Am I original?

Am I original in the way I live?
In the way I worship?
In the way I lead?

Do I make others uncomfortable?
Do I make others wonder?
Do I make others take a second look at me?

Do I dare look at things differently?
Do I dare worship God in 'unusual', 'different', and 'unheard-of' ways?
Do I dare follow God even when it's the 'hard thing to do'?
Do I dare speak out even when others disagree?

Or am I a poser of the first-degree?

Do I try to be like others in the way I dress, the way I act, the way I talk?
Do I show my true personality, or a personality I want others to see?
Do I live out the person God made me, or do I shun it for a cheap fake?

Am I original?

God Reveals Himself Once Again

Today during work I said, "Reveal yourself to me, God. I don't know how, but could you reveal yourself to me?" I know he could. It wasn't a question of could he. I know God loves to reveal himself to those who love him, and to those seeking his face. I know was smiling when he put the words to a David Crowder song in my head:

Rain down your love on us
Rain down your love
Rain down your love on us
Rain down your love

The words flashed over and over in my mind, and then one of my co-workers said, "Hey, look at that! It's a torrential downpour!"

I glanced out the window and saw the rain coming down, and I just smiled, and told God, "You can't get much more blatant than that."

Rain down your love on us
Rain down your love
Rain down your love on us
Rain down your love

Tonight Small Group/House Church was done New Testament-style. If you want to know what that means, check out the post called An Old Idea for a New Small Group. We had a communion station, hand-washing station, prayer station, and Scripture-reading station. The room was dimly lit, with candles spaced out, and incense burning. The Spirit hit a lot of people hard. Some read Scriptures; others talked about things on their minds; lots of prayer before God, and some cool worship with the use of 412's official CD-Player (thanks Jeff). One or two were on the verge of tears. Compassion swept over. I for one felt the presence of God, the Spirit talking to my soul; others felt this way, also.

Though I try to keep compassion, it is sometimes hard. I have a tendency to be easily angered (and a lot of times this anger ends up being bottled-up within me, to explode every once in a while), I felt myself slightly angry at those who walked in saying, "This is stupid, this is dumb, this is worthless, I'm wasting my time," and tried to sleep while everything was going on. It kind of dampered everyone else's senses to experiencing God, creating a "spiritual barrier." Then I realized this anger isn't something coming from me. I realized it, and then things took another shape - I felt a deep compassion on them; here they were, at the throne of God, and instead of giving to God through worship, they decided to say to themselves, "This is different, so let's sleep." I felt compassion for them because they were missing an opportunity to come before God in community. To those who didn't feel comfortable enough to try anything new: I love you.

the 30th week

the inspiration for our u-turn remix

Monday. School starts up in a month: ick. I spent a lot of time today thinking about how much God has blessed me, how much he's changed my life, since I turned my life back over to him in 2001. I used to be the outcast, the reject, the loser at church. Now I'm friends with virtually everybody, and I'm for real one of the most popular people at 412. Even Jeff admitted it. It just makes me realize how things can change, and that God has been at work, slowly moving behind the scenes, painting something marvelous to behold. There is a lesson in that. Chris & Pat D. spent the night last night, and today we went to Deal's and Pat D. got a rug, Chris got some soda, and I got some candles for U-Turn Thursday. It rained all day long and we almost hit Karen, my boss, in the Wal-Mart parking lot. It was so hard to see! We ordered pizza back home, but I didn't eat any; have to watch my weight.

Tuesday. I dreamt Kristen liked me as a boyfriend, woke up sad. These dreams, they've been recurring a lot more lately. I finished The Emerging Church, which I got from C.I.Y. It was phenomenal, and Dylan & I are patterning this week's U-Turn by it. Dylan, Tyler, Chris, Pat D. & Lee came over for D-Group. We shot pool and prayed for The Garage: it's being voted on tomorrow. Corey came over late; he's back in town, had gone to South Carolina to work 12-hour days to save up money. He made about 4k. Everyone but Tyler went over to Chris & Lee's after D-Group and we watched The Day After on their big-screen: it's about atomic war. Chris was being a jerk so I kicked him in the balls.

Wednesday. I spent the night at Chris & Lee's, and in the morning I took them to the YMCA parking lot: 412 Day at King's Island! But I had to work 4-8:00. At 7:00 I was bagging groceries and praying for The Garage, and it passed! After work I drove to Clearcreek Christian Assembly, hung out with Dylan, Tyler, and Ben. Around 10:00 Dylan came over, and we worked on our stuff for U-Turn tomorrow. We're going to have four stations--communion, hand-washing, prayer, & scripture--and it should be awesome. Dylan left around 1 AM.

Thursday. I met with Dylan, Tyler, and Pastor Eric at Clearcreek Christian Assembly. They're all excited about tonight's idea, Doug says it's one of the coolest things he's ever heard of. I know I can do nothing for peoples' souls, only the Spirit can do that; so my prayer was for him to take charge tonight. After the meeting I met up with our cousins Megan & Matthew at the Arby's in Fairfield, and then we played a few games of bowling before going over to Family Christian Bookstores. Matthew calls the NIV the "Non-Inspired Version." I don't think he's joking. I hurried home and Dylan and I set up for U-Turn. Pat D. came with his guitar, said, "This is stupid, Man." He and Chris just ended up sleeping through it. So did Zach. Ashlie was really depressed through it all. But Jimmy, Ams, Dylan, Tyler, and Aaron loved it, really experienced God. Jimmy & I went on a run afterwards, and Corey spent the night. I love God with all that I am. He is the center, the apex, the one golden spot in my life. 

Friday. I took Corey to work at the dry cleaner's next to Dorothy Lane Market (DLM), and I talked to Doug about the mixed reactions to last night. It really bothered me that so many of my close friends were so apathetic, uncaring. Doug just shrugged, said that it was no different at Pentecost. I need to remember that. I worked 3-8:00, asked God to reveal himself to me. Suddenly one David Crowder song popped into my head, Rain down your love on us, rain down your love, playing over & over, and then there was a giant clap of thunder and rain just started hammering down in the parking lot. It went on for hours, and the crazy part was that it wasn't supposed to rain. It was pretty cool. Ricky is borrowing my copy of Jesus Among Other Gods; he's spiritually hungry, I can tell. A bunch of us went to the movie theater, but The Village was sold out, so we just went back to Chris & Lee's. Chris is dating some chick named Lauren now. Ally was far-back, and I guess he doesn't love Megan anymore? Pat D'.s new zippo broke and he got butane all over his hand, accidentally lit it on fire in the Jeep. It was pretty crazy. Police are patrolling our neighborhood tonight; that's a good thing. I was almost kidnapped last week, remember?

Saturday. Aunt Teri & Uncle Bill came down this afternoon to eat dinner with us and to see a movie. I hung out with Chris & Pat D. for a bit after church before they got here, and they tore two pages out of my journals (July 2 & 3) and have been so disrespectful towards everyone lately. I know I'm not super mature, being a mere senior in high school and all that, but I'm tired of their blatant disregard for anyone but themselves.

Sunday. Aunt Teri is afraid I'll work myself to anorexia. I picked up Corey from his step-dad's place and we went to church. Mom taught on generosity. My family & I got lunch at Marion's Pizza with Aunt Teri & Uncle Bill, and then Dylan came over and we went to Family Christian and I got a sweet pocket NKJV. We're going to be doing a devotional together, My Utmost For His Highest. Aunt Teri & Uncle Bill took Ams' bed and Ams took my bed, so I slept on the sofa with Doogie curled up at my feet.

the 29th week

Monday. I was the only one from Southwest to get thrown into a group with no one I knew. Oh well. My group drove to a small train village where coal and lumber is shipped. The houses were made of cardboard and tin roofs. The people here are so poor. We laid foundation for a new house for an older man and older woman, they're so grateful. We showered in a crystal-blue mountain lake. Ashlie got sick with some awful cramps, was grounded back at home camp. Jeff, Lee & I went to a music store right in Harlan, Kentucky. Flood walls were erected all around the town. "Perfect place to hole up during a zombie apocalypse," I mused. Jeff took us for a spin around town, pointing out various sites. This isn't his first Crank's Creek trip. We went back to camp for a spaghetti dinner, helped Jeff set up for worship, and once the sun set worship began, all of us gathered together and poured our hearts out to God. The coyotes howled all night, they sounded so eerie.

Tuesday. Lee had breakfast duty so Dad woke him up. The morning was chilly, mist in the mountains. I was put with Ashlie's group: we washed dishes, painted some walls, helped tear down a house. I had a fun time messing around with some punk potbelly pig, annoying chickens, and cowardly dogs. Wild chickens are all over the place in the mountains. Ashlie, Lee & I went on a trip to Wal-Mart with Jeff. Ashlie tried calling Hank but couldn't get through. She was cold and reclusive the rest of the night. During worship we sang songs around the campfire and did a type of Vietnamese prayer.

