Monday. I went to Mt. Echo today to spend some time in prayer. I've been really depressed lately, and it's just getting worse. All I want to do is curl into a ball and sleep. This misery has been going on for years. I can't live like this. I keep hoping and praying that things will get better, but they only get worse. How can I live like this? I went to the Hilltop and talked to Nate and Karen, told them what's been going on. Nate was glad to do know how I was doing and Karen said she'd keep me in her prayers. I spent the evening at Mom & Dad's, and Monica called so I went into the garage where it was warm from the cold and not around Mom & Dad so I could talk to her about how I've been doing. I don't like to tell Mom & Dad cause they get sick from worry and it serves no purpose.
Tuesday. My psychiatrist appointment went well. I told my doctor, "When I'm on my medicine, I'm not depressed, but I'm numb. I have no passion, no happiness, no energy. I can't put efforts into my relationships." She's upping my anti-depressant medication. I spent the afternoon at Mom & Dad's watching "Family Guy" and writing. It stormed really hard and all the lights went out by the interstate. I made it back to Cincinnati in time for Biology. Monica's eyes were all swollen, and she was in a bad mood. I was exhausted, so I went to bed, but only after talking to Sarah and Brandy for a while.
Wednesday. I dreamt Courtney & Kyle were going away for Spring Break and that she was rubbing her romance in my face. I woke up sad. It's been nearly seven months since I held her in my arms, and I'm still aching. I pray God will bring a good girl into my life. Amanda told me, "I cried last night because of you. But it was a good cry." I asked why, and she said, "My friend Brea walked up to me and said that she felt the Spirit telling me that God is going to take care of you, that everything is going to be okay, that He wants you to know that He's right beside you." Chills ran up my spine: Brea didn't even know Ams had a brother. I spent the morning drinking coffee at the Hilltop and working on "The Procyon Strain." Larry says it sounds like a fantastic book with a great plot. Ashlie called me today. That was good, we're probably hanging out this weekend. I worked 7:30-8:30 for Mandy Thomas, then worked on a paper due tomorrow. I chatted with Brandy and Lindsey before bed.
Thursday. I had lunch in the Hilltop after class, then crawled down to my room to work on my paper for Angels & Demons. I took Monica to Wal-Mart for some supplies for a class she's teaching tomorrow and then spent the evening working on "The Procyon Strain." Tomorrow I'm picking up Ams from school as a surprise; she thinks Mom's coming to get her.
Friday. Courtney says she's in love with Kyle. Bah. What makes him better than me? He's cuter. In a band. Popular. Oh, wait, he's got everything going for him. It's been seven months, Anthony: get over it. I am, albeit slowly. I surprised Ams by picking her up from her campus at Anderson. Ams drove the way back so I slept. We got home and I took another nap. Sarah came up here, to my place, for a grand meal at Olive Garden, coffee at Starbucks, and lots of laughter with Mom, Dad, and Amanda. She likes my family, and my family likes her. She'd be the perfect girlfriend.
Saturday. Brandy invited me over to her place tonight, but I already had plans. Missy, her roommate, "likes" me, and I think she may be trying to hook us up. It was a beautiful day: not too cold, blue skies, low clouds, high sun. I spent the afternoon writing while Mom & Amanda went shopping. Mom fixed a delicious dinner, and then Ams & I went to Ashlie's apartment for a grand ol' time. The Prizm was towed: apparently we'd parked in Residential Restricted Parking, despite there being NO signs indicating such. So Mom & Dad came out around 2 AM to bail us out. It was $95 out of Ams' pocket, since she parked it. The tow-man quipped, "Thanks for your business!" Haha.
Sunday. We had a "Family Meeting" today about my language. I use swear words from time-to-time (e.g. shit, ass, damn) and Mom got upset. I politely told her, "I'm 20 years old, 21 in less than a month, and I can choose how I wish to speak. I only speak that way in certain situations, and never when it's inappropriate." She was satisfied. Ams says, "I wish Sarah liked you." Me, too. I wish Brandy liked me. That'd be fantastic. I didn't go to church this morning, and Dad fixed us grilled cheese and vegetable soup for lunch. I returned to campus, and Sarah & I went to Barnes & Noble for coffee and good conversation. She read part of "The Procyon Strain", really liked it. Brandy & I had a long-winded conversation over AIM: I told her about Courtney, my bipolar issues, and traumatic experiences as a child. Oh: I got a ticket for listening to headphones on the highway.
Wednesday. I dreamt Courtney & Kyle were going away for Spring Break and that she was rubbing her romance in my face. I woke up sad. It's been nearly seven months since I held her in my arms, and I'm still aching. I pray God will bring a good girl into my life. Amanda told me, "I cried last night because of you. But it was a good cry." I asked why, and she said, "My friend Brea walked up to me and said that she felt the Spirit telling me that God is going to take care of you, that everything is going to be okay, that He wants you to know that He's right beside you." Chills ran up my spine: Brea didn't even know Ams had a brother. I spent the morning drinking coffee at the Hilltop and working on "The Procyon Strain." Larry says it sounds like a fantastic book with a great plot. Ashlie called me today. That was good, we're probably hanging out this weekend. I worked 7:30-8:30 for Mandy Thomas, then worked on a paper due tomorrow. I chatted with Brandy and Lindsey before bed.
Thursday. I had lunch in the Hilltop after class, then crawled down to my room to work on my paper for Angels & Demons. I took Monica to Wal-Mart for some supplies for a class she's teaching tomorrow and then spent the evening working on "The Procyon Strain." Tomorrow I'm picking up Ams from school as a surprise; she thinks Mom's coming to get her.
Friday. Courtney says she's in love with Kyle. Bah. What makes him better than me? He's cuter. In a band. Popular. Oh, wait, he's got everything going for him. It's been seven months, Anthony: get over it. I am, albeit slowly. I surprised Ams by picking her up from her campus at Anderson. Ams drove the way back so I slept. We got home and I took another nap. Sarah came up here, to my place, for a grand meal at Olive Garden, coffee at Starbucks, and lots of laughter with Mom, Dad, and Amanda. She likes my family, and my family likes her. She'd be the perfect girlfriend.
Saturday. Brandy invited me over to her place tonight, but I already had plans. Missy, her roommate, "likes" me, and I think she may be trying to hook us up. It was a beautiful day: not too cold, blue skies, low clouds, high sun. I spent the afternoon writing while Mom & Amanda went shopping. Mom fixed a delicious dinner, and then Ams & I went to Ashlie's apartment for a grand ol' time. The Prizm was towed: apparently we'd parked in Residential Restricted Parking, despite there being NO signs indicating such. So Mom & Dad came out around 2 AM to bail us out. It was $95 out of Ams' pocket, since she parked it. The tow-man quipped, "Thanks for your business!" Haha.
Sunday. We had a "Family Meeting" today about my language. I use swear words from time-to-time (e.g. shit, ass, damn) and Mom got upset. I politely told her, "I'm 20 years old, 21 in less than a month, and I can choose how I wish to speak. I only speak that way in certain situations, and never when it's inappropriate." She was satisfied. Ams says, "I wish Sarah liked you." Me, too. I wish Brandy liked me. That'd be fantastic. I didn't go to church this morning, and Dad fixed us grilled cheese and vegetable soup for lunch. I returned to campus, and Sarah & I went to Barnes & Noble for coffee and good conversation. She read part of "The Procyon Strain", really liked it. Brandy & I had a long-winded conversation over AIM: I told her about Courtney, my bipolar issues, and traumatic experiences as a child. Oh: I got a ticket for listening to headphones on the highway.
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