try this

I was reading through my psychology book and I discovered a psychological trick that messes with your brain when you're sleeping. If you want to memorize something, just before bed, recite it eight to ten times, then just go to bed. When you wake up, you'll be able to recall it on the dime. It's amazing. I've done it every night for a few nights and it is amazing. Try it out.

Lord, I'm tired
So tired from walking.
And Lord I'm so alone.
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

***"All I Can Say, DCB

hmmm...

If you've been reading the blog, you know that over the last couple of weeks I've been going through a spiritual battle. I have felt the forces of Good and Evil all around me as a pursue with vigor the deep, intimate communion I so thirst for. David Crowder said, "Sometimes [God], you're further than the moon; sometimes you're closer than my skin." Lately he has been the former. I just want that one-on-one Lover and Beloved relationship. I have been fighting hard to get it, but it seems I am making no headwind. The more passionate my desire, the further God seems. I take this as a good sign - Satan is scared. Today has been a trying day in this aspect; I have been hungering for God, and I believe Satan has thrown an odd sort of depression, sullenness, sorrow on me. Hopelessness. God spoke to me today when Mom, Ams and I went to China Village. Ironically, he spoke through the infamous Chinese fortune cookie; He is close; keep the passion alive; keep the battle raging:

The one you love is closer than you think.

Thursday afternoon, a lot of things happened. I removed all my devotionals, all my Christian self-help books (Boost your prayer life and experiencing spiritual breakthroughs, and I threw all the about-God and about-doctrine books in a box and shoved them in the closet. I am so sick and tired of three-point sermons and six-steps spiritual fix-its. For so long I've been aiming at knowing about God, that I have been neglecting knowing God personally. I am tired of creation-vs.-evolution, is-baptism-essential-for-salvation, is-there-soul-sleep debates and it is EATING MY BRAINS OUT! I ache and long to know God personally, intimately; He the Lover and I the Beloved. I have been drawing closer over the last few days, as he has been pulling strings to get me closer to him, and it's been wonderful. He isn't so much a theological statement as a Father and Lover.

My friend Dylan Yosick and Iwere re-baptized in the creek at North Park. I just felt God putting this on my heart, and I pulled them aside before the prayer groups at lunch and expressed what I was planning to do. Dylan said, "I want to be baptized, too." None of us had been baptized since rededication to Christ. The water was freezing, but it didn't matter, because when I came out of the water, the colors and sounds and air of the woods just exploded vibrantly, and joy seared through me; it was as if God was saying, "I love you. I love you."

trapped

I can't run away from it. I have tried running away countless times, but it never works. You see, I want to be a youth minister. I really do. I want to prod others along to have a heart-to-heart love affair with God. And yet there is a stronger desire within me. While I want to go into youth ministry, my heart gives a faint leap when I think of what it would be like to study dinosaurs. You may laugh; after all, the two careers are completely off-balance. I used to think that becoming a Christian meant shoving the desires of the heart into a hole; I used to think sanctification was killing desires. No, killing desires is not sanctification, it is godlessness, a profanity, its own brand of wickedness. It is betraying our true selves for a false self; losing our uniqueness, our originality. So I am at a cross-roads. I want to study dinosaurs, but for all the world I can't because of my credentials to go that direction (these desires weren't meant for this world, after all, but Another). I am trapped between two paths. One is straight and yet in a vague way, murders the real me. The other looks like a dead-end, but it is where my God-given heart lies. What can I do?

The Beat at SHS

So much has been going on at SHS. We now have prayer groups in all three lunches, with a total headcount of over 150 students not ashamed to be talking to God before their peers. Two friends, my sister and I are in a small prayer group of such, not really aimed at getting the Message out, but it's a place where we read a devotional, pray, and strengthen each other. Thursday night small group - flame - should be pretty good. My friend Kristen and Tony help lead G.R.I.P., which is HUGE; it is a Friday morning prayer group. We kicked off the first SHS Bible Study in the LGI today; we had about 20 people, and talked about Heaven (a lot of my views on Heaven are, some would say, heretical, but they are all biblical. E-mail me (ajbarnhart@yahoo.com) if you want to know). I didn't lead this one; I want to step back and get some more leaders 'in on the action.' My friend Tyler Yosick actually led it, and he did an amazing job - he is going into youth ministry, also! We are all so excited about Heaven - no wonder Jesus talked about it so much! Needless to say we are touching souls and lives and building unity within the school. It is only three weeks in, and God is moving amazingly.

