autumn has come!

Autumn has come. “It came a few days ago,” Kevin said. But finally it actually feels like fall. Autumn is my favorite season. Pumpkin pies, hot steaming coffee in the cold, the way the leaves change colors and fall from their perches in the trees, the crisp coolness that fills your lungs and the football being tossed around. Nearly all my favorite memories come from autumn. Hot dogs, hay-rides, dressing warm and walking the windy streets. One of my high school friends, whom I’ve shared countless autumns with—“We’ve been friends eleven years,” he told me—came down to Cincinnati yesterday, and we went to Newport and saw the movie “Surrogates,” and we walked the cobblestone paths by the river and drank Venezuelan coffee, and when Sarah got back from work we went to Blockbuster and rented two ridiculous “horror” movies: “Teeth” (about a girl’s you-know-what that has teeth) and “The Gingerdead Man” which stars Gary Busey and is about, well, a vengeance-seeking gingerbread cookie (we stopped it halfway through because the acting and storyline was awful). We spent the night sitting around and talking about all kinds of things. The religious state of America, the biblical realities of sin and the need for repentance, false teachings such as legalism and antinomianism, and the status of Christians before God and whether or not addiction is sin.

It’s rained nearly non-stop for the last week, and it stormed awfully bad last night, but now that the sky is clear and crisp, Sarah and I decided to celebrate by carving a pumpkin! We bought it from Kroger and carved it on the front porch, and I dished out the seeds and cooked them salted in the oven. They’re delicious. We watched the Bengals vs. Steelers game on television, and she got really into it, leaping up and down and cursing and shrieking and screaming for every good play and bad play both. Here is a picture Sarah took of me scooping seeds from the pumpkin:

a conversation

Sarah and I sat on our front porch two nights ago. She asked me how I felt about one of my ex-girlfriends getting married within the next couple weeks. “I don’t know. It feels strange. I mean, I really liked her at one time, and when I lost her, it was hell. At this point I’m entirely over her. I don’t think about her anymore. But at the same time, seeing her getting married (and I’m happy for her) makes me realize how seemingly far I am from my own dream. I mean, I’ve never been one of those people who yearns for fame and fortune and all that. My dream is simple: to be a good husband and good father. She’s becoming a wife in the next couple weeks, and another of my ex-girlfriends is getting married on my sister’s birthday. Or two days after. I can’t remember. But knowing that they’re moving forward, and even though I’m happy for them, makes me realize how I haven’t been moving forward at all. Nothing is changing. I’m in the same place I was five years ago, except the essence of hope for my dream is dying.” She didn’t really say much, and I can’t blame her. So I said, “Let’s go watch a movie,” and we went inside and sat on the couch and turned on the television and haven’t talked about it since.

the lehman house [21]

Ams and her pumpkin seeds

Monday. I worked 9:30-1:00 and had a smoothie for lunch. Last night I dreamt Sarah and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. I ate lunch with Sarah G. from work and her friend Brittany C. Mandy K. and I went to Sitwell’s Café in Clifton and then to the porch, chatting for two hours. I don’t think I like her anymore, which is good, ‘cause she’s planning on high-tailing it to Venezuela to be a missionary. When Sarah got home we sat on the front porch and talked about our depressing, unfruitful lives. “Courtney’s getting married on the 2^nd, and all I can see is her moving forward while I move backwards.” We fixed rice for dinner and watched “Silent Hill” and when Ams got back we made a funny video where she was a cokehead stripper and I was her pimp. Chris and Tiz came over at Ams’ request to see it; they laughed a lot.

Tuesday. Jess Lynn called me last night, asked if I was lonely. “Yes, very much so.” She asked why, and I gave her a laundry list of reasons: losing friends, hopeless romanticism, Courtney’s upcoming wedding, and then she fell asleep on the phone. Mandy H., Jobst and I got dinner at Thai Taste in Western Hills where we talked a lot about fishing, of all things. Sarah spent the night at Keith’s. She’s more pathetic than I am.