Wednesday. The people here, they're so poor but so joyful. These people have nothing and yet they have everything. They're left in the mountains, among God's creation, left to their hard work, getting food on the table, the quiet nights. God has humbled them and given them joy. There is a lesson in this. We have been corrupted by materialism and wealth, the need to constantly have more, to have better, and we're lost in the chaos of 3-piece suits and fancy Powerpoint presentations and six-point acronymic sermons. America's blessings have come with a price, and we forget how blessed we really are. We complain about 8-hour shifts and cell phone bills. We're convinced our lives are so hard. We've become sullen in our complacency, the corruption eating us away. We came here, to this little patch of the land, the second most destitute corner of the U.S.A., and we came here to help. We find these horrible conditions and scorching heat repulsive and miserable. But the people? Have you met anyone friendlier? Have you met anyone so loving and open and accepting? Have you ever met people more joyful? Despite the ugliness this place can have, the people are content. They love the assistance, but they're fine. I'll tell you why, I think I know why: because when all our commonplace blessings are stripped away, we are left with the bare essentials, to that which really matters. Family. God. They have things figured out; by necessity, the most significant things in this universe are those things they must rely upon.... I wrote all of this down for Snapshots, a little box we put things we've been thinking about, and during worship some of the slips are read. I had a hot breakfast of french toast and sausages. I spent the day with Brian N. at some woman's house, and I ended up spraying a wild mountain goat with a water-hose. We had some Appalachian acoustics tonight, the founder of Crank's Creek Missions serenading us. 

Thursday. I got put in a group with Ash & Ams, Lee & Tommy. We installed fiberglass installation, drywall, did some recaulking before bathing in the mountain lake. Dinner was a grill-out, and then Jeff, Mike S., Lee, Tommy & I went to a small mountain chapel with hard-backed seats and set up for worship. The power was out, so Jeff lit candles and played guitar. The acoustic worship sounded phenomenal in the rickety mountain church. The snapshots box was opened and my spiel on worldly corruption was led, and the people were floored, and the speaker changed his message because of what I'd written. There were many hugs, lots of crying. God was moving in that quiet Appalachian chapel. Mom had her God-moment when Ams & I hugged her and sat on her lap. She heard the note end (it was anonymous) and knew she was listening to my heart. She told me, "You hit a lot of people hard." No: God did. I just need to allow God to use me! "I'm so proud of you," she said, crying, tears staining her cheeks under the candlelight. I knew God revealed the Truth to me, and told me to do this, so I did. And really, it's that simple. If God calls, answer! God called me to talk to a girl, and my friendship with Ashlie blossomed; God called me to start a house church, and now we're 'bout to be partnered with another church; God called me to talk to an outcast, and I made an impact & a friend. He called me to drop in a note, and God touched lives. So I wonder, what have I not followed and therefore not experienced in the indescribable power of God?

Friday. We returned home today, got in by about 4:00. Mom & Dad are so proud about that note I wrote. Ams said that I wrote made people cry. Its effects came only from God, not from me. I know well enough that I'm just a struggling child of God who's just trying to do what God says. I went on a run later in the night, around 10:00, and as I was running a car pulls up, and a 40-year-old woman gets out, says, "We're having a scavenger hunt, and we need a good-looking guy to get in the car and sing for us." Well, I'm not good-looking and not a good singer, and a 40-year-old woman shouldn't be doing that at 10:30 at night. I tell them No, see that she has something behind her back. I play like I have no idea what's happening, make a slight joke out of it, and then the woman gets back in the car, making sure to keep her hidden hand out-of-sight. She drove off and I sprinted through the backyards back to Wellington Way, and when I reached the sidewalk I saw the car coming towards me from up the street, going like fifty, tires screeching, and the headlights flood over me. They started braking to stop beside me, and then they sped up and gunned it past me. As they drove past I caught their eyes through the windows, and I saw the look: absolute terror. Genuine, mortal terror. I called the cops, relayed the incident to them, and they patrolled the neighborhood all night. Nothing ever came of it. But when I got back to my room, my Bible was open to a psalm about God's angels protecting those whom God loves. I hadn't yet pulled my bible from my Crank's Creek bags.

Saturday. I spent the morning singing songs to God and praying through some psalms. We celebrated the 4th of July rather late at Grandpa & Grandma Barnhart's in New Carlisle. We had a fun obstacle course and played volleyball in their expansive front lawn. Matthew is enthralled by Starseed. I'm thinking about doing a house church experiment this upcoming Thursday for U-Turn. Dylan's coming to church with me tomorrow.

Sunday. Dylan, Tyler, and Aaron K. came to Southwest. We had a slideshow of Crank's Creek, lots of pics from the chapel worship were in there. Kristen hugged me and said, "Boy, you're huggable!" A lot of us ate out at Fudd-Ruckers, and Dylan & Ashlie came over. We went to the Howard's to swim and feast, and there was great worship in the barn. Chris & I somehow ended up in the pool fully-clothed. Pat D. thinks everyone that went to Crank's Creek has changed in a negative way, everyone but me. I honestly have no idea what he's talking about. I think I have changed, or I hope to change. There were many lessons at Crank's Creek, things I'm still rifling through. 

31 Days

My final lap on weight-loss starts today. I now weigh 152 pounds. Everday I will run twenty minutes and do sit-ups and push-ups. For 31 days I will eat strict, eat right, eat light. In 31 days, I will be going into my Senior year a new kid. In 31 days, my lifestyle will have changed, along with my life, my self-esteem, and the world that surrounds me. In 31 days, I will be a different person. 31 days.

An Old Idea for a New Small Group

The Thursday night small group is going along astoundingly. God is moving. No one can deny that. Last week we had a peek eighteen people. We may have under that number this next one, but it doesn't matter. God's hand is resting on this small group. Yet that is not why I am posting on the small group. I am posting on the small group because I plan on going off in a new direction.

 

Teenagers can get spiritual feed Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, and from countless other small groups or get-togethers throughout the week. On average, the everyday church-going teen receives three to five lessons a week! That's a lot to stomach. It almost makes it feel as if Christianity has gone from being an experience, an encounter, a walk, to a consumer-style dinner buffet. Add to that the fact that most teens don't only want to learn about God, they want to encounter God.

 

That is where I am going this Thursday. The Spirit has been prodding me to go New Testament church-style. Early-church style. I don't know why. I want to bring the Ancient, the Mystical, the Power and Presence of God into the small group. I don't want us merely to learn, but my desire is that we all will experience God in an encounter.

 

God told me to start this small group, and I did. He blessed it and drew droves of people through the doors. I always expected to have only three to five people, but we've hit eighteen, and more and more are wanting to check it out. But we want to go somewhere new, in a fresh and revealing and untried direction for a Southwest Church small group. This direction is to not only give those who come a taste of the facts about God, but a taste of God himself.

 

To give details on what I am planning to do would take up too much space. And I'm not entirely sure yet. But I know that if God calls, and I answer, God will move. God will work.

 

Thursday night we won't just talk about God. We won't just learn about God. It is my desire that we experience and encounter God; my desire that the Spirit move through the hearts and minds and souls of all those present. My desire is that God will fall upon us like never before in an amazing holy event of genuine and sacred worship.

Crank’s Creek 2004: Out of the Dark Tunnel

“Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or – worse! – stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.” – Matthew 6:19-21, The Message

“Looking at his disciples, Jesus said, ‘Do you have any idea how difficult it is for people who ‘have it all’ to enter God’s Kingdom?’ The disciples couldn’t believe what they were hearing, but Jesus kept on. ‘You can’t imagine how difficult. I’d say it’s easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye than for the rich to get into God’s Kingdom.” – Mark 10:23-25, The Message

“No worker can serve two bosses:
He’ll either hate the first and love the second
Or adore the first and despise the second.
You can’t serve both God and the Bank.”
- Luke 16:13, The Message

Harlan County, Kentucky. The second poorest county in all of America, the first being a Navajo Indian reservation. Pineview, Kentucky and Harlan make up the two largest towns in the area, though their dirty and musty downtowns are littered with falling walls and vacant windows. Smaller towns dot the rugged mountains, nestled in the grooves, hidden in the trees. Churches around every corner, most sagging and in a state of disrepair, yet crowded every Sunday morn and Sunday night. In the corner of Harlan County, a few miles from Pineview, the unofficial ‘Crank’s Creek’ sits a stone’s throw away from Virginia. Miners moved in dozens of years ago, digging coal out of the earth, ripping off the families and depriving them of rights, liberties and money. Coal can be found on the side of the road, in giant basins next to cardboard-box homes. Railways crisscross the county, stretches of train cars bristling with coal running out from the mines. The addition of a lumber company only helped stoop the citizens deeper into debt, deeper into a hole they cannot climb out of. A woman, with no food on her table and an anger in her gut against the coal companies, fought all the way to the Supreme Court to reserve the Appalachian peoples’ rights—and won. But the coal companies slid around the newfound regulations. The woman felt a calling from God, and created Crank’s Creek Missions, an organization made up of volunteers that goes out and gives assistance to the needy, the homeless, and the hungry.