But with such great movements come harassment. While I haven't experienced it myself, Tyler tells me students are making fun of him; my sister says students in her lunch mock everyone in the prayer group, and so some students in the prayer group have backed down. Also my friend Ashlie and my sister were confronted by a Sophomore who said, "You guys are dumb. Just stick to yourselves." Well. Jesus didn't tell us to stick to ourselves. It is obvious there will be more harassment and persecution down the road as the voice crying out for God is heard louder and louder!

Student Revolution

Student Revolution kicked off last night and it was amazing. Barefoot did excellent renditions of No One Like You, O Praise Him, God of Wrath (that song is amazing, two thumbs way up to DCB), and Jeff's own song, the very beautiful, very amazing, very touching and very deep Capture Me. I sat in the back and ran mediashout, Corey Whitaker was on sound, and Tyler Yosick on lights. The message was intense and inspiring - really reaching out and showing starving beggars who are no different than us, except we have bread they can eat. Several students talked about how they were 'reaching out' in this world; Shelby and Angie talked about the lunch prayer groups, Kristen spoke on G.R.I.P., Pat Dewenter on accountability partners, and I mentioned Thursday night small groups and the 'Bible Study' we're starting Mondays after school, themed "The Story that we're in, and the Role that's yours to play..." Needless to say, I am praying hard for Monday, and also for a change-up in Thursday night small groups before we hit 40 Days of Community, and I am very excited about the next official Rev. Rev Bowl 2004!

We've done something horrible to God. We've turned Him into theology. We've turned Him into science. We have dissected God, and man, and the gospel, and in turn we have thousands upon thousands of facts, all of them dead and dry. It's not that these insights aren't true, aren't real - they just don't speak to us. God is omniscient, sovereign, all-powerful. Do you feel any closer to Him? A lot of us have gotten to the point where all our statements about God forget that He's a person. We turn Him into a machine, a pen on paper, a legalistic script or idea. We've done Him a second murder through institutions and text-books.

Guess what? God wills, thinks, enjoys, loves, feels, desires and suffers just like we do. He is not a machine. He is a Person. He is alive right now. And we can't get to know Him through just thinking about Him or knowing about Him, as so many - such as myself - have tried.

How do we get to know people? Through stories. All the wild and sad and wonderful and brave stories we tell - the stories reveal ourselves to others, and it is how others reveal themselves to us. We need to start looking at the Scriptures as several stories knitted together as one great Story. Stop approaching the Scriptures as if it is an encyclopedia, a dictionary of 'tips and techniques.'

If I think hard through all my friends, there is only one who respects my stuff. The rest screw my room up whenever they come over. It must be a thrill to them. They knock stuff off my dresser, they dig through my closet and throw stuff around the room, they break my most valuable things. They use permanent marker on my furniture, and they carve into the wood of my furniture. But they don't stop there. They take matches and burn my bed, laughing the whole time. It makes me very angry. I am tired of it. No more friends allowed in my room unless they get permission. It's been old over the last three years, every night having to clean up my room. It ends now.

6 Months and Counting...

Journal entry, March 16, 2003: "My English teacher says I have great depths of thought. Unexpected snow day in March! Odd. I am hoping some more 'odd' things will happen :-)... I exercised 30 mins, ate a little better - want to lose some weight. Maybe for Peace Corps. Chris, Lee, Pat, Ashlie came over. Boring beyond hope. Chris grabbed Jeep wheel and ran us over a curb [Mom, Dad, he hasn't done that since!] and Lee chased the Jeep down the street and Ashlie's leg got caught in the door and she slipped on the ice on the sidewalk and fell. Small group was average, but better than usual. The lesson was on the characteristics of Jesus. Picked up Kristin D. for small groups, and got lost in her subdivision. Took Ashlie and Amanda to Taco Bell, Lee home, Ashlie home. Very snowy outside. Fans blowing. Tired.

So you see it started off small. I sharply remembering waking up, being bored, and saying to myself, "Why don't we just run and see if we can lose a pound or two." That was the beginning. I honestly didn't think I'd stick with it. Neither did my friends. That's where accountability fell in - my good friend Lee Williams started dieting, too, and we helped each other push along. That was six months ago. Recently my good friends Pat Dewenter and Chris Williams told me, "We never thought you'd lose that much." Bowden said, "You've lost a ton of weight, man. I mean it."

Let me tell you how things have changed over the last six months.