Wednesday. I was working and in class till about 3:00. I had a late lunch with Sarah from work and Brittany, and then Julie B. and I went splashing through rain puddles as I walked her to her car. I napped till 5:30 and Sarah woke me up when she got home. Mandy H. came over to do laundry and hang out, and Gambill joined us, too. Mandy K. returned to Chicago. I was up into the early morning writing. When I finished I went out onto the porch and stretched my worn fingers and smoked a cigarette, a heavy mist, illumined by the streetlights, rolling in from the west.

Thursday. Mandy H. came over after classes, and we got Chipotle for dinner. A drunk and senile man came onto my front porch begging for a ride to Westwood. Our compassion got the best of us, and we agreed. After running around Cincinnati for an hour, and after him threatening us, we dropped him off at a bar in Warsaw. He spit up all over Mandy’s car. We got the hell outta there. Mandy was terrified. I hurried to the library to help two girls with their Greek homework, and I spent the evening studying 1 Corinthians and missing Sarah. She’s in Wilmington tonight and maybe tomorrow night, too.

Friday. Autumn’s settling in. The trees still look the same, but it’s been cold and rainy all week. I went to the library to help Kyle with Greek. He’s dating a girl named Vicki now. And he has three cracked ribs. “This is why I shouldn’t hang out with you: it hurts to laugh, and you make me laugh.” I went to the Hilltop and ordered a drink. Ally made it wrong, but it still tasted good. I went on a walk with Jessie and Mykaela, tried to hang out with some other people but they were busy, and when I got home I was overwhelmed with a wave of suffocating loneliness. I couldn’t stop thinking about Courtney getting married in a couple of days, her dreams coming to fruition, and I lie in bed on the verge of tears, fighting the urge to cut my arms with a razor. Those days are past, I can’t give in. Any mess up could send me spiraling out of control.

Saturday. A cat shit all over our chairs on the front porch. Dylan came down from Centerville. We went to Newport and browsed Barnes & Noble and saw the movie “Surrogates” at the AMC. We made chicken and bacon quesadillas back at Lehman. Sarah came over and we played The Office Trivia. We went to Blockbuster to get some awful movies—“Teeth” and “The Gingerdead Man”. A big storm came through. Dylan crawled onto one of our spare mattresses I pulled up from the basement, and I crawled into my own bed. Sarah sat on the bed beside me and scratched my head and we talked about antinomianism, legalism, persecution, postmillennialism, and repentance until 3 AM.

Sunday. Dylan headed home. Sarah and I cleaned the house and watched “Braveheart.” We ran to Kroger for more cleaning supplies and we bought a pumpkin. Ams joined us and we carved the pumpkin after the Steelers vs. Bengals game. I salted and baked the seeds. Sarah went to Keith’s. I headed to the Hilltop, and I sat with Jessie in the café and told her, “I’m really falling for Sarah, and it sucks.” Why does it suck? Because I can’t be with her. And why? Because she wants a guy who has something I can’t offer. Sarah called me in tears, said Keith broke up with her because she wouldn’t mess around with him. “If you won’t suck a dick, what’re you good for?” he snarled. Yeah, he has a high view of women. She came home, was really quiet and depressed all evening. I want to be the boy who changes her world but right now all I can do is be there for her, and in that way love her.

a revisitation

“Ships that pass in the night, and speak one another in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and silence.” – Henry Wordsworth Longfellow

The rhythm of relationships is the rhythm of life and death. Every relationship eventually shatters; and if not by choice, then by fate—and that fate is death. Everyone who lives will one day die and die alone. Even the best friendships, the ones that burned brightly in their heyday, fade and are smothered. Our friendships can be as beautiful as lilies in a world of dust and ash, but they will eventually wither into a handful of scarred, fibrous corpses, eventually becoming nothing but coal. Life’s that way. A cycle of birth, life, death. This cycle permeates everything, including relationships. Relationships are born, relationships flourish, and then—often when we do not expect it, and even when everything is blissfully wonderful—relationships die. Like all death, it can be slow and painful or quick and painless. It can happen with brutality or with serenity. But, ultimately, and this cannot be denied, relationships do, one way or another, end.