   A group of friends and I pulled into the Crank’s Creek Survival Center camp, and the aroma of rotting potatoes hit our noses. The camp coordinator told us that fifty-five tons of potatoes had been dropped on the lawn, discarded to rot. We looked around, but couldn’t see any potatoes. The poor and oppressed peoples of the mountains had walked long distances, huddled for days picking up potatoes to put food on their plates. It was then that I realized this was for real—I then knew why I had come. I had come to bless. I had come because I had been blessed with the things of the world, and wanted to help bring a little bit of the world to them. I came to bless. My viewpoint changed as God told me how things really are.
   My eyes didn’t miss the terrible living conditions: walls of plywood and cardboard, insects literally scaling the walls; feces on the floor. Some of the children were running around half-naked, without clothes to cover themselves. I walked onto the first site—some other God-followers and I were building a new home for an elderly couple—and expected to see a sullen-faced, depressed, miserable couple, husband and wife, deprived of love and coughing up a living as they waited to rot and die. But when they came out of their listing trailer, I was shocked to see everything but what I had expected.
   Joy radiated off their faces, their smiles beaming, as if they were little children. We got to talking, and I tell you, I have never seen anyone so friendly, so loving, so open, so accepting. And believe it or not, I have never seen anyone so content. These people had nothing, and my mind clicked and whirred, trying to dig up just what was going on. Didn’t these people see how bad they had it? Didn’t they see how they had been taken-advantage of by gigantic corporations and left to fend off the land? Didn’t they see how hard it was to find clothes and food to survive another week? How were they so content? They had to be faking it, I figured. Let me tell you, though, I’ve seen people fake love. I’ve seen people fake openness and acceptance. This older couple were genuine. Authentic. Real. We ate lunch, and I leaned against their trailer, and wondered, Why are they so happy?
  

A man and woman who live together in a listing trailer with no air-conditioning and only fatty foods to live off of. A meager few pairs of clothes hang in a mildew-suffocating closet. The older man suffers black lung from working so long in the coal mines. They offer us food for lunch and beg to talk with us, enjoying our company, more than eager to spread God’s love.

A woman in a wheelchair, whose house has been left in terrible condition. Her brother comes down from the mountain to take care of her animals. The pots and pans are engraved with soot and burnt food and yet they don’t complain when they have to fix food in them, and offer us what little soda they own – “Drink as much as you want!”

A woman whose knee was shattered when a neighbor’s goat rammed her in the legs. Spiders, gnats and beetles cover her walls. She has no kitchen, no living room, but is proud of what she does own, and is extremely proud of her sister, cousin and niece who stick closer to her more than we can imagine.

Depraved of food and money, a woman who takes care of a crippled son, tending him so well that he never has had a bed sore in his entire life. She has done it for decades, and doesn’t regret any of it, and doesn’t mind. She loves her son so much, and her son loves visitors so much. They love everyone, and are not ashamed of what they don’t have. They have one another, and that works.

   The blessings of America have corrupted us. Sports cars. Plasma TVs. Olive Garden and Applebee’s, snacks flooding the kitchen pantry. We go to school, we go to work, we eat dinner, fall asleep in front of a TV with a bowl of ice cream. We complain about eight-hour shifts, cell phone bills, and giving 10% in the offering plate. We are convinced we have it so rough. All these blessings bestowed on us by God have corrupted us. Satan has weaseled himself in, snuck into our bed chambers, and deposited complacency on our pillows. We breathe it in at night, and cough it out during the day. The cycle goes over and over. We’ve been corrupted; in this bankrupt state of complacency, we’ve allowed corruption to eat us away, inside-out.
We have let materialism engulf us. In the chaos of three-piece-suits and snazzy PowerPoint presentations and six-point acronym sermons, we’ve slowly been crushed under the spiritual burden, the spiritual weariness, that Jesus came to relieve. We have lost sight of what really matters. Crank’s Creek opened my eyes back up to the light, and I crawled—and in ways, am still crawling—out of a dark tunnel.
   I went to Crank’s Creek to help, to bless—but I realized I was the one who needed help! We’ve all been blessed so much that it’s gotten the better of us. Don’t get me wrong! Praise God for the blessings! Praise God for freedom of speech and freedom of assembly and freedom of religion! Praise God for America and all the blessings that come with it! But Satan is clever, and I believe he has worked himself into our lives where we don’t expect him, where we don’t fight, and where we don’t set up guard: through the very blessings of God.
   In the scattered towns of Harlan, you find disgusting living conditions, scorching heat, and expect all to feel misery in this beautiful but down-trodden place. But the people! Have you ever met anyone friendlier? Have you ever met anyone more loving and open and accepting? Have you ever met anyone so joyful? Despite what we see as horrible and ugly and disgusting and vile, these people are content. Sure, they love and appreciate our help, but even so, without us, they are doing fine. Why?
   They have things figured out. Skin away the meat, the flesh, the skin, the juice of the body, and you have a skeleton. When all blessings, when all advantages, when all luxuries—including the wonderful yet horrible money—is stripped away—when all ‘commonplace’ blessings are torn off our plates—we are left with the bare essentials. We are left with that which really matters.

   Family.

   God.
   Maybe, just maybe, this is what Jesus warned when he said, “Don’t let the world corrupt you?” The area of Crank’s Creek is so poor, so destitute, yet a church building flourishes around every bend in the twisting mountain roads. These people know what truly matters. Spirituality is on an uphill swing. They don’t have the clutter and distractions to turn them away from what’s important: God first, and family in a far second.
   Look at those we came to help:
    Friendly…
        Loving…
            Open…
                Accepting…
        Joyful…
    Content…
   And ourselves?
    Cold…
        Angry…
                Hurtful…
                Rejecting…
            Unloving…
    [Sarcastically]: Oh, aren’t we rich and easy-living people so blessed? The people we came to help, they don’t really need the help. They are, ultimately, the blessed ones. Those missionaries sent to Crank’s Creek are not sent by God as the Bride of Christ not only to help, not only to learn, not only to build relationships with the Creator and others, but also to understand. To understand what really matters.
   Family.

   And most of all, God.
   What God revealed to me during my trip to Crank’s Creek is difficult to put into words. Part of me is still trying to figure it out. But I know this much: it is time we chop ourselves off from materialism. Time we forget all the ‘things’ we have, and remember not only ‘who’ we have, but also ‘whose’ we are. We have our family. We have our friends. We have those whom love us, and those whom we love. We belong to God the Father, the Creator; we are brothers and sisters to and of Jesus. We are God’s.
   Don’t take stock in material wealth. It will rot and fade away. It will burn. Instead, take stock in God’s Kingdom. Take stock in that which matters. Take stock in loving others, in sticking closer to a brother, and loving God with all your heart, mind and soul.
   I plead with you, when you step out into the world, into a haven of blessings, to not get distracted by the clutter and distractions those blessings are turned into, twisted by the gnarled hands of Satan. Take a moment. And think. Think about that which really matters. When all is stripped away, we are left with family, and a God who loves us so much, no matter what’s going on, and a God who will never abandon us. Those people that work hard to survive on the Appalachian slopes taught me something about blessings—they taught me what it meant to be really blessed. 
 

“Lust for money brings trouble and nothing but trouble. Going down that path, some loose their footing in the faith completely and live to regret it bitterly ever after.”
– 1 Timothy 6:10, The Message

“And a final word to you arrogant rich: Take some lessons in lament. You’ll need buckets for the tears when the crash comes upon you. Your money is corrupt and your fine clothes stink. Your greedy luxuries are a cancer in your gut, destroying your life from within. You thought you were piling up wealth. What you’ve piled up is judgment… You’ve looted the earth and lived it up. But all you’ll have to show for it is a fatter than usual corpse.” – James 1:1-5, The Message

“Woe to those who live in luxury
and expect everyone else to serve them!
Woe to those who live only for today,
Indifferent to the fate of others!
Woe to the playboys, the playgirls,
Who think life is a party held just for them!
Woe to those addicted to feeling good – life without pain!
Those obsessed with looking good – life without wrinkles!
They could not care less
About their country going to ruin.
But here’s what’s really coming:
A forced march into exile.
They’ll leave the country whining,
A rag-tag bunch of good-for-nothings.”
- Amos 6:4-7, The Message

the 28th week

Chris Williams: alien hunter

Monday. Ashlie's parents picked her up and left us with gifts; I got a very nice blue sweater from some Virginian beach. Pat D. & I went to Borders and 1/2 Price, searching for Bright Eyes CDs. We couldn't find any, though CD Warehouse nonetheless had some pretty good deals. Today Lee told us that he wasn't a virgin, that a year ago to the day he had sex with a chick named Alyssa. She's in a couple of my classes, and a hottie if I might say. All of us plus Zach went running, and then we went to Zach's house to watch The Butterfly Effect. Kristen was hanging out on the sofa; I don't think about her much anymore, except at night, when she's often there, in my thoughts. Dylan wants to help out with the Thursday U-Turn groups; we still need to talk about how he's changed since his church camp two weeks ago. 

