"Sunday School"--once again my contempt for that word sounds through in my own voice--went well today. Remarkably, we had about sixty kids (although about fifteen of them were Senior High kids). Last night I played some David Crowder and walked around the pool table, trying to think of something to do a lesson on (I've misplaced the curriculum book). I pulled out one of my favorite Teen Study Bibles and looked at some of the topics. One of them was prayer so I wrote up a lesson on that. Most of what I taught was heavily influenced by Dallas Willard's "Hearing God." A remarkable book. Most of the time we talked about how God spoke to us and why, a lot of the times, we do not hear His voice.

One of the scriptures I used was Hebrews 4:16. Until I took Bible Lands and Lifeways, I didn't realize the impact of this scripture:

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. - New Living Translation

The letter of Hebrews was written to the Messianic Jews. While most of the letters in the New Testament are written to Gentiles (written by Paul who was the emissary to the non-Jews), Hebrews was written to the Jews who had come to faith in Christ. When the Jews read what the anonymous writer wrote, no doubt they were left with a sense of awe. To a Jew, the throne of God represented the Holy of Holies in the Temple, where God's presence dwelt. No one ever went in there, except for once a year: a priest would enter to make the atoning sacrifice for the sins of Israel. The other priests would tie a rope around his ankle in case he died; if he keeled over the altar, they could drag him back to safety, drag him out of the Holy of Holies. Now, because of Christ, we are able to enter God's presence, be real with Him, hear His voice, and not fear being killed by His presence. It's pretty crazy stuff, isn't it?

So who dey? Dey losers. Brian and I are going to Skyline tonight--I will probably just get a soda, but I have no doubt that we will have a good time. We usually have good spiritual conversations, Brian and I. Good night to you all.

"A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis

Last night I was bored so I decided to read "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis. It's no amazing feat: the book is less than one hundred pages. I believe this book is remarkable because it captures the interaction between a man in grief and his questions and contemplations on God and spirituality. He is raw and organic. I have a new respect for C.S. Lewis, and this work has put a glow around all his other writings in making you understand that, yes, he is a person, and yes, he had emotions, and yes, he knew what it was like to suffer. Here are a few quotes from the book, which is comprised of his journals:

Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolation of religion or I'll suspect that you don't understand.

If God's goodness is inconsistent with hurting us, then either God is not good or there is no God: for in the only life we know He hurts us beyond our worst fears and beyond all we can imagine.

What is grief compared with physical pain? Whether fools may say, the body can suffer twenty times more than the mind.

What we want is to live our marriage well and faithfully through [the phase when we are separated by death] too. If it hurts (and it certainly will) we accept the pains as a necessary part of this phase. We don't want to escape them at the price of desertion or divorce. Killing the dead a second time. We were one flesh. Now that it has been cut in two, we don't want to pretend that it is whole and complete. We will still be married, still in love. Therefore we shall still ache.

There is something new to be chronicled every day. Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.

I don't agree with everything C.S. Lewis wrote, but neither did he. The above writings were spawned in grief and capture the cries of C.S. Lewis' heart. They are but glimpses of his heart and can easily be echoed by those suffering everywhere throughout the world. His thoughts, however, do turn to theological matters:

My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He is the great iconoclast. Could we not almost say that this shattering is one of the marks of His presence? The Incarnation is the supreme example; it leaves all precious ideas of the Messiah in ruins.

If you're approaching [God] not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all.

When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of 'No answer.' It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though His head shook not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace, child; you don't understand.'

How many hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask--half our theological and metaphysical problems--are like that.

Finally he writes something very peculiar about the state of humanity:

[God's great enterprise:] To make an organism which is also a spirit; to make that terrible oxymoron, a 'spiritual animal.' To take a poor primate, a creature with a stomach that wants to be filled, a breeding animal that wants its mate, and say, 'Now get on with it. Become a god.'

A fantastic book, it comes highly recommended. Now I'm off to try to finish Chapter 4 in my new project, read some of "Just Generosity" for sociology, study some Colossians, then travel home to spend these last hours of the weekend with family and (hopefully) friends. Next week is going to be a living hell so let me enjoy the weekend's freedom while I can!

In class yesterday the topic of homosexuality came up. We established that while homosexuality--in the sense of being attracted to a member of the same sex--is not a sin, lusting in that nature and acting upon that attraction in sexual manners is sinful. As always, I try to understand why something is a sin, and I think this kind of lifestyle is considered sinful because it is a rebellion against God's originally established Way. Anyways, so how do we treat these people? It's simple: no different than someone who struggles with alcoholism or drug addiction or pornography. To struggle with homosexuality is no more or less evil than struggling with alcoholism, drug addiction, or pornography. Living a complacent lifestyle of homosexuality is just as bad as living a lifestyle of alcoholism, drug addiction, or pornography. As Christians--the students of Christ who are pursuing Christ and learning to be like Christ--, we are to gently and humbly help those who struggle with homosexuality, to tenderly and gracefully love them with Christ's love. God does not show any favoritism or partiality between struggling alcoholics and struggling homosexuals, so why, I ask, should we? So what about those who claim homosexuality as a lifestyle? We treat them just as we would treat someone who stubbornly lives a lifestyle of alcoholism: with grace, mercy, and love. Ultimately, we treat everyone as we would treat ourselves, with humble love and care. The truth is, we are no better, even if mainstream society says we are.

