the 25th week

Chris. As Chris.

Monday. Pat D., Chris & Lee went with me 1/2 Price and Borders. I'm sensing that we go to those two stores far more than we should. I got the movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Chris wanted to ply loner today, so we took him home and then went to my place. We watched the movie I'd bought, and then we went on a bike ride to North Park. We're talking about going on a road-trip next summer, and Lee & I have been talking about walking (part of) the Appalachian Trail. I started a new story, The Powder Factory Massacre, inspired by (a) the movie we watched today and (b) our recent visit to The Powder Factory a few weeks back.

Tuesday. I spent the evening working on that new short story. I'm thinking it'll run 50-70 pages. Chris walked over and Pat D. came by. We went to Deals and then stopped at Waldrew Park, one of the Dayton area's finest gay rendezvous spots. The sky was pink and there was a rainbow and Pat D. felt paranoid at that. Chris & I swung on the swings--"Dude, keep a swing between us."--and then we went and picked up Lee after his Driving Class. I somehow convinced Dad to let them spend the night, and so they did. Although I was in bed by 3 AM, Pat D. was up 'till 4:00 AM playing Battlefield Vietnam, and Chris & Lee were up 'till dawn playing pool in the basement. Next week Ashlie's going to be staying at the house for a week, and the week after that is C.I.Y. Summer's going great.

Wednesday. I took Chris & Pat D. to Ashlie's house for band practice, got them there 45 minutes late. Lee & I went to 1/2 Price Books and Lee got a book called Terrorists Among Us. I bought Dominion and The Book of Shadows. I took Lee home, went on a bike ride under the bright sun and blue sky, felt like I was biking along a beach somewhere. Forsake Me Not is having a show tomorrow night, so U-Turn is cancelled. I worked 4-8:00 and fell asleep listening to the crickets outside.

Thursday. Chris, Lee, Pat D., Bryon & I went to 1/2 Price Books and Borders, followed by the Salvation Army. It's a decent circuit. I got The Divine Comedy and the Star Wars trilogy. We saw Darrell, Rochelle, and Kristen at Borders. It was Rochelle's birthday. We had D-Group back at the house. Dylan came for it. Hank, Chris, Pat D., Bryon & Ash went to a Forsake Me Not show at The Attic. Lee, Dylan, Jimmy and I did U-Turn in my room. It was one of the best. Ams bailed. Lee and I went to his place. Chris, Pat D. and Bryon were there, in a sour mood: their show at The Attic sucked. Debbie took Bryon home. The rest of us went to Wal-Mart to get Reno 911 on DVD. It was around midnight. We spent the night at Chris & Lee's, and Pat D. and Chris snuck out to roam town in the dead of night, but Lee & I stayed in and listened to music in his room because we were too tired.

Friday. I picked up Ashlie on my way home: she's staying with us for a week, her family's out of town. We ate at China Village. I took Pat D. and Lee to the Towne Mall, Lee works at FYE. Pat D. and I milled around a bit, then met up with Dylan back at my place to shoot pool and watch Reno 911. Dylan and Pat D. left, and Chris and I met up with Lee at North Park and they paid me $5 to go all the way under the water at the creek's deepest end. 

Saturday. I got a whole new wardrobe of button-up shirts at Goodwill. I finished my Powder Factory Massacre short story. I spent the afternoon hanging out with Ash & Ams. Pat D. came over and we went to Chris & Lee's for a bit. I returned home, hung out with the girls, and passed out.

Sunday. We had an outside service at church followed by a picnic. I wore nice pants and a nice shirt, got lots of comments on my weight loss from Megan, Kristen, Jackie & Shelby. We were going to go horseback riding, but the place was booked. Ashlie was on the phone all night with Hank.

on humility (II)

Humility: A Journey into the Eyes of God

\Hu*mil"i*ty\, n.; pl. Humilities. 1. The state or quality of being humble; freedom from pride and arrogance; lowliness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth; a sense of one's own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness; self-abasement; humbleness. 2. An act of submission or courtesy. Lowliness; humbleness; meekness; modesty; diffidence.

So says the English dictionary: humility is “lowliness of mind,” “a sense of one’s own unworthiness.” Humility is turning our eyes downcast, convincing ourselves we are worth no more than dirt, telling our-selves that everyone around us so much better than we are, and then saying we ought to serve them with happiness and joy? If this were the mindset of the early disciples, in a time when Jesus’ name was first being preached and the government, from top-to-bottom, set their sights on eliminating these “Christ-followers,” I suspect there would be no Christianity today, no worshipping Jesus as Messiah and King. Let’s be honest: if that is humility, why don’t we just put a gun to our throats and pull the trigger? What hope do we have? Who wants to live in self-denial; who wants to cringe away from conflict; who wants to live their lives as dirt-trodden slaves? Is this the life-changing adventure of real Christianity? Is this the blessed life Jesus calls us to when after washing the disciples’ feet during the Last Supper he says,

“Do you understand what I have done to you? You address me as ‘Teacher’ and ‘Master,’ and rightly so. That is what I am. So if I, the Master and Teacher, washed your feet, you must now was others’ feet. I’ve laid down a pattern for you. What I’ve done, you do. I’m only pointing out the obvious. A servant is not ranked above his master, an employee doesn’t give orders to the employer. If you understand what I’m telling you, act like it—and live a blessed life.” –John 13:12-17. The Message

Does the dictionary come close to what real humility is all about? No. Where is Jesus’ self-denial? Where is his “lowliness of mind,” his sense of unworthiness? Jesus didn’t deny who he was—“That is what I am.” Jesus didn’t have any lowness of mind—“What I’ve done, you do. I’m only pointing out the obvious.” Jesus certainly didn’t have any sense of unworthiness—he was the only worthy person to ever walk the earth, and you better believe he knew it. The blessed life isn’t found in a Webster’s-Dictionary definition of humility; blessed life is found in following Jesus, and becoming humble, as Jesus commanded us when he said, “So if I… washed your feet, you must now wash others’ feet.”

What kind of humility is Jesus talking about? Jesus knows how things really are. Humility isn’t self-denial, it isn’t talking negatively about yourself, it isn’t playing in a praise band or going on a mission’s trip because you want to feel spiritually powerful—in a way, these show a self-centered, pompous, self-righteous attitude. A degraded and much-veiled variant of pride, a very deadly pride. True humility—the humility of Jesus—is seeing ourselves as we really are, as through God’s eyes. It is realizing that we are all on the same playing field; we are all worth the same in God’s eyes; we are brothers and sisters here on earth. It is recognizing that you are no better and no worse than everyone else on this planet. And acting like it. It is truly understanding who God is in the scheme of things—powerful, almighty, King, Creator, Righteous Judge, Living Water. It is also a respect for others, founded in the knowledge that, in the end, none of us will receive special treatment, but our bodies will return to dust, our souls to our final destination.

Jesus knew word-for-word what real humility meant, and he lived it out his entire life:

“[Jesus] had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredible humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.” –Philippians 2:5-8, The Message

Real humility is not done for the eyes of men, but the eyes of God. Some so-called “humble servants” are only out there to draw the eyes of others, to strut their stuff as spiritually zealous, when the only zeal they may carry is the zeal for their own self-centered lifestyles. We all know Paul. Former Pharisee Christian-beater, turned fiery Christian missionary to the Gentiles (non-Jews). After Jesus came to him in a radical way on a roadway, Paul discovered real life in Jesus, and is hailed as one of the most influential missionaries of Christian history. He has a thing to say about such “humble servants…”

“Don’t let anyone condemn you by insisting on self-denial… These people claim to be so humble, but their sinful minds have made them proud.” –Colossians 2:18, New Living Translation

Real humility is:
1. seeing ourselves as we really are: worthwhile, valuable human beings, brothers and sisters
2. realization who God really is
3. realization who we really are in this play called life

Real humility is not:
1. self-denial, negative thoughts about ourselves, seeing ourselves as worthless trash
2. good deeds to show others how spiritually great we are
3. done out of necessity, but out of love for God

So Jesus knows what real humility is—he lived it out, and told us to live it out. We know what real humility is not—so how in the world can we pick up the torch, carry our cross, and do as Jesus commanded, washing others’ feet?