Tuesday. Pat D. rode his bike over and we biked to Chris & Lee's. Zach was sick so he didn't join us. Pat D., Lee & I went on a bike ride around town, ending up at my place. You know, people tell me that there are girls out there who will look beyond the physical appearances to your personality, to who you really are, and love that. But really, I don't believe it. Every experience has been the opposite. Every girl I know, the ones who are dear to me, like sisters to me, are shallow. They don't want to be friends with unattractive people, and they make fun of people who are married to unattractive people. Kristen admitted she liked me in 2001 but was worried about looks and popularity, and I highly doubt that's changed. I apparent had something going with Georgian sweetheart Amanda C., but I moved; Rikki & I couldn't stand to be away from each other, but she moved (and became a lesbian, from what I hear). If I find a girl with mutual feelings of affection, then the world either snuffs it our or separates us. I picked up Zach for D-Group and Jeff had us all write letters to women suffering trauma from the old perv who flashed them at Claire's in the Indianapolis mall. We then walked the paths of North Park and prayed for the girls, for others, for our situations, prayed for our lives. I ferried people home and ate supper. Chris W. & Megan are "in love". But yet Megan might be dating Brad again? Chris & Megan are fools, no one knows what love is, not even me. Society is twisted.

Wednesday. I went to an orthodontic's appointment, and then I took Doogie to school where Mom was doing janitorial duty, and I showed Doogie off to all her friends. Dylan stopped by and we looked things over for U-Turn; he's pumped about helping out. I worked 3-8:00, my first time back at I.G.A. since C.I.Y. Dad says he's going to take my Jeep if I don't find a better job than I.G.A. Dylan came over after work and we talked about future plans with U-Turn, maybe a partnership with Clearcreek Worship Center, maybe use The Garage when it opens in the fall? 

Thursday. I went out and got my tetanus shot, it made my arm swell up really bad. I expected eleven people for U-Turn, but 18 showed up! They were *drum-roll*: Ashlie & Ams, Erica & Bryon, Chris & Lee, Pat D. & Hank, Dylan & Tyler, Zach & Kristen, Shelby & Jackie, Ali G. & Kristin D., and Jimmy as well. We went to Dairy Queen after group. Dylan is so outgoing it's amazing. He drew in both Shelby & Kristen and had them hugging him by the end of the night. He's truly blessed with good looks, a good personality, and a new-found passion for God. It used to be that he would swear like a sailor during our U-Turns, making inappropriate jokes; now he's zealous and passionate. It's like a 180 in some ways, and I think that makes it a bit fragile. But he's flourishing. 

Friday. I went for a walk last night, praying to God about my problems and incidents, hopes and dreams. He spoke back. Dylan will be heading a 'sister house church' at Clearcreek, where he worships, and we're going to team up. Our desire is to make U-Turn a revolutionary group, running off Acts 2 as a blueprint. Dylan & I went to Penn Station with Eric, Dylan's youth minister. "Pastor Eric." He loves our small group idea, it was all very encouraging. Dylan is on fire for evangelism, and his friend Alex, a new-found atheist, turned Dylan's inside-out. Both Dylan & Tyler want to go into the ministry: Tyler wants to do youth ministry, Dylan wants to go into missions. It's incredible how God is moving in Springboro! I worked 3-8:00, talked to Vicki, Ricky, and Jenny about God. Natalie D. invited us over to her place for a bonfire. She says she remembers me as 'the kid who made me laugh every day.' Tyler said, 'You're the funniest person I've ever known.' Lots of Clearcreek Christian Assembly folk were there: Natalie, of course, as well as Dylan & Tyler, and Aaron K. Jacob, Nathan, Morgan, Shannon, Jade & Jasmine... It was good to meet all of them. Dylan spent the night at my place, big storms tumbling through, shaking the windows. We found some baby rabbits outside, they were abandoned, and we've been trying to help them, and one of them died.

Saturday. Dylan & I went for a run this morning. He was more worn out than I was, though both our sides were splitting. Dylan & I fixed healthy but gross chicken quesadillas for lunch. Dylan left and I packed for Crank's Creek, and we loaded up the trailer at the church and ate out at Frisch's, ran a few errands. I held one of the baby rabbits, Amanda's super jealous. Kristen and Shelby and Megan all commented on how I'm such a powerful, creative speaker. I feel more and more drawn into the pastoral field every day; peoples' talk only confirms the Holy Spirit's workings on my heart. I saw I, Robot with Ams, Ashlie & Hank. Hank and I are becoming better friends. He's coming with us on a road-trip, woohoo! Chris and Pat D. called me, and I talked to them for a bit. They wanted me to come over and spend the night but I said No: I want to sleep in my bed this one last night before Crank's Creek. Summer's been busy!

Sunday. Dylan & Tyler came to Southwest with me this morning and they loved it. Chris brought his friend Lauren and Angie brought her friend Cristie. Shelby and Megan are amazed at my weight-loss. Mike B. is, too. We had the big ol' mission send-off at the church, and Ashlie, Ams, Lee & I ran home for a healthy lunch before rejoining at the YMCA parking lot, loading up into the transports, and driving south to Kentucky. Kudzu, towering mountains, narrow back-roads. It's the heart of Appalachia here. We had supper at a Wendy's tucked into the mountains. At the actual camp, where we're there with a few other groups, Lee & I somehow snagged the pop-up campers. We've got luxurious living while others sleep in the 'Civil War hospitals'--big covered tents filled with cots. Our roommate in the pop-up is Sean from Southport Church in Indiana. He's been here eleven times now, has a good lay of the land. Tomorrow we begin bringing a bit of the kingdom into Appalachia!

 
Why do we go to church?
 

"to get closer to God."

 

"to worship God."

 

"because it's fun."

 

"to hang out with my friends."

 

"to worship with others."

 

"to hear the sermon."

 

"obligation."

 
Why do you go to church?

Is there something wrong with this?

God is moving.

 

A week or two before the end of the school year, I felt God tugging at my heart to start a new small group. One not associated with any church or organization, just a meeting of believers anxious to learn about God and hang out with others. A friend of mine echoed the same calling, and we began with five people. A good friend, the youth minister at our church, dropped by, worried about us being "unaffiliated." Now I wasn't asking him to start something, he was asking me to install the small group as a vital part of 412 Student Ministries. God directed us to say okay, and we even got an official name and logo - u-turn - and advertisement in Southwest Church Sunday morning's bulletin.

 

Our numbers grew in this ministry. Kids love it. For-students-by-students, it hits a whole new wave-length of living for God and running in the footsteps of Jesus. Powerful messages, good times, and awesome community make this small group, to quote several people, "Like nothing you've ever seen." This is not my ministry. It is not a friend's ministry. It is not Southwest's ministry, or 412's ministry. It is God's ministry.

 

We grew from five to eighteen. Awesome! Not many "small groups" grow so large. God is moving. And I don't think he's done.

 

Yesterday I went out to lunch with the youth minister of Clearcreek Christian Assembly. Members from the youth group there have come to the small group, and say it is "amazing," and want to become a vital part of it as well. Clearcreek Christian Assembly is anxious to spawn off a "sister small group," where there would be two opportunities to meet together, and every three weeks the two "small groups" will merge for a night of growing in community. Two of my friends, both going into careers in ministry, will probably be heading up the sister "small group." Because if we don't split, expect the numbers to jump into the thirties, maybe even forties.

 

You may wonder why I am putting "small groups" into quotation marks. The answer is simple. A friend told me yesterday, "I loved small group... It was more like a big group." It's time for us to divorce the idea of a small group. Small groups lose their effectiveness with growing size, and if God keeps moving the way he is now--as I am sure he will--then the effectiveness will drop. We have to revamp. This is a problem we're excited to have. We dream that in the future several more sister small churches will need to be spawned. Those who have tasted what this is all about have said with total conviction, "This could grow HUGE." Can't anything with God's hand? It is HIS hand we're seeing in HIS ministry. Those of as who are leaders are not so much leaders, but servants.

