412 2005

Student Revolution was beautiful tonight. Lots of laugh, engaging worship, and Jeff finally spilt the news about 412's future. It is set up like a circuit. Each month, on each Sunday, once a week, there are four gatherings for all those who call 412 home - and those who do not! The first week is Base Camp - having fun, laughing a lot, boozing it up on your own jokes. Just having a good time and getting to know everyone; the first one is make some pizza and watch the superbowl! The second week is Adrenalin - for those who like sports, there's hiking, basketball, football (paintball would be nice this summer, Jeff!!!) and what-not; for those who aren't the sporty types (like me), you can join together and start brainstorming ideas for K2 (there in a sec!). The third week is expedition; it is like a journey to get to know each other and just 'move out.' Go see a movie, go to a soup kitchen, what-have-you. I really like the soup kitchen thing. Ever since Crank's Creek, the whole missions field is like another world to explore! Finally, the fourth week, is K2 - hardcore worship. Worshipping God not just by music, but through other means as well. That's what I am most excited about. I think lots of good things will come out of it and believe Jeff and the sponsors' time has been well-spent (over 100 hours, Jeff told me) in getting this thing on wheels and rolling.

In other news, my day was spent at China Garden with friends (Hank, Ash, Lee, Pat, Chris, Ams, Bryon) and then Pat and Ash and Ams slept at home, Bryon came over and we hung out for a little while (let him fix my internet, it wasn't working, paid him $5). We set-up at Student Rev, spent lots of time laughing and pulling off incredible dance moves, and we're all ready to start the circuit and suit up for the small groups - or 'house churches' as I like to call them - breaking water this week (Jeff and I are teaming up on Tuesdays, Mindy and Shelby on Wednesdays, and Ron and Aisa on Wednesdays, too [Jr. High]).

I know there have been times when it has seemed that I am really frustrated with 412 and on the verge of ducking out. Not in my defense, but in 412's, I declare to you as I have declared to so many other people, 412 is my home and I love it to death. Nothing but death or moving could cut me away from it. 412 is one of the greatest spiritual things that has ever happened to me.

seeking a more spiritual existence

My friends and I sit down for coffee at Sips Cafe, or gather around the lunch table, or in our everyday conversation as we eat hot dogs and chili, and sometimes the conversation turns towards the spiritual side of life. The cry is the same. I don't think it's changed. I've never heard, "I don't want to know God more... I don't want to experience God... I don't want to grow deeper in my faith." No, what I hear from teenage kids is, "I want to experience God like the apostles experienced Him... I want to know God to the point where I feel His presence everywhere I go and in everything I do... I want to just grow so close to God that I can hear His voice..." These are the passionate cries of a generation craving for something the 'natural' and 'enlightened' world fails to offer.

It is in times like these that we tend to blame society for problems - even spiritual problems. As we sit around Sips Cafe, we talk about how 412 should do some more spiritual stuff, how it's all fun and games. I think we were steaming. Because when we look back, we see that 412 is so insanely spiritual: even more so spiritual than most church youth groups around Springboro. It is postmodern hardcore. Intense worship, engaging messages, times of scripture reading, desert prayer, and contemplative meditation are easy to find. I think those 'parental units' who say that we teenagers have no substance of ownership might be swinging something good on the ballfield. It is times like these, looking back and slapping myself in the face, that I see my own 'cleverness' tumbled, and am convicted.

Why do we turn against those societies, those communities that lead us like a horse to water in the spiritual oasis? I think it is because we start to believe that it is the church's job to provide us with the spiritual stamina to discover this radical faith, this conversational relationship with God, this experience. So when we're engaged in the spiritual community, things are going great; but when things - dare they? - slow down, we find ourselves parched and stumbling on bony beaches. If it weren't four our own blindness, we'd see the oasis at our feet.

When we make the brutal mistake of turning the church into the sole provider of spiritual chow, we end up dying of starvation if we ever get cut off. When things bunker down, we start saying, "What's going on?" It's because we don't realize that the church doesn't exist for ALL of our spiritual formation. Sure, it plays a very important role, but it's not the all and end all. Spirituality is a very personal and individual thing, just as it is social. So how can we pretend to spiritually exist well when all we have is the social side?

As a friend pointed out, "What are all those complaining people doing to help grow deeper into God on their own time?" The sad truth, and I know this from my own experience, is that we teenagers most often do (gulp: are you ready?) - nothing. We spend our time griping about how the church doesn't fill all our own needs and yet refuse to take a step forward on our own time to even raise an eyebrow towards fulfilling those needs. I have been convicted tonight: and I hope that all of those who make the cry, "My church/youth group/small group/house church needs to be more spiritual," maybe should look at their own lives and say: "So what am I doing to further my faith outside the church?"

