to avoid it; as a person in love with the Old Testament (especially the controversial parts!), I find it a joy to let Christians know that Ecclesiastes is a wonderful book, and I want people to understand what it's all about. The truth is, a lot of Christians don't know what to do with Ecclesiastes: it's controversial and it blatantly contradicts much of what is stated in the New Testament. This is Part One of a two-part series I am doing on the book of Ecclesiastes.

Ecclesiastes was not written in a book; rather, it is a speech inscribed on paper. In the Tanakh (the Hebrew Bible), the book's name is Qoheleth (we'll get to what this means in a second); in our Bibles, the book's name is Ecclesiastes, derived from the Greek name of the book in the Septuagint (the ancient Greek translation of the Jewish scriptures); the Greek word is Ekklesiasticus, and it means (in short) "assembly". The message of Ecclesiastes, as stated, is a speech given to the assembly of the people of Israel. These assembles were called by one of three people: priests, prophets, or kings. In this case, the assembly was called together by the king (King Solomon), and it serves three purposes for King Solomon: he is imparting his age-old wisdom to the people, he is publically repenting of his "falling away" from God, and he is warning the people, "Don't do what I did!" This speech took place in the latter days of his life, perhaps even near his death (in chapter 12, he seems to know what old life is like!).

King Solomon was the son of the Great King David and the last king to rule over the "united monarchy" of Israel (following him, Israel was divided into two sections: Israel to the north ruled by his "enemy" Jeroboam, and Judah to the south ruled by his son Rehoboam). Solomon is known for his great wisdom, which he gained by exploring all the wisdom of the world, gathering it together, pondering it, and searching out its truth (Eccl 12.9-10). Sadly, Solomon could not apply this wisdom to his own life (he was a very self-centered man). Solomon experienced true love; although he had a harem of thousands of girls, he found love with one of them and lived in an intimate dance of marriage with her (she wrote him a love poem that we know as the Song of Songs). Tragically, she died (exactly how, we don't know). This sent Solomon over the edge, and in his depression he sought out the intimacy he had lost, grabbing at all the women of his harem to the point of being lulled over by their gods, dragged into worshipping pagan gods by such grotesque acts of worship as child sacrifice. He lived a life separated from God and suffered the penalty (a divided kingdom), but at the end of his life, he repented. Ecclesiastes, I believe, is his public repentance before the people of Israel (according to ancient custom, his repentance would have to be public). This is how I interpret (in brief) the story of Solomon.

Before one reads Solomon's speech before the assembly, one must understand the conflict between inspiration and divine revelation. The truth is, not everything in the Bible is right! There's lots of bad theology! A lot of people cringe at this idea, but hear me through. Take the story of Job, for instance: if we base our theology off of Job's conversations with his friends, we have bad theology. The conversations are people talking about things way above their head and getting it wrong (much like all the theologians of today, like you and me). Ecclesiastes is Solomon's observances from life, and it is told from his perspective, not God's; it is his words, not God's. Some of the things Solomon says are blatantly heretical when compared to the rest of the scriptures and must be understood as Solomon's (faulty) understanding of life (some of Solomon's misconceptions involve his statements that man and beast are no different and all will return to the earth with no afterlife, that there are no good women n the world, the best that we can do is just have fun before we die, and that fatalism rules our lives). Once again, Ecclesiastes is Solomon's speech before the people of Israel; he is a poor, old man full of regrets, not a prophet sent by God.

The main, overriding theme of Ecclesiastes is: "Life is meaningless." All of us are meant for something quite unlike this life we live; we feel empty on this lonely planet orbiting a lonely star in a lonely part of a lonely galaxy in a lonely galaxy cluster in a lonely universe. We are designed for eternity but living in the temporal; we are meant for true life, but we do not experience it. Why don't we experience it? Because of our selfishness, greed, and indifference (sin), we have fallen from the "mold" of life that God originally planned for us (heaven is a return to this way of life in a newly-renovated universe). Solomon feels this ache in his inner being and tries to fill the ache, tries to find meaning in all the typical ways that are repeated by people throughout the world to this day.