 

There will be no "small group," but instead, we're going for a house church and a sister house church, joining together once a month for a great night of fellowship and celebration and community. What is the essence of a house church? To most it makes them think of sermons and praise bands and offering. Forget all that. Everything you ever thought of as church, forget it. These house churches are radical. Revolutionary. The church is not an insitution, but a "Body of Christ." I really feel God leading me in this direction. Kids get sermons and messages an average of three times a week. What they're looking for is community: love and acceptance; and to meet and worship God the Creator.

 

I am not going to go into a long and drawn-out discussion of what I am dreaming these house churches to look like. Instead, I leave you with the blueprint, Acts 2:42-47 (italics added):

 

“They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers… And all the believers lived in wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person’s need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.”

I wonder. I wonder if, when Jesus told Peter that Peter would 'build the church', did Jesus mean the church as an institution of man, or as the Body of Christ? Is the church as we see it today in the Miami Valley--or America--the church that Peter 'built'? Have turned church into something that it was never meant to be? Is church an invention of man used to push and pull the masses and to line them up in submission? Or was it originally divinely-orchestrated as a way to give assistance to the sheep of God's pasture?

Jesus told Peter to build up the Body of Christ. NOT the church we see today.

The church buildings outside ourwindows are not blueprints of the organic Early Church.

Acts 2.

Church has been turned into something it was never meant to be.

The church, in reality, is not a place. It is a living, breathing, organic organism. An organism of believers interconnected. An organism whom offers love and acceptance, and finds itself in deep relationships with God and its 'parts'.

The place where a 'church' meets is just that--a place. Nothing more. The church is what praises inside, and leaves out the front doors and into the world.

If we are truly acting as one Body of Christ, why do we find division and competition amongst other 'churches'? Why are strict and angry lines drawn between Protestantism and Catholicism? Why is the love for our brothers and sisters in Jesus turned to despise?

What is the point of clocking-in and clocking-out of church, offering a little money, a few songs here and there, and listening to a message if our lives aren't colored by God's own brush? What is the point of worshipping on Sundays but not on other days of the week?

Let the sermon be our talk. The worship our lives. The prayer our sleep. Live in the existence of God. Bathe in God 24/7/365

Is this really what Jesus wants for the Bride of Christ?

A friend of mine, Doug Hill, wrote a post on his blog and it really got underneath my skin. Here is an excerpt. You can read it in full on his blog.

My personal discontent is in the way I worship, or the way "we" (as the Church) worships. I don't mean New Life, the Vineyard, Southwest, etc. I mean the "Church" with a Big "C". We are in this grove that worship is a 20 - 30 minute set of songs, a time of prayer, offering, and a message delivered by a staff pastor segmented and divided by short announcements. I begin to wonder, is there more to it than that? I truly believe New Life is tracking in the right direction with the emphasis on relationships, however I wonder if God feels like He's watching re-runs of a cheesey drama or sitcom each week as congregations around the world gather to worship? I wonder if He thinks...I am the master artist and Creator and the best that my greatest creation (man) can come up with to worship Me is a few songs, and a sermon?

Ultimate worship is lived throughout our daily life. We talk, we relate, we sing, we write, we compose, we draw, we instruct, we give, we encourage, we bless, we love, we live a life of worship. Why is it then we box it up and only exercise a few when we gather to worship with our faith community? What would a worship gathering look like with these ideas exercised?

I'm afraid that this new wine would just fall into old wine skins in most faith communities. Our culture which thrives on the blood of consumerism often doesnt see a worship gathering, but rather a worship service. Service, as if they were an automobile and they are coming into the service station for their weekly refueling and maintenance. They go into that moment looking for what they will "get" or "come away with" from the service. Instead, we should go into a worship gathering with two thoughts only, how we can bless and worship God, and how we can strengthen, encourage the body of Christ. I have found myself too often looking for that Premium High Octane fill up during a weekend gathering. The Holy Spirit has really been working on me in this regard.

Something I dug up that is pretty cool

YOU ARE NOT ALONE: Boxing Match with Sin, Part 1

A husband, a father of three. Respected at home. Respected at church. He lives another life. He has a hunger and a lust for pornography. Deep in the night, he sometimes visits adult bookstores. When his wife and kids are sleeping, he often goes down on the computer and looks at pornography for hours, and masturbates to the crude images of naked women. Or there’s the other guy, entrenched in an affair, neck-high in the choking waters and sinking. The youth, who plays in the worship band, but is sleeping around with his girlfriend. They are all too ashamed, they hate it, but they are unable to stop. You are so alone.

A woman discovers that the stress from family and juggling two-jobs magically disappears if she drinks heavily before bed. She always is afraid the drunkenness won’t wear off by the time her husband gets home. She prays that the tug-of-war with alcohol will end, but it never does. You are so alone.

A businessperson has found that he can cut some corners and scrape some money off the top of several large accounts without anyone noticing—he throws the money into a secret account of his own. He just did it now and then for a meal or two, but not he is dependent on it. He tries not to think about it. It isn’t stealing, he tells himself. He tries not to think about what might happen if he gets caught, but lying awake at night, it always seems to surface. You are so alone.

There’s a couple, well-respected and thought-of at church and in the community. But the truth is there’s a wall between them. They are filled with bitterness and don’t talk, except to argue. The passion, the love has left them. They fear telling anyone. A dirty little secret. You are so alone.

See the guy in the third-to-last row in the back of the church? See the leather-backed and worn Bible in his hands? Where are his eyes? Over the twenty-year-old on the other side of the room, mentally stripping her of her clothes. You are so alone.

The pastor of your hometown church. Honored. Respected. Valued. After all, he’s a Christian leader, he’s got it down, right? Last night he went to get the mail and found his wife’s Victoria Secret rolled up inside. It was dark. He unfolded it and choked down the pictures of young women in underwear. His heart thundered like a race horse, but when all was said and done, his heart felt like a brick in his chest. You are so alone.

Every time someone comes to me and pours themselves out, saying how much they struggle with sin, how they crash and burn every time temptation hits, I feel, in a twisted sense of the word, helpless. They come looking for answers. They come looking for a light (why am I a light? I’m just one of you!). They think that maybe I will give them a dose of Scripture and a hearty prayer and everything will be fine. People think that if you are a Christian leader, then you have the whole story figured out. People think ministers and reverends and pastors and Popes have all the bits and pieces of Jesus in their proper place, concocting a jigsaw puzzle that only ordained followers-of-God can see. They think that we can tell them how to live their lives because we live them. Sin, in their eyes, is just a word for the Christian leader, not a reality. So what do they expect? Let me let you in on a little personal secret, an opinion that I hold that makes a lot of Christian leaders shake: being ordained means nothing. I do not believe you need to go to college to be a real Christian. I don’t think you need to be ordained to lead a flock. Ordainment comes from Jesus when we accept his sacrifice and love. So what do Christian leaders have over the common peoples of the worldly conundrum of life? Nothing. Do you think we sin? We do. Do you think we struggle? We do. Here is the great white elephant of church leadership: Christian men and women who lead Christian men and women struggle with sin and problems and deceits just as much as the one who sits in the back pew every Sunday morning. People come to me, and I know that I can’t give them cut-and-chopped, white-and-black, ‘ordained’ answers. I can only give them encouragement. I can only tell them that they’re not alone.

“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13a, The Message

You are not alone. We are not alone. Men and women on the brink of tears, some spilling over their emotions, cry out to me and ask for some secret magic wand that will erase the struggle and temptation. I have heard their stories. They parallel yours. And they parallel my own. All of us have cried out to God, “I can’t take it anymore. I am so alone. Every time I fight, I fall. I get back up, I don’t give up, but I lose the next battle, too. I am so alone. I feel so alone.” I struggle with sin as much as all of you. Not everyone struggles with the same sin. For instance, if you ask an average guy what he struggles with most—and if he finds it in his heart to admit it—he will say, “Lust.” Women? “Gossip.” But there are so many other sins that we struggle with daily. Pride. Anger. Gluttony. Greed. Sin is anything that goes in rebellion against God. Sin is the result of a world full of posers and God-haters and God-ignorers. And while we have been placed at the right hand of God through Jesus, sin still creeps up, and we still fight. You fight. I fight. We all fight.
But as alone as we may feel, or as overwhelmingly powerful the temptation seems, don’t be fooled. A great Enemy is out there, and he works to convince you that you’re not alone. Ignore him! Strike his ugly head and his foul words every time they surface. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! What you are dealing with is common to everyone else. Ever heard of accountability groups? Or warrior circles? They are simply men and women on fire for God, who talk about their daily struggles and help each other battle in this never-ending war against sin. In these groups of tightly-knit friends, you discover that the sin you’re dealing with is something your friends deal with, too! The Bible is crystal clear that we are not alone, and that we are to be helping each other out as much as we can. Some of you are convinced that, despite what God says, you are alone; a special case with a special sin that is tougher than what others struggle with. Great excuse, sure. But it doesn’t float.
I stand here before you now. I don’t know what everyone here is silently fighting. But I hope they realize that they are not alone. In the beginning of this message, I told several stories of how one might be falling deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole of sin. Who would expect these things to be said at church? But we can’t hide the fact that sin assaults all followers of Jesus, because the Rulers of sin hate God and want to turn us against God.