Six months ago, my pant size was 38. It is now a 30. My shirt size was an XXL going on an XXXL. Now it is a Medium, and many people say I should go for a Small. No longer does fat jiggle on my skin when I make loud jokes. I can run around the house without getting winded :-). Six months ago, I failed running the mile, couldn't do it, only ran a lap. Today I ran the mile in five minutes and thirty seconds (haha, nine minutes and eight seconds, jk). My self-esteem is up. My confidence is up. I feel much better.

Now you are asking: how.

Atkin's diet? No.
Protein diet? Not really.
1000 calorie? Tried it, didn't work, I gained pounds.
Purging? Nope.

I ate natural foods. Natural peanut butter, wheat bread, lean meats, lots of fruits and vegetables, all-grain cereals and low fatty foods. I also did tons of crunches and sit-ups and push-ups (still do) and run (still do). That is the secret. That's what the doctors tell you. Listen. They know. I am proud to be one of the few who sees a goal, chases it - and wins.

And the fat didn't really start coming off until I asked God to help me. Between the night I asked Him for help and the morning I woke up, I miraculously lost over a pound. The ball kept rolling. Thank You.

****I will try to get pictures up sometime soon.

Once upon a time there lived a sea lion who has lost the sea.

He lived in a country known as the barren lands. High on a plateau, far from any coast, it was a place so dry and dusty that it could only be called a desert. A kind of course grass grew in patches here and there, and a few trees were scattered on the horizon. But mostly, it was dust. And sometimes wind, which together makes one very thirsty. Of course, it must seem strange to you that such a beautiful creature should wind up in a desert at all. He was, mind you, a sea lion. But things like this do happen.

How the sea lion came to the barren lands, no one could remember. It all seemed so very long ago. So long, in fact, it appeared as though he had always been there. Not that he belonged in such an arid place. How could that be? He was, after all, a sea lion. But as you know, once you have lived so long in a certain spot, no matter how odd, you come to think of it as home. (John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire, chapter one)

"We are never living, but hoping to live." - Pascal

"It seems to me that we can never give up longing and wishing while we are
alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must
hunger for them." - George Elliot

"And I still haven't found what I'm looking for." - U2

Yesterday was a trying day. Nothing went right. I was depressed, bitter, closed-off. I felt so lonely without hope and so desperate without vision (yeah, David Crowder fans). Everyone was making me mad and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep being loving - ah, love, an action, not a feeling! - and I just said, "God, I can't do any of this anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm worn out. Please, just touch me, just whisper..." Then, in a "still, small voice" whispered into my ears:

"I love you."

So deep and hollowing is my desire, that it drowns me in oceans of despair, vast wastelands of loneliness and frail vision. I cry out, oft straining under the burden, bitter tears and empty-hands. How great my desire to touch the plan - not a plan of writing in ink on paper, with pages and pages of legal footnotes, not a plan that kills and squanders the spirit - but a plan written with Spirit by spirit, His life on mine. My soul thirsts and pants for the real and better life, more full and real than I've ever dreamed. I want to feel and experience and commune with the living, personal God, forgetting - abandoning! - the dry, tasteless, chiseled-stone and textbook god of dictionaries and theologies and philosophies; I want to forfeit the obsolete god-legislation for a God who blinds my eyes and makes my spirit salivate. So I cry out for a wide-open and spacious life. I don't want my love, my faith, my worship and passion and ideas to be fenced in; I no longer want to feel small - for our lives are not small, we just live them in small ways: it chokes us of uniqueness, originality, the who-we-are, the who-God-made-us. I want to open up my life to myself, to others, to God. The desire - aching in the marrow of my fragile bones - is a desire to be more alive, more loving, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. My desire - the desire I so log to touch - is to divorce my head, have an affair with my heart - to experience the real God, and to live the experience.

Everything is wrong.

Don't become content. Don't cover your eyes.

It's so easy to see - just look.

This is actually a comment on my last blog, but for some reason blogger won't let me comment (how awkward is that?) so here it is:

All we will be doing in Heaven is worshipping God. But the worship isn't strictly 'musical.' Just as there are many different styles of musical worship - fast, slow, techno, country, rap, etc. - so there are many different styles of worshipping God. We are all different in many ways; for me, the style of worship I personally and am excited about is the worship through enjoying God's creation. Think of it like God giving us a gift; he gives us a gift, and we burst over in excitement, love, joy, tears, happiness, and enjoy it all we can. When we enjoy what God has given us - a new heaven and a new earth - it will be worship. I do believe there will be worship done through music, though, and the style each of us goes through won't be important. We will be worshipping!