“If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to led a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.” –Philippians 2:1-5, The Message

Get along with others. Love each other despite differences and past histories and conflicts. Be deep and real and loving to others. Don’t always worry about being first, about being noticed; don’t always worry about being rewarded for everything you do, or getting promoted every time you say the right words. After all, in the end, it’s not going to matter. Not at all. Step aside. Let others take the advantage. Help others in their fights and battles and day-to-day lives. Help when help is needed. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. This week, no doubt, you’ve had dozens of chances to jump on this thing called genuine humility—maybe you missed the boat or dodged the train; or maybe to took the bull by the horns. Seize the day—live out loud, Jesus-style.

How can you live each day of life, from the moment you wake to the moment you crawl into bed, with the mindset of Jesus Christ? How can you practice real humility—not for the eyes of others, but for the eyes of God? How can you be a blessing—and in turn have your own life blessed?

Here are some Scriptures to think about:

“It’s common knowledge that ‘God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.’” –James 4:6, The Message

“Anyone who sets himself up as ‘religious’ by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.” –James 1:26,27, The Message

“What I’m saying is, If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face. But if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.” –Luke 14:11, The Message

here we go again...

If you don't stop a habit--maybe not sinful in itself, but not exactly appealing--it will turn around and bite you. Maybe in an hour; or a day; a week, month, maybe even years. But if you kneel in elbow grease, your going to come up with elbow grease. So we tell ourselves that this time will be the last time. And we tell ourselves that an end is just around the corner, you can already see it. You tell yourself that it's no big deal, it doesn't matter, and not to worry about it. Deep down you know it's swinging full-circle. You can stop it now. Just shut your mouth. But you don't. Paralyzed? Apathetic? Doesn't matter, because either way, it keeps coming and coming, until it hits you in the face, and you wished you would've listened to your conscience, because now you're hurting and you're tasting the blood in your mouth.

a musings from ecclesiastes

"Nobody remembers what happened yesterday. And the things that will happen tomorrow? Nobody'll remember them either. Don't count on being remembered." --Ecclesiastes

Solomon opens the 'sequel' to Proverbs by throwing the truth in our faces. We're here for a short while, then we're gone. Puffs of smoke. We will never be remembered. Depressing, isn't it? Solomon then goes through several chapters, showing how pleasures and hard work and wisdom are all futile and meaningless in the end. His rememdy? Enjoy life. Eat, drink, by happy. Enjoy the days God gives you. At the same time he is saying that pleasures are meaningless. What's up with this guy?

Ecclesiastes is an amazing book. If you've never read it, check it out. It's awesome. Read it through a couple times, because the underlaying message is sometimes hard to draw out. Solomon tells us to enjoy life; and he tells the youth to "Relish your youthful vigor. Follow the impulses of your heart. If something looks good, pursue it." Because, in the end, nothing will be remembered. Your accomplishments, good deeds, your fame and glory will be replaced by someone else's. In the end, you're nothing in this earth. You will, ultimately, be forgotten. So have fun. Do whatever you want.

Wait! Solomon tells the youth, "But know also that not just anything goes; you have to answer to God for every last bit of it." And here is the central message of Ecclesiastes: you will not be remembered; you are living, but you will die; whatever you do won't matter in the end; but keep your paths straight and your eye on God; fear God, and do what he tells you; we will all have to answer to God in the turns of time.

Ecclesiastes tells us to stop, to realize what really matters. We must understand that true meaning and purpose and love is found only in God. We can try to fill our lives with anything, but unless we grab hold of God, it is all futile, a gust of wind.

As Eugene H. Peterson says of Ecclesiastes, "[It] is a John-the-Baptist kind of book. It funtions not as a meal but as a bath. It is not nourishment; it is cleansing. It is repentence. It is purging. We read Ecclesiastes to get scrubbed clean from illusion and sentiment, from ideas that are idolatrous and feelings that cloy. It is an expose and rejection of every arrogant and ignorant expectation that we can live our lives by ourselves on our terms."

This is a book about reality. It is a book about finding real life only in God.

the 24th week

I miss the Jeep.

Monday. Mom and I ran some errands, and then I picked up Pat D. and we went to 1/2 Price Books and Target, then played Battlefield Vietnam back at the house. We ate at China Garden and then went over to the Williams', and then we went to Salvation Army where Pat D. got a CD player and I got a book entitled Our God is Awesome, all about God's characteristics and attributes. We hung out at my house for a while, and then I took Lee home and Chris, Pat D. and I snagged a free TV off the street in the Spice Racks. We put the "FREE" sign on the Jeep and drove around town, people kept pointing and laughing. I took Dewenter home, and Chris & I went back to my place and finally got the TV working. We watched Lethal Weapon III and went to bed. Chris got scared sleeping downstairs alone, so he crawled upstairs and found my stuffed alligator head and put it next to me. I woke up at his movements and nearly pooped myself.

Tuesday. Jeff came by this evening to play some pool. Small Group fell through so he left. Bryon came over. He ended up stealing that street sign he wanted last week, I told him I didn't think that was a very good idea. Chris and I spent the night at Pat D.'s place watching movies. Oh, and I got my report card in the mail:

2-D Art: 97%

C.P. Geometry: 80%

U.S./World Studies: 87%

Chemistry: 91% (and I got a 100% on the exam, ruining the curve for everyone else)

Accounting I - 89% (by the grace of God)

C.P. English III - 90%

Wednesday. I had a carrot for breakfast and Pat D. thought that was hilarious. I took Chris home and had an egg, chicken, and toast for dinner. Will I be skinny by the time school starts up again? I hope so! I worked 3-7:00 and had fish and rice for supper. I visited Chris after work, and then back home I hammered out tomorrow's run-down for U-Turn. Pat D. told me any girl at church would go on a date with me, but I'm pretty sure he just wants me to ask someone out so that I'll be rejected. He'd think that's funny.

Thursday. I had pancakes for breakfast and had senior pics taken at Easterling Studios. It was rainy and stormy all day, I felt pretty down. Chris and Pat d. went to Northmont, Lee was working, and Corey is out-of-town. Thus U-Turn fell through, and so I spent the evening hanging out with Ashlie and Ams. 

Friday. I took Ams and Ash to Ashlie's place to babysit. Lee and I went to 1/2 Price Books and Borders. I got Dallas Willard's The Spirit of the Disciplines. Lee had a coupon to get a free chicken sandwich at Chic-Fil-A so we went by there, too. We also went to Kroger and then picked up Ams. She bought a purse and an Evanescence CD at K-Mart. Chris got mad at me about something, I swear he has male P.M.S. There was a party at Pat D.'s tonight, they made a point not to invite me: "Band people only." But they invited Ashlie, and she didn't want to go. Ams, Mom, Dad and I went down to Kentucky. We're staying at Grandma & Grandpa's just east of Lexington. I spent the ride reading essays on Quiet Times & Prayer. I adore summer, I really do. I crawled into Grandma's den and spent some time in prayer. Ams joined me and we talked about God, holy angels & demons. 

Saturday. Grandpa has a new job: he works at a Marriot Hotel fixing water heaters, or something like that. I had two weird dreams last night: in one, I was living-out my zombie short story 12 Hours, and I was attacked in the darkness and bitten. But I escaped north and somehow ended up not turning into a zombie. In the other dream, Kristen was kidnapped and taken to a whore-house, and I fought off a bunch of bad men to free her. Lunch was at Golden Corral with Jesse & Jared, and supper was at Trump's Grill (rib-eye steak with mushrooms). We celebrated Jared's birthday at Grandma's, and we rounded out the night watched Reno 911 and The Chapelle Show.