Theodore Reik said, “Romance fails us and so do friendships.” A friend and I went to a 24-hour diner in Covington, and over chocolate pie and coffee, our conversation turned, somehow or another, to the nature of relationships. We share different views on the subject. In some areas we totally agree, and perhaps I am too skeptical. Perhaps this is due to being abandoned countless times, to watching friendships dissolve outside my control, to seeing romantic relationships shatter and friendships crumble, refusing to withstand the tests of times and pressures. Two years ago, in lieu of this, I wrote in my journal, “I find the great fragility of interpersonal relationships so shocking. Over the past three years, I’ve witnessed countless times the shattering of relationships in all spheres. It is saddening how you can share the very essence of who-you-are—your hopes, dreams, fears, ambitions, strengths, weaknesses, insecurities—and then have that person just waltz out of your life. And it is equally saddening (if not more-so) how you can connect with a person so richly and wonderfully and so deeply, only for that connection to be severed in the twinkling of an eye.” Someone once said, in the same observation, “Time goes by so fast, and people go in and out of your life.” Sitting in the coffee shop a year ago, I told my boss, “I like to sit here and watch people come and go. It’s just like friendships: they come and they go.” Another person said, “In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.” A girl who had been a best friend of mine a few years ago was recently married, and I just found out. News regarding old friends—former partakers of friendships that we declared would last forever—comes to me through the grapevine. And then there are those people I used to be friends with whom I think about all the time, people I don’t talk to anymore, people I don’t want to think about anymore because just the very thought itself aches.

There are people with whom I am now friends, and I would like to think these friendships will last forever, but I do not believe it. Why? Because history repeats itself. History is cyclical. I have enjoyed great and wonderful relationships just as I enjoy great and wonderful relationships now, and they flourished with great vibrance and beauty, and they all withered and became nothing but dried-up stalks in a sand-swept desert. It is naïve to believe that friendships will last forever, and let me tell you why: 1) history declares a different reality, 2) life is not kind to such things, and 3) all relationships will, eventually, end in death. It is ideal that friendships will grow and grow and grow, but this is unnatural. Plants grow, reach their full potential, and then die. Humans do the same. Everything in the universe follows this same pattern. Why are we to expect that it is different with relationships? We can cling to this ideal and proclaim it as fact, but to do that is to blind ourselves to the way things really work. As sad as it is, my “best friends” now will probably not be my “best friends” in twenty years.

When it comes to the dreary nature of relationships, we can bat our eyes at this (as I have done in the past) and naively believe that “this person” will always care for me, “that person” will never leave me, “these people” won’t hurt me. But if Leonardo da Vinci is right, and the universe is governed by mathematics, then the mathematics expose the great foolishness and absurd ignorance of these assumptions (that is, the assumption that a certain person will be different from “all the rest”). The best option, then, is to accept this as reality, to be aware of the potential (and unfortunate) future, to be cautious in our trust, and to enjoy our relationships as best we can, in the here-and-now, for tomorrow they may be gone.

the road is dark and slow

I am bored with life, and I really don’t have anything to look forward to. The road is often dark and slow, and we have no choice but to plod along amidst the shadows hoping for the breaking of light. At times there are sparks in the shadows along the road; tiny sparks, as if two pieces of flint were hurdled together for just a moment and then separated; and when we dig through the shadows the light is ephemeral and not to be found again. So we continue marching down that solemn road. For the past month, I have been falling asleep with dreams of high-tailing it out of Cincinnati (out of the continental united states, to be honest) and leaving everything behind to try and start over new in a place where no one knows my name. And this is that place:

the lehman house [20]

Jessie in my falsa shirt

Monday. I’m starting a new diet today: fruits, veggies, rice, whole grains, lean meats. It’s expensive. And hopefully I’ll be quitting smoking soon. I worked 9:30-1:00 with Nate, Rob, and Hannah. Lunch was an orange and a fruit tea smoothie. Mandy told Maggie, “Anthony was checking you out.” She asked who I was. “Blond boy. Works at the Hilltop.” Maggie said I smelled really good? Mandy told me, “She thinks she’s too fucked up to be in a relationship. Her last one ended pretty badly.” Well, at least we have something in common! I ate rice and veggies for dinner, and Sarah and I went to Kroger & Blockbuster and spent the evening watching movies.

