Current Music: A Fine Frenzy, "Near to You"
Current Mood: Hopeful
Monday: I worked my usual 9-hour shift, and Cat did interviews for a new hire. It'll be good to have another person on the floor, things have been getting more chaotic with each passing week. After work I wrote about 50 pages on my zombie story. Jobst and I hit up City Barbecue on Glenway: ribs, hush puppies, and cornbread. Quite the meal. At U.D.F. where I pumped gas, the cashier commented on how hot I am. It was weird. It's definitely the long and scraggly hair. All the rebellious chicks are into that, or at least the ones with meth-rotten teeth. Brandy came over for a little while once sun set, and I joined her and the festive crew in Blake's room for a bit. I went for another drive, just like I did last Monday night, overwhelmed with the weight of purpose. "Purpose": it's a tricky thing. Is it something we have by nature or something given to us, maybe even something given to us by ourselves? Is there even such a thing as purpose, or is it something we've made up, some existential knot in our psyche? And where does this desire--even, dare we say it, need--for purpose come from? Is it a signpost, and if so, to what lies behind or to what lies ahead? Ugh, I'm giving myself a headache.
Tuesday. Covered Anna's Food Prep shift since she needed the day off. I remember how back when I started doing food prep, everything seemed so chaotic. Sure, there's chaos, but I'm calm through it all these days. I had cereal and a banana for lunch, ran some errands and worked out at the house after work, and then I went back to work for training 5:30-6:30. Rob and I hung out for a bit after training, and I spent the evening hanging out with Brandon at his loft on Walnut. We got his cat blazed off catnip, and I watched episodes of "The Office" with Blake and Amos before falling asleep.
Wednesday. Mandy and I hung out a bit this morning, and I did my thing at The Anchor before closing shop with Amos. After work we went over to Rock Bottom, meeting up with Blake, Mandy, and Katie (who came into town). The head brewer bought us all some rounds. I had the bourbon beer and half of Katie's pretzels. Rock Bottom paid for the whole thing, which was pretty great. Amos and I went home early (being tired from work and all), and later everyone at Rock Bottom came back to the house, and Kile from work came over, too. It was good hanging out with everyone crowded up in Blake's room.
Thursday. Before my closing shift I went to The Anchor for coffee and orange juice. Work wasn't bad at all. It was a nice day, so we were slow. Pat D. and I met up at Rock Bottom and sat with Rob and Mandy, who were also there. Ballpark pretzels and a chocolate espresso porter (espresso from Tazza Mia, which Rob himself pulled), and everything paid for by Rock Bottom. The perks of being a part of Tazza Mia are sublime. Carly was there with her mum, so I went by her table and chatted with them for a bit. It was definitely weird running into her, since it's been so long since we've hung out, but don't think I hated it. It was good to see her, and I'd like to see her more often. And I miss her boyfriend, too. I went for a drive through Eden Park and on the way back, the snow started coming down hard. The roads turned to slush and my car was sliding around. That was weird, too; especially since half an hour later, nothing had accumulated. And it was spotty, too.
Friday. Like an idiot I locked my keys in my car last night, with my only spare being up in Dayton. "Classic," Blake said. Mandy was nice and gave me a ride to work, and we were slow with it being Veteran's Day and all, and then Mandy picked me when I was done. I spent the evening writing, and when Ams came home from work, she used her AAA membership to get my keys out of my car. She joined Blake, Mandy, Andy and a Brandy (so many 'dy's in there) for a David Bazan concert. Brandy won lifetime tickets to his shows. Rob and Amos went over to Kristian & Kile's for a party, and though invited, I declined: I was in the writing zone and didn't dare break that. An exciting night ended with me in my P.J.s drinking hot tea and watching "30 Rock", all at 9:30 at night before bed, all this with me bundled up on the sofa like a baby in the womb. Yes, I'm the male version of Liz Lemon.
Saturday. I went to The Anchor and did some writing, and then at noon Rob, Mandy, Britney and I hit up Dusmesh--"There's an 'S' in there. I just now got that." This is becoming a customary weekend ritual, and I'm not mad about it. Back at the house I slept for an hour and a half and ran some errands. At sunset I took a drive not to Eden Park but to little Ludlow on the river, and I sat on the bleachers at the baseball diamond with the squat Victorian houses behind me, and the dreams of my youth--dreams I've hunted down and sought to kill like one who poaches hope--surged to the surface. As much as I don't know what I'm going to do with my life--like most people of my generation--I do know that a hefty factor and consistent thread in any viable options is that deepest dream of mine, the desire for a quiet life of love, family, and friendship. Any skepticism or stoic absolutions can't get rid of the fact that it's what I want most. On the way back I went down by the stadiums, and the streets were FLOODED with red and traffic was hell. When I got home I did some more writing and listened to The Avette Brothers. Good stuffed. Deep into the night I drove down Route 50 to Mariemont and hit up the Starbucks there--iced soy caramel macchiato and a pumpkin scone, oh how I've missed those pumpkin scones--and I walked up by the stone church with the weedy graveyard where I wrote one of my better devos in my C.C.U. days, a little talk on how reality isn't a fairy-tale and how taking fairy-tales and shaping them around God to both (a) give them substance and (b) validate them is classic foolishness. My views on that subject remain reinforced rather than demolished, albeit with a bit of fix-me-ups here-and-there. Ludlow and Mariemont, locuses of Hope & Cynicism, that constant tension. It's inescapable, and I hate that.
Sunday. I slept till 8:30 and then met up with Isaac and Josh at The Anchor. We talked about some cool things: 1 Peter 2, "spiritual sacrifices", vices and virtues in culture, and civic duties. I had cottage cheese with crackers. It's kind of a big deal to me. Their cottage cheese is the best I've ever had. I ran by the bank and saw Josh--Mikaela's Josh--there, and we caught up. Amanda and I had a brother-sister date at Rock Bottom, where I got their dark stout and their brewery nachos. Phenomenal. All paid for by Rock Bottom: they gave us $25 gift cards in our tip jars. Uh-mazing. I spent the evening hanging out with Amanda, and then she went to her friends' place, and I lounged around for a while, and Amos, Blake, Mandy and I hung out for a while. And then I had to go to bed.
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