Christmas Break (II)

Monday. Mom, Grandma, Aunt Teri and I returned home. At 4:30 I drove to Cincinnati, and Karen and I went out to dinner at The Anchor, and then we went to Knob Hill to smoke. Karen said, “The skyline is NOTHING like Vegas.” It was good to see her, and I’m glad we’re friends. When I got home at 11:00 Ams praised my new coat: “Oh my gosh! You look so good! I thought you were skinny when you walked in the door!” Thanks, Ams. “I didn’t mean it like that, Anth.”

Tuesday. Mom & Aunt Teri went to Lowe’s to buy goodies to build Mom’s new laundry room in the garage. Mom, Grandma, Aunt Teri, Ams and I went to China Garden for lunch. Ams and I went to Starbucks, and I had an iced latte. I was supposed to go see Sarah, but that fell through. I’ll see her on Thursday, though. Mom made spaghetti for dinner. I ate too much and felt stuffed. I spent the night chatting online with Jessie, about everything and nothing, and I’m almost done with her Christmas present: a photo-shopped picture of the two of us. She’s a warrior princess and I’m the wolf at her loins! Weird, I know.

New Year’s Eve. Wal-Mart wouldn’t print my photo-shopped pictures, something about copyright infringement, so I printed them out and got frames for them. Grandma went north to visit her sister, replaced by Uncle Bill. Monica called me, and we talked for a while. We went out to eat at Lone Star Steakhouse, and then Anna came over. I took them to Kroger and bought them some mango rum so they could celebrate the night away. Uncle Bill made margaritas, and Aunt Teri brought some Absolut vodka.

New Year’s Day. Courtney’s getting married this year. In October, to be precise. That should be ME marrying her. I never thought I’d feel for a girl like I felt for Julie; and then I met Courtney. I never thought I’d hurt like I hurt for Julie; and then I lost Courtney. Now I get to watch Courtney marry someone else. Now I get to watch my dreams given to another. The cigarette in my fingers; the vodka burning in my throat. The only escape. It’s not so much losing Courtney that aches. She’s kind of a bitch. It’s watching my dreams slide away.

Thursday. I talked with Jessie until 2 AM last night. We talked about a lot, but mostly about Justin V. For the past several weeks, he’s been flirting with her. And Jessie would flirt with him. She said he is someone she could see herself dating. The problem is, he has a girlfriend in Indianapolis. Last night he told Jessie that they’re probably breaking up. Jessie was freaking out, because she doesn’t want to be a home-wrecker. This afternoon Ams and I went to see Sarah. She really liked my Christmas gift to her. We ate lunch at McDonald’s and then went to Barnes & Noble. She’s stuck with Keith for just another three months (the apartment lease expires in March) and then she’ll be moving to Hamilton to live with her mom for a few months. The plan is for her to move into an apartment with Ams and me in August. When Ams and I got back, I went to Starbucks and met up with Dylan & Tyler there. We drank coffee and then went back to my place for a while. They’re both graduating in May. Tyler’s planning on moving to Atlanta, and Dylan wants to move to Dry Ridge, Kentucky this coming August.

Friday. I spent most of the day working on Dwellers of the Night. Hopefully I’ll have the trilogy done by the end of the month. I drank five cups of coffee, and thus spent much of the day pissing and jittery from all the caffeine. The family grabbed dinner at Marion’s Pizza, and then Dylan & Tyler came over. We hung out, shared laughs, watched TV, had a great time. One of my high school friends, Stephen H., was on Dateline’s “To Catch A Predator.” He’s doing 15-20 years in jail. What a wasted life, all because of one stupid and evil decision. Oh: Jessica Black, another high school friend, got pregnant and OD’d on heroine to commit suicide.

Saturday. I missed Courtney a lot today, or at least what we had: the joy, the happiness, the hope, the future. It’s slowly sinking in that she’s getting married this year. Her dreams were handed to her on a silver platter, right off the grill; and mine were stamped underfoot by the Chef. Oh, I know it’s not true. God isn’t mean like that. He wants me to be happy, and He genuinely cares for me. It’s just… the suffering I’ve endured since May of 2007 has been suffocating, and it’s turned me into a miserable, burnt-out creature, cold and bitter and calloused. Empty. Desiring change and hope. I’m working on it. My “fall from Joy” didn’t happen in a day, and just like Rome’s construction, my restoration won’t happen overnight, either. With God’s help, what was a cottage before will become a towering palace with porticoes, courtyards, rotundas, and parapets. Maybe even some hanging gardens!

Sunday. Uncle Bill and Aunt Teri spent the night last night and left this afternoon. I woke up for a cup of stale coconut coffee. I spent much of the day playing Flight Simulator 2004. I spent an hour and a half flying from California to Las Vegas. Flying over the mountains was beautiful. I packed my bags and headed down to Cincinnati. It’s nice to be back. It rained constantly. I hung out with Kyle for a while, and then Hensel and I went to The Anchor for dinner.