Tuesday. Jessie and Bullard came over for dinner: grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, cream corn and wheat bread. Lots of good conversation. Jessie left for Bloc at 6:00, and Bullard and I hung out. Sarah got home around eight and we watched the season finale of “Big Brother.”

Wednesday. I worked 9:30-1:00 with Nate, Rob, and Matt, and spent the afternoon writing papers. Jessie came over, and we made chicken, corn, potatoes, and Mac & Cheese for dinner. We sat out on the front porch, and she had a daiquiri with two shots rum. Her and Justin V. are now completely done. He’s decided to return long-term to China or something like that. She left, and Hartman came over. He brought his bookah, and we sat out on the back porch with Sarah and smoked. Djarum Blacks are outlawed next week. We watched a movie—“Helter Skelter.” Sarah took Hartman back to his place. Mandy K. has been really lonely lately. I called her, and she cried, and I just wanted to give her a shoulder to cry on.

Thursday. I dreamt Courtney and I were friends, hanging out on a beach somewhere as a storm rolled in. Sarah and I did some grocery shopping and fixed steak for dinner. Mandy swung by for a bit. The boys from Block—Tamar and Tyree—came by, and we gave them cookies. Sarah and I chatted theology and biblical history, centered around repentance, for hours until 1 AM.

Friday. Sarah and I did a workout video together, part of this whole “Get In Shape” deal I started Monday. We wore ourselves out! We ran out to Aldi’s in Delhi, and then she went to Keith’s and I went to the Hilltop to see Gambill & Bethany. When Sarah returned from keith’s, we watched some TV together. Mandy K. called. She’ll be in Cincinnati tomorrow through Wednesday!

Saturday. My day was spent in Dayton with Mom & Dad before dinner in New Carlisle with Dad’s side of the family. Joel & Megan’s baby Cate will be a year (or two?) in November. Bailey’s in high school and Hannah just got her license. Time whips by, people get old. Alex M. has his license now and Eric’s a junior or senior in high school. Mandy K. came into town last night; my block of time with her is Monday. Jessie said, “She sure does sound excited to see you. Maybe she does like you!” No, I doubt it. When Sarah returned from a party in Hamilton we shared some beers and then went to bed.

Sunday. I woke to rain tapping on my windows. I made a cup of coffee, did some writing, and Mandy H. came over to do laundry and homework. I fixed us steak, taters, corn, and rolls for dinner. Mandy K. came over, a day early! We sat at the kitchen table and caught up and went to the Hilltop. Tomorrow we’re hanging out for the last time before she returns to Chicago. Oh: I’m apparently the only one from CCU whom she called to announce her trip. Does she like me? I’ll never know.

there is no time nor place

I was hoping to go to Kentucky this weekend to see my family and watch the Bengal’s opening game with them, but I just received news that I’ve been given a shift at work during the Bengal’s game, which means I won’t be able to see the game and, most importantly, that I won’t be able to see my family whom I haven’t seen for half a year. That pretty much blows. Hopefully I’ll be able to find someone to cover my shift? I sure do hope so. Though finding someone to cover a Sunday shift, especially when parties are going on everywhere, will be difficult.

My friend Mandy came over to the house yesterday to do laundry, and when Sarah jumped in the shower, we sat at the dining room table and talked about some things that I didn’t really want to think about. But then I ended up thinking about it for about half an hour before I went to sleep, and then even more today, and now I want to talk about it with someone but don’t really know who, though Mandy would be the obvious choice. Maybe I’ll talk to her later this week.

It is one of those things where if you keep it inside you, it could become unquenchable and then be nothing but a hindrance. Part of me hopes Mandy will slap me across the face and set me straight so my mind doesn’t keep wandering down these uncharted paths. I know that if anything actually happens, then things can get really weird really fast, and that’s not what I want at all. Absolutely not. I hate speaking so vaguely; but I don’t know who reads my blog, and I don’t want anyone to get suspicious (so in hindsight, best idea would have been not to even mention this; maybe I shouldn’t post this blog? Nah. I will.).