I personally believe that those who 'ran before us' are looking down on us. I don't think they are filled with sorrow, however, because there will be no sorrow in Heaven. While I can't explain why they don't have sorrow, I find that in Hebrews 12:1 the writer tells us that we are 'surrounded by a cloud of witnesses' cheering us on. It is really encouraging to know you've got a fan club rooting you on! I do believe my great grandmother is watching me and all the others in the family, cheering us on!

I don't think Heaven is tailor-made, either. But I think Heaven will have the excitement, the adventure, the longings we've been searching for. We will be "beautiful and whole." It is a place - a wonderful place! It is creation restored to how it was before sin messed it all up. As I said, think of Maui and Cancun and the Caribbean, now entrenched in ugly sin - we can't imagine how wonderful it will be when all is restored! I firmly believe that God puts many of the righteous passions and desires in us, that we are 'born' with them spiritually. But because of sin, we can't live out these passions and desires to the fullest extent. In Heaven, when all is restored, we will have that chance, that opportunity, that fulfillment. And living it out will be worship to God, saying, "God, this is how you created me, and I'm going to fly with it!"

I wonder, "Why would God create a new heavens and a new earth if all we were to do it stand in the Temple and worship him there?" He created the new heavens and new earth because it is his will for us to enjoy his new creation. Isaiah 11:6-9 gives us a glimpse of this new creation, speaking of how animals will interact with us and will be tame and docile. I think it will please God - I know it will please God - if we ride dinosaurs (and I am not joking about that), and it will please God for me and my sister to stand on his ocean shore and admire his new creation. I don't think God would create anything righteous that would detract from our fulfilled relationship with Him - anything below that isn't righteous, and Heaven is complete-righteous, devoid of sin!

And I, too, look forward to worshipping him forever! Not only through songs and dance, but through enjoying his creation as well!

I am a big fan of talking about angels. I love talking about angels. I don't mean just good angels, but bad angels as well (demons). Demons will be thrown into Hell, but righteous angels will serve us in the Kingdom of Heaven (Hebrews 1:14). This is just me personally, but I think the harp is a symbol that there will be amazing music in heaven. It is awe-inspiring to think of bowing down and worshipping God face-to-face.

In eternity, we will spend forever with God and Christ and the Holy Spirit. It will be amazing. And while it will be more than exciting to ride a dinosaur, or to spend eternity in that eternal bliss, it is just something else that all will be done in the immediate, known, and radically-personal communion with the Trinity.

“It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight.
It is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a
world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against
chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard to be sure who belongs to
which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its
confusion and wildness, it is a world where the battle goes ultimately to the
good, who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and
evil alike, becomes known by his true name… That is the fairy tale of the Gospel
with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which that
the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a
time, but has kept happening ever since and is happening still.” (Frederick
Buechner, Telling the Truth)

