I am sitting in the computer lab in the chapel building. So I've decided to do this fast from my room computer. While I have not entirely cut myself off from the digital world (I can still use the computers out of my room for writing papers and reading my mail), I have found it difficult when in the room to stay away from the computer. Many times I have gone to the prayer room on the third floor, reading out of the psalms (I've recently enjoyed psalms 13 and 130).

Today, Brian, Tim and I went to Mount Echo park overlooking downtown Cincinnati. In the woods, we played a game called "The Lost Boy." The premise of this game was that I was the little boy, and Brian and Tim were the babysitters or parents going after him. The game was 40 minutes long, and it was spent running, hiding, and basically wearing ourselves out up and down the forested hills. Eventually, Brian caught me in a surprise manuever, and we waited for about ten minutes as Tim climbed the opposite hill to reach us.

Tonight a bunch of us are going to BW3's, though I will not eat (the wings aren't the greatest for you, not to mention that I do not have any cash). Devos tonight are going to be led by the gospels professor, Dr. Weatherly, a certified genius. Everyone is pretty excited. Following that, I must write a paper for my English class tomorrow, and then I'm going to hang out in Price's room as he teaches me "how to mac." Hah.

I will not lie to any of you: life has been entirely confusing lately. As I lied in bed a few nights ago, I realized that, in a way, I had lost my identity. I don't know who I am, I don't know where I'm going, don't know what I'm here for. I mean, I've always had brief ideas, but nothing solid. I "know" that one of my purposes for being here is to preach and teach about the Kingdom of God. Yet I have tagged other purposes onto this purpose that has been revealed to me; are these other purposes of God's divine speaking or my own desires and fancies? I realize how much I need guidance, how much I need direction, how much I need Yahweh's voice, how much I need enlightenment. I don't want to think I know who I am, where I'm going, what I'm here for. I want God to tell me who I am; I want Him to tell me where I'm going; and I want Him to tell me what I'm here for.

I plan on going into a period of fasting for 40 days, seeking God's face and vouching for His voice in my life. I think the fast I will undertake will be a fast from the computer in my room, where I spend so much of my time. I plan on taking that time and consecrating it, in a sense, by dedicating it to God: prayer, scripture reading, meditation, listening for God's voice, and serving God however He may lead me.

Let all the house of Israel know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified. Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?" And Peter said to them, "Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." (Acts 2:36-38, ESV)

The Greek word kai is used between "Repent" and "be baptized"; this Greek word is a conjunction joining two equals; in other words, you can't have repentance without baptism. The original Greek for "be baptized" is passive; this shows us that baptism is not a human work; rather, it is a work of God. When Peter says to repent and be baptized for the forgiveness of sins, the Greek word he uses is eis, which means "in order to have." So, apparently, repentance and baptism are explicitly needed in order to have the forgiveness of sins.

The conversions included in the book of Acts mention baptism (2:37-41; 8:12-13; 8:35-39; 9:1-19; 10:34-48; 16:14 & 15; 16:25-34; 18:6-8; 19:1-5; 22:16). Not even faith is mentioned in every one.

For a long while I used to be strictly in the camp of no baptism needed for salvation, but as I search the scriptures more, my views are being changed. One of the greatest issues for me is whether or not baptism is a human work, for the scriptures tell us that no human works can save us. As I read the scriptures, however, I see that the ancient Christians looked at baptism much differently than many do today: it was not seen as a human work, but rather as a work of God. I'm not one hundred per cent sure whether I believe baptism is necessary for salvation or not; I continue to search out the answers.

Please, don't argue about this in the comments. If you wish, you can email me at ajbarnhart@yahoo.com.

Today was a beautiful day. I enjoyed it very much.

I went to Wal-Mart, a regionals basketball game (we won), and two soccer games.

I got a free NASB study Bible.

I asked a girl to go out on a date in person. She said yes. She later said no online.

Caleb and Isaac were baptized in the Ohio River at one in the morning. It was cold.

Good night.

It's so much easier not to "like" a girl. Why don't I ever find myself attracted to girls who are attracted to me? Is it so hard? People tell me all the time that I am cute... Whatever, I guess. I wish I didn't like her, because I am pretty sure it's a dead-end street. She's not the one, I guess. I hate it when life goes this way. I can't wait till, for once, I am not the lone man out, not the one who has to deal with liking someone and not being liked. I can't wait to embrace change. It's especially hard to see relationships exploding all over campus, great relationships between great guys and great girls... And I find someone authentic, someone real, someone passionate about ministry, and it's a red light. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Could she like me? Yeah... But I think she looks at me like a little brother. Being short and looking young has its blessings, but my eyes catch the curses more. I just want a break, even a temporary break, a little encouragement that a relationship is at least possible. Sorry to rant. I will post something halfway meaningful tomorrow. It's ironic, though, isn't it? The moment I "stop" pursuing girls I meet her... And then my immature pain rushes back to me, as if a dammed waterfall has broken. It's all right, though... I know how wretched I am. She deserves someone much better than me.

