a conversation

Sarah and I sat on our front porch two nights ago. She asked me how I felt about one of my ex-girlfriends getting married within the next couple weeks. “I don’t know. It feels strange. I mean, I really liked her at one time, and when I lost her, it was hell. At this point I’m entirely over her. I don’t think about her anymore. But at the same time, seeing her getting married (and I’m happy for her) makes me realize how seemingly far I am from my own dream. I mean, I’ve never been one of those people who yearns for fame and fortune and all that. My dream is simple: to be a good husband and good father. She’s becoming a wife in the next couple weeks, and another of my ex-girlfriends is getting married on my sister’s birthday. Or two days after. I can’t remember. But knowing that they’re moving forward, and even though I’m happy for them, makes me realize how I haven’t been moving forward at all. Nothing is changing. I’m in the same place I was five years ago, except the essence of hope for my dream is dying.” She didn’t really say much, and I can’t blame her. So I said, “Let’s go watch a movie,” and we went inside and sat on the couch and turned on the television and haven’t talked about it since.