Solomon tried to find meaning in education, but he found that (and I quote Straylight Run), "The more I learn, the more I can't understand." He finds education depressing and meaningless, and easily taken away. So many people today try to find meaning in education, spending their entire lives groping for PhDs and Masters degrees, all for the sake of being addressed as "Doctor" and being able to drive a nice car in a nice subdivision. Sadly, when we die, our education will whither and we will be forgotten. Even in this life, our education can be taken in an instant: we can spend forty years gaining infinite knowledge, but in a bad car accident, our brains can be so messed-up that our educuation vanishes.

Solomon found education meaningless, so he turned to pleasure. He found, though, that pleasure, just like education, is depressing and empty! People seeking life in pleasure are not hard to find: why are so many people enslaved to sex or alcohol or drugs (to name the "great sins" of conservative Christianity)? Why do so many people revolve their lives around seeking pleasure as long as they live? I don't know. Eventually they, like Solomon, will realize: pleasure is depressing and empty, and Solomon knew what pleasure was: he had a harem of thousands of girls at his beck-and-call.

So Solomon tried to find meaning in fame. He built a great paradise for himself (it was a hell for everyone else!); in the ancient world, the builders of great buildings were renowned: they held the royal status of fame and fortune and glory. Solomon's great construction undertaking is his grasp at fame and glory throughout all the ages of the earth. Yet he found that it did not bring him meaning and satisfaction; it was empty. People today try to find meaning in fame, ignoring what all historians know to be true: you will not be remembered, not even by your own descendants. And even if you are remembered, [gulp] no one cares.

Solomon then tried to find meaning in wisdom, in living the wise life. What he found, however, was that living a wise life was no better than living the life of a fool, for both die and return to the same place. Solomon, in his disillusionment, went so far as to say that wisdom and foolishness are brothers! These are stunning words coming from the mouth of one of the wisest men in all of human history.

Finally, Solomon tried to find meaning in his labor. He grasped at the American Dream: work day and night to build up a palace of material pleasures here on earth. This palace, however, crumbled: Solomon's nights were without rest, he knew that all his work would go into the hands of someone who could trash it all, and he did not find the satisfaction and meaning he so strongly desired.

At the beginning of life, Solomon says, there is fatalism: everyone is born, everyone lives, and everyone dies; no one is exempt. All will come, pass through, and go, to be forgotten and replaced by another. Between birth and death, one lives a life of sorrows, interspersed with the occasional moments of happiness and contentment. Solomon stood before the people of Israel, pointed at himself and his own life, and croaked in his old voice, "Look at me! I am evidence that life is meaningless and empty!"

What does Solomon advise? "The world is screwed up. Fear God and keep His commandments." Life sucks, it really does. No one can escape this. Whether you are a Christian or not, life is filled with suffering. Yet in this life, mankind has a duty, and that is to fear God in reverence and respect, and to keep His commandments (though all fail in both these regards). Solomon begs the people, "Fear God and keep His commandments, and don't wait until you're on the brink of death to do so!" Solomon spent most of his life away from God, and his greatest regret was not fearing God and keeping His commandments.

The message of Ecclesiastes is simple: "The world is screwed up and life sucks. So fear God and keep His commandments." Is life truly meaningless? Is it truly empty? These are the words of Solomon, his observations, and he is right about how much life sucks. Yes, we are here today and gone tomorrow, forgotten in the whispers of time, our names lost in history. Our accomplishments will fade, our love will disappear from remembrance, and the world will continue as if we were never here. Remember, though, that this is Solomon's perspective. Yes, life does suck! Yes, we are here today and gone tomorrow! Yes, our duty is to fear God and keep His commandments! But, no, life is not meaningless. God's words on the meaning of life are coming up in Part Two of this look at the wonderful (and depressing) book of Ecclesiastes.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The weekend was spent in Mount Vernon with one of my best friends, John: he and his fiance Julie were united in an intimate dance (marriage). John started crying when Julie began walking with her father; last night, Brian, Nick and I were with him in the Jeep, and we asked, "So are you going to cry tomorrow, Man?" "No, I'm not going to cry." We all started laughing. My awkwardness shined like a Roman candle: I didn't know how to walk my bride'smaid up the aisle, I tripped over the white runner, I spilled my drink during the toast, and I failed at trying to dance. I eventually just went outside, laughing at myself. I also got yelled at for laughing at the burnt, lopsided cake; I laughed in private, no one was there but the groomsmen and one woman, and, I'm sorry, but it was hilarious. Sorry for laughing at things that are funny. "Memories, not mistakes." I am officially the most unsuave person I know; I fail miserably at formalities. When I am a minister and doing weddings or funerals, I'm going to have to practice hard. Hah.

