the dayton days [the last week]

Ams at the beach in Hilton Head

Technically, this would be the first (or second?) week of my time in Cincinnati. But I figure a vacation's a good a way as any to end my time in Dayton. So fuck chronology.

Monday. I went to the closest Starbucks here in Hilton Head when I woke up. I sat on the condo patio and did some writing. I biked to the beach, and Ams & I rode the white-capped waves. I did some more writing: 36 pages. I'm a machine lately. Dad made spaghetti for dinner, and Ams and I went biking along the beach at sunset. It was windy and hard getting back. We biked around the resort for a while. Mansions beside the golf course. Night fell and a storm rolled through and when it passed all of us went for a swim at the pool. Mom bought tequila and we took some shots.

Mom's Birthday. We spent the day in Savannah, Georgia. Mom's birthday treat. We rode a trolley around town, heard ghost stories, ate lunch at an old pirate's tavern, visited open-air markets and had dinner and did some shopping down on River Street. Mom had a great day, and I had a lot of fun, too. If I ever strike it big, maybe Savannah's a home to consider? I haven't heard from Jess at all, and I haven't been bugging her. It pisses me off: months of investment and she just turns away. Backstabbed and betrayed. And you wonder why I have trust issues? I'm terrified of investing myself in people. What's happening with Jess is no shot out of the dark, it's a recurring theme. Perhaps it'd be best if she ignored me, and I ignored her, and we went our separate ways. She does her thing, I'll do mine. Then her name will no longer be written in these pages, and I'll have more opportunities to explore and embrace. So FUCK IT. I'm not going to write about her anymore. I've got a new job, a new home, am immersed in friends. I don't have time to be held back by her childish antics. She doesn't deserve to be mentioned.

Wednesday. I dreamt Mandy K. and I were dating and woke up hopeful. Not for Mandy K., just knowing that "life after Jess" will itself open up new vistas to be explored. I ran to Starbucks for a drink and spent the morning on the balcony writing and watching "Lie to Me" on my Netbook. A monsoon rolled through around dinnertime, and we went out to eat: steaks! 

Thursday. I slept eleven hours. Isn't NyQuil wonderful? I went by Starbucks for a drink and to write. Mom, Dad, Ams and I went on a bike ride across the island, stopping at a few shopping centers along the way. Warm and sunny, quite the opposite of yesterday. We had Fuddruckers for dinner. Ams kept talking about Sarah during dinner. I can't believe how badly I was into her. Makes this whole Jess thing feel like child's play. As despairing as I was over Sarah, I can't care less anymore. She does her own thing and I shrug my shoulders without a second thought. My feelings towards her? Apathy tinged with disgust. Point being, I'll be over Jess. A time will come when I won't think about her and I won't care. I'll hear about her exploits and just shrug my shoulders. Here are the steps: 

(1) Move on.

(2) Laugh.

(3) Repeat #2.

Friday. We ate lunch at the condo and then hit up a few shops at the far end of the island, and we went to the lighthouse and ate dinner at South Beach. We loaded up the car and decided to leave Hilton Head at midnight rather than sticking around until 3 AM. Today Carly called me and we talked for a while. Carly's right: I deserve more, Jess deserves less. I'm a (somewhat) mature guy who's honest, funny, faithful, loving, and caring. Not effiminate by any means, but a good masculine guy. Jess is flippant, flingy, just wants to have fun without any commitment or strings attached. She wants to use and be used. It's a good thing, perhaps, that nothing ever transpired between us. I'd probably just end up miserable and disenchanted. 

Saturday. I didn't sleep much during the drive: only three hours. We got back around noon, after dropping Ams off at the Claypole House. I packed the rest of my things, picked up my check and smoked with Jess at work, and then headed down to Cincinnati. I picked up some things from Wal-Mart and pieced my room together. Blake, Ams and I broke it in and spent the evening reading through my old journals. "We're pretty much the same person," Blake said. Amos and I smoked when he got home from work. Jessie and Tony are in town for marriage counseling. So good to see them. Andy Waugh came over, and we all hung out on the front porch and listened to fireworks and smoked pipes. Jessica called me three times today, before and after a Reds Game. We talked for about two hours. It was weird, and it's making me rethink things. 

Sunday. I spent the day lounging around, the activities lost in a fog. Tyler came down, and we smoked too much and ate WAY too much. McDonald's and ice cream. My stomach couldn't handle it, I got super sick, puked and shat all night. Regardless, the evening was good: hanging with Blake, Amos, and Ams. "You're in Cincinnati now," Ams told me. "Have fun and make mistakes!" I'm sure I will.