I promised pictures from the Valentine's Day meal 4North of Restoration Hall threw for the girls. I could only get a few pictures for you. I have not posted as much as usual because I've been so busy lately. My social life is crazy; I made a pact with myself to double my friendship circle, and that's already happened. I continue to make friend after friend. And all of you expecting to see me Sunday, I won't be at Southwest, unfortunately: taking the opportunity to sleep in!

Brian Brentlinger looking all pimp in his nice clothes. He had to get my tie working for me. This guy and I have enjoyed many good trips down to the Ohio River to talk and sometimes smoke a cigar. He's a youth minister in Southfork, Kentucky. He is proud to say, "I'm dating a cheerleader!"

Trista and I posing for a picture together. Finally! A girl who is shorter than me, and who looks like a Junior High kid, too! She's a pretty cool girl, and she always murders me in ping-pong. She's a cheerleader here and is a new student this semester. She's rooming with Brian's girlfriend Megan.

Forest Gafford. He's such a weird kid. He wears tie-die shirts all the time, so he tie-died his hair. He looks like a walking lollipop.

I AM BEAST. Even when I am dressed up, I look like a little child! Oh well. These are all the pics I have for you. These are Trista's pictures; Brock hasn't gotten his to me yet. Don't expect them any time soon.

I'm the cute little kid in the blue shirt. People around the campus call me "Little Man" for obvious reasons. I got this off of a friend's website; the caption is LITTLE MAN BOWLING! Haha. In the chair to the left is Andrew, then there's Cassie to the far right with a chair between us, and Tim is currently bowling.

People who've never met me often say that what I actually look like shatters their expectations of how they expect me to look. I don't know if this is good or bad?

My spring break plans to Red River Gorge aren't looking so sure anymore. Alex got a phone-call from his mom begging him to return home over spring break (he doesn't go home a lot), and on top of that, he is going to Africa this summer as a missionary, and he needs to get about a dozen vaccinations over spring break. I'm still open to spring break ideas, but it looks like the old Starbucks will be seeing my face a few more times. That's okay, though. I have several books I want to read, a book I may want to finish, and the time on my hands will be relatively nice. I imagine I'll stay on campus for a day or two, then return home for the rest.

I went bowling last night with Tim, Cassie, Trista, Lindsey, and Heather. Megan was going to go, but she was too tired (the bowling started at 10:30 and ended at 1:30 a.m.). Lindsey and I, not avid bowlers, decided to leave early. I'm glad she rode back with me, because she kept me from getting lost about three times. The roads are so confusing on the Western Hills of the 'Nati. I am going to lunch here in a few with Leann, Courtney, and Lizzie, then I think I will work on Sunday morning's lesson plans. Oh, and I'm going to write a report on Brian McLaren's More Ready Than You Realize for my evangelism class... and then write out my testimony as well. Most of my friends are gone with their youth groups for C.I.Y. Believe downtown.

Having finished Celebration of Discipline, I've picked up a book by Ronald Rolheiser called, The Restless Heart. It is all about loneliness and life. From what I've taken from Rolheiser's words, he and I have a lot in common.

But the harder I try, the more clearly can I feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all. And so this might could be the most impossible thing: your grandness in me making me clean." - David Crowder

The weather has been amazing. It came as a surprise: the clear skies and warm temperatures yesterday felt like spring, and even with rain, today has been absolutely beautiful. As Caleb and I walked down to the chapel across the quad, "Today is a good day to have a girl." Then, "But it's a great day to be single, too." He agreed. Today, I keep feeling like I am at Woodland Lakes Christian camp, which I attended before my freshman year of high school. It's crazy to think that it's been four years since that week that really initiated much of my spiritual growth.