WEBN Fireworks

The W.E.B.N. fireworks were amazing, albeit loud. At 4:00, several of us met in the parking lot of the university and then loaded into two cars and drove down across the river and into Newport. Parking spaces were hard to come by, so we parked several blocks away from the riverfront at a gravel lot beside the train-tracks. While most people crowded the grassy slopes facing the river, we headed down to the actual rocks and claimed a spot. We created seats out of rocks, arranging them in geometric patterns. We ate gyros, pizza, hamburgers and French fries, and we broke out some kretek cigarettes and smoked those as we waited. As the sun set, the fireworks blossomed, and for how long I don’t know we sat there with our eyes pointed heavenwards as the fireworks crackled and shrieked and burst above our heads. My little sister was absolutely mesmerized, as this picture shows:

The evening was also hilarious, thanks mostly to my roommate Sarah. She has a tendency to do awkward things, even more-so than me, and to be thrust in awkward situations. Here are four that I vividly remember because my laughter was so hard:

1) While walking around Newport with me, my sister Amanda, and Amanda Hoos, Sarah accidentally went ahead of the group, not realizing we were left behind. Some girls next to her said, “It’s amazing how people don’t even try to hide their intoxication,” to which Sarah replied, “Yeah, that guy right up there can’t even walk straight!” It was then that Sarah realized she was talking to complete strangers, and the girls just stared at her and she stared right back, then awkwardly stopped walking and waited for us to catch up.

2) While standing in line for the bathrooms, Sarah made a comment about some girl she’d seen who was making a weird face; she reenacted the face just as the girl in front of us turned and looked at her. Sarah held the face, locking eyes with the girl, and then the girl looked away, stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then went to another line.

3) When Sarah finally got into the bathroom, my sister made the comment, standing in the next line for the porta-john, “When she comes out, knowing her luck, she’ll hit someone with her door.” Just then several workers carrying supplies walked in front of the bathrooms, and we held our breaths. They passed, and we heard Sarah pulling the lock back on the door. Just then a worker, straggling behind, rushed forward just as Sarah pushed open the door, and the door slammed into his face. I jumped up and down, I was so excited.

4) At the end of the evening, Sarah went to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. As she was peeing, a man opened the door to use the bathroom and just stared at her. He started babbling apologies as he left, and Sarah quit peeing earlier than anticipated and zipped up and quickly left, humiliated.

All-in-all, it was a wonderful night, and we all had a blast—and Sarah and I passed out the moment we got home.

the lehman house [19]

Ams & Sarah, from the WEBN fireworks Sunday

Labor Day. I slept until noon and then went by Aroma’s for an Americano made by Jessie. I worked 3:30-7:30 and spent the evening drinking coffee and studying 1 Corinthians 8-10. Mandy H. came over for a couple hours to do laundry, and she and Sarah had a nice and hopefully fruitful talk about the Keith situation. They looked at pics of me from my freshman and sophomore year. “You were so cute!” Mandy exclaimed; Sarah said, “You were a stud!” I wish I would’ve lost weight over the summer. I wouldn’t be ashamed and humiliated in public. Rob came over for a bit after his closing shift at the Hilltop, and I passed out when he and his wife left.

Tuesday. I had class till 4:00 (Daniel & Jeremiah) and found Kevin at the house when I returned. Sarah was at Keith’s all day. I went to the Hilltop to dick around, not a whole lot was going on. I walked around campus, thinking about Sarah (see below), and I got depressed: “She chose Keith over me?” Self-image issues. I called Mandy K. and talked to her for a bit. Gambill came by the house and we sat on the front porch and talked late into the night. Okay, regarding Sarah…

Last night Mandy asked me, “Would you date Sarah?”

“No,” I said. But then I changed my answer: “Maybe.”

“I think you would be good for her,” she said.

As I fell asleep, I thought about it a lot. Though I’ve messed up in the past, I do want to be a Redeemer of sorts. I want to date a girl who’s never been truly loved, and I want to dote on her and lavish my love on her and treat her like a princess. Sarah’s known only cheap love, and not even that. Truth be told, sometimes I do find myself attracted to her; I wanted to wrap my arms around her at the WEBN fireworks Sunday. But I squash it immediately. Though I may decide I want to date her, and though she wants a “good guy” who will treat her right (which, God knows, I would do), I still know she wouldn’t date me. And why? It’s quite simple, really: as much as she says she wants a Good Guy, what matters most to her is physical and sensual fulfillment. She fucks Keith because he looks like Justin Timberlake (albeit a white trash version). She gets excited when her hot friends joke around with her sexually. She plays with her dildo and lets guys watch. And then she complains about how there are “no good guys” when she (a) treats herself like a sex toy and (b) I’m fucking right in front of her! She can say whatever she wants. But as long as she rejects good guys for superficial reasons, she won’t find a good guy. Most “good guys” (not all, including myself) wouldn’t want to be with her.