“All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed beyond your limit…” – 1 Corinthians 1:13b, The Message

We are not alone. And whatever it is we are dealing with, we can conquer it. Sin will always spring up and always tempt us. So many men fight the battle of lust all their lives. Our Enemies (our sinful selves, the ‘world’, and Satan and his minions) like to throw in nasty little tid-bits at us, and for lust, we get porn and masturbation. Men in here have fought and fallen this week in the battle for lust. They have looked at dirty magazines and bad websites. They have masturbated to lustful fancies. They think, I’m never going to get out of this. I can’t handle it. You CAN handle it! You CAN get out of it! Our Enemies tell us we are not alone, and they also roar in our ears, You cannot win. You CAN! There are so many testimonies of men who have won the battle over porn and masturbation. So many testimonies of women getting over gossip and envy and jealousy. So many testimonies of nail-biting sins thrown out the window because men and women of God didn’t listen to the lies and they had faith and they fought! God will not let us get tempted beyond what we can bear. He will not let a sin into our life that will completely pull us from him no matter what we can do. Can sin pull us away from God? Yes! That’s why it shoots up! But we can fight and refuse to let that happen. Jesus was tempted; but he didn’t lose God in that desert wilderness two thousand years ago! Whatever the sin, know you can fight it, and if you fight it with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul, you will find the sweet taste of victory because sin is doomed and we are not.
Flip to the Old Testament and seek out the book of Job. Most people don’t know it exists. It is about a man who was tempted beyond what he thought he could bear, but yet through all the trials and tribulations held out the end and stayed true to God. I am sure so many people—innumerous!—have been tempted like Job, but his story was deemed important enough to be thrown into the Bible because he fought and over-came. To set the story into motion, Satan is wandering the earth when he comes across Job. Job is the equivalent of an honest man with an honest job who has an honest and passionate heart for God. We have men just like him in this room.
One day long ago, some of God’s angels went to God to report to him; Satan hitched a ride and went along with them. God demanded of him, “What’ve you been doing?” Of course, God knows everything, it’s no secret, but God knows where this is going.
Satan answers, “Oh, not much of anything. Just going here and there, checking things out on earth.”
God says, “Oh, really? Have you noticed my friend Job?” God talks about him as if Job were his only child. God is proud of Job, pleased with Job.
No doubt, this angers Satan, and he vehemently snaps, “You think Job is so cool? I bet I can break him. He only follows you because you pamper him. Let me strip him of all he has, and let’s see where his loyalty lies!”
God takes on the challenge. “All right. Strut your stuff. Do whatever you want to Job, just don’t kill him.” I bet Satan rubbed his hands and glee and tramped off to do what he did best—steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).
So one night Job prays to God and goes to bed, sleeping next to his wonderful wife, his seven sons and three daughters dropping off to sleep. He doesn’t know it, but Satan is prowling around. We can’t see the spiritual realm, angels and demons and all, so Job probably didn’t see Satan—the Designated Accuser, the Liar—walking up to him. God crossed his arms and watched.
Day breaks. And Satan gets to work.
Job’s job ran along the lines between an animal herder and merchant. He basically raised and sold animals for prophet. Satan strikes. All his animals in the fields were stolen by enemy soldiers, and all the field hands had been murdered.
Job’s grief doesn’t end. He gets word that all his sheep and shepherds had been struck by lightning and killed.
More enemies came down on the land, stole all of Job’s camels and massacred the camel drivers.
Satan doesn’t give up. He has free reign. As long as Satan doesn’t kill Job, he will have no opposition from God. Some of the worst news ever. All his children were killed as a tornado ripped through a house during a party.
Satan converses with God again, but Job hasn’t turned his back on his Creator. Satan tries again, this time sending sores and ulcers and scabs of all sorts all over his body. Job is wracked in pain, agony so terrible that he takes broken pottery and scrapes his skin raw and cuts it open till blood flows.
Wealth ruined. Children murdered. Employees dead. And his health snatched. His wife turned on him. His friends yelled at him. Yet he did not sin—he did not change face with God.
Job knows what temptation is. When problems struck, when trials and tribulations spit him in the face, no doubt he was tempted to turn away from God. Why was God doing this? What is the point of living? Job wanted to curl up and die. Yet, not once did he turn his back on God. Talk about temptation. What are you tempted by? What is the sin that works to pull you from God? Fight it! Resist! Do not give in! Job didn’t give in. There is light at the end of the agony.
God gave Job his wealth back—and doubled it! His family returned to him, loved him, apologized, and celebrated. His health returned, and he felt better than ever. God granted him fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand teams of oxen, one thousand donkeys. He had seven great sons, and three great daughters, as beautiful as they came. His daughters names were Dove, Cinnamon, and Darkeyes. He lived a happy and blessed life, seeing four generations of children and grandchildren stretching through the ages. And then he died—an old man, a full life.
Fight the temptation. You can endure it. You will win if you try with all you have. This is a gift from God. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, and, as we see in Job’s life,

“Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.” – James 1:12, The Message

You are not alone. Will temptation ever go away for good? No. It will haunt us—or, in strange ways, bless us (James 1:2-4)—the rest of our lives. But the sin can. We all—including myself—need to fight, and fight valiantly.

“[God will] always be there to help you come through [temptation].” – 1 Corinthians 10:13c, The Message

We are not alone in the fact that we are tempted. But we are tempted, and whatever kind of temptation it must be, we need to fight. We can overcome. And God always—I harp on it, always!—gives us a way out.

A High School girl who struggles with gossip. When invited to parties, doesn’t go if she knows it will just be gossip (you girls know how it is). God gives her a way out before-hand, and she takes it.

Randy fights the temptation to look at porn when everyone is out of the house. So he goes with his parents when they go somewhere so that he will not cave in to the temptation. God gives him a way out beforehand.

Dale finds himself tempted by his girlfriend, alone at night in her house. He gets out, gets in his car, says good-bye and goes home. Get out of there before temptation strikes!

Uh-oh. The High School girl gets trapped into gossip at the lunch table. She abandons her meal and goes to the bathroom, waiting till lunch is over. She joins her friends as they leave. She ran when the temptation struck.

Uh-oh. Randy’s brother is at a friend’s house, his parents are at work. He is online, and suddenly the temptation crawls over him. He unplugs the computer, goes outside, and goes on a run. The temptation fades.

Uh-oh. Dale and his girlfriend are alone. His car is entrenched in the snow, and he can’t leave. The power is out. Candles are lit. The feelings start to build, and she looks at him with those dove eyes. He gets up and cooks them dinner. They talk until the power comes back on and the porch light illuminates his car, when he can dig it out and drive home.

Don’t jump into a lake if you can’t swim: don’t throw yourself into the arena of temptation. And when you get caught, don’t lazily give in. Run. Do something to get your mind off the temptation. Abandon the scene. Do something else. Pray! Pray! Pray!
Joseph found himself in the eyes of a very powerful and very beautiful woman. He loved God and served him every day and every night. However, this woman was of a different belief; she didn’t care for Joseph’s God, and since she found Joseph very good-looking, she pleaded him, “Have sex with me! Have sex with me!” Joseph refused every time. One day she came at him, tearing at his clothes, screaming, “Sleep with me! Sleep with me!” He tore away, ran so hard, that her claw-like grip tore his clothes off his body. He ran from temptation. Check it out for yourself in Genesis chapter 39.
Listen to God. Don’t listen to the Enemy, who whispers deceits in your ear. He wants you to sin. He tries to turn your world upside-down. He does everything he can to rip you away from our wonderful and amazing and loving God. Don’t listen to him! Pray for the power and will and strength to resist the temptation; you need Jesus to conquer! You are not alone! You must fight—you can win! Run from the temptation! Don’t give in!
You are not alone. I can’t stress this enough. I hope by now that you know it so well you dread me saying it again. But too bad.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
Next week we’re gonna attack this temptation thing together, and see the hope that God gives. This is no small thing. Every one of us struggles. And I hope we all fight. The temptation sometimes seems so horribly insane that the last thing on our mind is God. This is a nice little trick Satan pulls. But fight his lies. Fight the temptation. Don’t give into sin.