Here is something I found fascinating in my study of the life of Abraham. In chapter 17, we find ourselves alongside Abram and Sarai when their names are transformed into Abraham and Sarai, when God reveals Himself as El-Shaddai, the "God of power who makes His people fruitful." God gives Abraham the covenant sign: circumcision. He commands Abraham and all males to be circumcised. There are two parts to this covenant sign: the act and the fact. The act of the sign is the cutting of the male's foreskin. The fact is the scar left on the body. Why was the covenant sign circumcision? Simply because the most emphasized promise God made to Abraham was many descendants; the promise had to do with reproduction. In Christ, circumcision and uncircumcision mean nothing... But there is still a covenant sign! The sign of the new covenant, just like the sign of the old covenant, has two parts: act and fact. The act is baptism, and the fact is the "scar" of the Holy Spirit's presence in our lives, revealing that we really belong to the new covenant.

My brothers on 4North and I made Valentine's Day a day to be remembered. For dinner, we dressed up in suits and ties and served the girls dinner at the dining hall. I got to serve a pretty girl named Cassie. They really loved it. We arrived before the hall opened to prepare: setting out silverware, drink glasses, and napkins. We escorted our "ladies" to their seats. I will put pictures on here sometime later; Brock and Trista took pictures, no telling when I'll have digital copies in my hands. I looked like quite the handsome gentleman. Later, we serenaded our sister floor--Third Rhine--with a rendition of "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias. I know I spelled his name wrong. Dave played guitar and the R.A. Crego led us in the song. We sang passionately; the girls deserved this special Valentine's Day treat.

This is why we've thrown ourselves into this venture so totally. We're banking on the living God, Savior of all men and women, especially believers. Get the word out. Teach all these things. And don't let anyone put you down because you're young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed--keep that dusted off and in use. Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them. The people will all see you mature right before their eyes! Keep a firm grasp on both your character and your teaching. Don't be diverted. Just keep at it. Both you and those who hear you will experience salvation. - 1 Timothy 4:10-16, the Message

On Friday night, Brian treated me, Megan, and Becky to a delicious meal at Red Lobster. I spent the rest of the night till about 1:30 in the morning hanging out with people in the coffee-shop and in the dorms. On Saturday, Mom took me to eat at Cracker Barrel. Amanda picked out my new wardrobe; she says, "The girls are going to be all over you now!" My family ate out at Olive Garden for dinner, then Amanda, Ashlie, Dylan and I went to Starbucks to talk. On Sunday, I taught class on David and Goliath, showing a clip from the movie TROY, and after a meal of rice, hung out with Amanda, Ashlie, and Anna. We joined Johnny for Starbucks, then ate dinner at McDonald's before a very beautiful Fuel.

After a very intriguing skit performed by Megan and Chris, Jeff spoke on sexuality for quite some time, telling of how it is a gift to be treasured, not abused. We watched a Nooma that talked about the three Hebrew words for love found in the Song of Solomon. I took notes, so I am probably spelling the translation wrong (I'm no Hebrew scholar), but check this out: the elemental love is raya, which is the love between a friend or companion. This love evolves into ahava, the passionate love that is at the root of heartache. Ahava is a love of the will, much more than temporary urges or sentimental gush. Ahava is commitment. Dode is the loving of fondling and caressing; the Greek work for this is eras, which is translated "erotic." This is the evolution of love: companionship, committed love, then sexual intimacy. When all of these flames burn together, it is true romance. When we leap for the dode love--sexual acts--without the raya and ahava, we entirely miss the point of sexuality. This is how God wired us--for the culmination of these loves in a single individual of the opposite sex. Rob Bell asks the question, "Maybe culture completely misses everything that sex is about?" If you like this train of thought, check out my post on October 26 of last year here.

I love working with 412. The kids are simply amazing, and I feel intimately called to ministry. I think God is telling me to spend the summer in ministry; whether that is working full-time and still helping out with 412, if Jeff would allow such, or becoming an intern somewhere, I am not sure. I keep this in my prayers.

Life has been going really well lately. I have been visiting the gym nearly every day, hanging out with friends constantly, and getting all my papers done. I am making many more friends along the way. Most of my classes here aren't too exciting: English 2 is boring, Evangelism is mundane (the professor pretty much teaches what McLaren writes in all his books), and Foundations of Education is practical but drawn-out. I really do love my Old Testament History class, though. Everything we learn is fascinating. The professor reads straight out of the Hebrew Bible, showing us things we've never been able to catch up on. It's the one class I look forward to; my notebook gets several more pages with each class. I plan on taking his other classes: Creation, the Exodus, the Wisdom Books, to name a few. One of my friends, Alex, has him for a class on Job; they had to watch a crazy movie, Alive, where people ate each other to survive and found God in their suffering. I watched it with him.

