missional musings

One of the things I love most about my relationship with the Wisconsinite is how we're striving after being missional. The foundation of our relationship isn't shared interests, our abiding friendship, or even our deep and growing love. The foundation isn't anything as elementary as "feelings" but a shared mission. Our aim, to put it simply, is to reflect God's love in our love for one another; to pursue Christlikeness together; to live not for ourselves but for God's praise and glory; and to advance God's kingdom together in the spheres of life in which He has planted us. Because our relationship is, at the moment, constrained by distance, much of the nitty-gritty details of what this looks like and entails in day-to-day life remain to be explored, but that hasn't kept me (or us) from thinking, praying, and talking about what it will look like. 

At the same time, distance doesn't mean that we can't be missional now: we're not just missional in the fact that we pray together often, but we're missional, too, in that we encourage one another and promote one another in the ministries in which God has placed us. I seek to be a strength and support in her college ministry, and she has been that for me in my work with those with developmental disabilities. My ministry is stronger because she's a part of my life, and that's what you want in a missional relationship.

Mandy and I talk a lot about what we want life to "look like" when I finally get up to Wisconsin. I'm a "list" person, and topping my list of what it looks like, fleshed out, to be a missional couple--now as boyfriend and girlfriend, in the future as fiances, and then in marriage--has some key components. Prayer is a huge one. I'm a big advocate of prayer; I believe in "the power of prayer"--or, rather, in the power of the one to whom we pray. I envision Mandy and I not just praying together like we do now, but taking it to the next level--carving out time to spend together in deep, rich prayer, not just a couple-minute prayer before we go to bed. Hospitality is another big one; I want our future home to be one where people feel welcome, a warm home filled with friendship and laughter. Ministry is another big hitter. I don't know what ministries we'll find ourselves in as the years go by, but no matter where God has us, it's so important to me that we minister together. I'm excited about participating in her college ministry in whatever ways are appropriate, and I expect such participation in ministry to continue throughout our lives. On that note, the first ministry, when we get married, will be to one another; and then to our children; and then, and only then, to "vocational ministry." To invert that order is to transgress the will of God. The foundation of all this, of course, is a relationship centered on Christ; I see us reading scripture together, praying together, growing in Christ together. As the man it's my job (my mission, if you will) to be the forerunner in all this, and I'm excited to take on those responsibilities.

It all sounds very beautiful.

And it really is beautiful. 

But it won't be easy.

It'll be hard as hell.

Temptations will come at us. The world will try to throw us off course. Our own selfishness and sin will get in the way. Relationships expose our selfishness, our sin, the evil in our hearts. Mandy and I have both seen this. I study Ephesians 5, I envision my future life with Mandy in Wisconsin, I see the ideal and strive after it. I've always known the skeletal ins-and-outs of what it means for a husband to die to himself for his wife, but I've never been excited about it, at least not until Mandy came into the equation. I'm not excited about 'dying to myself'; I'm excited about serving and sacrificing for Mandy and her well-being. I know such death to self will be hard. It'll often be the last thing I want to do. And sometimes, lots of times, I won't do it, because of my selfishness and sin. I know this from experience: I fail all the time. I choose the wrong thing. And at such times I have no recourse but to confess my sin to God and repent.

A missional relationship isn't characterized most by praying together, reading scripture together, or even ministering together. These things are all great, they're wonderful, but there are so many Christian relationships where these things are present, but where the mission has been lost; and the reason is because of a lack of forgiveness and godly love. I'll sin against Mandy. She'll sin against me. And when that happens (not "if," but when), we mustn't hold grudges, we mustn't declare our innocence, we mustn't even pretend everything's okay. There needs to be confession and repentance. And a good dose of forgiveness. Therein lies one of the greatest pillars of a Christ-centered relationship that glorifies God and reflects His love to the world. To fail on that account is, quite simply, to fail.