We are told Heaven will be a never-ending church service. We’re convinced “we shall sing one glorious hymn, one after another, forever and ever, amen.” We are told Heaven is a place of clouds and harps and boredom. Sounds like hell to me. Heaven cannot be fathomed. We cannot touch it. Think about that. All the beauties, the adventures, the breath-taking excitement and wonders of our world now don’t compare to what will be experienced in Heaven. Are we to believe that an eternal church service is better than hiking through the mountains, going deep-sea fishing, and stepping on the moon? We have dreamed better dreams than God can dream? We have written stories with a better ending than God will provide? Here’s some good news – that never-ending church service isn’t the Good News. It’s not even close. Heaven is an immortal life. The restoration of all things. A wedding feast. Paradise is regained. Jesus told the thief, “Today, you will be with me in paradise.” Think of how beautiful Maui and the Caribbean and Cancun are now, with the infestation and corruption of sin – we can’t imagine them restored! The blind will see the beauty of the universe. The deaf will hear the laughter of friends and family. The lame will jump and dance and run around. We are in winter – a cold, dry, barren world with naked trees and bleak skies. Heaven is spring – color everywhere, a warm breeze, leaves on the trees, flowers spreading, insects buzzing. Life returns. Restoration. The universe and all in it will be restored – oceans free from oil, skies clear of pollution, sharks that cuddle, and lions that play with children. All of creation will be brought back, as good as it was in first creation – the glory of the Garden of Eden will return to us! We will meet up with our brothers and sisters, our parents and grandparents, sons and daughters, friends. Everyone who ever decided to live for God will meet back together – reunions with tears of joy, happiness that bubbles over; screams of excitement! And God smiling over it all! Those who wished to be brave, will be brave. Those who always longed to be beautiful, will be beautiful. Those who wished to be leaders, will be leaders. What we once yearned to be, we will be! We will worship God, yes – but it will be like nothing we’ve ever experienced, or ever will till the day we stand in the restoration. We will adore Him. Heaven is the return of the beauty, the intimacy, the adventure we were created to enjoy, and have yearned for every day of our lives. And it is immortal. Imagine the greatest days of your life, combine them into one, multiply it by an eternity, and repeat it over and over for eternity. There is Heaven! It cannot be lost; it cannot be taken. As we were created to reign over the earth – to explore and discover and create and do all those things we long to do – that is our destiny. Jesus says we will inherit the Kingdom – this isn’t metaphorical! All the cosmos will be before us! No longer will we be bound by our bodies and physical limitations – we will be given the task of ruling over, with power and creativity, the kingdom of God! What will you do first when you get to Heaven? We think about amusement parks – what will we do first? Which ride? Which restaurant? In Heaven, what will you do first? Paddle a canoe down the Amazon? Soar above the earth with the eagles? Dive into the greatest depths with the peaceful sea creatures that came from God’s hand? Will you learn to play an instrument? Eat out with those you were separated from here on earth? Or will you dare to explore the Universe – from the planets to the sun to the stars? Will you hurl through space with asteroids? You’ll have plenty of time for all of that – an eternity! The cosmos will be ours! Ours! God is giving it to us! Sometimes we wonder if we will make it. The road is tough. The road is hard. But the day will come – the first day in eternity, a day so good we’ll wish it never to End, and know that it never shall! Laugh much. Play hard. Fight for God. Jesus tells us, “I’m going to Heaven, and I’m preparing a place for you. And I’ll come back for you.” He’s coming back for us. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe seventy years from now. Did you know we will never taste death? The transition from life here on earth to forever-life in Heaven will be instantaneous. We see the semi sliding into our lane – and then we’re standing deep in the Serengeti of a restored creation, with the elephants and zebras, and giraffes and loafing crocodiles. The death for a believer shouldn’t be a day of mourning – because there’s no way they’re mourning where they are! They’re probably pulling strings with God to get you there sooner! That’s how amazing it will be! Our journey today brings us one step closer to being home – really home with God. All we long for, we shall have. All we long to be, we will be. All that has hurt us so deeply will be swept away. Eternity. Paradise! A valiant Hero-Lover and His Beloved. An Evil One and a great battle to fight. A Journey and a Quest, more dangerous and more thrilling than you could imagine. A little Fellowship to see you through. This is the gospel of Christ.
And, now, since this is something we can imagine…
… we know Heaven will be far better!

“The man wakes from the final struggle of death, in absolute loneliness – such a
loneliness as in the most miserable moment of deserted childhood he never knew.
Not a hint, not a shadow of anything outside his consciousness reaches him. All
is dark, dark and dumb; no motion – not the breath of a wind! Never a dream of
change! Not a scent from a far-off field! No sign of God anywhere. God has so
far withdrawn from the man… he is in God’s prison, his own separated
self.” (George MacDonald, The Last Farthing)