Father's Day. Ams & I spent the night at Jesse & Jared's house in Richmond. We spent the afternoon hanging out with them, watching movies and stuff, and we went to Ramsey's diner for dinner. We returned home around 7:00, and I went over to Chris & Lee's. Pat D. joined us, and we watched Lethal Weapon IV and Dewenter streaked down the street and peed on cars.

meeting our God

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?"
-- Psalm 42:1-2

God will meet with his children anytime, anywhere, no matter what. Nothing can pull us away from God's love. He is with us constantly, throughout the day, whether or not we realize it. If you are a child of God, and you are reading this, then God is with you. It's that simple. And God wants to talk with us. He wants to reveal himself to us. He wants us to spend time with him. But sometimes it is hard to dig deep into God with all the noise--worries, problems, anxieties, hopes and dreams--surrounding us.

Quiet time is "hanging out" with God, one-on-one, conversing with him, talking, intimate communion with God. Too many of us here 'quiet time' and cringe. We see it as a dirty, boring, laborous chore. But it's not: it is an experiance, an awesome privilege to meet with the Creator of the universe. It can seem like a chore, but when one dives into it in the real mindset--spending time with God, listening to God, etc.--it takes on a whole new meaning and the experiance is often overwhelming. God has a tendency to do that. It's his forte. But yet some very well-meaning Christians don't have quiet time because they think that they don't need to spend time with God; after all, Jesus died, so we're saved, right?

But what if we were MADE to have such an intimate communion with God? What if we just couldn't function right without that intimate communication? What if we are hotwired to live--really live--only off that deep communion?

My friends, that is why we are here.

Relationships need time and work; ignorance in a relationship turns the relationship into a mere acquaintance? Just as we need to spend time with those we are in relationships with--be it friends, family, whoever--we need to spend time with God to grow in our relationship with him. A 'quiet time' is one way that we can draw ourselves to God.

There are no formulas to God, so there ought to be no formulas to quiet times. In fact, one doesn't NEED to have a quiet time per se: it is just one way of having that communion with God that our souls thirst for.

Many different people do many different things in their quiet times. Worship by music. Prayer. Read Scriptures. Think on God. Cry, laugh with God. Listen to God.

I don't want to jump into any formulas, but I have found three things that help me personally in my quiet times, things that give me energy, joy, and a passion for God as he moves in me. 1) Prayer. 2)Scriptures. 3)Silence.

1)Prayer is simply a conversation with God. 2-way conversing. Some just do the 1-way thing, praying to God and expecting everything to work out, not really listening to God, not probing for answers. But God wants a two-way conversational relationship with us, as we would have with our parents or spouses or dates or friends or whoever. If we speak, he will listen, and when he speaks back--listen, you can hear his voice!--you ought to listen. Prayer draws us deeper into our walk with God. Prayer is generally made up of four parts, in no order, often blended, not black-and-white: praising God, confessing sins, thanking God, sending specific requests to God.

2)Reading the Scriptures is essential. The Bible is God's written Word to us. Just as Jesus is the Living Word, so the Bible is the written Word. The Bible is often like coffee--at first it may seem stale and bland and uninteresting, but as the more you taste it, the more you will salivate for it, and thirst for it, and looking forward to its awesome words. What are some ways I study God's word? Sometimes I take out passages and tear them apart, absorbing; other times I pick a book of the Bible and go through it chapter-by-chapter. Still others read it out loud. Don't shirk the Bible. Too many well-meaning Christians do, and it is rotting away the core of the body of Christ (church).

3)Often I just sit in silence, close my eyes, and do as Mary did when Jesus visited her and sister Martha in Luke 10:38-42: forget everything, and just place myself before God, listening and absorbing anything he has to say. Some may think I am insane if I tell them God has spoken to me. Sometimes he doesn't speak, other times he does. Sometimes he floods my heart with emotions, other times he surfaces some problem and gives an answer. He is unpredictable. Just listen, and maybe you can hear him. Though if you don't hear him at once, don't give up. God loves to enact patience in us.

What may we get from having a quiet time? As John White writes in his essay, "Why Have a Quiet Time?":

"Our values alter... things that once seemed important shrivel and lose their fascination, while others swell in significance... we will see people differently... pity people we once feared... pray for people who once enraged us... because we have a new way of seeing, a new way of savoring life on earth. We will, to be sure, approach problems differently, feel different about our work, our studies, our job, our future... goals will have changed... life slowly takes on new meaning."

God loves you. And he wants to meet you. He wants to change you.

God wants to talk with you. He wants to speak with you. Will you listen?

weight loss: part two

I'm starting the second-leg of my 'weight loss' journey. The first phase started in March, and I lost ballpark 50 pounds. Not on Atkins, or the South Beach Diet, or anything like that. Just the two awesome ingredients to losing weight--eating right and exercising. The second phase starts today, and it is pretty much just eating low carbs and lots of protein, and daily exercise--keep in movement 12 hours a day. I am so glad I decided to lose my weight. One of the best decisions of my life.

weekend reading

Over the weekend I've had lots of time to ponder life and God and everything in between (though those two are about all there is: life and God, and you can find real life only through God). I

have been thinking a lot about how angels and demons are involved in our world, and have expanded on it with some good books by Billy Graham and Frank Peretti. A lot of us don't give much thought to angels and demons, but we should. I intend to post on them later.

Ecclesiastes is a great book. Written by King Solomon, some think his first book Proverbs completetly contradicts his second, Ecclesiastes, but if you look deep, Ecclesiastes is just an expansion on Proverbs, hitting the ground, black and white realities of life. I have read it more times than I can remember, but am now doing a chapter-by-chapter in-depth sweep of what King Solomon has to say. I recommend reading it. I will probably post on it when I finish it and get it drilled into me. Good stuff, though, worth your time.

I've bought two Dallas Willard books on indirect advice from a friend, Hearing God and The Spirit of the Disciplines. I am trying to find The Divine Conspiracy, but 1/2Price nor Borders ever has it in stock. Study guides are everywhere, though! I read two chapters of Hearing God in kentucky, and it took me close to an hour. Constantly I had to stop and think about what I read, not because it was confusing, but because it was so deep and radical and real. Hearing God urges us to develop a 2-way conversational relationship with God, not the 1-way prayer we all have in mind. I thirst--crave--for such a conversational relationship with the Creator of the Universe.

a prayer

Thank you, God, for loving me.

Thank you, God, for finding me.

Thank you, God, for hearing me.

Thank you, God, for healing me.

Thank you, God, for loving me.

wandering a spiritual desert

Spiritually dry. Spiritually destitute. Distant from God. Vaguely in tune with the Creator. That is how I feel right now. I don't know why. Maybe I am just depressed. Does it mean I am not saved? No. Does it mean I am any further from God? No. Does it mean I am spiritually devoid? No. Spiritually empty? No. Does it mean God loves me any less? No. Maybe this is just another trial.

romans 7:15-25

"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do all these evil things. I know I am roten through and through so far as my cold sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself to do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?

Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."

-- Romans 7:15-25, New Living Translation

the 23rd week

Monday. Mom works 7-11:00 every morning, doing janitorial duty at the high school. It was a nice, sunny day, and I started it off by relaxing on the swing under the grove of trees in the backyard. I washed my Jeep, got some groceries, vacuumed downstairs. I worked 3-8:00 and Chris & Bryon came over. We found a mattress on our way to North Park, put it on top of the Jeep and drove really fast so that the mattress flew off. Bryon tried to hold it down from the backseat but failed. Bryon wanted to steal a Road Work Ahead sign, but I talked him out of it. We hung out on the porch, and then Bryon & Chris left. 

Tuesday. Grandma came down to pick up Amanda and ferry her out to New Carlisle for a few days. I picked up Pat D. and we went to the Williams'. Lee had to go to work and Chris was sleeping, so we went home, met Mom at Shell Gas Station, filled up, and then went to the Dayton Mall, visited FYE ("For Your Entertainment"). We went to Jack's Aquarium, Deals, and then home to eat. Lee came over once he got off work, and we tried to get into Amco Park but couldn't, so we went to North Park instead and fished for crayfish in the creek. I took Lee home; he has to start on his driving classes. Chris, Pat D. and I put about sixteen crayfish in a 10-gallon tank to keep them as pets. We had D-Group at the house with Lee, Zach and Jeff. Everyone left; Chris, Pat D. and Lee had a party for Luke, but afterwards they came back over. We played pool, joked around, went streaking outside. I put the crayfish in Amanda's room, afraid Chris might try putting them on me while I slept.