If I do end up wanting to be with her, she wouldn’t date me. And that’s that.

Oh, she’d have excuses. Mostly, “We’re too good friends.”

But in the end, it’ll be because I’m not up to par with her physical demands.

That’s how it’s always been.

Wednesday. I worked 9:30-1:00, had lunch with Julie B., then went to class. My evening was spent at the Hilltop hanging out with Bullard, Jessie, and Aubrey. I got an iced Americano and went back home and sat on the front porch reading theology.

Thursday. I went to the Hilltop around 10:00, hung out with Rob and Mandy and Sam F. A cute commuter named Maggie is in the coffee shop a lot. She’s friends with Mandy. “She’s super sweet and kinda awkward. You should talk to her.” I was too scared today. I tagged along with Gambill for a trip to the Covington Shell Gas Station, and then we ate lunch at the Golden Eagle with Rob, Mandy, and Jessie. Class went well, and after mowing the lawn I grabbed Skyline with Sarah. Mandy came over, and we spent the evening drinking and chatting on the front porch. She left at 10:00—“Rob’s going to want to have sex, I just know it.”—and Sarah & Ams went to Chris’ place.

Friday. I met up with Gambill & Kyle and we hammered out our Greek studies. Mandy joined us. I took a nap until 5:00, dreamt that Sarah and I were cuddling naked. Weird. Jobst and I went to ½ Price, then ran by the Hilltop for a latte and coffee. I spent the evening working on my 1 Corinthians exegesis. Two kids from Bloc came by, Jessie and Gambill know them, so I gave them cookies and milk.

Saturday. I went to Dayton today. Finished half a paper that’s due Monday, took a nap with Tanner, and visited with Mom & Grandma M. Well, Grandma L. now. It’s still weird to me that she and Grandpa M. are divorced. Back in Cincinnati I cleaned around the house and ran some errands, spent the evening studying 1 Corinthians 1-4. It’s complicated and will take me a few days, even a week, to grasp it. And I’m a Senior at Bible College!

Sunday. I worked at noon; we were open for the Bengals game broadcasted in Student Life. I worked six hours, and we only had like five customers an hour. A financial flop, a really dumb idea. I made a sign out of broken pretzels that reads Lust Laugh Learn. Ha. After work I spent the evening alone at the house: Ams & Sarah went over to Tiz and Chris’ place.

the lehman house [18]

Monday. I worked 9:30-1:00 with Nate, Rob, and Matt. I had class till 3:00 followed by lunch with Jessie. I napped back home, went to the Hilltop come evening, but no one was around so I headed back home and spent the evening watching TV and went to bed early.

Tuesday. I had class at 12:30 with Kyle after an enjoyable lunch with Rob, Gambill, and Brian W. I worked 4-7:00 with Andy W. and had dinner with Sarah and Ams back at the house. I spent most of the night hanging out in the Student Life Center, writing and hanging out with Sarah G. and her boyfriend David.

Wednesday. I waited on Courtney at work. An iced mocha for her and another for her fiancé. Hearing her voice made my heart ache. I ate lunch with Mandy H., and then Ams and I headed to Dayton and met up with Mom & Dad for dinner at Marion’s, and then I went by my parents’ house to see Dylan; we sat on the front porch and smoked and talked. I returned to Cincinnati, and I joined Gambill, Sa-Rah and Jobst for a journey downtown to the Serpentine Wall on the riverfront (we were kicked out by a ranger around midnight). We returned to my house and sat on the stoop talking till about 2 AM. I took Jobst home after he puffed his pipe.

