deflating egocentrism

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to a believer, says,

”No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me, with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone, discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else. exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other longings or desires. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and please allow me to bring it to you. Just keep watching me, expecting great things, experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. Just wait -- that's all. Do not be anxious. Do not worry. Do not be anxious. Do not worry. Do not look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away, up to me, or you will miss what I want to show you. And when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready, (I am working at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me, and is thus a perfect love! And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I utterly love you. Believe it and be satisfied.

There are certain sins that I struggle with, and one of them is PRIDE. Having served nearly four years at a Christian College, putting the emphasis of my studies in theology and New Testament, it is easy for me to become a possessor of knowledge and to flaunt that knowledge over everyone’s heads. I can remember, during my sophomore year at college, preaching a sermon that was filled with great theology, great Christian terms—justification, sanctification, redemption, propitiation, liberation, resurrection—and feeling absolutely prideful about what I knew. I lorded my knowledge over the congregation. Looking back on this, I hang my head in shame. I was simply flaunting what I knew, and the pastoral nature of the sermon was lost over my own self-glorification. Realizing these things is difficult, and it is hard to look it in the face and see your own wretchedness staring back at you.

“How does this correspond to the text above?” One of my friends wrote this on her online blog, and the minute I read it, I itched to write a stinging reply attacking it from the perspective of theology, completely tearing apart the idea that God has a blueprint for our lives and that God brings our lovers to us as we patiently wait (both beliefs that I used to hold but became convinced, through the study of scripture, that they were unbiblical). I was ready to write a biting reply when the feeling of shame washed over me. That act would simply be me flaunting my knowledge, appearing smart and articulate, a way for me to plead for her to recognize me as a superior in the realm of theological studies. Ultimately, my reply would be a servant of my pride. I didn’t leave a reply, because my aim was not pastoral. And also because I realize that we must choose our battles.

When I was working in Minnesota as an Associate Pastor, I learned that we need to choose our battles. One of my great friends there, an older man by the name of Mel, held some pretty crazy theological views. He was such a good friend, and I do miss him deeply. We would often go fishing, several times a week. He taught me how to bring in Northern Pike, how to skin a fish and how to cook it to perfection. We would sometimes go out and catch our dinner, and we’d go back to his cottage deep in the woods and share great conversation over fish and poker. During these outings, we would often discuss theology. He is what you could call a bleeding-heart charismatic. He didn’t believe in systematic study of the scriptures, and he would pick and choose verses to support what you could believe. He believed in the Baptism of the Holy Spirit being distinguished from Water Baptism, and he believed that speaking in tongues was the greatest spiritual gift. From my theological perspective, these beliefs were not satisfactorily supported in the scriptures. I soon learned that we must pick and choose our battles: I could have tried to tear apart his theological framework, but what good would it do? It would be demeaning and heartless. This is not to say that we should not oppose false teaching, but what badness was coming into Mel’s life because of some of his strange beliefs? None whatsoever. Mel was deeply intimate with God, and I continually admire him for the man of God he is. He is an inspiration to me.

Yes, all of this comes back around to what my friend wrote on her blog. I may disagree with what she says, and I may be able to tear it apart from a theological perspective, but this belief is propelling her into a deeper and more meaningful life with her Creator. What she believes is not what I would call a danger to her faith. I may not agree with it, but it is helping to build her up spiritually. The essence of my post is this: we need to pick and choose our battles. When we attack someone’s theology or beliefs simply because they do not agree with ours, or when we attack someone’s beliefs simply because we can, I believe that the root of this is PRIDE, and pride is sinful. As a minister of the kingdom of God, and as a child of God, I am to defend the faith once and for all handed down to the saints, but this is not a license to inflate my ego or bathe in egocentrism.