Wednesday. I spent the morning sitting on the back deck reading James. My crayfish experiment failed: apparently they don't have gills, and the majority of them drowned overnight. The tank was heavy so I tried dumping it out Amanda's window (since I put the tank in there last night), and in the process I soaked Amanda's bed-sheets and also dropped the glass tank out the window. It shattered into a thousand pieces, and when Lee & I went down to collect it, we saw that some of the crayfish were still alive, albeit now torn and hewn by the glass shards. Pat D. exclaimed, "It's a catastrophe!" and Lee shouted, "You're the crayfish Hitler!" Chris looked on from the window, pointed at me and shrieked, "You murderer!" Lee helped me clean up the mess, and then I took everyone home. Dad & I went to Sear's and then I worked 3-8:00.

Thursday. Lunch was Applebee's right off the exit with Grandma & Grandpa B., Ams, Matthew and Hannah. Matthew & Megan loved 12 Hours. Chris, Lee, Dylan and Ashlie came over, and it was good having Amanda back. I told her all about the crayfish incident and she flipped out, but at least now she knows why her room smells like fish. We watched Memento and then grabbed dinner at China Garden. Pat D. tagged alone. Small Group was at the Southard's: nine people, great message, one of the best U-turns yet. Seven of the nine may just goof off the entire time, but even if only two care, it's worth it. After Small Group we had Mom's surprise birthday party, and she loved it: Grandma M. and Aunt Teri came up, and we all went to Kentucky. 

Friday. Optional yellow lines, red lights and stop signs: welcome to Kentucky (or at least to driving around with Aunt Teri). We were supposed to clean Aunt Teri's house, but it's so filled with junk we don't know where to start! We started on the upstairs, cleaning out Jesse & Jared's old rooms. They live in Richmond now, so their rooms have been retrofitted as storage. The carpet needs to be stripped. We ate at Jalapenos for dinner, an authentic Mexican restaurant Grandma & Grandpa M. love. It was packed, and the waitress was my age, Latino, and beautiful. Jesse & Jared showed up late, and we went to Captain D's with them and Uncle Bill. We watched Ransom back at Grandma & Grandpa M.'s house and then went back to Aunt Teri & Uncle Bill's.

Saturday. Ams got scared last night, creaking noises in the house, and she called Mom & Aunt Teri in the middle of the night. We met Grandpa & Grandma at a country-style breakfast joint called Linda's. The service was terrible but the food was good. Grandpa's best friend Cotton came and went long before Grandma & I even received our food. It was a rainy downpour all day, and Mom & I spent it in Aunt Teri's garage trying to sort through all her junk. We watched Lethal Weapon 4 and Jesse & Jared came over, and we played Scattergories with Ams. Aunt Teri had a bunch of errands to run for her upstart company, so I joined her for a while, and we had dinner at this nice pizza buffet. I spent the night at Grandpa & Grandma's, falling asleep on the fold-out couch.

Sunday. Grandma & I got breakfast at Hardee's. Aunt Teri came by to visit us, and then we went to Uncle Bill's landscaping shop to borrow a truck to move some furniture. We spent the day moving furniture from their garage onto the truck, and Mom broke the brakes and we had to get Uncle Bill to fix it. At Wal-Mart we grabbed food and I got five dinosaur figurines for $5. Dinner was a nice rib joint, and then me, Mom and Ams drove home. Mom drove with a beautiful, awe-inspiring storm raging all around us. Aunt Teri gave me $200 for all the hard work I did this weekend, and she gave Ams $125 because she didn't work as hard.

summer '04: the 2nd week

Monday. Mom works 7-11:00 every morning, doing janitorial duty at the high school. It was a nice, sunny day, and I started it off by relaxing on the swing under the grove of trees in the backyard. I washed my Jeep, got some groceries, vacuumed downstairs. I worked 3-8:00 and Chris & Bryon came over. We found a mattress on our way to North Park, put it on top of the Jeep and drove really fast so that the mattress flew off. Bryon tried to hold it down from the backseat but failed. Bryon wanted to steal a Road Work Ahead sign, but I talked him out of it. We hung out on the porch, and then Bryon & Chris left. 


Tuesday. Grandma came down to pick up Amanda and ferry her out to New Carlisle for a few days. I picked up Pat D. and we went to the Williams'. Lee had to go to work and Chris was sleeping, so we went home, met Mom at Shell Gas Station, filled up, and then went to the Dayton Mall, visited FYE ("For Your Entertainment"). We went to Jack's Aquarium, Deals, and then home to eat. Lee came over once he got off work, and we tried to get into Amco Park but couldn't, so we went to North Park instead and fished for crayfish in the creek. I took Lee home; he has to start on his driving classes. Chris, Pat D. and I put about sixteen crayfish in a 10-gallon tank to keep them as pets. We had D-Group at the house with Lee, Zach and Jeff. Everyone left; Chris, Pat D. and Lee had a party for Luke, but afterwards they came back over. We played pool, joked around, went streaking outside. I put the crayfish in Amanda's room, afraid Chris might try putting them on me while I slept.


Wednesday. I spent the morning sitting on the back deck reading James. My crayfish experiment failed: apparently they don't have gills, and the majority of them drowned overnight. The tank was heavy so I tried dumping it out Amanda's window (since I put the tank in there last night), and in the process I soaked Amanda's bed-sheets and also dropped the glass tank out the window. It shattered into a thousand pieces, and when Lee & I went down to collect it, we saw that some of the crayfish were still alive, albeit now torn and hewn by the glass shards. Pat D. exclaimed, "It's a catastrophe!" and Lee shouted, "You're the crayfish Hitler!" Chris looked on from the window, pointed at me and shrieked, "You murderer!" Lee helped me clean up the mess, and then I took everyone home. Dad & I went to Sear's and then I worked 3-8:00.


Thursday. Lunch was Applebee's right off the exit with Grandma & Grandpa B., Ams, Matthew and Hannah. Matthew & Megan loved 12 Hours. Chris, Lee, Dylan and Ashlie came over, and it was good having Amanda back. I told her all about the crayfish incident and she flipped out, but at least now she knows why her room smells like fish. We watched Memento and then grabbed dinner at China Garden. Pat D. tagged alone. Small Group was at the Southard's: nine people, great message, one of the best U-turns yet. Seven of the nine may just goof off the entire time, but even if only two care, it's worth it. After Small Group we had Mom's surprise birthday party, and she loved it: Grandma M. and Aunt Teri came up, and we all went to Kentucky. 


Friday. Optional yellow lines, red lights and stop signs: welcome to Kentucky (or at least to driving around with Aunt Teri). We were supposed to clean Aunt Teri's house, but it's so filled with junk we don't know where to start! We started on the upstairs, cleaning out Jesse & Jared's old rooms. They live in Richmond now, so their rooms have been retrofitted as storage. The carpet needs to be stripped. We ate at Jalapenos for dinner, an authentic Mexican restaurant Grandma & Grandpa M. love. It was packed, and the waitress was my age, Latino, and beautiful. Jesse & Jared showed up late, and we went to Captain D's with them and Uncle Bill. We watched Ransom back at Grandma & Grandpa M.'s house and then went back to Aunt Teri & Uncle Bill's.


Saturday. Ams got scared last night, creaking noises in the house, and she called Mom & Aunt Teri in the middle of the night. We met Grandpa & Grandma at a country-style breakfast joint called Linda's. The service was terrible but the food was good. Grandpa's best friend Cotton came and went long before Grandma & I even received our food. It was a rainy downpour all day, and Mom & I spent it in Aunt Teri's garage trying to sort through all her junk. We watched Lethal Weapon 4 and Jesse & Jared came over, and we played Scattergories with Ams. Aunt Teri had a bunch of errands to run for her upstart company, so I joined her for a while, and we had dinner at this nice pizza buffet. I spent the night at Grandpa & Grandma's, falling asleep on the fold-out couch.


