an INFP koala (I)

I’m usually in my own little world of fantasy, illusion, and delusion, and it’s gotten me in a lot of trouble sometimes, because we INFPs have the tendency to illogically take all these fantasies and delusions and thrust them into how we actually live our lives. I’m constantly in my head, entertaining ridiculous hopes and dreams, imagining things big and small, my mind a powerhouse of creativity where I spin all sorts of wild and untamed myths. I then let these myths, these misconceptions and misperceptions, avoid the scrutiny of logic and to flow out into my relationships, often with disastrous results. Not that all this is bad: idealistic fantasizing paves the way to much risk-taking and gambit-running, often with great payouts.

And although we’re stuck in our heads, don’t think we’re egotistical. We’re not. Deep down we’re focused on making the world a better place for people. We’re constantly on the search for our purpose in life, for the meaning of our existence, and this search—which can be agonizing, enlightening, and even burdening—can never be made close to complete if there’s no greater aim for the greater good. Once we figure out the path we’re going to take, we set out with idealistic ideals and a perfectionist attitude. We set goals, we achieve them. We strive and fight and we make things happen. These goals will almost always be focused on bettering the world in some way or another, and the emphasis won’t be upon the Self but upon others. Were it to be any other way, the idealistic and outwardly-focused INFP would be miserable, and thus self-seeking dreams only lead away from any sort of self-fulfillment.

We’re highly intuitive about people. That is to say, we gauge all our relationships and interactions with people largely dependent on our feelings towards them. We’ll befriend people we feel comfortable with, and we’ll keep people at hand’s length whom we don’t feel comfortable with. All of this is due to our feelings and feelings alone. Feelings aren’t just limited to our social interactions; we rely on our feelings to guide us, and we use our discoveries along the way to constantly search for value in life. Our search for truth and meaning underlying everything means that we’ll take every encounter and every piece of knowledge, sift them through our worldview, and evaluate how the new discoveries define or redefine our life-path. Thus our worldviews are constantly changing, often in dramatic ways, but always in a way that goes back to how we feel about ourselves, others, the world, and God. Nevertheless, the changing worldviews and the consequent life-goals are always connected with the golden thread of wanting to make the world a better place.

So we have these inwardly-focused, feeling-oriented and feeling-guided people who want to understand themselves and their world and then make themselves and their world a better place. In relationships we’re usually thoughtful and considerate, and we’re good listeners who put people at ease. We’re very shy and timid when it comes to expressing our emotions, but we have a deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding others. Our sincerity is sensed by others, and the result is that those who become close to an INFP find a valued friend and confidant. Although stand-offish, non-social, and often awkward in big groups of people or with people we don’t know, with those we do know and love, we’re very warm and friendly, so-much so that we go at great lengths to avoid any conflict that threatens the safety and comfort of the relationship. When unable to dodge the conflict, when forced to confront it head-on, we always do so (no surprise) from the basis of our feelings. Who’s right and who’s wrong are of little concern. Our position in the conflict is determined by how we feel about the conflict itself. Because of this, when we’re in the middle of the conflict, our decisions will often be irrational and illogical. Quite surprisingly, though, we’re excellent mediators and good at solving other people’s conflicts, because (a) we’re all about making the world better place, (b) conflict-resolving is a big part of that, and (c) in that position we can approach it from a logical position, while keeping intact our attention to peoples’ perspective and feelings and genuinely wanting to help them. Essentially, so long as the conflict doesn’t involve us, we’re logical and rational; but when the conflict involves us, our feelings become intimately involved, and we become irrational and illogical.

We’re flexible and laid-back, at least until something or someone we love or value is violated. In the face of this, we become aggressive defenders. When our worldviews and life-goals come under attack, we fight passionately for our cause. Quiet, shy, reclusive, we’re surprisingly violent and aggressive when that which we love is threatened. How often have you heard about the quiet, nice guy who snapped? We’re not talking about psychos going off the handle, but people you’d never expect standing up and taking action aggressively.

Our main focus isn’t “daily living” so much as “living daily” for a cause. Everything not directly related to that cause gets sidelined. When we adopt a project or job we’re interested in, or when we embrace a particular “calling” that we feel in our lives, we chalk it up as a cause. And though we’re not detail-oriented details, when it comes to those things we’re passionate about, we’re intricately detailed, covering every possible nook and cranny in our attention to detail, as we strive with determination and vigor to reach our goal. This attention to detail doesn’t spill out into the mundane details of life maintenance; we’re literally unaware of such things. It’s not uncommon to go months without noticing a stain on the carpet, but we’ll carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off our current project. Our dedication to our project ends up with us being hard on ourselves, never giving ourselves much credit. We prefer to work solo—“we’re lone wolves, bitches!”—rather than with others, because (a) our standards are likely to be higher than everyone else’s, and (b) we often have “control” problems. One of our biggest struggles is balancing our high ideals with daily living; without resolving this conflict, we’ll never be happy with ourselves, and we’ll often become confused and paralyzed about what to do with our lives.

What we lose in social finesse, we make up with creative articulation. Despite being awkward and uncomfortable expressing ourselves verbally, we have this innate ability to define and express what we’re feeling on paper, and thus the majority of INFPs are talented writers. When it comes to professions, many INFPs are drawn to counseling or teaching. We shine like the stars when we’re working for the betterment of the world. INFPs have a greater ability than most to accomplish great and wonderful things, which we’ll rarely give ourselves credit for.