hindsight. heh.

We're supposed to know what we want to do when we "grow up." We're supposed to embrace our purpose and follow it wherever it may lead. But purpose is a damned strange thing, if there is such a thing. If it's real, is it something given to us or something we choose, or both? Is it something we intrinsically have, something we've got to discover through "authentic self-exploration"? Or it something given to us by society, by those we're closest to? Or is it something we give ourselves without even knowing it? Does this need for purpose stem from within or outside us? Does it say something at all about anything, or is it just cerebral mishap, some primitive gland gone wrong, our own feeble attempts to make sense of our muddled lives living in this muddled word? 

I used to know exactly what I was supposed to do, my purpose in life. So I went to college and got my degree and realized nothing's as simple as we thought it to be. We were told we need to go to college, to "get real jobs," not be stuck in those hole-in-the-wall jobs like selling cable or flipping burgers or even *GASP* doing coffee. But when we went to college, we realized it's not as straightforward as we'd been told. In the 1950s, hardly anyone went to college. At age 18, you got a real job, moved out from your parents' place, and then got married and had kids. Once colleges started booming, people started jumping at the opportunity. But before that, people who went to college usually ended up with really good jobs right out of college. Thus was born the concept that going to college is the yellow brick road leading to "The Good Life." Flash-forward sixty years, and everyone has a degree (they're literally just handing them out sometimes!), the jobs are scarce, and 85-90% of us college graduates end up working either a job outside our degree or in a job that doesn't even require a degree. There's far more degrees than jobs, and now most of us are just trying to get by which school loans weighing us down. The system that was supposed to lead the way to "The Good Life" has gone bankrupt, and now we just have more debt and wasted time than those who didn't go to college in the first place. 

When people ask me when I'm going to either (s) stop doing coffee and get a better job or (b) go back to school for my Master's, I just want to ask them, "What's the point?" Nowadays when you have a good job, you hold onto it, especially when it easily pays your bills. And if it's a job you're okay with, then why change? Is there less honor in that job than another? Are we still buying into this bull-crap? And if I get my Master's, what then? The market's still flooded, the system's still screwed up. I'd just be in the same place with more money torn from my pockets. And the funny thing is, all this is predicated on the conviction that where I'm at now isn't good enough. It's not good enough for those who want to see me doing great things, it isn't good enough by society's standards. I need to do all it takes to get a better job, to have my own place, to move ahead; and I want to know WHY this isn't good enough. I'm taking care of myself, I'm paying my bills, I've got a good place, I'm surrounded by friends and family. Let's be honest: in all this Occupy Wall Street hoopla, looking at it on a global scale, I'm in the top 1%. I really have nothing to complain about, I really don't; but I do, because I'm selfish and self-centered, just like everyone else. But at least I know the system's screwed up (in more ways than one), and at least I see that things aren't as simple as we were told. Really, it's the 1950s all over again: we're getting jobs so we can trying to do our best.