Thursday. Ams was out till about 9 AM, hanging out with Tiz and Chris S. She said they think I’m cool. Apparently Mandy H. has been talking me up to them. After my classes I grabbed a latte from the Hilltop and hung out with Sarah at the house. She headed to U.C. to give her estranged brother a ride to the hospital, and Mandy and I went to the Fort Wright, KY Wal-Mart. She bought stockings and almost hit a little girl. Later, Sarah and I went to Newport for dinner at Dewey’s Pizza after perusing Barnes & Noble, and then we saw “District 9” at the AMC.

Friday. I ran into Kylie S. at the bank and saw Becky C. walking up Wing on my way home. I went to the Hilltop and played “Super Ping Pong” with Gambill: it’s where you play between TWO tables instead of one. Sarah and I were supposed to go together to Nate’s house for a fire, but at the last minute (literally) she bailed to go to Keith’s. I was PISSED. I took rent to Justin and then headed to Nate’s place for an evening hanging out with Amos, Nate, and Kirby. When I got back home, Sa-Rah and Gambill were on the front porch. We sat and talked till about midnight when Sa-Rah had to go do Dorm Duty in Almuni. Sarah called and said she was miserable at Keith’s and didn’t want me to be mad. “I’m just frustrated,” I told her. “I was really looking forward to hanging out with you tonight.”

Saturday. I went to brunch at the Golden Eagle with Jessie; we haven’t gotten to hang out for like a week. I ran by Aroma’s to see her come afternoon and did some work online. Around 10:00 PM, Sarah and I joined Amos at Applebee’s for dinner and drinks. Ams has been seeing a black guy named Christ S., he’s from England, and he seems cool. Definitely not a Will. Sarah and I met him, walked to his house on Lehman. Sarah drank beer and I had rum. Sarah and I left around 2 AM and were up until 4 AM talking about God and repentance while drinking beer and smoking cigarettes on the front porch.

Sunday. My sermon at NHCC went really well. It was on faith, dealing with tough issues. After a pit stop at an empty house in Dayton, I rushed down to Cincinnati and at 4:00 Sarah, Ams and I met up with Nate, Jessica C., Kirby, Mandy H., and Kirby’s brother and his girlfriend at the school parking lot. We crammed into two cars and went to Newport. Got a seat right on the rocks right by the river. Tony and Kayla T. joined us. Sarah and I got gyros, drinks, and shared yogurt. The place got crowded: 50,000 people crammed against the river. At 9:00 the WEBN fireworks went off. Spectacular! So many laughs. “They’ve lost control of the barge!” And Sarah was being awkward as usual. Sarah and I sat on the porch and talked late into the night before I headed to my room and she went down to hers.

and this is who we are

a message from jessie myers

jessie is awesome and i love her very much

dark and faceless creatures

This has been a good week. Here are the top highlights: 1) seeing my good friend Dylan. I went up to Dayton for several hours, and Dylan came over to the house in his new car. We sat out on the porch and drank coffee and talked for about an hour and a half. The visit was unexpected but well accepted. 2) Wednesday night, I got to spend time with Gambill, Sa-Rah, and Jobst late into the night. We sat out on my front porch for several hours and shared lots of laughs. When Gambill and Sa-Rah left, Jobst lit up his pipe and smoked delicious-smelling tobacco. 3) Roommate date with Sarah. We went to Newport on the Levee, browsed Barnes & Noble, ate at Dewey’s Pizza (expensive but amazingly delicious), and then saw the new movie “District 9” at AMC Theatre. Tonight I may be going down to the Serpentine Wall with some people; or I may go to a door-burning party at Nate’s; or I may spend the night inside the house working on a new book I’m slowly piecing together. Here is the opening paragraph to the new novel:

In his sleep he is haunted by dark creatures wreathed in shadow with faceless eyes burning like twin oil lamps sputtering in a stale and breathless wind. They stand hunched over his bed and watch with no emotion, with neither wrath nor love, with neither sympathy nor empathy, just watching in a detached curiosity, as man once watched behind Plexiglas and iron bars the creatures drawn forth from the darkest corners of earth. And as he struggles from his sleep, they break away and slink into the shadows, and the shadows absorb them, and they become nothing more than whispering memories that will fade with the breaking dawn.