Alex and I plan on going to Red River Gorge over Spring Break to do some backpacking and tent-pitching. He already has all his equipment and know-how; Joe Garland is loaning me gear. I'm pretty excited about it. If that doesn't work, I'll make other plans: I don't just want to sit around home, because my sister is still in school during my break. What fun would that be? If backpacking falls through, I will spend my break reading, writing, and drinking coffee at Starbucks. That's still not a bad life. I close with Thomas a' Kempis:

Why do you postpone making your resolutions day after day? Come now, and begin this very moment and say to yourself: "Now is the time to do it; now is the time to fight; now is the right time to amend my life." When you are afflicted and troubled, that is the time for merit. You must pass through fire and water before you arrive at redemption. Unless you do violence to yourself, you will not overcome your faults.

As long as we have this frail body with us we cannot be without sin, nor live without anxiety and grief. We would indeed like to be free from all wretchedness, but because we have lost our innocence through sin, we have at the same time lost true hapiness. Therefore, we must exercise patience and await God's mercy until the storms have passed, and until our mortal bodies are swallowed up by life.

I have been trying to practice the spiritual disciplines I am learning in Foster's "Celebration of Discipline." Today, when practicing the classical discipline of meditation, I was inspired to write a sermon. As I sit here now at my computer, I am trying to decide which major I should go with. I do have time to decide, thankfully! On the one side, there is youth ministry. I love working with kids, and I love working at Southwest Church as the Jr. High teacher. On the other side, there is preaching. I love preaching as well. I'm not the best at it, but there's a certain passion one feels when speaking to a large group. I would like to pastor adults sometime in the future. Perhaps I will go with a double major. Who knows? Anyone that's interested, you can read the sermon I wrote here.

In other news, I found two awesome books I might ask for for my birthday from my grandparents (Mom, Dad, we're probably doing money this year). They are commentaries on the major and minor prophets. I read through some of them and was completely blown away. I love the prophets.

I feel like a fool for ever seeking completion in girls. God has been teaching me that as long as I seek for completion in girls, He will not grant me one. He is a jealous God, and He wants my loyalties directed upon Him. Girls are a gift to men, not a requirement, though the two are meant to be together (see the symbolism in the creation account in Genesis 2). I can find completion only in Yahweh. I give my life over to Yahweh, with all my hopes and dreams and desires. They're in His lap: let Him do what He wants with them! As for me, and I forget whose prayer this is,

Lord, you know what I desire,
but I desire it only if it is Your will
that I should have it.
If it is not Your will, good Lord,
do not be displeased,
for my will is to do Your will. Amen.

I am getting a cold. I am going to go to the sauna today, because John says the sauna might help.

Meditation is a classical discipline practiced by many of the biblical characters: Eli, Elijah, Isaiah, Jeremiah, St. Paul, St. Peter, and Christ himself. Jesus often slipped away from the crowds to seek out his Father, to listen to Him, to commune with Him. He begs us to do the same. In Luke's work of Acts, detailing the works of Christ in the early Church, we see Christ, through His Spirit, teaching and guiding his children. Christ is alive and among us, as our Priest to forgive us, our Prophet to teach us, our King to rule us, our Shepherd to guide us.

In meditation we are "growing into a familiar friendship with Jesus," as Thomas a' Kempis puts it. The pious statement, "He walks with me and talks with me" becomes a reality in our lives. In meditation, we are able to hear God speaking to us, teaching us, guiding us, leading us. We are able to hear His voice and commune with Him. We will develop a friendship with Jesus that saturates every aspect of our life, and we will find ourselves transformed by bathing in His presence. We are able to understand and experience the idea of actual contact and communion with the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God who has called Himself Yahweh.

How does one meditate? According to Richard Foster, there are four major ways:

1) When reading the biblical narratives, we insert ourselves into the story with all our senses, and there we let God speak to us

2) We surrender all of our problems, trials, difficulties, and concerns to God, then bathe in the silence of God, awaiting His still, small voice

3) We meditate upon the created world; over Spring Break I plan on going down to Red River Gorge for back-packing, and this will be a great opportunity for me to practice this type of meditation

4) We meditate upon events in our lives or events in the world and try to see God in them

I hope to make meditation one of the spiritual disciplines of my life that I practice daily. Last Spring and May, for thirty days I practiced Lectio Divina three times a day. Reading my journal entries, I can just taste the peace, the joy, the tranquility. I know that meditation ferries us into beautiful, blissful communion with Yahweh, and I know this communion is transforming.