Jr. High and Sr. High were joined for class today, because the real youth minister was away with a retreat. We talked about Ecclesiastes, the sum of the message being: "Life sucks. Fear God and keep His commandments." It was an entirely depressing message, yes, but it is a message that is real. Life sucks a lot, we live in a fallen world, so we must just enjoy life the best we can while fearing God and keeping His commandments; this duty is for every person. A lot of the kids were depressed, but I think that it is a bad thing to live in a fantasy-world. We had so many kids, though, that it was hard to teach: I really enjoy smaller classes, anywhere from ten to twenty (not fifty to sixty!) because then the message comes off in conversation, not lecture.

Gatlinburg tomorrow: relaxation, writing, contemplating, studying (college work). Should be nice. Jacuzzi and coffee and perhaps a cigar.

Friday, June 02, 2006

a lament

GOD, come to my aide, for your servant is weary
GOD, shine your face upon me, for your servant is heartbroken.
GOD, heal the empty ache of my soul, for tears are my diet day and night.

Have You abandoned me, O LORD? Have You cast me out of Your favor?
Have You forgotten me, O LORD? Have Your thoughts passed over Your servant?
I have served You since my youth, I have ordered my life according to Your precepts.
I have obeyed the commands of Your mouth, and for Your sake have I suffered, O LORD!
O LORD, You know what it is that I desire.
The desire of my inward being does not escape You.
O LORD, I do not desire that which is an abomination to You.
No, GOD, I desire that which You wish for all Your creatures.
I feel so alone, O GOD! I feel so rejected, abandoned, forgotten, passed-over.
GOD, why do You hide joy from me? Why do You not come to my aide?
Day and night I weep and cry out to You; often my pain is unable to be put into words.
When will You shine Your face upon me? When will I taste Your deliverance?
When will You kiss my life and come through with Your promises?

GOD, I have strayed from Your ways countless times,
but in my heart I delight in You and in Your ways.
I have embraced You in faith and repentance.
When will You touch Your servant's tongue with laughter,
melt his heart to gladness,
and grant him rest?

As I weep at midnight, I place my confidence in You.
As my heart burns with sorrow, my soul whispers, "Stay with GOD! Don't quit! Stay with GOD!"
As hopelessness dwells within my bones, I hear Your voice:
"Trust in Me. Hope in Me. Wait--and watch!"
I do not put confidence in mere men, but in the all-powerful and living God,
the One who kisses me in my suffering and bathes me in His own.

I rejoice in You, Yahweh! My heart burns in ecstasy at the mention of Your name!
I rejoice in You, Yahweh! Joy floods my entire being: "I am Yours and You are mine!"
I rejoice in You, Yahweh! You smile upon me even now!
I rejoice in You, Yahweh! You are the source of my hope,
the wellspring of strength,
and my deliverer.
My soul sings, and I cry out: "Stay with GOD! Don't quit! Yes! Stay with GOD!"
I dare to believe that even in this life I shall taste of Your goodness!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

One of my dreams is to plant a church; in this dream, I constantly find my thoughts turning to community. When I envision a church, I don't see a big, fancy building with stained-glass windows or velvet-carpet pews. I don't see a podium or a baptistry, I see a people, a community: a community of people passionately seeking God and His kingdom, loving Him and loving one another. I have experienced this beautiful community in Cincinnati; the floor of my dorm resembled this community: we laughed with one another, wept with one another, shared one another's joys and sorrows and struggles. We worshipped and partied and yelled at one another. We confessed our sins, our shortcoming, and helped one another out, humbly and gently and lovingly. We gathered together, broken individuals filled with sin and dirt and God, knowing we need grace and being intensely grateful for it, worshipping before the throne of the God of radical grace, seeking His will for our lives and desiring to glorify Him in all of our studies, our works, and our relationships.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer's words inspire me: "The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community [even if their intentions are ever so earnest], but the person who loves those around them will create community."

the reformation: one year

This past year I went from 161# in May 2025 to 129.8# in April 2026. My goal for the summer is body recomposition, maintaining muscle while ...