I've been reading J.B. Phillips' Your God Is Too Small. Debbie recommended the book to me. I started reading it once, but could not get into it. I picked it up half a year later and can't seem to keep my eyes from the pages. As I was reading it on the toilet yesterday, Phillips' words really stuck out at me:

God will inevitably appear to disappoint the man who is attempting to use Him as a convenience, a prop, or a comfort, for his own plans. God has never been known to disappoint the man who is sincerely wanting to co-operate with His own purposes.

In class today we discussed racism and prejudice, and before class I watched a special on TV about the evolution of the K.K.K. All I have to say is, "Racism sucks." It pisses me off. I never realized how much it still existed; personal stories spread throughout the discussions and several statistics honed in the point that even though much legislation against discrimination and racism has been passed, that doesn't mean racism, discrimination and prejudice has been erased. As a follower of Christ and a member of His Kingdom, I lovingly oppose racism and prejudice and embrace all people, for under Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, neither white or black or asian or latino... We are all one in Christ Jesus. I have an extended family member who is heavily racist and who is also a Christian; we studied different reasons of why racism and prejudice develops, and at least I can understand--while not agree with--where he's coming from (and the issue lies in him, not other people).

The rest of my night seems to entail this: exploring some Brian McLaren, trying to understand the Story we find ourselves in, and probably going out with John, Nick, Caleb and Cassie. Tomorrow we only have four hours of class, and the final involves an episode from Bernie Mac.

Sociology was decently interesting today. Our professor, who seems to be very steeped in postmodern and emergent thought, proposed to us a radical idea: "What would happen if we stopped going to church?" For an hour he talked about what abandoning the institutionalized church would look like, returning to being the Church in community, emphasiving communal and missional living. He had very good points, such as that Sunday gatherings were originally created in order to commemorate the life, death, and resurrection of Christ, but was underscored by communal living throughout the entire week in ekklesias (communities). In referring to the institutionalized church, he used an analogy comparing the warfare of world war 2 to the Vietnam war: in the 1940s, the world war 2 tank warfare worked excellently, but in the 1960s, the tanks--the institutionalized church that served the modern world so well--were not well-suited to the task at hand in Vietnam (akin to the institutionalized church's struggle to breathe and make an impact in a postmodern society). Change was needed; change is needed. Most of the voices in the classroom were extremely postmodern, though I imagine the majority have no idea that they were such (I have met many people here who have no clue of the emerging postmodernism). I hope I explained that well; I never do very well with technical explanations.

Caleb, Hensel and I ate dinner at O'Charley's after class. Since I don't want to waste all of my money, I just purchased a small sandwich. It was good to catch up on the times. Caleb, a desperate-yet-hopeful romantic like me, is finding life looking up for him. For the first 3/4 of first semester, he wrestled with a crush and nearly gave up, strangled in the emotional burden we both know very well. Then, out-of-nowhere, comes the news that his crush has a crush on him! We're all rooting him on. He's a very good kid and I love him like a brother.

Class was not too bad today. Most of the class revolved around the Great Enlightenment, the Industrial Revolution, and the evolution of worldviews, from pre-modern to modern and now into post-modern. I am trying to find a good book that just lays out postmodernism and the Church plain and simple so I can get a better understanding. I may just read "The Emerging Church" one more time, though I think that Dan Kimball seems to miss the point that in some places, modernism is still very well-rooted and a change into postmodern ministry may not be the best route to walk.

Tonight Caleb is coming up to visit us, and Ashley will be here, too. All of us are just hanging out around the dorms; I am actually on Alex's computer because, for some odd reason, my internet connection has vanished. The computer won't read the connection card, or whatever it's called. Dave says I probably have to do a system restore, which sucks, and he knows what he's talking about (he works I.T. full-time). I hope to give short updates every day, maybe just to keep me sane between school from 8:30 to 5:00 every day...

the c.c.u. life continues...

Ahhh... It feels good to be home. This feels like home now; it's difficult for it not to when I've spent the last several months here nearly 24/7. My Christmas Break was enjoyable, spending quality times with Lee, Chris, and the family. And quitting I.G.A.... again. There are only a few of us here: Brian, Nate, Dave and me. We're going to O'Charley's tonight followed by a journey to Kroger and Danbarry Dollar Saver. Class doesn't start till 10:00 tomorrow so we get to sleep in... Score!

It's a new year with ripe and beautiful beginnings. Last year was fun, although alloted with its fair share of highs and lows. I'm flipping excited and filled with knee-jerking suspense to see where this one takes me.