This is a hand-me-down story I caught at Christ in Youth. I don't know whether it is true or not; either way, its implications are staggering. It really made an impact on me, so I would like to show it to you. Hopefully you will find yourself challenged as I did.

Two young girls in China approached their underground church and told them, "God is telling us to go to the southern Chinese islands and tell the people there about Jesus." The leaders' jaws dropped. "There are no Christians there! The two of you will need preparation, training, help." "No," they said. "God is telling us to go alone and to go now." Yet the leaders remained indignant. The idea was ignorant, certainly not from God! But the girls went ahead, following God despite the leaders' lack of consent. Three years later the girls returned home, and reluctantly reported to the entire congregation, "We've only brought 3,000 Chinese to Jesus, and we've only created 30 churches. Amazed, the leaders demanded, "ONLY 3,000? ONLY 30 churches?! How in the world did you DO it???" They humbly replied, "Every morning, we woke up, read Scriptures, prayed and listened to God, and did all that he laid on our hearts to do."

When God lays something on your heart, FOLLOW IT.

the 27th week

Location: Anderson University, Indiana
Participants: (Guys) Jeff, Ron, Bowden, Zach, Chris, Pat D., Hank, Lee, and myself. (Gals) Mindy, Aisa, Shelby, Kristen, Anna & Emily, Ash & Ams, Angie, and Megan.

The Valley at Anderson University

Monday. At the YMCA parking lot where 412 met before heading out, Pat D. said he had to stay with Chris & Hank. Don't dare separate F.M.N.! He admits that F.M.N. is going nowhere. I was slated to get shotgun with Ron, but Aisa snagged it: no biggie. We played Texas Hold 'Em and Euker during the drive. I stink at both games. C.I.Y. is being held at Anderson University this year. Boys and girls were all over the walkways, playing kickball, huddling in groups, laughing. We have nice rooms. Bowden knocked over furniture trying to set up the room. Chris & Pat D. took pics of me pooping as I listened to The Black Crows. They tried to hide in the cabinets of my room to prank me, but I heard them. Pat D. tried to shove me into the shower, but he got wet instead. We went to the cafeteria for dinner and I had a salad, and then we worshiped in a big building and separated to have a 412-wide D-Group. We talked about why we came, what we expect, and we all gave something important that we took from the day. I said I came for the jokes and to grow closer to God, that I expect to grow closer to God and to discover more "stories" for my journals. Chris & Pat D. said their highlights of the day were failed attempts at pranking me. We had some small worship and went back to ours rooms, and Chris gave me a wedgie, and he and Pat D. filmed me taking a shower. 

Tuesday. Pat D. and Hank crept into my room while I was sleeping and dumped chip crumbs and toothpaste all over my sheets, so I waited until they thought all was peaceful, took my belt, and thrashed them so hard their backs and arms are littered with welts. Chris just sat on the bed and watched all of it while eating Twizzlers. The door then burst open and Lee ran in with a bunch of hot water and doused my bed. I went after him and Pat D. and Hank screamed for truce so I conceded. I sat by Ash & Ams during morning chapel. Today we talked about how Jesus is King. New insights: (a) Jesus holds the world in animation; (b) Jesus' name before Jesus was Word, and Word came to earth and took on a new name; (c) the Universe was created by God as a gift to Jesus; (d) Jesus came to save us because of his father's love; (e) Jesus "suffered under the sins of Anthony Barnhart", a new take on the Nicene Creed; and (f) all of us have a king, but the true king is Jesus. During D-Group I sat with Shelby and Anna, and we nailed our sins to the cross (a wooden plank), and then all of us split ways and I went with a couple guys to a cool class on masturbation, jacking off, whatever. I tried to nap during free time but everyone kept waking me up. Lee and Hank tried to scare me from beneath my bed, but the bed was flimsy and fell onto them, nearly crushed them into the floor. Zach took a picture. Chris & Bowden got into a fight, were all sullen during worship. Sunset came and went, and we gathered outside and talked about all the things we're learning at C.I.Y., and there was humility, and there were tears, convictions. It was powerful. I prayed with Chris and Pat D. Chris apologized to Bowden for their argument, and Bowden apologized, too. All eyes fell on me, and I said, "Maybe the belt wasn't the best idea." Laughter exploded around the group. 

Wednesday. Chris pooped on a piece of paper and slid it under Jeff's door. Jeff went on a rampage, 'murdering' Hank and Pat D. Today we talked a lot about citizenship in the kingdom of heaven. Ron led D-Group. Chris is driving me insane with all his dumb, immature jokes: he slaps me, makes fun of me, pours stuff on me, humiliates me, and every time I tell him to stop, to try and talk to him about it in a civilized manner, he laughs, plugs his ears, pokes more fun. He won't stop because "it's too funny." Every part of me wants to retaliate in anger, to curse in anger, to make him bleed, all in the name of anger. I'm quite angry. I'm trying not to let it take control, but there seems to be no end. One time he's going to cross the line and I'm going to explode in unkempt and untethered rage. Chris calmed down a bit after Forsake Me Not played in the C.I.Y. talent show; they did good, I think that put him in a better mood. I got chocolate ice cream at the cafeteria and Megan screamed, didn't want me ruining my diet; and thus the ice cream ended up either on her hands or on the floor. Worship was incredible, an awesome message: Whose Are You? Our lives ought to reflect our Father, our King. We talked a lot about how Christian teens are virtually identical to teens "of the world"; and we talked about persecution in foreign countries. We quietly shuffled off to our D-Groups across campus, past the helix statue, past the eternal flame, under dark clouds. Bryon told Lee last week, "The church youth group is too divided and spread apart at C.I.Y. for us to have any real, authentic D-Groups." But Bryon was wrong, and the night by the torch was passed with conviction and tears. God threw challenges at all of us. Pat D. was broken and contrite, so thankful for our friendships. All the girls wept. God humbled us, stripped us, poured himself into us. We were all in a fervor for the kingdom, and Jeff lit five candles, snuffed each one out one-by-one, saying, "When this week's over, some of us will fall, back-slide, and the light of our youth group will fade. We need to fight, keep ourselves plugged into God, draw others back to God when they're sliding away. It's our time to lead, the time for 412 to lead Southwest." We hugged, prayed together, rejoiced together, and in silence we ended the night, filtering into the darkness, heading back to our dorms.

Thursday. I missed breakfast, sleeping in late. I staggered to Celebration & Encounter. Shelby led D-Group, and we spent the day learning about how the church is supposed to love, be accepting, and have unity in Jesus. We had lunch at the 'BK Lounge' on campus, and during free time all 412 went out to see Spider-Man 2. Back at the dorms Hank blamed me for spilling water on his bed (which I didn't) and came at me with a plunger; I grabbed it from him and we had a friendly scuffle, and he ran to his room. He found some ketchup, put it in his hands, and threw it in my eyes. My eyes were burning and he ran off. During His Time Jeff pretended to be Satan during our worship and we improvisationally enacted different tactics to get around him. I ended up being dragged out of the circle, all alone, and everyone's hands were linked, and no one would come help me. So I just left and wandered the halls of the building. Jeff staged the whole thing with me, it was about how the church shouldn't be so inwardly-focused that they forget those who lie beyond the walls. Lee and I went on a frantic run down the hallways, playing with our imaginary friend 'Jimmy', and accidentally burst into a room filled with praying people. We let out a scream of humiliation and scrambled back, slamming the door shut. The rest of the evening was spent back at the dorms talking 'bout community, 'bout getting serious with masturbation, and then we did the usual shower pranks.

Friday. I led the Encounter D-Group on spreading Jesus' love. One of our sessions was about secular music and how it turns people away from Jesus. Lee & I couldn't help but laugh the entire time. Worship was stale but the speaker was good. Kristen told a bunch of girls that I jacked off onto Hank's bed, and they actually believe her. I don't understand it! Everyone--including the sponsors and Jeff--forgot to bring their bibles to His Time, and we were all really convicted: "People die to have one, and we can't remember to pick ours up." At the dorms we took shots of Sprite and ate Chex Mix to celebrate the end of C.I.Y. During His Time we talked about our highlights of the week, and Jeff said, "Mine had to be when I walked into the guys' bathroom and saw Anth in the shower, and he was dancing like this [and he showed them my weird dance], but that's not all! Pat D. and Chris were playing guitar and singing, 'Anthony! Oh, Anthony!'" It was hilarious, everyone was rolling. I bought a book called The Emerging Church.