The church doesn't exist as the building block of our faith. It is not the rock of the foundation. The rock is Jesus (how corny does that sound? very, I know). I say this because so often we make it the foundation of our spiritual existence when it really isn't. Church is one aspect of our spiritual lives, just as hydrogen is one aspect of water. It's important, but without oxygen, you're just breathing - not drinking. Without practicing spiritual disciplines, without pursuing God on our own time and in our own energies, we can only breathe the spirituality - and miss out on the "living water" Jesus offers.

I think this best explains my emotions right now.

My friends and I sat downstairs and watched the big screen. The show was about an American subculture where people modify their bodies with tatoos, piercings, burnings, whatever. From what I saw, it seemed to be pretty spiritual, just not the "Christian" spiritual most of my fellow readers are wrapped up in. So I was wondering, "What would it look like for Jesus to enter that community?"

Some would say that the tatoos, burnings, piercings would stop because Jesus was there.

I don't think so.

I think the thing about Jesus is that he didn't come to take things away, but to add. I think this subculture would become richer with Jesus. They would express themselves, and these tatoos, burnings and piercings could become acts of worship. I know it is insane for us to think about - most of us being pretty conservative whether we like it or not :-) - but that's what I think it would look like.

Also, check out Tom's latest post. Quite nice.

Here I am again...

I have whopped out three chapters in 36 Hours. I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep softly until it's finished. I am so pathetic! I have nine more chapters to write, but that isn't all that bad. Two, I know, will be pretty short, and those will go by fast. I did finish part two of three, Omega. That's a relief. It makes me feel like I'm so much closer. I imagine I can be done tomorrow night... I have a headache and I am stressed and worn out but I must write. I hate it. I am cursed :-). So I will post later, hopefully tomorrow when all this is done.

dreams

I dream of a simple life. I want to be a youth minister, working at a small church, encouraging those 'under my wing' to become disciples of Jesus and experience the real life he offers. I want to have an awesome wife who I love more than I've loved anyone before, and who loves me more than she's loved anyone before. I want two wonderful kids, a boy and a girl. I want my relationship with my wife to be a relationship with a real person, not about all the sex and making out as most people seem to look at it. All that, I think, isn't as great as just someone to talk to, someone to live life with, someone to go on walks with, to share in a candlelit dinner, to lay in bed at night and stare at the stars and just talk about life with. I want to go to parties and barbecues and retreats with all my friends and family. I want to see my kids grow into adults and bud families of their own. I want to grow old with my wife, and spend the years after my retirement fishing, swimming, walking through the woods, watching the sunrise and sunset, enjoying each new day, each new season, fresh and alive. A simple life, a life of love and romance, a life of laughter and joy. This is the life I desire. I believe that if this were prophetic, I would die a very happy man.

I can't help but remember the words of the psalmist: "Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

What are your dreams? It is a question we all must ask.

I picked up Chris W. at 9:05 from school and we watched Lethal Weapon 4 at my house. After enjoying wonderful gourmet Chinese at China Garden and coffee from Cafe a-go-go, we relaxed at home and watched Seinfeld episodes with Chris' bro and my friend Lee. He left for work, so I took Chris home, drove to Centerville, picked up Pat D, and we browsed 1/2 Price and Borders, watching the rain fall as we drank our coffee and root beer. Pat D. is bummed because he has school tomorrow and we do not. I just wish I didn't have to work (why did they make me work all the weekend? I was told they'd never do that! Welcome to the world of work...)

I've kind of put 36 Hours on the backburner... for now. I can't really explain it, but spending two hours a day for something only a handful of people will experience doesn't just register as worthwhile to me. If I am going to waste my time, I'd much rather waste it doing something I enjoy more, something care-free and ultimately relaxing. Writing is stressful, time-consuming, energy-consuming, thought-consuming, pretty much the most agonizing thing you'll ever experience. It's a bitter sweet hobbie, and for that reason I'm either drooling for more or pushing the plate away. Right now I am pushing the plate away.

At 1/2 Price I purchased a book called How Majestic is Thy Name; I am going to use it for my times of meditation. It is pretty much just beautiful images with scripture, magnifying the awesomeness and power of God. I have just discovered this wonderful thing called meditation; a friend brought it to my attention and it is really something wonderful to experience. I have been contemplating how to integrate meditation into the 'spiritual disciplines' of my life. A friend and I have been talking and we both feel this insane urge to just run helter-skelter after God, taking on the character of Christ, becoming godly, and living a life just consumed by the Creator. I have been conversing with a lot of people, and reading some great books (not self-help books, I hate the spiritual self-helps: they SUCK). So many things are holding me back and I just need to shove them off. I have been experiencing some bouts of depression lately, though I am fine now, and just praying to God with my whole range of human emotions - the Psalms? - has helped a great deal.

At 1/2 Price, my friends and I discovered a book called Jesus: CEO. We flipped through it and the author is saying Jesus is not so much a spiritual person, but a businessperson with the best tips and plans for a successful life and successful career. We discovered another book that took the Gospel and turned it into a four-step plan for successful living in the business world. I took both of them and slid them into an area where no one ever looks. I told them, "This is how I fight the good fight!"