Sunday. Grandma & I got breakfast at Hardee's. Aunt Teri came by to visit us, and then we went to Uncle Bill's landscaping shop to borrow a truck to move some furniture. We spent the day moving furniture from their garage onto the truck, and Mom broke the brakes and we had to get Uncle Bill to fix it. At Wal-Mart we grabbed food and I got five dinosaur figurines for $5. Dinner was a nice rib joint, and then me, Mom and Ams drove home. Mom drove with a beautiful, awe-inspiring storm raging all around us. Aunt Teri gave me $200 for all the hard work I did this weekend, and she gave Ams $125 because she didn't work as hard.

on the lightning

Tonight I saw the most wonderful and beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen. The power. The majesty. The sheer radiance. Lightning jumping between clouds, in long, burning-hot, blood-red arcs. A lattice of roses over a purple sky. All around us, swarming. Everywhere I looked were bright flashes of intense light, bursting through low clouds and sweeping over the van. The night turned to day, and the shadows melted under the curse of the lightning. Then the rain fell, so powerful, I could barely see. My entire body went tense; the windshield wipers at full-blast couldn't keep up. The wind blew the van over the line many times, but I kept thinking, "Wow. Wow. Wow." It is so hard to describe. So wonderful. So beautiful.

Storms. You either love them, hate them, don't care about them, or are scared of them.

Strangely, much like God. We either love him, hate him, don't care about him, or are scared of him.

a weekend update

So I've been here in Kentucky all weekend, and it is getting pretty boring. Most of my family is gone. My cousins are in Richmond (they were supposed to come over today, but never did), my Uncle Bill is working at Perf-a-lawn lawncare, my Aunt is riding around in her Pontiac minivan, Gramps is working with Cotton at the redneck auto shop, and Amanda, Grandma, Mom and I have just been cleaning up my Aunt Teri's house.

I couldn't begin to describe what her house looks like. Imagine a house-under-construction, except with a roof, and boxes and boxes and more boxes--plus some--stashed away in every room. We had to completely empty the upstairs bedrooms, cleaned out the garage, organized the junk room downstairs, and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. It is hard work. I just got back from ferrying furniture between houses; Mom and I loaded it up in a big manual truck, and Mom couldn't figure out how to work it and we shut down in the driveway. It is nerve-wracking to have to ride with her. She could read the fear on my face.

Between back-breaking work, we've had to skip lunches every day (except today) because Teri's house is completely devoid of food (unless stale chips, peanuts and peanut butter in a spoon count). We ate at a nice Mexican restaurant, a beautiful and delicious pizza buffet/gameroom, and today ate breakfast at Hardee's and lunch at a super-Wal-Mart. Yesterday Grandma took us to some downhome-cooking country breakfast that wasn't so great, and the service was terrible. No offense to them. The waitress was obviously trying hard (???).

You probably aren't reading this because you've gotten so bored. I can't blame you. We hope to leave tonight. I think everyone is getting driven mad by the boredom. Now my grandma and mom are watching golf (that's a new one) and Ams is searching for movies to borrow. I'm thinking about snagging the Lethal Weapon movies. Good stuff. Oh. Watched Lethal Weapon 4 and Ransom over the last two days, and bits and pieces of Simply Irrisistable. Oh! And I bought some nice dino figurines to adorn a new shelf Mom dug up in my aunt's garage. Might buy Battlefield Vietnam. Battlefield 1942 is a fav. Who knows.

on lukewarm christians

"I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You're not cold, you're not hot--far better to be either cold or hot! You're stale. You're stagnant. You make me want to vomit." - Revelation 3:15...

Not cold. Not hot. Stale. Stagnant. Lukewarm Christians. "Partially developed, casually committed, plain vanilla Christians." Conformed to comfort. Never stepping into danger. Never taking risks for God. Insulated. Isolated. Watch the work of God from afar, never dirtying their own hands. Never tasting the adventure and fulfillment and satisfaction and joy of an authentic God-following life. In the end, useless. Lukewarm Christians, whose only reward is to be spit out of the mouth of our King, the Creator, Awesome God.

Ask yourself a hard question--are you a 'lukewarm' Christian?

Lukewarm Christians are just another brand in a sea of perpetrators. You can call them out by their fingerprints. They leave marks of shunning pain, making prayer occasional, striving for imbalance, cultivating worry, blaming others, taking grace for granted, judging others, holding grudges, shunning joy, and a host of other ailments that diagnose a lukewarm--sadly, useless--God-follower.

There are five major habits of lukewarm Christians. Things we've all struggled with. Things we've all experienced. Things we should learn from. Hear. Listen. Open your eyes. And I pray that if you are challenged to change--change! it is possible!--you will fill your heart with God and run after the change.

The first is editing Scripture. Now. Most lukewarm Christians don't read the Bible. They've got excuses galore. I've heard them all. "I'm too tired..." "I don't like to read..." "I don't get anything from it..." (how are you going to get something from the Bible if you don't read it?). But every now and then one may plop open, and they may catch sight of a verse that makes them uncomfortable or wary. A verse that challenges them. A verse that confronts. So they do one of two things. They ignore it (Thomas Jefferson didn't believe in miracles so he just ripped them out of the Bible; a nice parallel), or they edit it. Find an alternate--but wrong--meaning, rearrange the words to make it comfortable. I used to do this. I used to ignore verses that looked me in the eye. I hope that if you do this, you can find the will to stop and dive into the message of God!

Lukewarm Christians tend to not dig deep into the soul; they don't face problems, never examine patterns of sin and try to stop; they don't question their motivations, confront their frailties, don't face up to their weaknesses and dysfunction. Don't ponder the hard questions of life. God wants us to search ourselves, and yearns to search us and reveal things to us and lead us on the path to real, everlasting life (Psalm 139:23,24). What are some ways we can avoid digging deep, keep skimming the surface of life?

Fill our lives with noise--God often speaks in the silence.

Fill our lives with busyness--God wants us to be still, and know he is God.

Fill our world with superficial friendships--shallow friendships, no real, deep relationships with others. Such people ignore Proverbs 27:17, and while they're at it, ignore all of Proverbs!

Lukewarm Christians emphasize one aspect of God and ignore the others. They see God only as a pal. Or a doting grandfather. Or a great, big, detached Santa Claus. God deserves our awe and worship and allegience and honor and reverence and complete devotion. But most lukewarm Christians don't exalt God, but bring them down to their level--as one man put it, "turning the undeserved grace of God into something one business partner would do for another."

Lukewarm Christians are "chameleon Christians." They blend into the background. At church, they are pious and saintly and reverent. At school, they go against their values and talk dirty and are irreverent. In parties, they go wild (in a bad way) and drink and smoke pot and screw (literally). Here is a great example:

Chris walks up to Lee at the laundry mat and says, "Hey, Lee, I heard you were at a Bible Study. You a Christian?"

Lee replies, "Shhh! Don't let anyone here you; I've got a reputation to protect. But, yeah, I'm a Christian."

Chris pulls the Columbo thing. "Well, I just don't get something. You say you're a Christian, but I see all the things you do, the drugs and the messing around and all that, and I just don't get it."

You'll love Lee's reponse. "You see? I'm a COOL Christian."

Chris smiles. "Really? Did you know they have a name for that?"

"No. What is it?"

"Hypocrite."

Lukewarm Christians never want to talk about God outside church. They don't take risks, they don't risk embarrassment, they don't feel the adventure and life of God, so why tell others about it? But sometimes they may get pinned into talking, and they probably take one of two ways out: skirting around it, never cutting to the core of what it means to follow God, or they scare them, pull the TV-evangelist agenda; throw Christianity in their face. Here's a prime example of someone jumping on the 'scare' technique:

In a movie theater, a man is looking for a seat, and asks a man, "Is this seat saved?" The man yelps, "I don't know if this seat is saved, but the real question is, 'Are you saved?'" Freaking people out doesn't bring them any closer to God--if anything, it pushes them away! No one I know has ever been scared into a passionate and real relationship with God.

I finish this little blog with ten little words:

May it never be so...