Saturday. Someone had an old Jr. High picture of me in their wallet, one of the guys, I think probably Pat D., and he was passing it around, and people were saying, "OMG, it looks like liposuction..." We left Anderson University and drove through Indianapolis. Jeff saw a statue of an Alamosaurus, said, "Anthony would love that." So all of us piled out and went to the Dinosphere at the Indianapolis Children's Museum. Really nice, but the dinosaurs weren't as exciting as in the past. Pat D. and I slept in the balcony for part of the time, and we laughed through a failed planetarium exhibit. The Mall was cool, really big and extending into various buildings and glass walkways over the downtown roads. Some old dude flashed himself at the girls, they were really upset by it. We ate at Hard Rock Cafe, and I snapped a picture of a signed Kurt Cobain guitar. We checked into the Marriott Hotel, and I went swimming with the girls and Hank, Bowden, Chris & Jeff. We had our last His Time--I kept borderline falling asleep from exhaustion. We lit candles and turned off the lights, and we all got real with one another. I told Ams how much I love her, told Ash how she's like a sister to me. Pat D. told Ams he was jealous of her because she got to spend so much time with me. Amanda told me how much she loved me, how I am her best friend in the entire world. Dewenter said I was 'ultimate freaking HILARIOUS!" and a great friend. Hank said we have good stories, that I'm good at listening & caring. Chris called me a funny, therapeutic, awesome friend, and Lee said "Thanks for Jimmy!" and we burst out laughing. The girls talked about how I have such a heart for God, how I'm a great and passionate leader. Ron called me a spiritual revolutionary, said I'm more intelligent than I know. And Jeff said he sees me being a future "C.I.Y. speaker." I leave with this, in the words of Pat D.: "How does a ripped-off nipple go about healing?"

Sunday. Jeff took us to Common Ground Christian Church, a Gen-X postmodern worship gathering. The worship was loud, they had scripture reading and a powerful speaker. Everyone was so into God, so warm and welcoming and accepting. It was in an older stone building, maybe around 150 members. All of us really enjoyed it. Jeff met some of his extended family at a fast food strip, and we got lunch at Pizza Hut. I rode in the van with Ron on the way back, and we spent a lot of time in traffic. When we got back to the YMCA we unloaded our things and headed home. Ashlie's still staying with us, her family's out in Delaware. 

God is so amazing. I never really thought about it so in depth, but God has blessed me SO MUCH in the arena of authentic, real and caring friendships. Four years ago, I can think of only ONE friend I had, the faithful and true and hilarious Zach Southard. He was the only friend I had in those years, and I owe him a lot for keeping my hopes high. But times shifted, and I slipped into a depression that lasted for two years. I was constantly depressed, sorrowful, sad, and cried a lot when I was alone. People at my church rejected me, laughed at me, made fun of me, mocked me (hey, they've all changed, okay?), but I didn't exactly help my situation. I made lots of sad and pathetic attempts at friendships that spiraled into disaster. So my life got--excuse the language if it offends you--crappier and crappier. It was here that I turned to God, completely and full-heartedly, cried out to him every moment of every day, surrendered my entire being to him. I thought, "What can I give him? My life is so terrible and horrible. But I'll give it to him anyways." At the darkest moment of my soul, I saw the light, and grasped it. Four years ago, things started climbing up. I met three cool guys who instantly transformed my life; three simple teens who let me befriend them, and who gave me their own friendship. Chris Williams. Pat Dewenter. Lee Williams. Amazing people. They would probably laugh to hear it, but I thank God every day for them. They helped dig me out of the depression. God worked in my life, performed a miracle of renewal. A miracle of complete cleansing. The depression washed away. FINALLY I had friends to talk to about my problems. Friends who listened. And friends who knew they could talk to me. Those three friendships expanded me to make many more friendships with others at Southwest Church/412 and also at school. As a friend commented, "Anthony, I know you think you're one of the most outcasted people out there, but you have so many friends and such a huge fan base."

God did what he always does: miracles.

Turned a life of crumbling emotions, tear-stained pillows and shattered feelings, gut-wrenching anguish to a life of hope, faith, excitement, daily hilariousness and fun, not to forget love.

"If my people will humbly pray, turn from sin and their wicked ways, I will hear them and heal their land, and show my glory and power again." - 2 Chronicles 7:14

All of us got back from C.I.Y. 2004 an hour or two ago, and I am still overwhelmed by the power of God, and the unity our own youth group found itself falling into (maybe not so much falling, but being placed?). Friendships with my peers and leaders strengthened, and my relationship with God blossomed. Did I learn anything new? Not really. Did I gather anymore insights? Nope. It was simply an amazing rehash of everything I knew, sharpening it in focus and clearing up my vision here and there. I still have things in my life I need to change, but it is a relief to know I am not alone.

Take my life.

Take my mind.

Take my soul.

Take my will.

I am yours now, God, I give it all to you.

the 26th week

this guy... (Dylan)

Mom's Birthday. Jesus is for the lost, the confused, those who aren't getting along great in this world. Real spirituality is unpretending, incompetent, unfinished and for the desperate. To say you have it all figured out, that you're at your spiritual peak, is to be ignorant and wrong. Oh, and self-centered prayers? What a crock. Real spirituality--not reading Christian books or the Bible, not going to church--real spirituality is Jesus. I woke the girls up and we went to the Mall to get Mom's birthday gift. We went to a few libraries after lunch, and then we went over to Ashlie's. They watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre upstairs and I watched The Postman downstairs.

Tuesday. I spent the afternoon lounging around the house, and then Chris, Pat D. and Lee came over, followed by Hank and Ashlie, and then Jeff showed up. We had a great D-Group and I took Lee to his driving class. Everyone but Ams went to see Dodgeball, and then Pat D. and I went to Deals. He bought a $1 watch. We went to his place, went to a park by his house, swung on the swing-sets and played on the monkey-bars and contemplated life. He simplified his room; so did I. 

Wednesday. Hank, Pat D., Chris, Lee, and I went over to the Howard's house, and from there we went with Jeff & Angie to work on a house in Miamisburg to raise funds for our upcoming C.I.Y. trip. Chris, Hank and Pat D. went to band practice, and Lee, Ams, Ash & I ("The A-Team," Lee says) got lost looking for food and finally stumbled upon a Lee's Chicken. We somehow ended up in Franklin? We worked on the house till the late afternoon, and then Zach, Kristen, Megan, Anna and Emily showed up to take over. I worked 4-9:00 and spent the rest of the night piecing together the U-Turn lesson for tomorrow. It ought to be a decent-sized group: Ash, Ams, Jimmy, Chris, Pat D., Shelby, maybe even Anna & Emily H. 

Thursday. We spent the morning and afternoon back at the house in Miamisburg, scraping wallpaper. Pat D. didn't show up, later called asking to be picked up from his friend Carly's house where he spent the night. I picked him up, and we went to the Williams' to get Chris. We went back to the house, and Jimmy & Shelby showed up. U-Turn was average. People weren't too talkative. The lesson was on prayers. At 8:30 we had a Crank's Creek meeting at the church. I can't wait for the trip. Mom is mad at Chris and Pat D., as she should be: they need to be far more respectful. 

Friday. Lost forever (missing page).

Saturday. Lost forever (missing page).

Independence Day. Church was amazing; I could almost see myself at the Last Supper, could almost hear Jesus' words during communion. I took Ashlie & Ams to Ashlie's house, and they ordered cheese pizza. I'm excited about tomorrow: C.I.Y. begins! Lately I've been overcome with tiny insecurities, fears, challenges; and I know all must be overcome, crucified, shot and mauled. Turn your face to their ugly heads. Speak up, stand up, run on impulse and follow your heart. Don't conform, face your fears, break down and wipe tears with blood. We were supposed to go horseback riding, but they were closed. So we went to the beach at Caesar's Creek instead, and I went swimming. We saw fireworks in a church parking lot, and we packed for the trip tomorrow. Dylan came back from church camp. Good news: he says he has so much to talk to me about, says he's changed. I believe him. I hope and pray he doesn't slide back.

off to CIY

I am getting ready to set out for C.I.Y. I am very excited. It was very enjoyable last year. My sister Ams is rushing to get her stuff together, and Ashlie is standing next to me--she's both nervous and excited, she says it makes her want to vomit. To stick to my diet, I woke early today and ran out to my hometown-proud I.G.A., bought six protein bars and some dried fruit. Fast food on the way there and back, so I best be prepared. They have salads on campus, so that will be nice. Oh, and let me tell you, C.I.Y. is so awesome. Nice worship, dynamic speaking, great laughs and spending time with friends and making new ones. It should be a fun trip. Heck, I already called shotgun in Ron Smith's car :-). Well, we're packing up the Montana, and I'm getting yelled at--yes, Mom, I have my towel--and now I have to go. See ya.