I will not lie to any of you: life has been entirely confusing lately. As I lied in bed a few nights ago, I realized that, in a way, I had lost my identity. I don't know who I am, I don't know where I'm going, don't know what I'm here for. I mean, I've always had brief ideas, but nothing solid. I "know" that one of my purposes for being here is to preach and teach about the Kingdom of God. Yet I have tagged other purposes onto this purpose that has been revealed to me; are these other purposes of God's divine speaking or my own desires and fancies? I realize how much I need guidance, how much I need direction, how much I need Yahweh's voice, how much I need enlightenment. I don't want to think I know who I am, where I'm going, what I'm here for. I want God to tell me who I am; I want Him to tell me where I'm going; and I want Him to tell me what I'm here for.
I plan on going into a period of fasting for 40 days, seeking God's face and vouching for His voice in my life. I think the fast I will undertake will be a fast from the computer in my room, where I spend so much of my time. I plan on taking that time and consecrating it, in a sense, by dedicating it to God: prayer, scripture reading, meditation, listening for God's voice, and serving God however He may lead me.
3 comments:
Anth,
Your idea of a fast has challenged me - where do I "spend so much of my time"? Computer, TV, radio, reading novels, some hobby? What if I shifted that time to prayer and reading God's Word? hhmmmmmm
dad
Hey there!
Long time...it's actually been a while since I've blogged or 'surfed the blogs'. Anyway, was reading yours and you sound like you're in the very same place I was in 4 months ago.
It was a pretty low point in my Walk. I blogged about all the confusion I was going through and the questions I had. But there was one statement that I had read from the book I was reading at the time that said:
"When you are driven by the desire to serve others, you have tapped into pure energy, the driving force behind the purpose for which you were created.'
It was one of the most simplistic yet profound statements I'd read.
I've done exactly that and have seen God working in others and leading me with 'bread crumbs' along the way. I have had to pull myself out of 'ME' and place that energy and time on other people. (dont get me wrong - you need to do spiritual self examination often and seek God's counsel.) Anyhow, in serving I've found a peace.
Remember God didn't show Abraham or any of the great leaders everything all at once. He called them to do something after sometimes years had gone by. Work on patience. I know how hard that is but I believe that's where peace and clarity resides.
Now is a good time for the 40 day fast - since today is Ash Wednesday and the first day of Lent. I've never done Lent before, but I'm going to this year and spend 40 days of fasting, praying and growing so that Easter this year will be powerful - not talking about Easter services, but that the resurrection will be powerful in my life.
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