Hell is not a popular subject. We’d prefer it not be part of God’s creation (yes, God created it!), but we’re not calling the shots – and God has said there is a place where those who reject Him will be housed forever. But Hell needs to be talked about – it is no small wonder John the Baptist warned, “Flee from the wrath to come.” In Hell there is no death there, no time when the conscience is at ease. Hell is a place of desolation and great pain. It is a place where those who choose to be separate from God will get their eternal wish – separation from God forever. Hell was not created for man – it was created for Satan and his angels; if we refuse to follow God, we are rebels with Satan, whether we know it or not, and will join him there. Hell is for those who betray God – not vice versa. As real life is only found in God, so they will suffer the most extreme and real of deaths – a death that never ends! Revelation says that those in Hell will be “tormented day and night forever and ever,” in the “Lake of Fire.” Some people don’t like the idea of Hell, so they say, “I don’t believe that.” What does that change? Hell is paying a bill for your rejection of God – a bill that can never be paid; since it can never be paid, the bill just keeps coming around – the payments never stop. But do you know what the worst part of Hell is? The eternal torment of remembering that on such-and-such a day, the person say in church, heard the news of Hell, and didn’t do anything about it. Hell is knowing that you could have but never did address the issue of your eternal destiny. You didn’t take seriously the wrath of God. People in Hell remain fully conscious, have memories, conscience, and all physical senses intact – but it’s all agony! The memories are painful, your body is racked in pain, and you are all alone, in the darkness; think of the worst depression, and multiply it by a million. That’s Hell. The moment you step in, you’ll want to commit suicide – but you won’t be able to. Jesus was on the ball when He said, “There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Some think Hell will be a big party – but Hell is solitary confinement. We were created as social creatures; we will be banished from one another, lost in our thoughts, our pain, our memories for eternity-upon-eternity-upon-eternity. There is no fellowship in Hell; no get-togethers, to parties, no reunions, no buffets. Hell does have varying degrees of punishment – those who knew more but rejected it will be punished far more than those who knew less and made the same decision. Yet even the slightest degree is beyond comprehension. No matter what you read, we’ll never be able to really understand – even catch a glimpse of – the tortures of Hell. And it will go on for eternity; how long is eternity? If you emptied the Pacific Ocean, the largest body of water in the world, and piled it full of sand as high as Mount Everest, you would have a huge pile, huge beyond comprehension! Now suppose you get a bird and trained it to pick up one grain of sand every million years. How long would it take that bird to empty the sand pile? A long time. We probably don’t have numbers to count that high! But guess what? When that bird has picked up that last grain of sand, you will have only spent your first second in Hell. That’s what I call an eternity. God doesn’t just come out of nowhere and boom on unsuspecting people who had no chance to do anything about their eternal destiny – God endures us with “much patience,” and is eager for us to turn from our sin and turn to Him for real life. God is patient, giving everyone space and time to change – but the decision is still theirs to make! Every one of us is a heartbeat from eternity – believers are a heartbeat from Heaven, and unbelievers a heartbeat from Hell. One heartbeat, one act of violence, one accident away from the judgment of God. God’s fury could blow the universe apart at any moment; the End could come at any second. Hell is not a place of jokes, because no one will be laughing. Hell is not a place for partying, because there will be no one to part with – just you and your pain. The Nile-infested slums of Africa become paradise when compared to what is to be experienced in Hell.

if our goal in anything is apart from that goal of getting to know Jesus better or prodding others forward to know Jesus better, then it will be burnt up. If we write dazzling messages, if we author inspiring devotionals, if we lead vivacious small groups, but do it for reasons other than getting to know Jesus better, then it will be burnt up. If we give to the offering, if we obey God out of duty and not love, whatever spiritual disciplines we do, they will all be burnt up if not done in order to get to know Jesus better.

For many, including me, this hits close to home. Often I am prideful over the 'spirituality' I have; this 'spirituality' is not spirituality at all, but a church roadshow. It is the religion of the Pharisees and Sadducees. It can be a painful revelation.

Our goal in everything needs to be to get to know Christ better, or to prod others to know Him better.

I'll tell you why I think 412 Student Ministries is such an awesome outreach. It isn't because of the high-tech sound or flashy media shout (hehe) or the amazing worship team. It isn't because we're getting a new garage or we go to PKI a lot. It isn't because we go to lots of camps and conferences, and it's not because we have a lot of small groups. It's because 412 Student Ministries is overflowing with students and adults alike who are so passionate, so energetic, so aflame for God. Our youth leader is such an inspiration as he runs after God in everything, and the sponsors show Jesus through their lives. The students are bold and blatant with their faith, and they are willing to lead other students forward in their Walk.

What made me think of this is my sister in Christ, whom I'll call "Jess" for now. Jess came to us and said, "Let's start praying before lunch at school." So we said Okay. None of us had thought of that before. It was also really awesome to see how eager she was, and you have to be bold to even propose something like that in school - especially if you know what the school is like. It is a spiritual battle-ground. I don't know if I would ever had thought of that, much more put it forward in reality. So we did it, and it was amazing. We had maybe five people then. Now, a couple days later, we've grown to about fifteen people who will actually pray with us, and the number grows each day. We're doing something at Springboro High School that hasn't been done before, as far as we can tell.

To all those who are bold enough to stand and pray during lunch, in front of all those people, you are an inspiration not only to me, but also to the silent Jesus-followers who see us when we pray. And to Jess - you are so passionate, so open about God, you challenge me every day when I think of how you just run with God no matter what. And thanks to the youth leader who encourages us every day - you're heart is good, and we love you.