Lately, the class I teach in Jr. High has been "half-rearing" it. This is more a fault of mine than a fault of theirs; over the last many weeks, I have not been spending enough time preparing the messages nor praying for the messages' deliverance. In class today, before the fifty-odd kids, I said, "Only one of about fifty of you brought a Bible. I want that to change. Start bringing your Bibles. We're going to take this seriously. When we gather together, we are gathering to learn about God, His actions in history, His beautiful Son, His Son's Kingdom, and His call and command upon our lives. We are going to treat this time in a spirit of humility and reverence: humility, for we are to open our hearts and minds to the teachings of God; and reverence, for we are in the presence of Yahweh, the God of gods." The kids just stared at me, but I think they got the point. Throughout the rest of our time together, we talked about Christ's command: "Give to God," and we spent much time in laughter and contemplation. It was a good message, thank God. I pray that the kids will take Christ's command seriously, and I pray that I will, too!

As you know, I have been reading the book of the prophet Joel. I continue to return to this passage, which reads in The Message:

But there's also this, it's not too late--God's personal Message!--"Come back to me and really mean it! Come fasting and weeping, sorry for your sins!" Change your life, not just your clothes. Come back to GOD, your God. And here's why: God is kind and merciful. He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot, this most patient God, extravagant in love, always ready to cancel catastrophe. Who knows? Maybe he'll do it now, maybe he'll turn around and show pity. Maybe, when all's said and done, there'll be blessings full and robust for your GOD! (2:12-14)

Some kids in class today were surprised that I'm in college. One of the mentally-handicapped kids, whom I think is amazing, stood up and started talking about dinosaurs. Once we quieted him down, I announced to the class, "For those of you who don't know me, I love dinosaurs with a passion. My two career choices were ministry at Cincinnati Christian University or paleontology with an emphasis on dinosaurs at Berkeley. Obviously, I went the ministry route." A bunch of new kids just stared at me with the look on their faces: "He's in college?!" I'm used to it by now. During Winter Weekend here last weekend, several times I was confused with one of the visiting High Schoolers. Most of the kids in Brian's youth group looked older than me.

I have started studying this book, Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster. The last book I read, OneThing, focused on God's desire for intimacy with us, and how we are to pursue intimacy with God above all else. I have felt God calling to me lately, as my faithful readers know, to a "more intimate walk with Thee." Foster's book, Celebration of Discipline, focuses on the biblical disciplines that have been ordained by God to help develop our intimacy with Him.

Today I read the chapter on "fasting." Fasting, in the biblical sense, is an abstaining from food (or in extreme cases, water) for extended periods of time. All the major characters in scripture practiced this discipline, and Jesus harmonized giving, praying, and fasting as equal in the Sermon on the Mount.

In fasting, we are to fast with our eyes singly upon God and glorifying Him. Fasting reveals those things that control us, those aspects of the sinful nature that still cling to us. In fasting, we are not weak and miserable for God sustains us with His power. Fasting helps keep balance in life (far too many of us give such potency to food). Many miscellaneous blessings have been discovered in fasting--more intimate prayer, more guidance in life, increased concentration, deliverance from bondage, physical well-being, revelations, etc.

I have felt God calling me to fasting many times, but I have been, for the most part, unwilling. The reason? I like food too much. I understand that food controls me; in lofty language, "my stomach has hold on me." In fasting, I must focus on God and God alone, and allow Him to speak to me and transform me. I am considering a fruit and vegetable fast for a few days (although this isn't biblical in the legalist sense), and eventually I want to be able to withhold from food for several days at a time, though this takes time. I want to learn the value of fasting; I want to make the joy of my predecessors mine.

I've always loved the minor prophets (Hosea and Micah are my favorite), and I recently finished a survey of the book of Joel. The prophet Joel prophesies (gives God's message) to Israel. Israel had been scorched by four different kinds of locust (whether these are literal insects or symbolic of invading enemies is disputed). The locusts came upon Israel because of Israel's rebellion against God. The locusts served as punishment, yet they served also as a wake-up call. God used the locusts to get the Israelites' attention.

The same happens today. There are two extremes we can reach, and these are the extremes I see in many TBN preachers and Pat Robertson. Many TBN preachers, from what I've understood, preach that if we follow God, we will be blessed immeasurably. Pat Robertson, from my experience of the man, preaches that every bad thing that happens is a curse from God. I believe the truth lies between these extremes: we are blessed by God, yet God disciplines us with problems and difficulties in order to get our attention upon Him. If we have strayed from Him, if we have followed worldly desires, we should expect Him to send difficulties our way, not out of brutal anger, but passionate love: He wants us to pursue Him.