There are moments in this poor koala's life when the darkness weighs heavy as a sopping-wet thermal blanket. There's really nothing I can do about it, really. The biochemicals in my brain do their own thing from time-to-time, and there's no way around that. Last night was such a night: overwhelmed with a deep sense of lost-ness and wandering, overcome by the absence of purpose as well as the question of purpose, and pretty much drowning in my own head, I went to bed around 9:30, knowing that (maybe) sleep would help the situation. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Thankfully last night it did, and though there was a residual sadness in the morning, it went away quickly as I got into my work day working with people I love. Once upon a time I would ask Why such sadness has marked my life; and once upon a time I would question what I'd done--or hadn't done--to deserve it. People with mental issues (we're talking about 90% of the world here, folks) tend to ask these questions, thinking that maybe finding an answer will pave the way to a solution. But there's no answer other than misfortune, and there's no solution but to endure it when it strikes. It's a part of my life, and it forever will be. I'm not going crazy, not losing my mind or my temper, I'm just sad from time-to-time for no reason.
Today I was listening to some Avett Brothers and really loving one of their songs, entitled "January Wedding." One of the last stanzas, the one about darkness and reconnecting, really stuck out to me. If I don't over-listen to it (which I will) I'll want it to be one of the dance songs at my wedding. That'd be something different and totally legit. Here's the song:
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