May it never be so...

contemplations

How come some people curse, make fun of, ignore and spit on God daily in their very actions, but when calamity strikes, blame God and wonder where he is and why he didn't stop the disaster from even happening. Ignorant. Blissfully ignorant. It makes me sick. I hate to be so gruesomely and irreverently honest. It just makes me want to vomit.

My friend helped open my eyes to something I have missed for some time. God is to be feared. Most of us make up a false fear for God, if only to make ourselves feel better about being 'good Jesus-loving Christians.' I haven't really ever 'feared' God, I am afraid to say. At least not until last night when his words sent recognition into my mind and shivers down my spine. I don't mean fear as in an intimidating fear; I mean a 'respectful' fear. God can take our life from us any instant; he can send terror and pain and disaster into our lives with his very voice; he can change the path of our measly existence in the blink of an eye. He is God. He is Creator. He is Alpha and Omega, the Beginning, and the End.

If you clearly understand what I've said, then you've probably misunderstood.

a new spin on the workplace

"Work should be done as Jesus himself would do it. Nothing can substitute for that. In my opinion, as long as one is on the job, all peculiar religious activities should take second place to doing 'the job' in sweat, inteillgence, and the power of God. That is our devotion to God." --Dallas Willard, "The Divine Conspiracy"

It is wrong to tarnish work by witnessing, reading the Bible, making phone calls for church activities, neglecting the work we were hired or volunteered to do. And such a neglect and corruption of work ethic has been done in the name of devotion to God. Those who "wear Jesus on their sleeves, but are derilect in their work habits" have driven many sincere, honest seekers-for-God away from the very name of Jesus.

Willard: "Although we must never allow our jobs to become our life, we should, within reasonable limits, routinely sacrifice our comfort and pleasure for the quality of our work, whether it be ax handles, tacos, or the proficiency of the students we are teaching."

The question here isn't the job we do--it's not about the job type, but about the attitude of Jesus in our workplace that matters. It is about peak performance and quality production, because that is the way Jesus would want us to work.

Concludes Willard, "And yes, this results in great benefit for those who utilize our services. But our mind is not obsessed with them, and certainly not with having appreciation from them. We do the job well because that is what Jesus would like, and we admire and love him. It is what he would do. We 'do our work with heart, to the Lord, not to men. It is the Lord Christ you serve.' Colossians 3:23,24."

Want to push forward the name of Christ? Want to lift the name of Jesus? Opportunities for the greatest influence come not in churches or playgrounds, but in the workplace. That is where we can really reach out--but only if our work ethic flows out of a genuine and loving relationship with Jesus. If we are lazy and haphazard, we are hypocrites, and hurt the name of Jesus.

Willard throws in a P.S. of sorts: "If you dislike, or even hate your job, the quickest way out of that job, or to [put] joy in it, is to do as Jesus would. This is the very heart of discipleship."

I love dinos!!!

Dinosaurs are kids' toys, some say. You outgrow them when you turn eight. Only little children are interested in dinosaurs. I'm living proof that that is a big white elephant lie. Yesterday I bought a nice dinosaur book, and plan on buying another called DINOSAURUS when I get my next paycheck after CIY.

I believe God has given this desire. Why? I had no real interest in them two years ago, until I really started praying that God would give me something--anything--to fill that void of purpose in my life. A passion for dinosaurs flung up in literally a split-second. Strange, huh?

I don't plan on becoming a paleontologist, dinosaur specialist, or scientist of any sort. I want to be a youth minister somewhere, somehow. I want to show others the awesome King found only in Jesus.

Why has God given me a love for dinosaurs? I can't tell you. But my imagination runs circles. In the Scriptures it says that when we get to heaven, we will all be given responsibilities. In Isaiah, it says that all of God's created animals will live with us, in their original and harmless form. Maybe God's plan is for me to 'watch over' the dinosaurs. I couldn't tell you. It's all a big mystery.

I know one thing. When I get to heaven, I'll ask him.

the 22nd week

the powder factory in Mason, Ohio

Memorial Day. 185 tornadoes already this weekend. The weather seems to get worse each year. I read somewhere that storms are supposed to get worse and worse leading up to Jesus' return. But who knows? Dylan spent the night last night, so I took him home this morning. Lunch was healthy chicken & dumplings, and I ran some errands with Mom. I worked 3-8:00 with Ricky, who worked 11-4:00. I got Ron to sign my Community Service forms at the Wright Brother's Airport. 

Tuesday. I slept in and had a boiled egg and a soft pretzel for breakfast. Amanda and I headed out to school and I took my Art Exam. After that I nailed my Chemistry final. I took Lee home since we both were done with exams for the morning, and Ash, Ams and I went out to eat at Taco Bell for lunch. Ash and I went back to school, and I took my Accounting exam. I know I failed that class. I drove home and Hank picked up Ashlie from school. Mom went crazy on me for probably failing Accounting; she'll be okay, though. After supper and some pie I went to our Small Group at the Southard's. Chris has been driving me insane, being cinematically mean. People keep telling Kristen that I like her, made me want to murder them. She seemed uncomfortable by it, I don't blame her. I hung with her and Kristen for a while after Small Group, but feeling our welcome was over-stayed we headed home. Heavy rain and loud thunder followed us all the way back. 

Wednesday. My Accounting professor is letting me do a project to pass the test, so despite being done with exams yesterday, I returned to the high school today. I was there from 11:30 to 3:30, am almost done with his project. I'll finish it tomorrow morning. Mom fixed us a healthy dinner and I drove to Centerville, snatched Pat D. from Coffee Affairs. We went back to his place, and Chris called wanting to go to the Fairfield Mall, but not with me, only with Pat D. So Pat D. bailed on me. So I went home and Corey came over. He kept lighting fires in my room, making it smoky. It got annoying pretty fast. He left, and I sat out on the back deck under the stars just collecting my thoughts.

Junior Year: The Last Day. At 6:00 A.M. Ams and I left our house and picked up Ashlie and went to school. I finished my Accounting project by 8:00, and everything balanced out correctly. I drove home, then went back to the high school to pick up Ashlie. I saw Kristen there, and I asked if she wanted to hang out, but she was going to breakfast with a bunch of "preps" (popular kids, football players and cheerleaders being the most stereotypical snippets of the crowd). Ashlie and I went back to my house, and we sat out on the deck and built a fire out back. She stayed at my house and I went to the high school to pick up Lee & Ams, and I turned in my Community Service forms to Mr. Hagan. We drove out of the high school, down Main Street through Old Springboro, up 741 and then jetted down Pennyroyal all the way home. And thus I AM COMPLETELY DONE WITH JUNIOR YEAR! SUMMER HAS NOW BEGUN! I went to the Junior High to pick up Chris, but he'd decided to just "leave early" so he wasn't there. I was confused so I drove to his house, and he was just walking in the door. Debbie was furious he left school without permission, as the Principal had called to inform her of his absence. Now Chris has to go in tomorrow when no one else does just to serve a 2-hour detention sentence. We all ate at Fuddrucker's with Dylan, played with cicadas by the Mall, and then had Small Group, where we ceremonally burned all our school books and binders and tests. Corey seemed depressed the whole evening, was acting really weird. When I took him home, he told me why: he has the hots for Ashlie but can't be with her because she's with Hank. I returned home and kept the news to myself. Lee, Chris and Ams were all still by the fire out back, and I joined them till late in the night.

The Official Start of Summer 2004. I picked up Chris from his 2-hour janitorial-duty detention. The fire was still smoking when we got back to my place. A cop pulled up in our driveway and watched us put it out. Then he left and we went back up to my room. Chris looked out the window and exclaimed, "The cop's coming back!" We heard the sound of sirens and I leapt up from my bed and looked out past the big tree in the front yard, saw the same cop car screaming down the street with his lights flashing. "I thought this was Super Troopers!" Chris exclaimed. Pat D.'s grandma is in the hospital with cancer, and he went to visit her and mindlessly wore one of his favorite band t-shirts. The band's name? As I Lay Dying. He got in a lot of trouble for it. Chris and I went by the bank and then picked up Lee, and we had China Garden for lunch. Chris mowed our entire lawn, so I gave him eight bucks from my change bucket. We picked up Ashlie and rented Phone Booth and chilled at the Williams'. Chris and Pat D. went for a walk. I dropped Ashlie and Amanda off at Ashlie's house. Chris says their voices are like nails on chalkboard. We went to Ron's place for the night. Ron got us pizza and soda, and we watched Animal House. Around 2 A.M., Chris and Pat D. decided they wanted to sleep at home, so they tricked Ron and left. I was furious about it. Pat D. said, "Man, he's so pissed!"

Saturday. I drove home around 7 A.M. I worked 9-4:00. I picked up Pat D., Chris & Ricky. We were supposed to go to Borders, but that didn't come through. Instead we ended up walking through an abandoned WWI and WW2 gunpowder factory near King's Island. The place was abandoned, dark and dank and decrepit. We got a bite to eat at McDonald's, and Ricky called his dad to tell him where he was. His dad wasn't too happy. We got lost on the highway and had to navigate country roads on our way back. The Jeep took a grisly beating. At one point I had to do a u-turn in some old lady's gravel driveway, and she was on the front porch in her rocking chair shaking her fists at us. I dropped Ricky off at his house and took Chris to worship practice at the YMCA (he was 45 mins late). Pat D. and I went back to his place and we uploaded digital pictures we took of the factory, and he gave me a huge Jamaican flag to hang in my room. He feels bad for being such a dick to me lately. His sister Kelly came home with someone who looked familiar. I asked Pat D. about her, and he said, "Oh, that's Katie. She's from Ridgeville." Katie B. I remembered her then, and she remembered me, and she burst into laughter remembering my Ridgeville Christian antics. After I left, Lee and Ashlie came over, and all of us hung out downstairs watching 45 mins total of a 3-hour movie: we kept dozing off. 

Father's Day. I drove Lee home, he had to get ready to teach at JAM. Mom taught on how we should focus on our God-follower relationships. Hardly anyone was there. Kristen and Shelby went to Grace Baptist. Ashlie came over and we celebrated Father's Day with a spaghetti lunch. Ash, Ams and I went to 1/2 Price Books and Borders. I got the movie Scarface and we watched it in the basement. We passed out Kidz Blitz flyers around the neighborhood with Mom, and then we ate out at Applebee's and went back to Border's. I tried to get her to buy me a book on dinosaurs but she wouldn't. I took Ashlie home and then went to bed. 

summer '04: the first week

the powder factory in Mason, Ohio

Memorial Day. 185 tornadoes already this weekend. The weather seems to get worse each year. I read somewhere that storms are supposed to get worse and worse leading up to Jesus' return. But who knows? Dylan spent the night last night, so I took him home this morning. Lunch was healthy chicken & dumplings, and I ran some errands with Mom. I worked 3-8:00 with Ricky, who worked 11-4:00. I got Ron to sign my Community Service forms at the Wright Brother's Airport. 

Tuesday. I slept in and had a boiled egg and a soft pretzel for breakfast. Amanda and I headed out to school and I took my Art Exam. After that I nailed my Chemistry final. I took Lee home since we both were done with exams for the morning, and Ash, Ams and I went out to eat at Taco Bell for lunch. Ash and I went back to school, and I took my Accounting exam. I know I failed that class. I drove home and Hank picked up Ashlie from school. Mom went crazy on me for probably failing Accounting; she'll be okay, though. After supper and some pie I went to our Small Group at the Southard's. Chris has been driving me insane, being cinematically mean. People keep telling Kristen that I like her, made me want to murder them. She seemed uncomfortable by it, I don't blame her. I hung with her and Kristen for a while after Small Group, but feeling our welcome was over-stayed we headed home. Heavy rain and loud thunder followed us all the way back. 

Wednesday. My Accounting professor is letting me do a project to pass the test, so despite being done with exams yesterday, I returned to the high school today. I was there from 11:30 to 3:30, am almost done with his project. I'll finish it tomorrow morning. Mom fixed us a healthy dinner and I drove to Centerville, snatched Pat D. from Coffee Affairs. We went back to his place, and Chris called wanting to go to the Fairfield Mall, but not with me, only with Pat D. So Pat D. bailed on me. So I went home and Corey came over. He kept lighting fires in my room, making it smoky. It got annoying pretty fast. He left, and I sat out on the back deck under the stars just collecting my thoughts.

Junior Year: The Last Day. At 6:00 A.M. Ams and I left our house and picked up Ashlie and went to school. I finished my Accounting project by 8:00, and everything balanced out correctly. I drove home, then went back to the high school to pick up Ashlie. I saw Kristen there, and I asked if she wanted to hang out, but she was going to breakfast with a bunch of "preps" (popular kids, football players and cheerleaders being the most stereotypical snippets of the crowd). Ashlie and I went back to my house, and we sat out on the deck and built a fire out back. She stayed at my house and I went to the high school to pick up Lee & Ams, and I turned in my Community Service forms to Mr. Hagan. We drove out of the high school, down Main Street through Old Springboro, up 741 and then jetted down Pennyroyal all the way home. And thus I AM COMPLETELY DONE WITH JUNIOR YEAR! SUMMER HAS NOW BEGUN! I went to the Junior High to pick up Chris, but he'd decided to just "leave early" so he wasn't there. I was confused so I drove to his house, and he was just walking in the door. Debbie was furious he left school without permission, as the Principal had called to inform her of his absence. Now Chris has to go in tomorrow when no one else does just to serve a 2-hour detention sentence. We all ate at Fuddrucker's with Dylan, played with cicadas by the Mall, and then had Small Group, where we ceremonally burned all our school books and binders and tests. Corey seemed depressed the whole evening, was acting really weird. When I took him home, he told me why: he has the hots for Ashlie but can't be with her because she's with Hank. I returned home and kept the news to myself. Lee, Chris and Ams were all still by the fire out back, and I joined them till late in the night.

The Official Start of Summer 2004. I picked up Chris from his 2-hour janitorial-duty detention. The fire was still smoking when we got back to my place. A cop pulled up in our driveway and watched us put it out. Then he left and we went back up to my room. Chris looked out the window and exclaimed, "The cop's coming back!" We heard the sound of sirens and I leapt up from my bed and looked out past the big tree in the front yard, saw the same cop car screaming down the street with his lights flashing. "I thought this was Super Troopers!" Chris exclaimed. Pat D.'s grandma is in the hospital with cancer, and he went to visit her and mindlessly wore one of his favorite band t-shirts. The band's name? As I Lay Dying. He got in a lot of trouble for it. Chris and I went by the bank and then picked up Lee, and we had China Garden for lunch. Chris mowed our entire lawn, so I gave him eight bucks from my change bucket. We picked up Ashlie and rented Phone Booth and chilled at the Williams'. Chris and Pat D. went for a walk. I dropped Ashlie and Amanda off at Ashlie's house. Chris says their voices are like nails on chalkboard. We went to Ron's place for the night. Ron got us pizza and soda, and we watched Animal House. Around 2 A.M., Chris and Pat D. decided they wanted to sleep at home, so they tricked Ron and left. I was furious about it. Pat D. said, "Man, he's so pissed!"

Saturday. I drove home around 7 A.M. I worked 9-4:00. I picked up Pat D., Chris & Ricky. We were supposed to go to Borders, but that didn't come through. Instead we ended up walking through an abandoned WWI and WW2 gunpowder factory near King's Island. The place was abandoned, dark and dank and decrepit. We got a bite to eat at McDonald's, and Ricky called his dad to tell him where he was. His dad wasn't too happy. We got lost on the highway and had to navigate country roads on our way back. The Jeep took a grisly beating. At one point I had to do a u-turn in some old lady's gravel driveway, and she was on the front porch in her rocking chair shaking her fists at us. I dropped Ricky off at his house and took Chris to worship practice at the YMCA (he was 45 mins late). Pat D. and I went back to his place and we uploaded digital pictures we took of the factory, and he gave me a huge Jamaican flag to hang in my room. He feels bad for being such a dick to me lately. His sister Kelly came home with someone who looked familiar. I asked Pat D. about her, and he said, "Oh, that's Katie. She's from Ridgeville." Katie B. I remembered her then, and she remembered me, and she burst into laughter remembering my Ridgeville Christian antics. After I left, Lee and Ashlie came over, and all of us hung out downstairs watching 45 mins total of a 3-hour movie: we kept dozing off. 

Father's Day. I drove Lee home, he had to get ready to teach at JAM. Mom taught on how we should focus on our God-follower relationships. Hardly anyone was there. Kristen and Shelby went to Grace Baptist. Ashlie came over and we celebrated Father's Day with a spaghetti lunch. Ash, Ams and I went to 1/2 Price Books and Borders. I got the movie Scarface and we watched it in the basement. We passed out Kidz Blitz flyers around the neighborhood with Mom, and then we ate out at Applebee's and went back to Border's. I tried to get her to buy me a book on dinosaurs but she wouldn't. I took Ashlie home and then went to bed. 

it's all relative...?

Caleb (name changed) told me to look out the window while we were strolling around the cash registers at work. I peered out, and saw a van covered with the words, "Jesus Reigns, Jesus Loves You, Jesus is God, Jesus Died for You." And Caleb told me, "See that van? That's why I don't go to church." And I agreed.

I wonder, what were the owners of the van trying to show? Do they expect to 'scare' people into becoming full-hearted followers of Jesus? Do they expect them to suddenly be filled with a burning desire for God? Do they expect them to get out at the red light and ask to receive Jesus into their life? Possible. But not likely. So what do they expect? "That's why I don't go to church," he said.

Witnessing is a hard thing. Part of us wants to keep quiet, we don't want to get into any uncomfortable arenas. And Satan, you know he doesn't want you telling anyone about Jesus. But if you can gather the courage and willpower, you can do it. But how? What will make someone want to accept Jesus just if they hear your words? It took miracles--and for some, miracles weren't enough!--to convince people of Jesus' deity. Is street preaching always the best way to go? Is climbing up a flagpole and screaming, "Jesus is God, save your souls or burn in hell!" gonna make them fall on their knees and repent of their sins? Probably not.

It's all relational. Driving a big beige bus with Jesus stickers all over it isn't going to reap followers. And most of the time, neither is street preaching or wearing Christian t-shirts or jewelry. Buddha incense lighters and ashtrays are commonplace; when you see one, do you want to live in a monastery and become a monk? Most of us wouldn't even think twice about it, or for the most part, not even once! My friends, it is relational.

Jesus sat down with sinners; he knelt and made the blind see; he stayed with Mary and Martha in their home; he gave his most intimate messages to his closest friends. It is relational. Jesus knew this. People won't respect you when you witness unless they know you, and only if your actions back up what you're saying. If you were an apple, you wouldn't listen to another apple saying, "Become a pineapple like me." Crude comparison, but you get the point, don't you? You have to be genuine. It's about genuine relationships. God puts people in our lives so that we can witness to them. A stranger won't really listen to you, but a friend would.

Oh. And don't make friendships just to witness. Care for their souls, yes. But be there for them. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Be genuine. To build a friendship for the sole purpose of bringing them to Jesus is a shallow relationship, and will probably crumble. Be genuine, in your friendships, your witnessing, and your life. And then--only then--will people listen.

on humility

Humility--not to be confused with humiliation--is a respect for God, and a respect for others. It is seeing ourselves as we really are--seeing ourselves from God's perspective. Realizing you are worth a lot--and so is everyone else. Realizing that that worth comes only from God, is given to us by God. And realizing that with all this in mind we are called to serve. Some people think humility is denying yourself, talking negatively about yourself; but this is self-centered and in a more unnoticeable sense, is a deadly pride. Jesus--the Son of God--came not to be served, but to serve, and was humbled to a death on the cross. He told us that if you want to be somebody, you have to be a nobody. If you want to be first, you need to be last. If you want to be great, you must be a servant, a slave. He called us to servanthood, and proclaimed that in the kingdom of heaven, the last will be first and the first will be last. And he knelt down and washed the disciples' feet just before he was killed. And he said, "Since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other's feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you."

Strip away your self-centered and selfish attitudes. Crucify yourself. Run with Jesus. Throw down the yoke of sin and live a REAL life. We are all on the same playing field. Get involved. Lend a hand. Shoot laziness. Laugh with others, cry with others. Be there for those in need. When God calls you to act, ACT! Overstep cultural boundaries. Embrace our brothers and sisters across the globe. The proud will be humbled. The humbled will be exalted.

are you willing to wash someone else's feet?

faith like a child

Faith like a child...

We need to quit looking at life like an adult and see it through the eyes of a child. How does a child see the world? Play hard. Laugh much. Leave worries to God. Be excited about what each new day brings. Jesus says that we must have "faith like a child" to enter the kingdom of heaven. He says we must throw down worries and cast off the strangling noose of sin. We must be care-free in the arms of God. This is what Jesus came for. He came to give us life, and life in its fullest. He made it simple, easy. Some say that being a Christian is hard work-it's not meant to be!

Most find Christianity complicated, hard, and stressful. Maybe you've baked, visited, volunteered, taught. But instead of rest--as Jesus promised--you've only gotten stress. And now maybe you're puzzled because Jesus said you should feel at peace and, to put it frankly, peace is the last thing you're going through.

People are hungry for spirituality. This is how God made us. People are hungry from Jesus. One man went to work with two Christian men from different denominations; both tried to win him over, but he admitted, "I don't want religion. I only want Jesus." We are told to leave the cluttered world of humanity, to enter the sane and safe garden of religion. And these same people tell us to, "Step right up to the Church of Heavenly Hope of High Angels and Happ Hearts...", or, "We teach salvation by sanctification which leads to purification and stabilization. That is, unless, you prefer the track of predestination..." Or, "Try our premillennial, non-charismatic, Calvanistic Creed on for size..." What happened to the longing for God, the simple faith that Jesus shouts? What happened to having faith like a child?

In Matthew 23, we find Jesus in a rage against those who have turned faith into a business. Six times Jesus calls the religious leaders hypocrites; five times he says they are blind; seven times he denounces them, and once he prophesies their ruin. He realized what was going on. People were turning faith into something it really wasn't. And it made Jesus FURIOUS. Read it yourself. See how angry he was. Taste his wrath for yourself. He understood--and didn't take it lightly. He spoke out against this 'complicated' and wrong religion. Jesus tells us to discover truth for ourselves, to develop trust for ourself, and to discern God's will for our lives. He says it is personal; a relationship. Faith. Not a business.

Some position themselves between us and God, suggesting the only way to get to God is through them. Some say they are the great teacher who has the final word on Bible teaching, or the father who must bless your acts, or the priest with whom you must clear your conscience... These are people who turn God into black-and-white, a hierarchy of who-is-closer-to-God, not a relationship based on who-you-are, but who-you-know. These people turn God into a formula. But he isn't a formula--he is a person, he is creative, he is wild and wonderful, and desires us to simply run with him.

Seek God for yourself. No confusing ceremonies necessary. No mysterious rituals required. No elaborate channels of command or levels of access. Seek God for yourself.

Have a Bible? Study it!
Have a heart? Pray!
Have a mind? Think!

Play hard. Laugh much. Leave your worries to God. Wake up expectant of every day.
A relationship with God isn't complicated. It isn't confusing. It isn't anti-personal. It is one-on-one. It is love. It is grace. It is mercy. It is understanding. It's personal. It's real. It's simple. My friends, it is JESUS.

faith like a child

accounting fail

Well. Today I learn that I failed Accounting I. I saw it coming. I never was good in that class, no matter how hard I tried. I never had a partner to cheat off of, either (is this a good or bad thing?), so I was much slower than the rest of the class. I guess I am polar opposites of my father. He is so good at math and accounting, but terrible at other things (like golf, for instance, though he refuses to admit it); I stink at math and accounting, and while I don't do good with long-distance putting, I am pretty good at explaning things and helping those in tough spots. God gives us all different gifts. I knew I shouldn't have taken accounting, and I can't really tell you why I did. Oh well. At least I know the last thing I want to go into is accounting. There's something positive. No accounting is always positive :-).